Chapter Thirty-Eight—The Windy City Part I

Edward's fingers tapped a familiar rhythm on his knee. The tune haunted him as much as the woman that inspired it. For weeks, possibly months, he worked on the piece and it wasn't until recently that he finally completed it. His fingers automatically stilled as he waited.

For the third time since arriving at the airport, he checked the screens for her flight information. The ten minutes that had passed seemed longer. Her flight was on time. Knowing she was in the same city made him anxious. For the moment, it felt like the good kind.

Would things feel different when he saw her? Fuck, he hoped not.

Idleness was not his friend. Since all this started, they'd kept him occupied. What was he supposed to do when he was no longer on the ranch? He needed to keep busy. It had always been that way for him, even before his life spiraled out of control. His body and mind had to be in constant motion; the fact he had little to do, drove him to distraction, and a welcome one for the moment.

Bella. He was about to see her for the first time in months. Since that awful night she left him in Montana, he tried hard to keep her from the forefront of his thoughts. Instead, he kept the memories of her wrapped up in blankets and slipped her into the back of his mind, in a safe place that he only visited in dreams or moments of clarity.

Blinded by a sense of abandonment, betrayal, and of losing her, he hadn't recognized she was doing what she promised. To save him. She had never promised to stay, and if she had, he could still forgive her. In the end, she did what was best from him and that was to walk away. Having done that, it allowed him to face his demons on his own for the right reasons, with the support from Doc and his family.

That support, along with therapy, helped him through the worst of it. He wasn't stupid enough to think he'd have no bad moments after he left the ranch. Since his return to Chicago, he had two near anxiety attacks. His family, in that instance, combined with the stress of being home, was overwhelming. Instead of reaching for a bottle or lashing out, he called Banner. Talking it out helped clear his head enough to face his family, and ultimately, seeing his sister's grave.

They visited the cemetery as a family since moving, but he couldn't remember. Banner said he blocked those memories, and had for years. Considering his sleepwalking after Nessie died that he had no recollection of, it made sense.

It had been a rough couple of days, and he missed Bella. His logical mind knew that nothing physical or emotional could happen when he saw her—at least in the ways he wanted. Technically, it was too late on both fronts since they spent the night together and he loved her. He knew her feelings were mutual, but the timing was still off. However, he wasn't scared to face whatever could happen between them in the future.

Admittedly, despite how much he missed her, he wasn't ready to move forward. He wasn't a saint, though. He'd be fucking tempted if she gave any indication she was ready to jump into bed with him. He was a man, after all, and one with needs that were difficult to deny with her. The thing was, he knew she wouldn't attempt anything like that. The innuendo he promised during their call was one thing, but she would pull back, if needed. She knew it could undermine his recovery. He trusted her a hell of a lot more than he trusted himself.

It was bad enough he couldn't forget the taste of her on his tongue, the way her breasts filled his hands and her face when she came. He wanted more of that, of all of her. No, he knew nothing shouldhappen physically until they were both in a place where they wouldn't form a dependency.

"Fucking Google," he muttered. Yeah, he checked on why it wasn't a good idea to be with her again, hoping that he'd get a different answer than what Doc told him.

His phone chimed and indicated he had a few texts from James, catching his attention. They were reminders that he had to tell Bella something important. Edward had a lot to say, but he wasn't sure how she'd take it. He wanted to believe that she'd handle it like a champ, but a part of him imagined something worse.

All bets were fucking off if she started to cry, tears from her were his weakness. He'd take her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be all right, even if he wasn't a hundred percent positive it would be.

He wasn't looking forward to telling her, even though it was for the best. James promised he'd allow him the time he needed to do so, but not much. Edward understood, and decided he'd tell her before they left Chicago.

"Fuck it," he said as he stood. An older woman eyed him with shrewd, narrowed eyes, but he ignored her. He wanted to meet Bella at her gate, but since that was impossible, he'd meet her by baggage claim. It was okay with him if she realized that he was eager to see her. She made it perfectly obvious she felt the same about seeing him. While they were talking the day before, she was making arrangements. She's such a fucking good multitasker, he thought.

