Bleed for me - Part Thirty Seven
They had made love until they were both too exhausted to move, and fell into a blissful slumber, their bodies tangled together as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Emma's head was resting against the brunette's chest, hearing her heart beating in a steady rhythm.
She traced her fingertips over Regina's flat stomach, raising goosebumps on her honey colored skin everywhere she touched. She could have sworn she heard her purr, and felt the low rumble in her chest, vibrating against her cheek.
She smirked and slowly lifted her head to look up at the brunette. Her heartbeat picked up as their gazes locked. Regina was staring at her like she was the most precious thing she'd ever seen, her eyes so unguarded, so soft, as a shiver made its way down her spine.
"How do you feel?" the brunette asked, her desire for the blonde barely controllable evidenced in the timbre of her voice. She smiled tenderly, finding the blonde utterly irresistible in her sleepy state.
Emma chuckled a little underneath her breath, her eyes burning into the brunette's. "Do you really need to ask?"
She playfully winked and grinned sheepishly up at her lover. She noticed that this time, though the brunette still smiled warmly, she let some sadness into her face. Her deep brown eyes changed from piercing to something else. A combination of emotions mingled in her expression, each with its own unmistakable distinction, but there was one in particular that made her breath catch in her throat.
She could tell that Regina was still dealing with an emotion so raw and deep, that she felt compelled to say something that would ease her mind. To let her know that she wouldn't have to worry anymore. She reached out a hand and gently cupped her lover's cheek, bringing her eyes back to hers.
"I will never leave you.." she whispered, seeing the brunette's pupils dilate with wonder.
Regina opened and closed her mouth a few times, completely moved with Emma's words. Wondering once again if the blonde was able to read her mind. As if she was meant to know her in a deep way. Like Emma's spirit knew her in ways that she couldn't comprehend.
"I'm not easy to love, Emma.." she finally managed to say in a constricted voice. "I know what a terrible person I've been. But I'm going to do everything within my power to be the person you want and deserve. I want to make you happy.."
Emma frowned and there was genuine sadness in her eyes, as she released a deep, shaky breath. She shook her head and took the brunette's hands in her own.
"Regina.." she breathed, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "I love everything about you! And I don't want you to change a single thing about yourself! God, how can you even think that? I love you, so much!"
She tightened her grip around the brunette's hands and when she returned the grasp, she continued. "You're not a bad person. You just made some bad decisions. Why can't you see that?"
Regina's eyes filled with tears that she tried to choke back as a deep sob threatened to escape. A deep gulp of air allowed her to gain control as she stared up again. She quivered under Emma intense gaze, her eyes expressing far more emotion than any person should be allowed to have.
"I need you to do one thing for me.." Emma whispered after a moment, when she realized the brunette wasn't going to answer.
Regina released the shaking breath she'd been holding and nodded slowly. "Anything.."
"You have to stop punishing yourself.." the blonde stated softly, yet persuasively. "You've suffered enough, maybe even too much. And I think it's time to bring this to an end. It's time to forgive. Like really forgive. Forgive the fates if you will. But mostly forgive yourself.."
Regina gasped in shock, Emma's words piercing straight through her. She knew the blonde was right and she wanted to let go of her guilt so badly, but it had been so much a part of her life that she didn't know if she could.
"It was punishment.." she choked out, her voice crackled. "Punishment for all the horrible things I've done.."
"I know.." Emma whispered almost inaudible, her expression filled with love, compassion and understanding. "But you can't keep using that as an excuse, Regina. You had every right to be angry, and I'm sorry for what happened to you, I truly am. But we all lost something too, and we cannot make up for lost time.."
Her voice drifting off as she paused, keeping her eyes fixated on the brunette's face. When she started to look away, she stopped her, cupping her face in both hands. She knew Regina had heard her unspoken words, she didn't need to point out where she was referring to. She didn't need to make things harder than they already were.
She stared intently at her lover's eyes as she continued, "You're wasting away day after day, punishing yourself for something you cannot possibly change. If you truly feel you have destroyed so many lives, do you think you can make up for that by wasting a second?"
Regina's eyes flashed with so many emotions the blonde couldn't begin to sort them all out.
"Let it go, Regina.." she whispered, gently brushing the tears from her cheeks. "You don't have to pretend with me.. I will not betray you or make things worse for you. I'm not judging you either. I'm just here to help you in any way that I can. And I won't run when you're trying to push me away because you're afraid of being close to someone.."
Regina's heart skipped a beat, seeing the passionate conviction in the blonde's eyes, hearing the absolute sincerity ringing in her voice as she continued.
"You're afraid if you actually care, then you'll fall apart, and everything will hurt.. Well, that's not how it works.. Because I won't let that happen. I won't run from you. I never have, and I never will."
Regina almost threw herself at the blonde and wrapped her arms tightly around her, as though needing to release her emotions she couldn't express in any other way. Emma sighed and melted into her embrace, clinging onto each other like their lives depended on it, listening to the sounds of their beating hearts and breathing lungs.
After a long moment, they parted, their eyes locking once again. Regina cleared her throat and fumbled with her hands.
"I'm quite sure they won't.." she started quietly, considering her next words carefully. "But what if your parents won't approve?"
"They will.." Emma instantly countered, and flashed her a reassuring smile.
Regina returned her smile, briefly, before her face faltered and she looked away. "But what if they won't?"
Emma waited until Regina looked up at her again. "I don't need their approval. The fact is that when I have my own approval, and Henry's, I'm happy, and I don't need anyone else's. I want to be with you, Regina.."
She leaned in until her lips were inches from the brunette's. "You're so beautiful.."
It was voiced with so much affection that Regina felt it in the very core of her being. She gasped when their lips finally met. It wasn't a kiss of primal need, the ones they'd shared all night. It was a kiss of gentleness. Of beautiful desire. Of a deep craving. Her mouth was so soft, and she was trembling at the amazing sensation of the blonde's tongue brushing over hers. Warm, soft, intimate. An offer, a gift, not a ruthless demand that was forcing a response.
TBC