*Warning* sick and twisted humor.

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After leaving Sesshomaru alone in his room to stew for a while until his next 'meal', Touga absently noted the time on his wrist watch as he walked back downstairs to go to the kitchen.

He needed to put the jug back in the very back of the fridge behind all of the soda, teas and juices that he and Kagome had bought when they had purchased all of the food for the holiday, hopefully before someone accidentally mistook the contents for actual milk and ingested it.

However upon entering the kitchen, Touga froze at the sight of Inu, Miroku and Bankotsu all lounging around the island in the middle of the room. Inu and Bankotsu both had bowls of cereal in front of them. And as his gaze flickered from them to the counter where the jug had been, his eyes widened a bit in alarm as he noted the jug missing and dropped the glass in his hands, causing it to his the tile at his feet and shatter.

Which in turn caused all three males to turn and look at him.

Inu put down the spoon that he had been about to take a bite out of and looked at his dad who had this weird, 'should I laugh or cry' sort of expression on his face as Miroku asked him if he was alright as he sipped at his coffee.

Touga merely stood there for a moment in a state of suspended shock, leaving his poor son free to shrug off his shattering the glass he'd been carrying- to shift his attention back to his spoon. And pick it up again.

Touga felt almost as if he were about to start hyperventilating or something. He felt dizzy, and slightly faint, come to think of it- it was probably a damned miracle that he didn't swoon or something right then and there as he watched in almost slow motion as his only good son placed the accursed spoon in his mouth and begin munching on the cereal swimming in the...

Merde! Why hadn't he taken into consideration that his son and friends were early risers? Touga wondered as he suddenly rushed across the room and grabbed both Inu's bowl and Bankotsu's bowl before either one could take another bite and quickly tossed them across the room. Flinching slightly when the hard plastic hit the wall and clattered to the floor in a weird poor of stuff that he was trying so, so very desperately not to think about right that moment.

"What the hell pop?" Inu practically shouted at him. "That was our breakfast!"

"You'll thank me later."

"Why the hell would we thank you for ruining our food?" Inu growled at him as Touga looked around the island for a second before spotting the milk jug and quickly snatching it up and moving to place it back in the fridge when he suddenly stopped and took a moment to contemplate the merits of having an spare fridge somewhere under lock and key specifically for all his 'gross-factor' shit.

Maybe if he had thought about that before now- his son and his friend wouldn't have-

"Pop? Are you alright?" Inu asked, his temper abruptly vanishing just as quickly as it had appeared. Touga looked at his son and blinked owlishly, feeling as if his brain had just short circuited. "Pop...your not having a stroke or something are you?" Inu asked, this time in a little bit more of a cautious/worried tone while Touga tried to think of a way to explain his actions without telling his son what he had just ingested.

After all, if he didn't know then Touga could still feel guilty and get away with this incident by simply buying his son's love like he used to when he was a kid.

Maybe he'd like a nice new shiny car for Christmas?

Yeah that could-

"I believe your father is trying to think up a good explanation for having a gallon milk jug full of jizz in the fridge." Inu's friend Miroku suddenly said. Causing Touga to mentally wish that he could have come up with a good excuse for not speaking up.

But really, what did a father say to his son and his son's friends in this sort of situation?

Three pairs of oddly calm/curious eyes suddenly turned and focused on him. Causing the elder inu demon to panic even more before he finally decided on a course of action.

Said action being, walking up to the nearest window and chucking the jug outside before turning around and giving the three his most aloof glare as he said, "I don't know what your talking about." And then quickly left the room while his mind finally screamed, It's soylent green! It's overly processed people! Which wasn't terribly far from the truth. However he doubted that Inu would have understood if he had bothered to use the classic movie reference in regards to this situation.

While behind him he could hear all hell breaking loose, he could tell due to the shouting and carrying on and decided to duck out for now and go hide and spend some time with his little mate before he had to face the world again. In the meantime...maybe Kagome could help him pick out a nice bribe gift for Inu to make him love him again after this.

Possibly something in a nice black, silver, blue or red...

He heard the vague sounds of gagging and tried to resist winching as Bankotsu staggered out of the kitchen and fell to his knees coughing and clutching his throat and acting like he was dying.

And maybe he was, and Touga felt badly about that too, however he was on a mission right now to go and hide and that was exactly what he was going to do.

Hide.