His mind went there with such a simple thought. He tried not to think about the things she'd done that night that made her multi-tasking abilities clear—the things that woman could do with her tongue and hands—but it was impossible. His body reacted accordingly to his thoughts, and he ran a hand over his face in the hope to clear them. He told himself to calm down, which was not easy, since he couldn't imagine it stopping once he was in her presence again.

It would get worse. Being a gentleman around her seemed impossible. He wanted to show her she meant more to him than sex. He couldn't erase the last few years and the personality changes due to them. He often spoke his mind about sex and desire as a way to cover up other shit, and it helped keep the emotions at bay. This time, he had to show more emotion and tone down the need to make everything about sex. He wasn't sure he could do that; only time would tell.

Since their call the day before, he pictured their reunion a hundred times, in several ways. Some were sweet and others, X-rated as fuck, but that couldn't be helped. His desire would be impossible to deny, much less hide. In spite of that, he found himself wanting to tell her everything. Like what he learned over the last few months, including what happened when his family visited the ranch. He wanted to tell her about the patient he lost years earlier and his plans for the future. In turn, he hoped she'd share everything about her.

When he allowed himself to think about Bella, he realized he knew little. Sure, he knew what her favorite foods were, her allergies, and that when she was pissed, her eyes glazed over and her nipples got hard.

Stop that shit, Cullen.

Calming again, he went back to his last thread of thought. Other than some of her past, he didn't know much else about her. He wanted to, though, and despite the limitations to their relationship, he hoped she would still clue him in on her.

"I don't think that trashcan did anything to you," a sweet as hell voice said from directly in front of him. He was so lost in thought, glaring at the object in question, that he hadn't realized she arrived. "If you continue looking at it like that, you'll miss everything around you."

Her feet were smaller than he remembered, encased in a pair of beat up Vans. He followed the slim curves of her calves and thighs in dark leggings, trying to avoid all the spots he wanted to touch again.

Yeah, that wasn't going to happen, he reminded himself.

"Not everything," he said, looking up to see her sienna eyes on him. Carrying a bag over her shoulder, a small suitcase stood beside her. She cocked her head to one side, and he saw that she had done something with her hair. Some of it framed her face, while the rest rested over her breasts.

Fuck. Don't say something stupid.

"I almost didn't recognize you under all that hair," she whispered, seemingly nervous.

"Fuck it," he said, before he stood and wrapped his arms around her, eliciting her laughter. Her hands were on his shoulders and the back of his neck, and though he wanted to taste her incredible mouth, he settled for kissing her temple. He discreetly took a deep breath, instantly pulling the scent of cherries and vanilla from her hair.

"You smell good, too," she said, having caught him. He didn't care, though he was first to pull away. He needed to know that he could, for reasons he still had yet to understand. Her eyes were focusing on his face, making him self-conscious. "The beard suits you, though."

He shrugged and rubbed a hand along his jaw. His grin practically hid behind months of growth, waiting to see if she'd take the bait he was going to dangle. "Thought I'd become a mountain man while I learned how to ride."

Her eyes widened, but the twitch of her lips made it obvious she was trying not to laugh. "For some reason, I can see you riding well."

Chuckling and shaking his head, he grabbed her suitcase. "Come on, we're going to catch a cab because traffic is a bitch right now. I left the rental back at the hotel."

"I haven't been here in years and now I remember why I hate this airport."

Edward nodded and took her hand, not even thinking about the implications of doing it. The action felt as natural as breathing. She didn't loosen her grip; in fact, her fingers tightened around his. They weaved through the crowd and managed to walk out to some sun peeking out from behind dark clouds.

He had hoped any awkwardness between them would be minimal. So far, he felt little of it. There were some lingering doubts, but that came with the situation. As they stood waiting for a cab, he saw her sneaking glances at him. He waited, because he knew her well enough that, if she had something to say, she would. Her shoulders lifted as she flung her hood from her jacket up. "You look really good," she said, her voice softer than before.

"Thanks, and I think it's safe to say you do, too," he said, smirking as he not-so-discreetly adjusted himself.

