Shinji had about cried himself out when Kaji entered the room. Embarrassed, he snuffled and tried to wipe his face. "Hey, Shinji," Kaji said gently, crossing the room and squeezing his shoulder. "How are you?"

"I'm…okay, I guess," he mumbled.

"What was that about? Everything all right?"

"Just…feel bad," he sniffed. "I…feel bad."

"About the cable snapping?" Shinji blinked in surprise. It always impressed him how much Kaji seemed to know.

"Yeah," he grumbled. "Yeah."

"Misato gave you the lecture about how it wasn't your fault?"

"Mm-hmm."

"And you don't believe it for a second."

"…I want to," Shinji moaned.

"It is true," Kaji insisted. "Faulty equipment is not your fault. I'm sure Asuka will see it that way."

"No, she won't," Shinji groaned, covering his face.

"Look, I'm trying to be optimistic," Kaji sighed, silently agreeing that, in all likelihood, Asuka would not see the cable snapping as anything but Shinji's fault. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Samson says hi, by the way."

"Oh," Shinji mumbled. Kaji nodded, allowing the silence to sift and sink through the room, poking at corners and electrical fixtures. He rubbed his face.

"Just came from Asuka's room. Intensive care, but she's sleeping comfortably."

"Misato told me. She also said there might be brain damage," Shinji mumbled.

"Do you think that could happen to Asuka? Really?"

"Yes, it could," Shinji said, and the tears began flowing again. "She could die. She could have died, and I couldn't…"

"Now stop that right now," Kaji said, loudly but not sharply. Shinji glanced at him: the man's expression was tired, almost exasperated. "Beating yourself up is not going to fix what happened. What's done is done; it is gone and cannot be brought back. Now, you can either wallow in what has happened, or pick up and move forward. What would you rather do?"

"…Move forward?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Move…forward."

"Good." Kaji smiled, and rocked on his heels. "Asuka had a scare, probably a bad one, and she'll be…fragile for a bit. She doesn't do fragile very well, okay? She'll probably take it out on everybody, especially you. The thing I'm wondering is how you'll respond?"

Shinji furrowed his brow and sat up. "It's not really fair, is it?" he mumbled. "I do a lot for her and…she'll blame me for what went wrong."

"It's not fair, you're right. But that's Asuka and that's the bag she carries," Kaji said. "You can't help her luggage."

"Any more than…you can help Misato's?"

Kaji cocked his head, and then laughed. "You cheeky little bastard!" he said. "Where did that come from?" Shinji found himself smiling.

"I just assumed…you and Misato…you know."

"Very well put. Misato has her hang-ups, and I can't change them: I can only adapt. That is the life of being a human being in this world."

"She once told me about the hedgehog's dilemma," Shinji pondered, thinking back to the conversation. "I just…it seems to me…."

"Yeah, she told me about that once, too. I've heard about it elsewhere, and you know what? Utter…crap." Shinji blinked in surprise, and glanced at Kaji. "We are human beings. We're not hedgehogs. Yeah, we hurt as much as help, but a hedgehog can't help the fact it has barbs. We, on the other hand…." He placed a hand on his chest. "I think that's why she always moved away from me, whenever we got close. She's afraid the barbs will come out. True, they do, you can't be close to someone without hurting them, but pain like that…it's transient. Temporary."

"It doesn't always feel that way," Shinji said, thinking of his father.

"No, but there's two ways of handling it: waiting for others to fix their hangups, or working with people despite those hangups. What are we to do?"

"You're making an alarming amount of sense today," Shinji mumbled. Kaji laughed again.

"And you're talking a lot like an adult. I think physical trauma does you good." He glanced around. "So, do you want to head down?"

"Down? Down where?"

"Asuka's room. I figure we can plop you in a wheelchair and shuttle you down."

"I…ah…um…." He felt nervous at the idea, and a little afraid. As he thought about it…yes. Yes, he did want to be near Asuka. Be there when she woke up. Be there to show he cared, that he had tried, that he would always try. And in that, he was afraid of what she would say.

He attempted to make an excuse. "The doctors probably want me to stay here."

"Oh, they're just doctors. What do they know?" Kaji laughed, exiting the room. Shinji sat up, surprised by the man's departure. He hadn't even said goodbye….

He returned with a wheelchair. "Where did you get that?" Shinji laughed, suddenly delighted in spite of his nervousness.

"I am a man of many talents, Shinji my boy." Kaji wheeled the chair around to the other side of the bed, near the IVs. He glanced over them, ensuring that he wouldn't get entangled, and moved Shinji's blankets. He lifted the boy, as though he weighed nothing at all, and gently settled him into the chair. There was an attachment for IV drips, and he was able to finagle the rod out of its stand and onto the chair. "Ready?"

