Chapter 38: Long night

A couple of days after Bella gave birth to Riley, her and the baby were released from the hospital to come home. We were driving home in the black Ferrari. Edward was driving, I was in the passenger side, and Bella was holding the baby in the back seat.

"I love you so much." I heard Bella whisper to Riley. I turned around and saw Bella cradling Riley to her kissing her forehead over and over again. Not once in months did she tell me that she loved me. I felt that pain in my chest again that I hated. It hurt like someone was sitting on me. And there was only one way to get rid of it. Sighing I turned back and around and looked back out the front window. Edward looked at me and smiled. I forced out a small smile back to him. He reached over and kissed me on the head.

"I love you Renesmee, never forget that." He said.

"Love you too daddy." I said. At least Edward still loved me. Once we got into the driveway there were tons of cars parked there. And balloons were tied to the stairs. Our whole family was here to see Riley. I got out of the car and Jake came running to my side. I collapsed in his arms and let the tears fall. Bella was surrounded by family looking at the baby.

"Come on." Jake said and he pulled me into the house and up the stairs. I walked into my room and sat down on my bed. "Talk to me baby." He said. In truth I just wanted to be alone.

"Can I just be alone?' I asked softly. Jake looked heartbroken but he nodded.

"Sure sure." He said and I watched him walk out of my room. He turned around at the door.

"I still love you Renesmee." He said lovingly.

"I love you too." I gave him a small smile in reassurance. Once he shut my door I pulled out my knife and rolled up my long sleeve purple shirt. I ran the blade across my white skin and winced in pain. But it felt better than the pain in my chest. Anything felt better than that pain. Once I was done I went into the bathroom and washed the blood off. It stung a lot but I didn't even cry because I was used to it by know. I walked out of the room and met the family downstairs.

"Hey baby girl!" Alice said as soon as I made it to the bottom of the steps. My lip started trembling and Alice noticed. She grabbed my arm and I winced in pain. She looked at me confused and when she rolled up my sleeve she gasped. I saw the tears form in her eyes. She took my other arm and dragged me out to the front steps. No one was out there. She sat down and told me to do the same.

"Oh god Renesmee." She said. And then the tears in my eyes spilled over.

"I'm sorry." I said. She shook her head and I reached out and whipped her tears away with my thumb.

"No baby, I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you." She cried.

"Alice your only 25, I don't expect you to watch over me, you have your own life to worry about." I said.

"But were best friends I should have been there for you." I shook my head.

"No one knew but Jake." I said.

"Why Renesmee?" She asked.

"Bella has stopped loving me." I stated sadly. I kicked a rock that was sitting on the ground by my feet. I watched it roll all the way to Emmett's jeep.

"No Renesmee, she still loves you." Alice insisted.

"No she really doesn't, we don't talk anymore, she barely acknowledges me anymore, she doesn't hug me, and she doesn't tell me that she loves me anymore." I said still not making eye contact with Alice. "It's like I don't exist anymore." I said feeling the tears fall again.

"Renesmee she's is just going through a lot right now, it was probably just the hormones." Alice said trying to soothe me.

"No you don't understand." I said shaking my head. "But anyways cutting just helps with the pain." I said.

"You need to tell Edward." Alice said sternly.

"No!" I yelled. "Alice Cullen you do not say a word to him understand me." Alice looked at me for a long time.

"Fine but if I don't then I expect that you do, or I will." I sighed.

"I'll tell him just not yet." I said. Edward would flip if he found out.

"Alright, but I swear Renesmee if he doesn't find out soon I will be telling him. And that's a promise." Alice said raising her eyebrows at me.

"Okay okay." I said.

"Now come on, let's go see that new baby sister." Alice said and we whipped each other's tears while laughing and made our way inside.

Bella was holding Riley while Esme softly touched her little head.

"Hi." I said walking over to them. Alice was off talking to Jasper.

"Oh Renesmee!" Esme said and she threw her arms around me. "Gosh look at you." She kissed my cheek. "So grown up." She laughed.

"Thanks." I blushed.

"Hey squirt." Emmett said pulling me into a big bear hug.

"Hey Emmie." I laughed at the nickname that I came up with for him.

"Nessie!" I heard Rose scream when she saw me. "I've missed you!" She pulled me into a huge hug.

"Missed you too Rosie." I said hugging her back. Then they all went over to see the baby. Everyone was cooing over Riley. Right now she was in Alice's arms. Alice was cooing to her softly. And Riley would smile up at Alice. And I couldn't help but feel jealous. Everyone loved Riley, especially Bella. I wish that I could receive some love from her at least. But no Renesmee is long gone and forgotten in her eyes. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and his breathe tickled my ear.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Jake asked me. I nodded and I let him drag me out of the house.

"Ready?" Jake asked as we stood on top of the cliffs.

"Guys I don't know." Kayla said looking down at the water.

"Oh please Kayla its fun!" I yelled loving the feeling of the wind in my face.

"Yeah Kayla its fun!" Shawn mimicked.

"Shawn you've never cliff dived before." Kayla slapped his chest. We all stripped down to just our under clothes. Jake went off first and he dove perfectly off the cliff and we all looked over the edge watching him hit the water. I held my breath until I saw his head break the surface.

"Me next!" Shawn yelled and he cannon balled off the edge and he splashed into the water below. I watched Kayla's worried face until his head broke the surface. Him and Jake high fived each other. I backed away grinning like a fool at Kayla.

"What?" She snapped.

"You so like Shawn." I said loudly.

"Shh!" She shushed me. "And no I don't!" She frowned at me.

"Yeah ok." I said sarcastically as I rolled my eyes. Kayla just huffed. I grabbed her hand.

"Ready?" I asked.

"No." Kayla said shaking.

"Set." I smiled at her.

"No Ness wait." She screamed.

"Jump!" I pulled her with me as we dove over the edge of the cliff. Kayla screamed and grabbed onto me as we fell to the water below. Once both our heads broke the surface Kayla screamed.

"That was amazing!" She yelled.

"Told you!" I said.

"Let's go again." Shawn said. We all swam to the sand and laid down on it for a moment catching our breathe.

"I love you guys." Kayla said.

"We love you too." Shawn laughed. They were so meant for each other. I just had to get them together somehow. Once we were ready we went back up and jumped again and again. It was starting to get dark. My phone was vibrating so I answer it quickly.

"Hello?' I asked.

"Where are you?" Edward yelled.

"Down at the beach." I said.

"Well come home now." And then the line went dead.

"Wonderful." I said.

"What babe?" Jake asked pulling his clothes back on.

"Edward is mad at me." I said.

"Why you didn't do anything." Kayla said.

"Probably because I didn't ask to come to the beach, I just kind of left." I said. "But I didn't even think that they would have noticed.

"I'll drive you home." Shawn offered.

"Ok thanks." I said. I gave Jake a peck on the lips.

"Love you Ness." He said and then I followed Shawn to his car. We drove back to my house in silence.

"I'm in so much trouble." I said.

"Just call me if you need me." Shawn said and he gave me a one arm hug.

"Thanks Shawny." I laughed.

"Shawny?' He asked.

"New nickname for you." I said.

"Well then I need one for you." He said.

"Well I go by Ness or Nessie." I said.

"No I need one for just me." He said.

"Ok…" I trailed off thinking.

"How about Ren?" He asked me.

"Ren…I like it." I smiled at him.

"Alright well see you tomorrow Ren." He smiled back at me. I nodded.

"See you." I said and I hopped out the car and ran up the stairs. Before I even hit the door I could hear Riley crying in her room and Bella trying to calm her down. This was going to be a long night.