"Jesus, Edward," she hissed and punched his arm.

He shrugged as he tossed her bags in the cab that pulled up and held open the door for her. "Just keeping it real," he said with a smile.

She rolled her eyes and fought not to grin. "I appreciate you keeping it real. That's what I want."

He slipped in beside her and his hand found hers on the seat between them after he gave the driver the name of their hotel. "You did a lot of that in Mexico, even though you had to bottle shit up because of this thing between us. I get why, but I want all of it, even if it hurts."

"You're ready for that?"

His jaw tightened to keep from himself from saying the "yes" on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to be ready for all of it with her, but he had many things to work through before he could. His heart said yes, but his brain said not yet.

"Maybe we should wait until we get to the hotel. You have to be hungry, right?"

"Starving," she said, holding onto her stomach that decided to growl. They laughed, and soon, he started to point out places as they rode along, her hand still in his and a small smile on her face.

~oOo~

"They're expecting their first kid?" Edward asked for clarification, having paid more attention to her as she polished off her second slice. It wasn't exactly easy when she moaned through every bite. Yet, he knew it wasn't intentional; the pizza was good.

"I told them I was heading out of town, and I knew something was up since they kept glancing at each other, and Rose blurted it out when they dropped me off at the airport."

"Having a baby and doing what they do can't be easy." Edward groaned, already full after his fourth slice. "Damn, I'm going to have to work this off later tonight." He noticed Bella hadn't said anything and caught her looking out over Chicago.

Their room was a two-bedroom suite in one of the nicest hotels in the city, courtesy of his parents, and the view was spectacular. However, he knew Bella enough to know her silence wasn't due to the cityscape.

"What is it, Bella?" He pulled a curl of her hair to get her attention.

"We're all taking a break, a step back from directly working with an addict full-time. At least in the same capacity we did with you."

Edward sat back and had to look away. Their conversation had been light since she stepped into his arms at the airport, and it had now taken a turn toward heavy. Funny, he thought their feelings for each other would be tougher to discuss than what she did for a living.

"It can't be easy."

She tried to smile and failed. "It's all I've known for years."

"So why step back? Don't fucking let what happened in Mexico stop you from helping others like me." She sighed, but before she could say another word, he had to get something off his chest. "It's fucking dangerous, and yeah, the idea of you being around people going through withdrawal and becoming violent, actually makes me physically ill, but you're good at what you do."

"Until I fall in love with the one I'm supposed to help."

"And because of your feelings for me, you think you fucking failed?" he asked, his voice rising. "I'm here, aren't I? I made it through months of damn therapy, and have to look forward to years' worth of it in the future, but I'll get through it, and why is that?"

"Don't, Edward." She appeared genuinely worried of what he'd say.

"You may have been the reason I ended up in Mexico. You chose me over the other addicts on your list, and were why I made it through withdrawal, but I waded through the murky parts of my past because I wanted to, needed to. I want a future and it does not include seeing the bottom of the bottle every fucking night."

By the end of his speech, he was panting on and his feet. "Explain to me why you would stop," he said, walking toward the window. He laid his palm against it, the glass cooler than his skin, enough to sting.

"I have a hero complex."

That came so far out of left field that he nearly stumbled when he whirled around to face her. "What the fuck?" She rolled her eyes and told him to sit down. "You can't tell me what to do, 3B?"

"You're right, I can't. However, I don't like to fly, and despite the great food, you're making me more dizzy and nauseous. Can you please sit down?"

That was the crux of their situation. He realized earlier that he didn't know everything about her. She had given him a new piece of information. She hated flying, but came to see him anyway.

He knelt beside her chair, noticing for the first time that sweat beaded across her brow. "Why don't you like to fly?"

She laughed and gently pushed him away when he pressed a hand to her forehead. "I'm fine, Edward. I don't like enclosed spaces, and some planes can be the size of sardine cans. This one wasn't so bad. It still sucked, though, because a sleaze ball sat beside me."

"I'm sure you handled him," he said through tight lips. It had never been easy to deal with jealousy, and as a sibling, he experienced it before and on several occasions. The kind associated with Bella was another type that made his blood heat.