"Yeah," Shinji agreed. Kaji wheeled him slowly out of the room. As they exited, a nurse passing by stopped and gaped.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, "You can't—"

"Priority orders from Commander Ikari," Kaji said in an authoritative tone, "We're moving him to the Second Child's room for joint therapy. We may be retrieving the First Child soon. Do you want to call the Commander for confirmation?" The nurse stood still for a moment, her mouth working in flustered confusion. She simply watched as Kaji wheeled Shinji down the hall, unwilling to call him on his challenge. After all, when Commander Ikari was involved, who would want to question anything?

She looked very fragile, and that scared Shinji. He was used to being intimidated by Asuka, but seeing her lying so still and so…broken….

"Why's that thing in her nose?" he mumbled. A white tube had been forced into one of Asuka's nostrils, and it bothered him immensely.

"It's a feeding tube, nothing more. She's been off of oxygen and breathing on her own for a bit, now," Kaji said. He wheeled Shinji a little closer to the bed. "She just can't eat on her own, obviously. Don't want her starving, now."

"I don't like it," Shinji said. "I don't…this isn't right."

"It isn't, is it?" Kaji agreed. "She'll be up and moving again, though. She's Asuka, right?"

"Right," Shinji mumbled, unconvinced. Kaji patted him on the shoulder.

"I'm going to check up on Rei now," he said. "If she can move, do you want her down here, too?"

"Don't do that," Shinji said. "If she's hurting, I don't want her to…you know." He shrugged.

"Do you want to visit her next?"

"I…what if Asuka wakes up?" Shinji asked. Then he felt guilty. "No, I should visit Rei…I want to. But…if she…." He had confused himself with emotion, now. Kaji laughed, and rubbed Shinji's scalp affectionately.

"You're going to break yourself in kindness someday, kiddo. Just leave it to Kaji, okay?"

"Okay," Shinji said, feeling strangely calmed from the gesture. He swallowed as Kaji began to leave. "Um…what should I do? Right now?" he asked.

Kaji paused in the doorway. "Well…just sit. Be with her. I understand that they can hear you…you know, when someone is under like that. Sometimes it helps. You could talk to her."

"Talk to her…okay. Okay." Shinji nodded firmly at that. Kaji smiled and left with a little wave.

Shinji swallowed, and turned back to Asuka. She looked pretty, and he felt guilty for thinking that. The fact of the matter was, she did look pretty. She always did, and he couldn't help but think it. "Um…well, Asuka…" Shinji began. "I'm…here. And…talking to you." Well…that was stupid….

"You need to wake up, okay? Because…if you don't…no more cooking from me. And no more milkshakes. I know you want those, right?" He smiled, nervously. She continued to breathe, shallowly. He looked down, at his lap. He shook his head.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. He looked up, and felt tears on his cheeks. "I'm sorry! I know you hate it when I apologize, but I am sorry! It's not my fault that the cable broke, it's not my fault I couldn't help you, but I'm still sorry! I want to be there when you need help. I want to back you, I want to…be your backup. I want to be what you need when you need it, and I'm just…sorry. I won't say it again, if you don't want to hear it, but I want you to know it." Her hands were at her side, and nervously, he reached out and took the one nearest to him. It was warm and soft. It felt like a bird, broken and limp in his fingers.

"Maybe you'll hate me," he mumbled, "But I won't run away. I want to, but I won't. I promise I won't. Just…be okay. Please? Please be okay?" Asuka said nothing in response.

For a time, Shinji simply sat there, waiting for her to do something. Anything. In time, his own injuries and exhaustion got the better of him, and he drifted forward and faded into sleep against Asuka's bed. He still held her hand as he did.

It was some time after he had slipped away that Asuka's fingers, as if of their own accord, tightened on his own.

Awareness came to Asuka with a sudden burst of light. She gasped, and clinched her fingers into fists. She felt something entwined in her right hand, and glanced down. Shinji was there, sleeping against her bed. His hand gripped hers. For a moment, she almost screamed and shook him loose. But the moment passed, and she calmed. She swallowed, feeling something solid in her sinuses. She felt something there, something pressed against her nostril. It irritated her, and made her feel queasy and claustrophobic.

She tugged at it, impulsively, and felt her eyes squirm and water as the tube in her head, her throat, her stomach, crept up and up. Jerking it at in panic, she reeled the feeding tube out and hurled it away, gagging at the sensation. She wiped at her face, her gown, the clear mucous staining her sheets. She bit her hand, breathing hard and reveling in the sensation of breathing again. Asuka turned her gaze to the right, still wiping at the slime. Throughout that entire little fit, Shinji had continued to sleep.

