A cacophony of war cries, gunfire, and anime-esque finishing moves deafens the battlefield. Were it not for Mr. Pretty's mighty pounding steps as we charged headlong into the fray, I would not have been able to place myself.

It was a nauseating mixture of gun smoke and blood which polluted the air. I knew not whether the tears which I shed now were from the horrible stench produced in the tumult or the knowledge that my NPC brethren have taken arms against one another. Such is the nature of war, to shape he who should be my brother into my enemy.

But seeing how this is me we're talking about, I'm pretty sure that it was just the stink that made my eyes water. I couldn't be asked to give one nutty shit about anyone else at this point because my daughter was still missing.

"We stop for no one, Mr. P.! Remember that!" I yelled as we stomped through the enemy line. Taking a good five or six troopers with us with our every other step. "Now leap!"

The ground quaked beneath us as we ascended. I've learned from our last experience that jumping head long would only cause us to form yet another crater. Our jump this time had to be at a much steeper angel. We were probably still going to make a crater, but hopefully we won't stray too far from the battle.

We rose into the sky, above the clouds, and we were so going to make a crater again….

*BAM!*

Mr. Pretty and I hit the ground with all the force of a meteor and all the fury of my love for my daughter. We slammed into the ground, earth exploded all around. Scattered soldiers of Lowee and the Indies were caught up in the resulting shockwave. Some of them were knocked off their feet, but those closest to our crash laid face down in our crater.

"So who wants to die?" I asked, having completely stopped giving a shit about who I fought. "Children protection school! Whip style! Shield of Happiness!" Boy these moves don't translate well….

I twirled my whip in a cone around me, and the high whipping power stirred a storm wall around Mr. Pretty and I. We were concealed by winds of some ridiculous speed. We trampled over countless troopers in the path of my impotent rage.

To give further insight, I received conflicting reports regarding Ganache's whereabouts, and I can't exactly go back to Exec Cottage now I've demolished the place and reduced anyone and anything I saw to ash. Oh, well. It's not like anyone will miss that old shack.

*FOOOOM*

The bright red beam of an enemy laser cannon tore through the magic which stirred the winds to circle around us. Though I say enemy, I've made an enemy of the world by this point. I knew not if the blast was from Lowee or the Indies. Bottom line, I was the one being fired upon.

"Mr. Pretty, make a line for the cannon that just shot at us." Sticks and stones my break my bones, but let's see how much you like it when I ram a dinosaur up your ass.

"Chet you MANIAC!" I heard someone yell in the second before Mr. Pretty and I got blitzed from the side.

I'm on a damned dinosaur! What the goodness could've blitzed me? The answer to that had to be another dinosaur. Plowing us aside was another Thunderhead, shimmering bright in the magical energy of its master, my Nation's CPU, Lady White Heart.

"Lady White Heart?" Her appearance baffled me, but when I remembered that I was waist deep into my own country, knocking soldiers away indiscriminant of affiliation or nationality, it suddenly made sense why Lady White Heart would go so far as to bother herself with me.

I probably would have figured that out sooner, but my mind is a little muddled.

"What are you doing, you idiot?" Lady White Heart asked, astride her own mount. "You'll kill everyone!"

Well, Lady White Heart, that was the general idea. "Yes I was!" I shouted, like a proud little urchin. "I'll be doing what I've been doing, so feel free to watch, m'lady." I took my whip out from Mr. P.'s mouth, and readied myself. "Child Protection School! Whip Art!"

Lady White Heart stared at me, unimpressed. "What?"

"Pierce Through This Heart of Ice!" I coiled my whip around my arm. Shining with a golden light, I swung my fist at Lady White Heart. Though she blocked with the broad end of her axe, I managed to knocker her from her thunderhead steed.

"Raaaahhn!" Mr. Pretty roared. Struggling violently, he knocked aside his thunderhead kin.

I was barely able to keep my balance atop him. After almost stumbling off a few times, I decided that it would just be better to jump off, and make out from there.