"I did," she replied, quirking an eyebrow. "There's no one else, Edward. You do know that, right?"

He nodded, rose to his feet, and sat back down. "Yeah, but it would be so much easier for you to care for someone else. I still get easily agitated, as you can see with my reaction to a guy talking to you."

"That comes with the situation, and from what you've said about your past relationships, this is new to you. Add in the fact that we essentially can't move toward being a couple, you're liable to react to a threat."

He snickered, shaking his head. "That's the therapist talking. Tell me how you feel?"

Her eyes narrowed, but he saw the smile that threatened to come out. "Knowing you're jealous is hot as fuck. And if some woman tried the same shit this guy did to me, I'd want to claw her eyes out." She rolled her eyes and took a sip from her glass of water. "Does knowing that make you happy?"

"I'm fucking ecstatic." He rubbed his hands over his face, feeling tired and emotionally exhausted. "I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but fuck, having you this close and not being able to have you, it fucking sucks, Bella."

"I feel the same way."

"I can't tell. You appear all cool and so damn collected, while I'm sitting here with a hard dick, blue-balling worse than ever, with a motherfucking ache in my chest."

She cocked an eyebrow in surprise. Edward cursed internally, having been positive that the romantic gene his mother said the men in his family possessed had completely bypassed him.

"I'm good at holding it in, Edward. That's all." Bella averted her eyes for a moment, looking out the window again. "A lot has happened since we left Mexico."

"Is Alec okay?" He should've asked earlier, had wanted to, but wasn't sure he could've handled bad news of any kind. That was one thing about his stay at the ranch; he was behind on global news since they kept him busy. Some of the things he missed shocked the hell out of him when his father had tuned in to watch during their visit.

Bella breathed in deeply and faced at him again. "We're all over the place, aren't we?"

Edward thought back. Their conversation since her arrival had bounced around. They had to stop doing that and he knew it. His chuckle was half-assed as he replied, "Yeah, I guess. I have a shitload of questions and it's making my head spin. Bella, I want to get to know you."

She might be able to hold it all in, but around her eyes was a softness he hadn't seen often. Sitting there with him, he realized she hadn't been a hundred percent perfect at masking her emotions.

A small smile appeared when she replied, "I want that, too."

"All right," he said, rising to his feet. "Let's go walk off the two thousand plus calories we ate earlier."

"Edward." The bossy tone he hadn't missed had returned. That was lie and he knew it. He loved it, because it meant she wouldn't be a pushover ever, and would always put him in his place if the need arose.

Despite that, he felt the itch to run. He stretched, ignoring her glare. "I need some breathing room for a while, because I want to take you to bed, and since that can't happen, we should leave for a bit."

She nodded and rose to her feet. "Fine, but I need to freshen up and unpack. Give me ten minutes."

Edward groaned as she headed toward her end of the suite. Her need for order and neatness had always grated on his nerves. "Why do you have to be so fucking anal? You're not going to die if you have to wait to unpack."

"Anal? Did you really go there?" She laughed as she opened the door that would serve as a barrier during the night. Looking back at him, she gave him a searing glance from head-to-toe. "As you're well aware, I'm game."

His eyes widened and his groan was deep. She said nothing more, closing the door behind her. He had hoped for their usual banter and the innuendo she held back before, but they needed to pace themselves or he'd never survive.

~oOo~

Hours later, they had already driven by the two schools he attended in his youth. They'd also visited the art museum his mother had worked part time at, but the park near his former home was the first place he thought of to bring her and stay for more than a few minutes.

"I could picture you here," Bella said, as she swung higher. Edward leaned against the swing set he told her was his favorite. Only happy memories existed among the swings, slides, and sand, most with his mother and his sister, Nessie. He hated that he couldn't remember many with Alice.

"Mom could see us from the front garden of our house," he said, pointing toward the houses across the street, but not looking. "She only started to let us start going alone when we turned eight, and only when she was outside to watch over us."

Bella hummed for some reason, her eyes on the house. "Bet you hated when she yelled at you from across the street."