Asuka studied the boy, and the hand looped into her own. She closed her eyes, and decided that it wasn't such a bad feeling. It didn't feel so bad to have him hold her hand.

It was contact. Human contact. The cold of the Plug still ate at her, and she gripped his hand so tight that he whimpered in his sleep. She was alive. She was alive, she was alive, she was alive. She trembled, and opened her eyes again.

Why did she still feel so scared?

Had Shinji been talking to her? She remembered something about him apologizing. Did he need to apologize for something? She remembered the cable breaking. He hadn't saved her. Yes…yes, he should apologize for that! It was his fault, all his fault! But was it really his fault? She blinked, trying to organize her thoughts. There were too many, far too many, and she couldn't grasp one over the other long enough to say, 'This is what I think, therefore it is so.' All she knew was that she was alive, and she was oh, so happy to be alive. She felt the warmth of Shinji's hand, and she drew strength from it. This is a human being, Asuka thought. It was a human hand, a human soul, a human heart, it is touching me and I am alive. I am alive to feel it.

She began crying. It started as blank tears, then rose to the level of sniffles and coughs. By the time Shinji stirred from his sleep, she was sobbing. Open, unhindered wails broke from her throat and she couldn't help it.

"Asuka!" Shinji gasped. "Asuka, are you…do you…can I…?" He ran through the start of so many questions, and for some reason, it just made her cry harder.

"Stop looking at me!" she bawled, rolling away from him to cover her face but unwilling to let go of his hand.

"What's wrong? Do I need to get help?"

"I don't know what's wrong, stop asking!" she replied in a quivering tone. "Just…stay there. Don't go anywhere."

"…Okay. I'm here. I won't leave."

In time, her tears subsided to shuddering, barely controlled heaves. Wiping at the tears and mucus on her face, Asuka demanded, "Why did you let go? Why didn't you do anything?"

"I tried to," Shinji said, miserably. "The cable broke, and I tried to help, but…they wouldn't let me." She rolled over, staring at him with puffy red eyes. Shinji looked up, miserably. "I had a lot of time to run it through my head," he answered. "To remember what happened. You…slipped away. I tried to follow…Samson stopped me. I kept trying and…they ejected me. They ejected my Plug from Unit-01. Everyone stopped me…." He looked miserable. "But it's still my fault, so you can blame me if you want to! I should have helped you!"

Something in the way he said it both touched and irritated Asuka. She sniffed, and muttered, "Stop saying that, it sounds pathetic." She laid her head back against the pillow. Shinji was quiet for a moment, and then he cleared his throat. "What?" Asuka grumbled.

"You killed the Angel, you know."

For a moment, Asuka said nothing. Then she turned back. "What did you say?"

"The Angel that swallowed you…you killed it. By yourself. We were all down from the second Angel—"

"The second Angel?"

"Uh…oh, yeah. A second Angel attacked. That's how I got hurt. Rei did, too. It attacked, and we had to handle that, but you killed the other one by yourself." He swallowed. "Do you not remember?"

Asuka tried to remember, but couldn't. All she could remember was cold. Loneliness and cold. She shuddered. "No. No, I don't."

"They said it was amazing to see. I mean, you moved the Eva even after all the power was gone," Shinji continued. "That…was really impressive—"

"Stop talking," Asuka mumbled.

"What?"

"Just…stop…talking." She closed her eyes, willing Shinji silent. Willing him to go away. Willing him to vanish. And all the while, willing him to keep probing. Keep pushing. Hold her up. Don't leave, don't disappear. Please notice me, notice me and never, never, ever go away again.

Someone brushed her hair. She gasped, and flinched for a moment. It was Shinji, gently brushing some hair from her face. It was a remarkably forward gesture, and an intimate one as well. She wanted to shriek at him, demand he leave the room, hit him. Despite that, she didn't want him to stop. Slowly, she relaxed, and closed her eyes. "What are you doing?" she mumbled.

"Misato did it, and so did Kaji. It made me feel better," he mumbled. "Is it working?"

"Shut up," she grumbled.

"Is it working?" Shinji insisted.

"Don't talk and don't stop doing that," she said, curling up and closing her eyes. The sensation traveled from her scalp, through her neck and all the way to her toes. She was too ashamed to admit she liked it, but not proud enough to tell him to stop, and to go away. She was afraid, frankly, that Shinji would go away. That he would leave, that this would all fade away into cloying, syrupy red, and she would be right back in the Plug, waiting to die. She trembled, and squeezed his hand. "Don't leave me ever again, God damn you, don't do it, don't ever leave again," she grated.

