The Hyrulian Valhalla Saga
By Queenie Z

Link's Love Training

"Okay, okay, guys. So. Girls."

The other Heroes at the table turned to Brown, who, true to his ever-curious nature, had posited the subject of the so-called fairer sex.

"Uh," asked Duo with a small gulp, "what about girls?"

"I was just thinking." Brown leaned forward, pointing his pasta-covered fork at the others. "I know a bunch of us were married or dating or whatever during life, but let's forget about that for a moment. If a pretty girl walked up to you all right now, and you were available, how would you ask her out?" He smirked. "I'm eager to hear everybody's answers."

Twilight scoffed, amused. "Well, if you're so eager, how about you go first, Brown?"

"Yeah," snickered Green, "tell us just how your scruffy face would win over a girl's heart!"

"Okay, fine." He finally put his pasta in his mouth and ate it. "First of all, I'm not scruffy, I'm rugged! Girls go crazy for strong, seasoned adventurers, you know?"

"Yeah, rugged, sure." Green crossed his hands behind his head smugly.

"I'm serious! Anyway," Brown fiddled with his fork as he spoke, "I'd tell her that I know the whole of Hyrule like the back of my hand, then I'd offer to take her wherever she wanted. We could go mountain climbing or rafting down a river - whatever she wanted to do."

Time chuckled. "So, then, what if you ran into any monsters?"

"I'd cut them down, of course," he swiped his utensil through the air a few times, "and impress her with my swordplay."

Twilight tilted his head. "So, you'd put her in harm's way and risk monsters getting to her just to show off? That doesn't sound very gentlemanly of you, Brown."

The newest Hero turned red and sputtered. "Th-That's not what I said at all!"

"Twilight, you know that's not what he meant," said Sky, trying to shut down a potential argument before it began. "Anyway, I'd like to go next, if nobody else minds."

The others sat back and listened to their senior as he spoke.

"I think," he said with a warm smile, "that the quickest way to a girl's heart is to give her something that comes from your own. So I'd make her a statue and pour all of my love into it."

"Aw, that's really sweet!" said Duo.

Brown groaned and rolled his eyes. "Maybe too sweet. Sky, that's just plain corny, and you know it!"

"Who cares if it's corny as long as it's sincere?" Sky retorted with a smiling face that would have melted the hearts of anyone else had they been the room with them.

Green laughed. "Well, that's Sky for you," he said. "Anyway, you wanna know what I'd do? I'd tell that girl to bring three of her friends, and then - "

Time interrupted him by nearly spitting out a bit of his drink. He quickly covered his mouth and snorted as he tried to swallow the rest of it. "Green," he said, clearly amused, "I'm pretty sure Mini wouldn't want you to use the Four Sword that way..."

"Why not?" He grinned and winked seductively. "If there's enough Link to share, then dammit, I'm going to share!"

Twilight flicked his head. "That's called two-timing, you twerp! You're a Hero; you can't do that!"

Green winced at the flick, but kept grinning nevertheless. "Correction," he said, "it'd be four-timing."

Duo raised his hand, eager to end that particular conversation right then and there. "Um, I'll go now, I guess..."

"Sure," said Sky, "go ahead."

"Well, first, I'd take her someplace really nice to eat... then we'd go for a long walk down the shoreline of Lake Hylia, maybe go swimming if we felt like it - "

"Oh, come on!" cried Brown, "That's just boring!"

"But that's the kind of thing girls think is romantic, right?"

"Only in trashy romance novels!"

Green piped in. "Brown's right, Duo. If you want to make it interesting, you should go skinny dipping with - mpph!"

Twilight yanked Green's hat down over his head. "You hush," he said with a glare.

Time shut his eyes in thought, a smile creeping across his lips. He stroked his chin before finally speaking. "Well," he said, "I guess it's all come down to this." He stood from his seat, then motioned to his pupil. "Twilight, help me out here."

"Eh?" questioned Twilight as he stood up.

"We're going to demonstrate," said Time as he untied his undershirt just enough to show off his collarbones, "the charm that runs in our family."

The younger Hero recoiled. "Y-You're not demonstrating anything on me, Time!"

"I don't mean on you !" He walked over and yanked his descendent towards him. "Just do what I do, okay?"

Twilight sighed and hesitantly went to undo the laces of his own undershirt. "All right, all right... like this?"

"And take off your hat, too," said the elder Hero, yanking off both his and Twilight's hats. "Got to make sure they can see your luscious golden locks."

"L...Luscious..."

"Now," the Hero of Time placed on hand on his hip and the other running through his bright blond bangs; then, he smiled a smile that had once taken the women and men of Castle Town by storm, "smile."

Twilight looked at his ancestor for a moment before copying his pose as best as he could. Indeed, the resemblance between the two handsome Heroes was uncanny, and between the both of them they could have set the whole of Hyrule's hearts aflame twice.

The others, however, weren't quite as charmed as Time had hoped - instead of handsome or sexy, they simply thought the two were downright hilarious. They all began to roar in laughter; Brown hit his fist on the table, Sky had tears in his eyes, and Green fell out of his seat. Even Duo, who never liked laughing at another's expense, was doubled over and shivering from his giggles.

The two posing Links' expressions dropped. Twilight slapped his palm to his face and groaned. "If this is the 'charm' I inherited from you," he said, "then I don't want you as my ancestor."

Time growled and turned red. "You just earned yourself thirty more pushups during training tomorrow."

"W-What!? But this was your idea, not mine...!"