Early October - Senior Year of High School

The car won't start.

Rowing calmed him. Something about the mundane back and forth push of the oars stole his normally ADD thoughts and swallowed them whole. He watched the water fall over the wood and the sun fall over the water.

He watched Rachel's hair dance in the wind as they pushed through the lake, his muscles burning with each stroke. Each strand of hair flipped and flapped as if her insides struck sparkplugs together over and over again, igniting each new strand in a new piece of wind.

As each day passed, he watched her grow weary. He watched her smile not reach her eyes. He watched her laughter trip out of her instead of dive, somersault and splash in the air. He watched her retreat inside to stay strong outside.

He watched her lose herself secretly.

And all he could do was watch and provide smiles and provide support and provide excuses for the blonde who was never there.

He'd soon run out, by lack of the new and by choice. He'd stop.

He would.

"Noah! Faster! Faster!" she shrieked in joy. "They're beating us! And we are strong teenagers!"

"You're just sitting there," he huffed, picking up his pace and ignoring the burn in his biceps, the fire in his forearms, and the ache in his legs.

"A lady sits. A lady is looked at," she grinned and the grin turned into a gasp as her fathers' boat shot past them in one beat, two beats, three beats. "A lady does not rooow! Row! Row!"

"Eat our dust, chilrens!" Leroy crowed as their boat pulled leg after leg ahead.

"Noah, I do not lose!"

"You don't row either! There are two of them!" he growled.

"One of whom is a tiny little Jewish bump on a log!"

"And the other resembles a freaking offensive lineman!" he spat.

"With cancer," she deadpanned. "Now row! Row! Row!"

"Stop," he gasped, "yelling!"

"A good team never falls apart," Hiram bragged from his boat, gliding a full length ahead and swarming over the designated finish line. Their hands shot in the air, screams erupted and Leroy pumped two fists.

Rachel sagged, distraught and defeated, but smiling gloriously at her proud and elated father. Puck threaded them over the finish line a few seconds later and gasped as he slammed the oars to a stop, hands on his knees and face in his lap.

Rachel grinned at the lump of adorably sweet meat.

"A for effort, Noah. A for effort."

"Me, not you. You fail."

"No, I don't," she smiled, eyes raking back over Leroy. "Because look at him." Puck picked his head up and looked left to the Berry's boat. Hiram danced badly in his seat and Leroy launched into disco hip slashes. Hip, sky. Hip, sky. Hip, sky.

Puck smiled, bittersweet fondness rolling over him. He'd spent the past two weeks with the Berry guys and he enjoyed every moment of it, only to realize he was bonding with a man who would soon be gone. He was attaching himself to a man he respected, but would disappear.

He was gaining a father figure, only to lose him again.

He looked away, eyes to his oars and slowed his breathing.

"You okay?" she whispered.

"Yeah, just tired."

"Thank you for coming. It was fun, right?" she smiled.

It was one more thing off Daddy's bucket list: Race a rowboat.

He'd apparently seen the movie Skulls one summer and fell in love with both Joshua Jackson and the sport of rowing. It was number 31 on his list. And the day God provided for it would never go unappreciated. Sun caressed them, shining in their hair, glistening off their sweat, and illuminating their smiles. It was the most perfect fall day Rachel had ever seen.

And it was one more thing to be thankful for in a situation where she needed it. She needed to find appreciation in everything. She needed to see the small things. She needed it.

Watching her fathers celebrate twenty feet across the lake in the endless sunshine gave her that. So she took it. She took it and found herself clapping.

And then Leroy stood to take a bow.

It was perfect until the boat jerked and an offensive lineman screamed like a queen, fell to the right and splashed into the water.

But then again, that was perfect, too.

In all honesty, when her door cracked open she expected Rachel. She expected a feisty, angry brunette to tear into her room and blast her a new one. But when blonde hair and blue eyes peaked around the door, she sighed in relief. Her head fell back to her pillow and her heart picked up pace again.

"Britt," she breathed.

"Uncle Ned," the cheerleader grinned.

"I thought we let that die in 6th grade."

"7th, but I'm bringing it back. You need some joy. You look like hell," she muttered, plopped herself down beside Quinn and wrenched her arm behind her best friend's neck. "Come here."