"What?" Shinji asked, hearing only muttering.

"Nothing," Asuka sniffed. "Don't worry about it, just…keep doing that." She sniffed, and pressed against the pillow.

On the elevator, the two Majors stood in silence. Ennis studied Misato, and Misato made a point of not looking at him. Finally, the American said, "He got under your skin."

"You keep him away from my Pilots," she hissed.

"I heard the recording," Ennis said, quietly. "I will talk to him about it, but—"

"What is wrong with him, Ennis? What did you people do to him?" She kicked, slamming her foot against the elevator's keypad and halting all movement. The sudden lurch caught the American soldier off guard, and he pushed against the wall for support. "How do you take a kid, and make him an animal like that?"

"The same way you people do," he said pointedly, and Misato snapped her mouth shut. She looked away, unwilling to meet his gaze. "We just did it better, that's all. I'm not proud we did it, but it's done, it's been done, and we have to deal with it."

"He is dangerous. He is dangerous, and he is…poisonous and he is loose in my facility," Misato grated. "And what's more, I have to wonder about you people." She glared at Ennis, noting his expression. It had turned dark.

"Us people?"

"What are you doing here?" Misato demanded. "Are you here to help us or hurt us?"

"We are here to assist an allied nation against an alien threat," he snapped, each word enunciated perfectly.

"You have one of the most cobbled together missions I have ever seen," Misato insisted. "You people don't know what the left hand is doing from the right." As she spoke, she advanced on Ennis, and noted with some pleasure that his expression had fallen to one of consternation. She had backed him against the wall, and was now inches from his face. "I am being blocked from information inside of Nerv. I am being blocked from information from our so-called allies. Everywhere I turn, I see things that don't add up, and when I ask, I get blocked. Blocked. Blocked!" She practically screamed the last word, and Ennis glared at her. He had found his balance, and the old Infantry part of him pushed back. It met a force of equal pressure, but it met it and did not yield.

"I will not have this discussion here and now, Major," he snapped.

"Are you or are you not on our side?" Misato demanded. For a moment, he said nothing. Ennis inhaled deeply, set his jaw, and nodded.

"Yes, Misato," he said, quietly. "I can, most assuredly, tell you that I am on your side." There was an emphasis to the word 'your' that Misato noted, and she swallowed. That was the best she was going to get, and she knew it. The Americans had their own agenda, of course, but Ennis had assured her that it was not against what Misato wanted.

"Then I guess we just keep working together," she said, sugary sweet words through a shark-like smile. Ennis nodded, grinning serenely.

"And share information as allies should," he agreed.

"Of course," Misato replied, stretching the word.

"Of course," he agreed. They both inhaled, and as one, said, "Right." Misato backed away and started the elevator moving again.

"I still want Samson on a leash," she snapped.

"That may or may not happen, and it is not an attempt by me to block you," Ennis said. "I agree that he is…dangerous. The fact of the matter is…you're right, okay? This mission is falling apart."

"As the American CO, isn't it your job to keep that from happening?" she snapped.

"It is, but that would be if things were…simpler. If they were the way they were supposed to be," he said. Misato gave him a hard look, and he met it. It was in that wordless exchange that Misato made an estimate of what that meant. She knew Section 2, if they were listening in, had probably also made the assessment, and she looked away, as if to hide her own realization.

Ennis was wearing two hats. She should have assumed that, from the beginning, but she had other priorities that prevented that from happening. A commander of an allied mission…and an intelligence agent. Probably trying to help Nerv and hurt it at the same time…or was he aware of what his actual mission was? Misato pondered that, and thought of Nerv itself. She knew what Nerv's mission was…but did she really…? There were things moving in the veins, under the skin, below the surface. It occurred to her, she realized with a little bit of shock, that Nerv might not be a beneficial organization. She closed her eyes.

Perhaps she and Ennis were in a more square situation than she had thought. The elevator stopped, and the doors slid open. "I stopped you from meeting with my Pilots," she said, exiting the elevator. "If you have the time, please go back and speak to them. I think it would do them good to hear what you have to say."

"And why is that?" he asked.

"You have it together a lot more than I do," Misato said. "That's not saying much, is it?" She laughed, and waved her hand. "Still, you have a way of making people see things. I think they could use that, right now."

Ennis smiled, leaning against the wall. "Wouldn't be much of an officer if I couldn't, eh?"

"No, you wouldn't. Have a good day, Major."

"You, too, Major." The doors slid shut, and Misato turned and marched back towards her office. She had a strange sense of purpose, now. Uncertain of what it was, or what it drove. But it was there, and restless. Insistent.