A/N: InSilva says I should be mocked and wishes me to be sued. She's meaaaaaan!
Relevant A/N: Sequel to 'Danny's Luck' with a completely different atmosphere. Why? No real reason. Absolutely ridiculous story here, sorry.
There were times, Linus thought, when he almost wished he'd never met Danny. Obviously, if he hadn't, his life would have been far more boring, but he had to weigh that against the knowledge that if he hadn't his life would have been far more boring.
For example, if Linus had never met Danny there was absolutely no way that he'd have been kidnapped by an insane cult, hell-bent on human sacrifice. It just would never have happened. Because that kind of thing didn't happen to him, it happened to Danny. And, of course, anyone unfortunate enough to have been with Danny when he was unexpectedly bundled into the back of a Station Wagon. In this case, that had been Linus.
They'd been taken off to a perfectly normal suburban house, dragged upstairs and chained to the wall in what, presumably, had at one point been the master bedroom. There were flowery drapes on the windows and a large stone altar in the middle of the floor. And a very, very large, very, very sharp-looking knife.
He found himself glaring sideways at Danny as the three men and the woman who'd captured them changed from the all-black/ski-mask/kidnapper look into the white-flowing-robes/evil-cultist/batshit-crazy look.
"This is all your fault," he hissed.
Danny looked unrepentant and unruffled. "Excuse me," he called out to the nearest cultist, who promptly paused in the act of dressing, his robes apparently back to front.
"Yes?" the cultist replied politely, slightly to Danny's surprise.
"I wonder if you'd mind telling us what's going on?" Danny smiled charmingly.
"You have been chosen," the back-to-front cultist intoned.
"Chosen!" the other two men echoed.
"Oh, that's helpful," Linus muttered.
"Chosen for what?" Danny persisted.
"You wouldn't understand," the back-to-front-cultist said, in a more normal voice and with a slight shrug.
"You're here to serve a great Purpose!" the woman cut in eagerly.
Linus rolled his eyes. "A great purpose?" he repeated incredulously.
"Not you!" the woman snapped. "Him!" he pointed at Danny.
"Told you it was your fault," Linus said sullenly.
"He has been touched by Destiny!" the other two cultist chorused in precise unison. It wasn't as impressive to Linus as it was probably meant to be.
"Destiny?" Danny asked, thoughtfully, looking like he was struggling to remember any touching.
"Yes!" the woman declaimed. "You have been blessed by a higher being!"
Danny grinned. "Oh, trust me. It's overrated."
Linus growled. "Come on, this is stupid," he protested. The whole thing was so ludicrous he was having trouble taking it seriously. Even with the chains and the knife. He was half expecting Ashton Kutcher to leap out from behind the wardrobe.
The woman ignored him, staring angrily at Danny. "You may mock, if you wish. We'd never expect you to believe us. But higher beings take an interest in the lives of men. Powerful, intangible spirits - "
" - walk among us?" Danny suggested, sounding amused.
"No!" the woman snapped instantly. "They do not sully their feet."
"Huh," Danny said thoughtfully.
"We are talking about pure beings," the woman went on. "Higher beings. The representations of existence. Destiny, Death, Destruction...Above human emotions and frailties." Danny went into an unexpected choking fit and the woman glared and raised her voice. "And you are protected by one of them."
"There are signs and portents!" the chorus chorused.
"Of course there are," Linus sighed. "Because Danny is exactly what a higher being is looking for."
Danny looked insulted. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Linus narrowed his eyes. "In case you haven't noticed, these people are completely - "
" - able to hear you," the back-to-front cultist cut in sharply. Oh. He actually kinda hadn't thought of that. They seemed so out of it he hadn't expected them to care.
"All this is complete bullshit," he pointed out. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. "There's no such thing as 'higher beings'. It's all stupid fairy tales."
"Enough!" the woman held up her hand abruptly. "Like it or not, we know your friend has been touched by power. And we will have that power for ourselves when we kill him."
"When you what?" Linus demanded. The whole thing really hadn't seemed real. And now it did.
"You know, at this point, I think I should tell you that would be a really bad idea," Danny commented quietly.
The back-to-front cultist laughed. "You would say that, though," she pointed out and Linus was inclined to agree.
"Oh, trust me," Danny smiled. "I'm not bluffing. A really, really bad idea."
"Prepare the sacrifice!" the woman intoned dramatically, walking towards the altar, picking up the knife, and Linus was yelling, spitting profanity and ridicule in turn. The woman paused and frowned, absently testing the point of the blade on her finger. "Oh, and shut up the non-believer, will you?"
