It hadn't been a nightmare, she realized as her initial fog of confusion lifted. Her lights were dimmed but on, and she was lying on top of her covers fully dressed, wide awake, alone, not bolting up from sleep drenched in sweat. This was real, there would be no waking from this dream. Her eyes automatically sought her alarm clock to check how much time had passed. 3:53am. Another hour, she told herself, another hour and she would head out to continue her manhunt. She listened to the silence for a minute or so, as the events of the past day inevitably washed over her. She couldn't remember drifting off to sleep, after tossing and turning, but recalled a strange state of half-sleep, that point where you were still semi-aware of the room but also dreaming, with thoughts and fantasies all blending together. No real rest, but better than nothing, and at the very least, she had been able to take a shower.

She listened to the silence again. Despite the reassurance Brian's presence in the living room was supposed to provide, she felt uneasy knowing that he was behind that corner, that she would have to pass through to the next room to check on him, not knowing what she might find – a bloody mess? She shook the mental images before they could become too distinct. Good morning, sunshine. She had deliberately left the bedroom door open for precisely that reason, as much as she needed her withdrawal space and privacy. The silence unnerved her. She slowly rose from the bed, feeling slightly dizzy, and moved to the other room as quietly as possible. The floor was cold under her feet.

She glanced over the back of the couch, relieved to find him lying at an awkward angle with his legs falling to one side, his eyes closed, breathing evenly. As she moved around the couch, she inevitably alerted his spider senses. He jerked awake, sitting up instantly. "Huh? What?" They had left some of the living room lights on, too. "Olivia?"

"Shh."

"Everything all right?" He looked around the room nervously.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Damn, you startled me."

"Sorry." She shouldn't have robbed him of his moment of peace.

"No need to apologize." He rubbed his eyes and moved his legs, making room for her on the sofa. She sat down beside him wordlessly and he put his arm up on the back of the couch, facing her. "What time is it?"

"4am."

"Did you get to sleep?"

"Yes."

"Really?" He studied her face, not asking why she was waking him up in the middle of the night.

"A bit, sort of." Too many questions again. Her head was overflowing with things to consider and she was fighting the urge to call in and ask for new information, any CCTV footage to study or anything. She knew there wasn't any news, or they would have called her, but waiting and doing nothing was impossible.

"How can I help?"

"You can't." She leaned back sideways, coming close to his arm.

"So what are you doing to do?"

She closed her eyes briefly. "Please stop asking me questions. I don't know."She hated that he felt that he needed to be here for her, that it was a situation like this once again that brought them closer together. That had been the entire problem with their relationship, that it was based on tragedy and mutual dependency.

"Okay" he said helplessly, lightly brushing against her shoulder with his thumb.

"Sorry."

"Please stop apologizing."

"All right. I expect Lewis to make contact eventually. That'll give us a chance to track him down. Engage him, find out what he wants."

Brian shifted uneasily, visibly chewing on something. "And you'll…engage him."

"As far as I have to, yes. He's too clever to fall for tricks though." No games, she promised herself. No dangerous games, no drawing him in.

"So you'll talk to him."

She nodded. "Sooner or later."

"And you're ready for that." His doubts were evident in his tone.

"Never. I never wanted to hear his voice again. It…" The thought alone made her sick, but Brian didn't need to hear that. "Readiness doesn't come into it. It's not like I have a choice."

"I guess not. I just worry that…" He stopped, rubbing his beard stubble absent-mindedly. "Just don't go after him on your own or anything. Don't be a hero."

The wording irked her. "Believe me, that's the last thing I want." And still, she might have to do it anyway. There was a dark part of her that wanted to, a part that desperately needed to be the one to bring Lewis down, to show that he hadn't destroyed her, to win. To make his voice stop.

"Do you think about it? I mean, about killing him?"

"We'd have to find him first."

He ignored her evasive answer.

"I want to" she said quietly, horrified by her own words. "So it's over. But I also don't, because I want him to suffer, and I don't- I don't want to have it in me to do…that. I want the system to work. I want to prove that he can't play it, and that he can't make me do that. I want things to be just. I need to believe that I work in a system that makes sense." She scooted down further on the sofa, leaning into the corner. "I just don't know if that's true."