Quinn curled into her side, gripped at her strong stomach and held tight.

"You okay?" Brittany muttered.

"No."

"So let's talk."

"I don't know what to say," Quinn whimpered, eyes fluttering shut against the girl's neck.

"You always have things to say. It's why you work so well with Chatty Jew Kathy," she smirked and Quinn chuckled, the first time in a few weeks.

"I can't make sense of my head."

"Start with one thing."

"I'm avoiding my girlfriend."

Brittany sullenly nodded, that information not new.

"Don't you think now is the time to be there?"

"Every time I try, I cry and I can't breathe and I see Hiram looking like his world is crashing and I just think… that could be me. That could be me."

"Honey, Rachel isn't dying."

"She could. And then I also think about Juilliard."

"That chick ran her mouth and shouldn't have, Q. You know that. She was just riling you up because you called her a bitch."

"No, she was telling the truth. I'm sideline in Rachel's plans. One day, I'll turn from sideline to peripheral and then peripheral to non-existent. I'll be the line that turns to a spot that turns to a speckle that dissolves into the horizon. And she'll be at the height of her dreams. And I'll be Hiram: broken beyond repair because she's all I have."

"You're being dramatic."

"I'm being realistic. There is no place for me in Rachel's future."

"There's a place if she makes you a place. And I know she wants to. She has a place for you. You're practically her heart, Q. You're everything to her."

"No, I'm half of her everything. Her everything is music. You should've seen her, there in New York in her element. You should've seen her audition on camera in her room that day. You should've seen her holding the letter, waiting to be accepted. It's… it's all she's ever worked for. I was a surprise. I can't compete."

"You don't need to compete. One thing drives the other. You're like Fred Flinstone," Brittany boasted and sat up. "You're like the pounding feet beneath the car, the car being Rachel's dream."

"And what about my dream?"
"Oh," she muttered, face falling. "Well, what's your dream?"

"Exactly."

"I don't get it."

"I don't either."

"Then why are you holing up in your room and pouting?" Brittany wondered. "I mean, if you don't- if you can't- if you… You're making my head hurt."

"Welcome to the club," Quinn sighed and let the pillows swallow her.

"How's Hiram?"

"I don't know."

"Quinn."

"I know."

"How's Rachel?"

"I think okay. She and Leroy are working through a bucket list. Today they went rowing," she smiled. "He apparently had a thing for Joshua Jackson."

"Guh, don't we all?" Brittany moaned and lay back down. "How do you know they went rowing? And why weren't you invited?"

"I was."

"Oh."

"They're having a fish fry tonight at the house," Quinn muttered. "Leroy's always wanted to have a fish fry. His parents are from New Orleans."

"Are they coming?"

"They don't speak to him."

"Why not? Are they mute?" Brittany wondered and Quinn chuckled.

"No, babe. Because he's gay."

"Well that's no reason to go mute."

"No, no it's definitely not."

"Are you going?"

"I am."

"You want company? I could come and be there for you," Brittany offered, rolled to her side and let her worried eyes fall on her best friend's. "I could come be your rock. I make a good rock. Watch," she called and froze, face dead, limbs stock-still and eyes empty. Quinn erupted in giggles and leaned forward to rest her head on that rock forearm.

"I love you," she murmured, because she did.

"Rock loves Quinn, too," she barked, still frozen.

The fish fry arrived with a bang, literally. The fryer exploded. Grease rained down over the Berrymen's back deck and at first, the company stood shocked, horrified… and worried about what they would now eat. It was mainly Puck on that last one.

And then, as grease painted the deck like the stars painted the sky, the scared, agape mouths upturned into flabbergasted smiles and hearty laughs and momentous feelings. Eyes locked all around the deck and the weight of the sight fell over them like a beautiful down comforter.

It blanketed them in sweetness, giving them yet another moment to remember, another moment to smile about, another moment to appreciate.

Leroy let his heart feel it. He smiled at his grinning daughter.

He nodded love at his adoring husband.

And he giggled lightly with the rest of their friends.

And then, he gave them a new plan:

"So pizza?" he wailed and applause erupted. "Pizza it is then."