"The non-believer must be silenced," the chorus agreed cheerfully, picking up a bowl and walking towards Linus.
"Leave him alone!" Danny snapped, and Linus struggled in his chains, but they held the bowl to his lips and forced him to drink.
It was very, very cold. Or, possibly, very, very hot. Or, maybe it was very, very purple...or snail-like. It was something anyway, and when they stepped back from him he stared and giggled. "Your heads are on the wrong way round," he told the chorus dreamily.
"What have you done to him?" Danny was demanding, somewhere far away, and Linus wanted to tell him to relax.
"We use it to induce visions. His mind is open. It will help the ceremony. You have power that you can't even imagine and it will be ours." She didn't have a very nice voice. Like crows in velvet.
Danny sounded like liquid night pouring over ice. It was a nicer noise. "If you've hurt him - "
" - you'll what?" she asked and the laughter was echoing in his head and he whimpered a little and tried to shut it out. "You have no power here, little man. Not for long. And I will become as a god!"
"Oh, you did not just say that," Danny said, pained.
There was the sound of an explosion from downstairs. More than an explosion. Like someone had set a rainbow on fire. The sound was colours.
The woman looked startled. "Jack! Alonzo! Go and see what that was, will you?"
The chorus set off eagerly.
A moment later and there were more noises downstairs. Screaming and terror. Linus found himself singing happily along. The back to front cultist buried himself in the opposite corner, crouched down behind the wardrobe, like he was trying to hide from the world. If Linus' hands were free, he would've waved.
The woman was looking more than just startled now. She looked kind of like she'd opened a packet of Cheerios and found a hippopotamus. "What's going on!" she demanded angrily.
Danny shrugged. "Told you it was a bad idea."
Red splashed against Linus' face. "Oh dear," he said vaguely. "It's raining blood."
"It's jello," Danny told him, licking his lips.
There was the sound of footsteps on the stairs and the building shook like it was an earthquake. The chains slipped off the wall in an instant, freeing them.
Linus sat heavily on the floor. Danny rubbed at his wrists. "How fortunate," he commented, as the woman stared.
"Lucky!" Linus agreed, giggling and then the door unexpectedly snapped inwards, like there'd been a really unseasonal frost, and there was a lot of light in the room. "Wha's tha?" he muttered, squinting.
Danny smiled at him, brief and reassuring. "That? That, Linus, is a very pissed off higher being. Excuse me a moment, will you?"
"Okay," he agreed, quite happy to stay where he was and watch as Danny talked to the light, argued with it. The light was really pretty when it pouted. Actually, the light was just generally really pretty.
"You got any idea what - "
" - you okay?"
"They didn't hurt me. Linus is drugged, don't know with what."
"Huh."
"Right. Now. What are you doing?"
"You don't think this is subtle? I think this is subtle."
"..."
"..."
"The men downstairs?"
"Mmm."
"Rus'. The men downstairs?"
"They're alive."
"Uh huh. And you want to tell me what you don't want to tell me?"
"Oh look," Linus cut in, staring entranced at the doorway. "Butterflies!" There were a lot of butterflies. An awful lot of butterflies.
"Oh, you didn't," Danny hissed.
The light sounded slightly abashed and slightly amused. "You remember that one episode of Star Trek where they all de-evolved and you said it was lucky that kind of thing didn't happen in real life? Well...."
"Turn them back. Now." Danny's words were ice and threatening to fall like an avalanche any moment now.
The light pouted a little more. "Fine," it ground out, and then the chorus was lying in a heap on the floor.
"This is a dream! A nightmare! It's not possible!" the woman sounded shrill and Linus wondered why she thought this part was so much more far-fetched than the rest.
The light walked over to her, Danny immediately behind. "Lily Nash," the light said softly. "This was your idea, huh?"
"How do you know my name?" she asked, sounding scared.
"Oh, it was just a guess," the light assured her happily. "I think you wanted to meet me, am I right?"
The woman was staring and mouthing incoherent words.
"The next time you try to sacrifice someone because they have a relationship with a higher being?" Danny suggested. "You might want to check just how close that relationship is."
"She's not going to be sacrificing anyone anymore," the light said, and it was shining like steel now, like fire, like an absolute and unstoppable storm.
"Rus'," Danny said quietly and the storm stopped in its tracks.
"She was going to kill you, Danny," Rusty said, and no matter how hard he squinted, Linus couldn't tell Rusty and the light apart anymore. "She was going to kill you because of - "
" - I know," Danny said gently. "And I'm asking you not to kill her. Please."
There was a very, very long silence. Years, probably. "Higher being?" Rusty asked eventually.
"Oh, get over it," Danny told him.