Edward had to smile at that, because it was true. "She did do that, a lot. Nessie was the troublemaker and the more outgoing one, since most of the time, I just wanted to read or draw. Stupid stuff like that, but I always went to play when Nessie asked."

He frowned toward the house, noticing it appeared smaller than he remembered. Bella laughed as she sped up. Her laughter had a breathy quality to it that he'd always liked. When he returned his attention on her, she shook her head, wisps of hair trapped along her lips.

Fuck, he had missed her.

"The swing you're on was the one I always went for," he said, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat, caught up in memories and Bella. A spark of a memory popped up. "I wonder if it's still there."

Bella started to come to a stop, her shoe toeing the ground after a few moments. She peered up at him curiously as he walked over, and asked, "If what's still there?"

Edward stood in front of the swing, her knees bumping against him. As her gaze remained inquisitive and on him, he placed a hand on each chain slightly above the top of her head. "Hold still," he murmured as his fingers felt around some of the chain links. "I carved my name here once."

He heard her clear her throat before she replied. "You did?"

"I found a small pocket knife in my grandfather's collection one morning, and I took it. My parents would never have approved of me of playing with it. It was my little secret, and one I kept for days, or so I thought. When Nessie and I got here, some boy was on my swing."

He made the mistake of looking down at her, and had to stop himself from touching her face.

"Oh boy, I bet you didn't like that," she said, laughing. "Did you mark your territory?"

"No, Nessie kicked him off it." His chuckle matched her teasing tone. "She told him that if he didn't get out of my swing, she'd kiss him." At the time, girls were still annoying and gross to him, and since the boy had been the same age, his reaction had been similar to what his would've been. "He ran all the way home."

"You both sound delightful," Bella teased, tugging on the pocket of his jacket. He tried not to focus on the fact of how close she was tohim. He shifted his hips away enough for her not to see his reaction—don't fuck this up, Edward, he told himself.

"We were not even nine yet, but I told her after he ran off that Mom was going to get upset and that it's not like my name was on it." He grinned, the memory a welcome one. "You know what she did? She stuck her hand in my jacket and pulled out the knife. So much for it being a secret," he laughed, Bella joining him, "Then she said, 'so put it on there with this,' knowing I'd be mad that she'd been through my things and had known all along that I had it."

"That comes with siblings. They always get into your stuff." She appeared mad about it, but shook her head as she shrugged. "Like when I found my brother's porn stash shortly after he moved in once we found out about him. In retaliation, he found my diary, which mentioned an encounter with a boy under the bleachers. Instead of giving me shit, he went to find him. Eric didn't talk to me again after that."

"Sounds like something James would do," he said, chuckling. He didn't particularly like hearing about exes. "He's protective of you."

"He can be, and I tell him off every time, but didn't with Eric. He tasted like onions."

Edward snickered, but felt his still searching finger catch on something rough in the smooth metal of a chain link. "Eureka!"

"Aw, you struck gold." Her voice was all tease and taunt.

"Shut up and stand up."

"You're kind of in the way," she tossed back at him, but did as he asked. She grabbed a hold of his hips to help her rise, and had to stand on the tips of her toes to reach where his fingers were on the link. "How did you reach that at eight years old?"

"She held onto the swing as I stood on it, but I fell like three times," he said, taking her finger in his hand to show her where his name was carved, worn down after almost two decades. "Skinned my knee and my mother caught me with the knife."

"Such a bad boy," Bella said through another laugh. "Was Nessie a bit of a tomboy?"

"For a while. I think it was right after our tenth birthday when she traded her scuffed jeans for dresses and skirts. She hated them before that."

"It sounds like she liked a boy."

Edward smiled cheekily at her. "Yeah, the same boy she threatened." He released her hand and pulled out a grown up version of a pocketknife. "Keep a look out."

"I draw the line at defacing public property."

He shrugged and wiggled in his eyebrows. "Bad boy, remember?" She huffed, but checked to see if the coast was clear. It was early and most kids were still in school, and the few people who were around ignored them. He worked the tip of the knife, turning the chain whenever Bella tried to peek at what he was doing. The knife's tip came to a stop on the second link from his and he quickly closed it.

