Chapter 35% - Bella's Lullaby
Song: "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, not me.
Author's Note: This chapter starts when Edward first arrives to open mike night, he has yet to play. And thank you to all of my awesome reviewers…I hope you felt the teaser was rewarding for all of your time and effort! And FYI…there are 4 songs for this chapter, but 1 is a repeat.
R+R
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Edward POV:
This was torture. To be surrounded by so many excited happy thoughts was driving me crazy. I wished that people would just hurry up so I could play and leave. I regretted not taking the out that Rosalie had offered.
Alice was here, and she would sing tonight. She was sitting at a table in the middle of the room. Her thoughts were intent on the performers. I was still angry at her, I had no idea how I was going to keep Bella safe from the hazard of being friends with Alice.
Bella. The thought would drive me mad if I let it run loose. Once again I wished that people would just hurry up so it could be my turn to play and I could get out of here.
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Finally! It was our turn. I started to walk up on stage and Emment grabbed my arm. "Hold up, bro. Alice and Jasper are going to play their song first and then we all are going to go on."
"Their song?" I probed.
"Yeah, Alice wrote this song called 'Soulmate.' The only instrument is guitar. It is actually a really rockin' acoustic part." Emment commented.
Emment's thoughts were full of memories of Alice composing it. She had used Bella and my breakup as inspiration. It was a song about finding your soul mate, because there had to be one for everyone.
It was hard for me to listen to that song. It was so difficult to know that my soul mate was within my grasp, and that I had to let her go. I could not hurt her. I had to keep her safe at all costs. She deserved better than the dangers of my world.
I was so grateful when they finished. The house erupted, of course. It was the kind of song that touched everyone in the room.
I made my way onto the stage and sat down at the piano. As I placed my fingers on the keys, Bella's face was in the front of my mind. She gave me the reason to make beauty through music. She inspired me to make music that would inspire others. Not having her in my life left me no will to play…but I had promised my family, I could make it through this night, for them.
I almost attacked my sister in public, when I heard Alice's thoughts before she made her announcement. I seethed inside, hurt that she could be so cruel.
"This is a song he wrote for his only love."
************************************************************************Song: "Bella's Lullaby" by Carter Burwell
Remain Edward's POV
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How could she expect me to play Bella's lullaby? I could barely play the band songs, and half of those we composed before I had ever met Bella.
Please? I want to hear it just one last time. Alice begged me with her thoughts.
I placed my fingers on the keys, and began to play. This would be the last time I ever played this, and it was somehow appropriate. I pictured Bella as I had seen her in the garden this morning; safe, happy, and alive…and I found my will to play.
The tune flowed smoothly from my fingers and I played my best composition flawlessly.
I was in a different world. The world where I could love Bella without hurting her. A world where I could give her everything she deserved. I constructed my other world Bella from the ground up, with all my senses, to play for my only love.
I pictured her beautiful porcelain skin, wrapped in a flowing white dress, that billowed in a soft wind that produced the memory of her scent in my mind. My throat burned and my heart ached. I could see her silky chestnut brown hair, I was staring deep into her chocolate brown eyes. My hands were no longer touching the keys, but caressing her smooth skin. And then my world was rapturous when she whispered my name.
"I love you, Edward."
My entire vision was broken when I realized I had actually heard those words with my ears, and they were not some illusion I had created with my mind.
My head jerked up and I met her eyes. I was mesmerized, the melody continued to flow from my fingers as I played to her. She had to have been sitting with Alice earlier…but I could not waste a thought in this moment on anger for Alice.
I just stared into the eyes that I longed to stare into for all eternity. For once, I could not guess what emotion was held within them.
My love was so close yet so far away.
Time stood still as I stared at her, but eventually my fingers found the final chord of her lullaby, and the moment was broken. The audience burst into applause. She quickly turned her back and made her way through the crowd. I watched her leave and wondered if I would ever see her again.
************************************************************************Song: "On My Own" from Les Miserables
Bella POV:
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I was frozen. The lights of the student center beckoned to me. I wanted to storm back in there and demand him to give me an explanation. I wanted to rip Alice to pieces, she had obviously planned this…how could she not have at least given me some warning? Yet, at the same time, I just wanted to run. I wanted to run away from my problems and never return. I never wanted to speak to another member of the Cullen family again.
Thunder crashed above my head and it started to rain. It came down in thick sheets, immediately soaking everything.
I didn't care that I was soaking wet, I didn't care it was late. I wasn't concerned for my safety at all. I ran to the garden, and found the bench that Alice and I had sat on this morning. I collapsed onto it and added my tears to the rain drops pouring down around me.
I loved him, he was my everything. If he asked me to be his again, I would have to say yes. I was his and only his for all of eternity. He was my soul mate, the man I was destined to spend the rest of my existence with. How could I deny him?
But he had hurt me, there was no doubt in that. How could I ever trust him again? Part of me would always wonder if he would be leaving in the next second. How could I have a relationship with someone, when I could not depend on their commitment?
But then I was broken without him, and he was the only person who possessed the ability to completely heal me. I needed to be healed. I couldn't go on like this anymore.
Panic shot through me as I realized at this very second he could be stealing the Cullens away from me again. They were my only chance at immortality, because maybe if Edward saw me as a vampire, and knew there was no going back, he would want me; and I had no intention of dying and leaving a world that Edward was still a part of. My earlier anger for the Cullens was forgotten, they were my one link to Edward's world. I looked up. I had to go back to the student center and find him. I had to at least tell him I loved him, who knew how long it would be before I saw him again?
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Song: "Let It Go" by Blue October
Edward POV:
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I watched her leave and wondered if I would ever see her again.
The last time I had left her, hearing the torture in her voice when she realized I was leaving was agony. Hearing her plead with me to stay had killed my resolve to leave. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, to turn my back and walk away from her.
It was a unique experience to watch her walk away from me.
The hurt, the loss, the agony…all of those emotions were too much to bare in that second; and as she made her way to the door, I overturned my piano bench in an attempt to get out the side door as quickly as possible.
This was too much to bare.
I walked at a quick human pace the second I got outside. It had started to rain, but I did not care. My mind was full of memories of her, of us. Once again, I ran through the list of reasons why I could not be with her. And each time I repeated them to myself, the reasons sounded with less weight.
I found myself in the garden. I truly loved this place…it cold have been our meadow in New Hampshire. But that would be a different world, a world where I was not a danger to Bella. A world where I could keep her safe.
The wind blew strongly from the south bringing the scent of fresh rain…I could not believe my senses…Bella…my sweet Bella. She was here…in the garden. How could this be? I slowly crept towards the bench she was sitting on. She had her knees pulled up to her chest and she was crying. Sobs racked her body, and in that moment, all the resolve in my body faded, and the only thing that mattered was taking the hurt away from Bella.
I wrapped my arms around her, and gently lifted her into my lap as I sat down on the bench. "Please do not cry. I am here, nothing can hurt you." I whispered into her ear as I inhaled her sweet scent.
Her startled eyes met mine and with all my will, I resisted the urge to bring my lips down to hers.
"Edward?" She gasped.
************************************************************************Author's Note: Only evil people like me could leave you on a cliffy like that! I am so thrilled, this story is getting so exciting! I hope your enjoying it! And don't forget to leave me a piece of your mind…
Quick FYI, I had difficulty naming this chapter. So I finally went back to the last chapter and said: "The pianist…Why did I pick that?" That's how I came up with Bella's Lullaby…because for Edward, this chapter is all about playing that and what comes out of it!