"Okay, fine." The Rusty-light waved his hand at the woman and the back-to-front cultist, still gibbering in a corner. "Both of you, go away. Take your friends with you."
They ran out of the room like hell was after them and suddenly, Danny and the Rusty-light were kneeling in front of him.
"Pretty," he crooned, reaching up and trying to touch the light but his arms were just a bit too heavy. "So, so beautiful."
("What the hell is he seeing?"
"Truth, I think."
"...Huh."
"One kind of truth. He's not seeing what you see."
"Oh."
"No one else sees that. Ever.")
"Hey, kid," Danny said with a slight smile, and a slight glint of fear in his eyes. "How are you feeling?"
He tried to shrug but gave up halfway. Everything was too confusing, and his heart was racing, and he was sure if he just closed his eyes for a bit it would all start to make sense again.
"Is he going to be alright?" he heard Danny asking, somewhere.
(Someone was playing cards in his head. He couldn't see their face properly, but they were sitting at a table, shuffling the deck, and Linus had to sit opposite and then Rusty was sitting beside him, smiling and sunshine and eating a box of Crackerjacks. The someone didn't seem to see Rusty because he only dealt cards to himself and Linus, and when Linus picked up the cards he could almost weep. Two of Spades, Queen of Hearts, Five, Seven, King of Clubs. He had nothing and he had lost and he didn't think he'd even meant to bet what he had, but already a cold hand was reaching across the table to claim what it had won.
"Wait," Rusty said, and his hand was on Linus' briefly, and when Linus looked down again, what he'd thought were a Five and a Seven were actually the Ace of Diamonds and the Ace of Hearts. "Two Aces," Rusty murmured. "Try and remember what you've got, Linus." Rusty smiled at him, bright like no one would believe.
Someone growled in disappointment and cards were thrown across the table and everything disappeared.)
"He's going to be fine," Rusty promised Danny, an instant later.
*
It was a few hours after Linus woke up in hospital that Mom and Dad were willing to leave him alone long enough for Danny and Rusty to wander in.
In that time he'd managed to get the gist of the story. Which was just as well; he really didn't remember it. Seemingly he and Danny had been kidnapped by lunatics, and Rusty had arrived in time to provide a distraction and he and Danny had been able to sneak out. But not, apparently, before they'd given him a high dose of some kind of hallucinogenic toxin. Which, luckily, he'd managed to throw up before it could do any permanent harm. Unluckily, he'd apparently thrown up on Danny's shoes. Oh, well.
Still, while he'd been taken to the hospital, their kidnappers had apparently taken themselves to the police station and confessed not only to kidnap but also to a whole host of other crimes, at least some of which they really couldn't have committed. At least Dad seemed pretty sure that they hadn't actually faked the moon landings.
He really didn't remember anything. Just fragments, here and there. Something absolutely beautiful. Butterflies. Jello. That was about it. He figured he must have had some pretty wild dreams.
"Hey, Linus, we brought you some grapes," Danny said as he strolled into the room.
"Also some peanut butter cups," Rusty added. "Eat 'em while they're round."
"Eat them before you do, you mean," Linus corrected, reaching eagerly for the candy and ignoring the grapes. Whatever he'd been given it had left a weird taste in his mouth. Peanut butter was exactly what he was craving.
Rusty smirked at Danny and Danny dropped the grapes on the table with a scowl.
"How you feeling?" Danny asked.
"Fine," Linus said, after he'd swallowed his mouthful of peanut butter. "I'm getting out in a couple of hours."
"We're really sorry," Rusty said softly.
Linus shrugged. "Wasn't your fault. You didn't ask for Danny to be kidnapped by a weird cult, right?"
"Yeah," Danny agreed after a pause. "We're still sorry."
He shrugged again and then thought of something and chewed on his lip. "When I was...when I was hallucinating did I, you know, say anything? Embarrassing, I mean?"
They leaned forwards, an identical glint in their eyes. "Oh, you mean like - "
" - professing your eternal love for Julie Andrews?"
"Wondering if you could learn to tap dance?"
"That kind of thing?"
He groaned. Yeah. That kind of thing.
"No," Danny said cheerfully, leaning back. "You didn't."
"But that isn't necessarily what we're going to be telling everyone else," Rusty added happily, reaching down and producing a box of Crackerjack from nowhere.
For a moment, Linus froze and an important memory was screaming at him from the very deepest recesses of his mind. Something about Rusty. Rusty smiling and playing cards...
But that could be so many times. It was nothing. And he shoved it aside and concentrated on trying to find out what it would take to guarantee their silence.
He never knew. He might get lucky.