"Come on," he said, trying to take Bella's hand. She scowled at him, grabbed each chain, and stood on the swing, yelping when it got away from her. He managed to catch her before she face planted. "Careful, Bella. I won't let you fall."

"I know," she whispered, added a "thanks." His hands remained on each side of her waist as she tried again. She felt around and Edward waited until she realized what he had etched into the steal. Her eyes widened, and if she weren't such a hard ass, he'd believe for a moment that they started to glisten with tears.

The three links read, Edward + Bella

Her hands fell to his shoulders and guided her down with his fingers wrapped around her elbow and waist.

"You don't fight fair, you know?" She shook her head. "We have a lot to talk about. You ready to show me more or should we get back to the hotel?"

They did have a lot to say to each other and as much as he wanted to share everything with her, he wasn't quite ready to show her the house that held some bad memories. They were the kind that always overrode the thousand good ones.

"We should get back," he said, taking her hand and leading her back to toward the sidewalk. "Besides, I'm starving."

She groaned, patting her stomach. "How can you eat after five slices of that pizza?"

He grinned and bumped her shoulder with his. "I'm a growing bad boy."

~oOo~

They sat in the living room of the suite with tons of food surrounding them. The minute they headed back to the hotel, they found a convenience store where they bought movie snacks with the intention of relaxing for the rest of the day. Bella had jetlag, and along with their walk earlier, was simply exhausted. Edward felt emotionally drained and agreed to Bella's idea.

They planned to start the morning after with Edward taking her to see his childhood home and his sister and then return to the hotel to talk.

"Maybe it would be best to talk first then head out tomorrow." For the last few minutes, they tried to pick out a movie they both agreed on, but it wasn't easy when everything rated R had sex scenes in it. That would make things heated and awkward; two things neither of them wanted.

"We could, but I can honestly tell you that everything I have to say will be hard to hear. You said you wanted to get to know me and that requires a true heart to heart, Edward."

What could she possibly have to tell him that would be hard for him to hear? Did he want to know? Had she moved on, or even wanted to at one point since she left him in Montana?

He was quick to reply. "Don't get all sappy on me, 3B." Even he heard the fear in his voice.

She glanced toward the television. "Don't get defensive."

"Fuck. Old habits die hard, I guess."

"All I'm saying is once it all comes out, I can honestly say I don't see myself going for a walk or drive. I know that taking me to go see your sister and your old house is going to be hard on you. If you can't do it tomorrow, we can go the next day. I can stay a few extra days if that's what you need."

"No, I want to go tomorrow." He shifted so that his body faced her, one leg folded on the cushion next to hers while the other foot remained on the floor. "I'm not handling bad news well nowadays."

She mimicked his pose to face him, their knees touching. "I'll try to be as gentle as possible." He couldn't help it, and a snort built up and released. Coughing didn't cover it up. "Edward, I know you basically promised an innuendo-filled visit, but damn it, I'm being serious."

"I know, I'm sorry, but come on, you offered that up on a fucking silver platter. Did you not expect me to react? I'm a guy and gentle is not what I want from you since it's been months."

"What are you, fifteen?"

"Sure feels like it," he grunted, shifting his position. He allowed his expression turn serious, her eyes narrowing slightly, as if instantly suspicious. "I'm just a guy, sitting in front of girl…"

One of the movies they rejected on the hotel's on-demand list was that famous Julia Roberts film.

She was trying not to laugh. "Do not quote Notting Hill to me. Be serious!"

It took him a few moments to come up with the courage to ask something.

"Everything else can wait for a night, but you never said anything about Alec? I need to know if he's okay." Bella tensed slightly, and instantly, he saw the worry and doubt in her eyes. "The last time I heard his voice, he was grief-stricken and lost, after finding his boyfriend had been brutally beaten and murdered."

She pulled her other foot on the couch to fold beneath her. "I don't know much. He's working with the authorities to bring Carlos to justice in the hopes of capturing him and eventually bargaining with the asshole. Though, I'm sure Alec isn't aware of their intent yet."

"They want information on the cartel Carlos used to work for," Edward said, his hands clenching into fists.