Hiram gave his arm a squeeze and headed for the phone book. He passed an abnormally quiet Quinn stretched back in a deck chair, floral pattern scrunched beneath her sagging form. He looked at her gaze, her solemn gaze, and followed it. He turned slowly, following it all the way across the deck where Rachel stood by Leroy, laughing heartily and wiping exploded fish off the wood deck.

His daughter still presented such a put together façade. But he heard her in her room at night, or really, he lacked hearing her in her room at night. He used to fight her over the music volume. He fought her over the late night singing, the singing of the same verse, the same lyric, the same note, just so she could perfect yet another song.

But now, he heard silence.

It disturbed him.

He brought his gaze back to the blonde.

"Quinn?"

Cloudy hazel eyes climbed to his.

"Sir?"

"Why don't you go help Rachel clean?"

"She's got it."

"Quinn."

"What?"

"You okay?" he whispered, laying a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes left his and landed on her girlfriend. They hung tight for a few seconds, struggling it seemed, and then fell away.

"I'm fine, H."

He watched the lie fall out of her mouth as if air. He watched her face defy her control. It scrunched for a half beat and then her neck convulsed in a gulp and her features steadied.

Yet another time bomb joined the group.

He squeezed her shoulder and walked away, nothing good to say.

Later, as they lounged around the living room, stomachs full of pizza and hearts happy, Rachel stood to address the crowd.

Silence fell over them, all ten of them. The Berrymen's friends quieted, eyes falling to the adorable daughter they'd raised so beautifully. And Rachel's friends smirked at what would inevitably be quite a diatribe.

The brunette smoothed out her skirt, gathered her posture and then brought her attention to her friends and family.

"I just want to say thank you for coming to our little non-fish fry on such short notice. You may all be receiving requests like this over the next," she stopped, stumbling over her words and face falling white as she realized she was about to put a timeline on him. And then she realized he would have a timeline. "God, I wasn't supposed to go there with this- I- sorry, Daddy," she whispered, wiping a stray tear.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. Keep talking."

Hiram watched his daughter struggle.

And he watched Quinn stay glued to her seat on the couch.

Everything in her wanted to stand up, step behind Rachel and wrap her arms around the girl. Everything in her wanted to be supportive. But everything in her thought about her heart shattering to pieces. She was already invested and shattering to pieces. How would it feel to be even more invested and shattering to pieces? Would she come back from that?

She wouldn't.

"As we work through Daddy's ridiculous bucket list," she rolled her eyes, "I hope all of you can join us for whatever activities you find yourself invited to. It would mean the world to me and it would mean everything to my dads. So on behalf of them, I just wanted to say thank you for making tonight a great night. Between the games, the explosion, the laughs, and the great delivery pizza, I would call it a success."

"Check 22 off the list!" Leroy boasted and Rachel beamed.

"And not to make this heavier than it needs to be, but um, I always kind of figured life to be about the people who care about you. And I grew up thinking only two people cared about me: my dads," she whimpered. "Most of the time I was right," she added with an eye roll. "Let's face it, I was a high strung kid and kind of-"

"Still are?" Puck laughed.

"Shut it, Noah," she snapped and the room giggled lightly. Quinn rolled her attention to the boy, feeling outside the circle for the first time since she stepped up to Rachel and kissed her. She was even on the "friend" side of the couch, flanked by… who were these people? Sergy and Dana? She didn't know.

Puck lay stretched across her loveseat.

Her loveseat.

She had no right to be bitter. It was her fault. It was all her fault.

But something in her couldn't step off the track she was on. Something in her couldn't derail the train. She couldn't and it-

"And now, standing in this room full of people I love," Rachel continued, eyes falling on Quinn, "I realize our triangle of support is much bigger than I thought. We, the Berry family, are lucky to have friends like you all. And I wanted to thank you for coming, for being like you have, and for continuously showing up. I know my dads stand behind that notion as well."

"Hear, hear," Hiram called.

And Quinn's eyes fell to her lap. Was it directed at her? Was it a request? Was it a wake-up call? Was it a plea?

"So thank you. I love you all," Rachel smiled and wiped her last tear. Smiles, hugs, and winks circled around the room. And Quinn watched Puck hit his feet to envelope Rachel in his arms. She smiled gleefully as her feet left the floor.

He slid his lips to her ear and whispered something. Her brown eyes fell with emotion and he ran a comforting hand over her cheek as she nodded and forced a smile. He was breaking down her shell.

