CHAPTER 37

"Harry, why don't you escort Remus to his rooms? Sixth floor, first corridor right, second door left," Dumbledore said, smiling, "but before you two leave, I have something to tell you. You are going to turn eighteen in July, Harry, and Privet Drive, as you know, offers you no more protection. You will stay at Hogwarts after your graduation – spending time at The Burrow or at Grimmuald Place is unfortunately out of the question."

Harry nodded. His presence, he had come to learn, put others at risk; the last thing he wanted to do was place the Weasley family in danger if Death Eaters tracked him down.

"You have spent a lot of time with Severus, and he will continue teaching and supervising you after your exams. From what Severus had heard at the meetings and gleaned from Legilimency, Voldemort plans to strike in September or maybe earlier. Half the Order of the Phoenix is here at the moment for a meeting, which partially explains Remus's presence."

"And the other part-"

"-is your letter, Harry." Lupin's light-brown eyes were as kind as always, with not a hint of repulsion in them. His robes were shabby as always, but his thick long hair, though flecked with premature grey, his posture and the lines of will in his face assured Harry that Remus was determined to fight.

"What you wrote naturally remains between you two," Dumbledore added. "Finally, Harry, we would be very glad if you, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger joined the Order."

Harry smiled.

"Ah, no wonder why they were so excited," he observed. "But first I have to pass the exams."

"Of course, it is could to take things in steps."

"I know that there is not much time…"

"Rushing, Harry, is quite often a very unfruitful approach. Well, my dear boys – chop chop!"

Remus laughed, his face suffused with old memories from his own school days.

"Good night, Albus."

"Good night, Professor."

The two wizards turned and left Dumbledore's office.

"How are you?" Harry inquired anxiously.

"Hale and hearty."

"I'm glad you're okay. Thank you for coming all the way here, Remus," Harry said gratefully.

"You are practically my godson now, Harry." His words were laced with melancholy, and Harry knew that Remus was thinking of Sirius.

"You loved him, didn't you?"

"Loved whom?"

"Sirius. Like, you were in love with him."

A shadow travelled over Remus's face.

"Yes," he said briefly.

"But…it was unrequited…?" Harry tried to prod delicately.

"Yes."

"Sirius never knew? Never suspected?"

"No. I am here to talk about your feelings towards another man, Harry," Remus said with a tone of finality.

"Er, yes. Sorry. Uhm…Well...So…" Harry flushed.

"So. You feel strongly towards Severus. You are, among other things, sexually attracted to him, as I interpreted your letter."

"I find him attractive, yes. But, it's not just that. It's like…he's letting me in. Very slowly. Letting me into his personality. Like…he can be funny. I've seen him smile and heard him laugh. I've learnt that I can trust him. And…I just…I…" Harry slammed his fist against the left part of his chest.

"Definitely not a schoolboy crush," Remus commented, "I can see that you are rather hopelessly in love with Severus."

They were walking down the stairs to the sixth floor. A wizard was ascending them. It was Marius Rivers. To Harry's consternation, the two men checked each other out, Marius's grey eyes travelling over Remus's figure keenly. Remus, too, had a good look at Marius.

"Mr Rivers, if I am not mistaken?" Remus asked pleasantly.

"You are not at all mistaken," Marius said in his most charming manner, extending his hand. Remus took it. Harry narrowed his eyes at Marius, but the Healer didn't take any notice.

"I am afraid that I do not know your name, though."

"I am Remus Lupin."

"Ah, Albus mentioned you to me once. May I call you Remus? You can call me Marius, naturally."

They shook hands. Harry dug the toe of his sneaker into the stone tile until his toes protested plaintively. Marius gave Remus a bright smile and continued his route.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Remus murmured.

"I don't like Marius Rivers," Harry snapped." He's a liar and a cheat."

Remus's eyebrows climbed his forehead. Harry reddened.

"I…I got to know things about him during…er…"

"Yes?" Remus prompted.

"During my lessons with Professor Snape."

"Ah. I see."

"No, you don't see, you can't see, you don't know what Rivers-" Harry broke off, not wanting to betray Severus's trust in him. "Anyway, I've seen enough to form an opinion on him, and he made a scene in the Great Hall once."

"A scene?"

"There was a quarrel," Harry said evasively.

"With Severus?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Harry, everyone knows that Severus is not the easiest of men to approach."

"It's what makes him so interesting," Harry pointed out.

"Of course – as a Gryffindor, you're bound to like challenges even in the romance department."

"This is not about House qualities and stuff, Remus. I just don't know what to do. When I graduate – if I graduate-"

"You will graduate. Restart the 'when'-sentence."