"That cartel is a much bigger fish than Carlos. His organization hasn't stretched much past the border cities in Texas and New Mexico, whereas the cartel is possibly worldwide."

Bella's hands nervously rubbed together, distracting him. He placed his over hers and waited. She exhaled deeply and said she was okay.

"Have you heard from Alec directly?"

Her gaze remained on their hands resting on his knee. "He sent me flowers this past Valentine's Day, a tradition he started the year we met. Kind of his way of saying, 'hey, you're single and lonely on this day.' The asshole."

"At least that means you know he's okay, because that sounds personal and something only you two share. It couldn't be someone else that did it, right?"

"Part of the fun was to pretend they were from someone else, and he didn't sign the card 'Alec'. He signed Z as in Zorro."

"Cute." Edward chuckled, but saw that she was still lost in thought. "He'll be okay, Bella."

"If he has to testify, I'll never see him again." The impulse to hold her was impossible to ignore, so he didn't. He pulled her onto his lap, holding her close. Her head rested on his shoulder as he asked her to tell him everything. The words were a whisper as she told him about working with Marcus and the task force to help bring down Carlos and his men.

"I tried to go to Mexico, but my dad stopped me." He tensed and tightened his arms around her. "I know. It would be stupid."

"Try fucking idiotic. Carlos wants your head on a platter and that's after he's done with the rest of your body. Why would you think for one moment of going into his playground and presenting yourself like a prize trophy?"

"Hero complex, remember? I have this tendency to need to help those that I love even more than the addicts that walk into one of my facilities. I know I can find Alec in Mexico."

"Don't even think about it." She tried to push away, but he wouldn't let her. "No, please. I need this for a bit. I told you, I'm not handling bad news well, and hearing all the shit that's going down with Alec and now your idea to go find him, I need a moment."

She didn't continue until he relaxed after a few minutes. "I said I tried, but after my dad and James stopped me, and we talked, I realized I would be a liability. Carlos and his men know what I look like, and to find Alec, I would need to go undercover and that's not possible. Another reason I couldn't go was because I knew what it would do to James and my father if something happened to me."

"Not to mention me, Bella. Don't forget about me."

She closed her eyes, as if would help keep his words from reaching her. "I know."

"If you're not helping by going to Mexico, I'm assuming you're still trying to help in some way."

"See, you do know me." He rolled his eyes at her and himself, having felt some pleasure at the thought. "They said they wouldn't need me to testify, but I'd seen him conducting business in certain places. I heard things from some of the regulars at the clinic. They're using the information to keep an eye out for him, but I had heard he has a pregnant girlfriend in Texas, one he'd go to see. He takes care of his children, so he's bound to come into the US for them soon."

"Giving Agent Marcus the right to arrest him," Edward said, nodding. "I'm impressed, but please, be careful."

"We're doing everything we can to keep my name out of it, but Carlos isn't an idiot. He'll know it's me feeding them information, but I'm hoping, since he knew so little about me, he won't be able to find me."

"It's not a guarantee."

"Hey," she said, cupping his cheek. "I'm not going to Mexico or Texas and we're doing everything we can to keep me safe." He exhaled sharply, kissing her palm. "Do you think you can handle more or should we hold off until tomorrow?"

"I'm not being a pussy if I say tomorrow, am I?"

"No, but it makes you smart." She placed a kiss on his cheek and sat down beside him. "Is it strange that I want to see things blow up right now?"

"Hell no, that sounds perfect to me."

Edward grabbed the remote before she had a chance to, though she grumbled about it, she was only playing. When they settled on a movie they were both willing to watch, they dimmed the lights and fought over a throw Bella brought to use. "We're both fucking adults. We can share a damn blanket." She eyed him and shrugged, cuddling up against his side.

A few minutes into the movie, as she chewed on some red licorice, Edward watched her instead. The light from the screen made her eyes stand out, but her attention was on the movie. She'd laugh and scrunch her nose, and he knew then, somehow she'd be a large part of his future, but he needed some more time.

AN: I'm having a hard time saying goodbye to this story and the characters.