He was getting inside.

He was where Quinn should be.

But he had nothing to lose.

"Can I talk to you?" Hiram interjected, hot eyes on her and leaving no room to deny his request. She gulped away the shock and stood, following his back down the hall.

Rachel tore her eyes to the descending figures, her Quinn-Radar ever powerful. She constantly knew of her, longed for her, and prayed something changed. She missed her body in the bed next to her. She missed her lips against her own. She missed that heart pouring into hers like it was the girl's overflow cup, one in the same, ever sharing.

She flat missed her.

She flat needed her.

Hiram turned the corner and stopped, satisfied they were out of earshot. The blonde padded to a stop in front of him, eyes on the family photos lining the wall behind him. He turned to look just the same and images of Rachel as a baby, Rachel as a toddler, Rachel with her first pink plastic microphone, and Rachel in the arms of Leroy came into view.

"She's adorable, isn't she, my baby?" Hiram muttered.

"Yes."

He turned back to her, the softness in his voice gone and the fire in his eyes lit and shimmering like a bonfire. They screamed disappointment. They screamed worry. They screamed heart ache and weary and exhaustion.

They just screamed.

And it broke her heart, how he must feel. To watch your only daughter lose her father and to lose your soul mate, he must feel… he must feel…

She had no words for how it could feel.

"Quinn."

"Sir?"

"What are you doing?" he chided, narrowed eyes and disdainful voice slicing her insides open.

"I don't know anymore."

"Figure it out," he barked, pivoted around her and disappeared into the crowd. She had to figure it out. She had to. But all she wanted to do was not figure it out, not think about it, and not wait for and watch life break apart.

So she turned… and she left.

Something in her told this was backwards. Something told her that Quinn should be knocking on her door instead of her knocking on Quinn's. But there she was anyway, standing on the Fabray front porch and knocking on a rainy Tuesday afternoon.

Three knocks brought Judy to the door.

"Hey, darling," she smiled. "How are you doing? How're your dads?"

"Dad's having a rough emotional day and Daddy's taking it easy. His chest started really aching yesterday afternoon. So he's trying to relax. We've been building paper mache castles in bed all day," she said with a smile. "Mine kind of crumpled. But you know…"

"Sounds lovely, dear. I'm really proud of you, you know?"

Rachel brought her eyes up to her only mother figure and beamed.

"You are?"

"You're being quite brave."

"I'm trying."

"You're succeeding. You're succeeding very, very well and with such class and composure. It's the behavior I would expect from my own daughters should they be in your shoes. I'm greatly impressed and lucky to call you one of my own."

Rachel teared at the words and nodded, chin scrunching up and eyes welling.

"Now, now, no tears. That was a compliment."

Rachel shook it out and stood strong. She stood strong like she stood strong in that same spot the day of her first date with Quinn, Fred's arm in hers and not a care in the world but trying to be like Emerson. What would Emerson say now? And why was Quinn not right there telling her?

Quinn.

God, she missed her.

"Is Bee home?"

"No, honey," she muttered, sad to break the news to such a hopeful and innocent and pleading face. She knew her daughter was off, but the walls around her were impossibly impenetrable.

"Do you know where she is?"

"I don't, actually. She mentioned Brittany's. She mentioned the movies. She mentioned the track. And she mentioned the mall," Judy stated and then cocked her head to the side. "You know… I just realized what she did."

"Yeah…" Rachel grinned.

"Mention enough and your parents have no idea where you are. Clever, that one," she giggled. "You wanna leave her a message?"

"No, I sent plenty to her phone. I thought she may be sleeping, so I came over. I, I guess she's not."

Judy's heart ached at the girl's forlorn face. What was her daughter doing? Who had her daughter become? And more importantly, would she pull out of this and was she okay?

"Wanna leave a note? I know she loves your notes."

Rachel swiped at her eye and smiled largely.

"No, no that's okay. Just um, just tell her I miss her," she shrugged. "I just really, I, um," she choked out, her steady frontage crumbling against her will. Tears flowed free and Judy whipped into her, wrapped her in her arms and rocked her worries to pieces.

Two miles away, in their park and on their swing, Quinn cried just the same, her own worries failing to rock away, even though she tried over and over and over again.