"Mr. P., you can handle yourself out here, can't you?" I asked, to which Mr. Pretty snorted assuringly. "Alright!" I jumped down to meet Lady White Heart, who glared up at me from her place floating above the ground.

"Chet, you dick head, what're you doing?" I think she was referring to me not distinguishing between ally and foe a little while ago. "Who're you even fighting for?"

"That's a good fucking question, m'lady. A little while ago, I thought I was doing something to rescue my daughter from the clutches of some villain, but it turns out that I'm not that great of a hero. Go fucking figure."

"What does that have to do with attacking Lowee troops?" Lady White Heart asks another excellent question, but I don't have an answer to that either.

"To be honest, I don't really know. Going around to make a mess of things is pretty much what's expected of me, so why bother defy expectations now?"

"What's your problem, Chet?"

"Well, the most immediate answer has to do with my little girl from another world being kidnapped, but my problems don't really begin there. Refer to chapter four for details."

"Chet!"

"Well, I don't know, alright? This is why I didn't want the story to get all serious in the first place! I'm just no good at being serious because I'm not all that great of a person. I mean, ask Jake, I sicked a bear on him. Characters in. Serious stories couldn't get away with that, but I did because it was funny, and it was funny because it wasn't serious. Jakey was healed up the next day, and everything was fine." At least I think he healed up the next day. "I don't even know why I'm here anymore. This story obviously isn't about me. It's about my daughter, a kidnapping, and some boring ass war I car nothing about."

Lady White Heart scowled at me. Her eyes stabbed through me like tiny red swords. "How can you care nothing about this war? You're from Lowee aren't you? You're the damn Representative!"

"And that just speaks volumes about how fucked Lowee is, now doesn't it? So just kill me now, and I promise that you will be doing the whole world a favor. Come on now."

I don't know what did it, but Lady White Heart's expression softened. Her furious, disapproving countenance had turned into one of concern. "You can't mean that…." Oh, c'mon, Lady White Heart. Don't chicken out on me now.

"Well, sure I can! My parents are dead, my daughter's been kidnapped, I've been a horrible person all my life, and all of my living family want me dead. Hell, I want me dead!" And I don't think a shift back is appropriate just yet, maybe later. "You know what really sucks about being an NPC? It's the knowing. It's knowing that, no matter what I do, there's no way for me to impact the status quo, but at least I exist, right? As opposed to not existing, I guess that's pretty good, but I'm tired, and I want to die."

"…" Say something Lady White Heart. It doesn't really matter either way, but it'd really brighten up what's left of the day. "Why?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you telling me all this? If you really want to die, then why tell me?" She looked to the side, spitting on the ground.

"Why? Well, that's pretty simple Lady White Heart." For those of you able to predict what I say next, good on you. "I love you Lady White Heart. Always have been. You might call it an unhealthy obsession, but you were the focus which kept me going after my parents were gone. Hell, this is nothing new. I've wanted to die since the beginning, but I've had so much fun up until now that I've forgotten about it. It was written right in the story description. So let's just bring this to it's proper conclusion, and kill me off." I uncoiled my whip from around my hand, and readied to put myself to good use. Hopefully, for the last time. "Whadda ya say, Lady White Heart? Ready to send me to my, Ultimate Destiny? Put some sense to the title, at least."

"I'm not doing this…." Ah, Lady White Heart, your stern face will be the last thing I see before it ends. I couldn't find my daughter, but this is fine. I'm sure you'll sort it out eventually.

"Let's see if I remember how to do this, still. Child Pro-!"

*FOOOOM!*

And that was the sound of a beam of purple light hitting me from the side. My entire midsection was blown to hell, and my top half and bottom half are now separate. I know because I'm flying through the air, and I can see my legs on the ground. My feet are flying parallel with my head.

"Goodness…. That was a scene killer…." That was a me killer, and more importantly, how can I still talk when that beam destroyed my lungs? It's not like anything else about me makes sense, but I figured I would at least die like a normal person.