"Okay. When I graduate, I'll be staying here at Hogwarts. With Severus continuing to teach me, even though I won't really be his student anymore. And…I don't know…with Voldemort around…people waiting…and…who says Severus is, uh, interested in me as well…?" Harry seemed to be speaking to himself now. They had reached Remus's quarters. Remus spoke the password, and the portrait on the door beckoned to him with its finger, and the door opened.

"Come in, Harry, and let us sit down. It's better to discuss such issues when seated."

"Okay."

They both sat down on the sofa.

"Severus is not an easy man to be with for another reason. Imagine yourself in a relationship with him. How will your friends react? What if Voldemort finds out?"

"Are you dissuading me? Remus, I don't even know what's really going on between the two of us."

"I am not dissuading you, Harry-"

"How would you react? You said that you didn't dislike Severus."

"I am only being factual about Severus. As for my reaction: I would wish both of you happiness, health and a nice home to share together."

Harry raked his hands through his hair.

"I don't know how to tell Snape that I like him! He might guillotine me or something." He burst out, "and there's this soul sympathy bond…"

"Yes, you mentioned that in your letter," Remus said with a humorous smile. "Listen, Harry. Severus is a deeply unhappy man. I think that you have found ways to make him happy. You now accept Severus the way he is. Severus can hate fixedly and for years. He continued hating James even after he died. He transferred his hatred to you. He still loathes me after all these years. If Severus can hate with such passion, then I am convinced…that he can love with as much passion. From what you have written, he has changed his feelings towards you. Sudoku competitions, eh?"

Harry laughed.

"Yeah. He loves Sudoku. He'll never admit outright that he's lost, though."

"Your eyes sparkle when you speak about Severus," Remus smiled. "Now, I'd like to know more about this soul sympathy topic. Your description was rather brief, and since you said that it is obscure, I did not have the patience to consult my books."

Harry raised his feet, resting them on the edge of the seat, and embraced his knees with his arms. He told Remus everything. He did not tell him about Severus's memories, but he did mention the kiss between Severus and Marius and how it had made him feel.

"I can still feel it," Harry said with a small sigh.

"That kiss made you perceive Severus as a sexual being, did it not?" Remus asked shrewdly.

"Yeah. It did. It was kind of sexy to see Snape kiss."

"To see Severus in action. Hm, yes," Remus said mischievously. "So you would like to be in Marius's place and kiss Severus?"

Harry went scarlet, shifting on the sofa. Remus laughed and put an arm around Harry's shoulders.

"I suggest that you wait until after graduation and try to find a way to get that kiss you want; but Harry, this is no game. Do not toy with Severus. Hurt Severus, and he hurts for life."

Harry's green eyes were serious and sad.

"I know, Remus. I know. I don't want him to hurt any longer. I want him to be happy."

"Yes, you love him maturely," Remus murmured, half to himself, half to Harry.

"What shall I do, Remus? Do I tell him after the exams are over and corrected?"

"That, Harry, is your decision. For now, concentrate on the exams."

Harry squared his shoulders and nodded, leaning his head against Remus's shoulder.

--

The NEWT exams were on the seventh-year-students before they knew it. Students were cramming till three in the morning, quizzing each other in bed and revising at the last moments with notes scattered over the bed sheets. Relationships were put on hold, the library was full to bursting, and floods of good-luck letters arrived via owl post. Harry received an affectionate card from Mrs Weasley. He kept the card on his bedside table. Ron was pleased.

"Like it, don't you?"

"It shows me that I've got a family in you, Ron," Harry said. Ron gave him a brotherly hug and ruffled his hair.

"Remember when we first met at the station? We two were brothers from that moment onwards, mate," he said with a reminiscent smile.

--

In the meantime, the members of the Order of the Phoenix were busy discussing sinister matters. An encounter between Remus and Severus was therefore inevitable.

"Lupin," Severus said coldly by way of greeting.

"Severus, how are you?"

"Busy, as usual."

"Harry said that you have been teaching him mental magic," Remus smiled.

"I have."

"You are good friends, I believe."

"I assume," Severus remarked with a sneer, "that your comments are supposed to draw me out. You want to ensure that Potter is not being tortured by me, Lupin."

"I am fully aware of the fact that you are protecting Harry. You would never torture him. Harry trusts you. So does Dumbledore, and so do I."

"How flattering."

"It is not flattery. It is the truth. I also want to thank you for brewing the Wolfsbane Potion for me and sending Dobby with it."

"It is a pleasure," Severus drawled in a bored tone. "Good night, Lupin."

He whisked away in a billow of black robes. Remus, however, smiled. He had seen a delicate flush suffuse Severus's cheeks at the mention of Harry's name. He had also seen a sparkle in those black eyes. Remus tapped his chin thoughtfully. He would have to see the pair together, he decided, and watch how they interacted. His musings turned to Sirius. He still dreamt of him. Of his brash smile and pre-Azkaban joie de vivre. Marius's smile had been equally brash, full of self-confidence and charm. On the other hand, Harry's opinion of the man was quite poor. Still, nearly everyone's opinion concerning Severus Snape was just as poor. And Harry was in the process of falling for the intolerable man. So what if Remus decided to make up his own mind about Marius Rivers? Did Marius know about Remus's condition? He doubted Dumbledore had divulged such a personal fact. Or had Marius read that absurd article in The Prophet about Dumbledore hiring bloodthirsty werewolves to teach innocent little children? His eyes gleamed. Let Marius make up his own mind as well.

--

It was Severus's and Harry's very last lesson before the exams – but not the last if Harry managed to pass his exams and graduate.

The lesson was perfectly normal; their duel was fierce, interrupted by Severus two or three times to correct Harry's strategies in his usual stern tones. When the lesson was over, Severus announced with his equally usual abruptness:

"You may leave, Potter."

"I want to give you something before I go, sir," Harry said, walking over to his bag. Severus noticed that he didn't rummage around in it – whatever he was searching for, he had placed it on the very top of the pile of contents.

"I'm sorry I didn't have the time to wrap it. I hope you'll find it useful."

Harry handed a rectangular box to Severus, who turned it over slowly in his hands. His initials, two beautifully carved serpentine characters etched in the wood, met his eyes. At a complete loss for words, he opened the box and inhaled the characteristic fragrance of camphor. The hinges were perfectly neat and straight. Severus had seen boxes with big hinges hammered clumsily and crookedly into the wood.

Severus's long fingers caressed the box. He knew that Harry must have spent hours working on it. He also knew that Harry did not like to use magic when carving wood unless it was to charm animal figures to puff smoke, moo, screech and produce a variety of sounds when picked up and handled. It happened extremely rarely that he did not know what to say. When he recovered his voice, he placed his hand on Harry's shoulder briefly and said:

"Thank you, Harry. It is a fine work of art."

Harry flushed with pleasure and smiled at him.

"You did it."

"Did what?"

"Called me 'Harry'. Do I still need to get an 'Outstanding' in Potions?"

"Naturally."

"I'm glad you like it." He nodded at the box.

Severus hesitated; then he said steadily: "I will always cherish your gift…Harry."

Their eyes, caught in a deep stare, refused to break the invisible bridge between them.

"Do well in your exams," Severus said finally.

"I will."

There was another pause between them, interrupted by Harry after a few moments.

"Good night, Professor. And…thank you."

"Good night, Ha-Potter."

The youth flashed him a brilliant grin and left the classroom. Severus held the box to the light.

No one had ever given him something that had been laboured over for weeks by the donor's own hands; and discreetly etched on an inner rim of the box, he found the following inscription:

"for S. S. from H.P."

It made the gift all the more personal. He shut the lid and opened it again, breathing in the smell of camphor. Severus suddenly wanted to weep, wondering why Harry had chosen him to be the recipient of such a sweet gesture. Wondering…thinking…feeling…and not daring to hope…

Severus went back to his quarters and rummaged through his possessions. He put the things most precious to him in Harry's box: an onyx ring Albus had given him for his thirtieth birthday; a broken raven-feather quill, the very first one he had bought before going to Hogwarts for his first year; a bezoar, a Chocolate Frog picture of Albus Dumbledore and one of Fawkes's tail feathers. The phoenix would drop one whenever he was involved in the Order's missions and had to leave warnings or messages. Dumbledore usually gathered the feathers right away but had given a particularly fine specimen to Severus with the words:

"Whenever you feel hopeless, Severus, look at this, and you may feel less burdened."

He had looked at it from time to time; and then Dumbledore had told him about the core of Voldemort's wand. Severus had stopped looking at it. But now, he remembered that another wand had the same core from the same source: Harry's wand. Harry.

He opened the drawer of his desk and extracted a Sudoku grid which Harry had left behind and he, Severus, had kept. Severus folded it neatly, put it inside the box and carefully lowered the lid. He bowed his head and tears ran down his cheeks silently at the realisation that he had fallen completely and hopelessly in love with the warm-hearted youth.

--