Thursday

Zoe

Ho Hey

So show me family

All the blood that I will bleed

I don't know where I belong

I don't know where I went wrong

~ The Lumineers ~

Before I climbed into bed last night, I had conducted my now regular nightly search for spiders, taking note that both Karai and Exodus did too. Judging by Karai's alarm clock, the sun would be coming up soon. I guess I'll get to see sunrise again now. This time tomorrow I'll be getting ready to walk to school. Ugh, that's going to suck without a doubt. Like I have time to fit homework in with all the training we do, and patrols. When's a girl supposed to have any fun? And what kind of fun can I have, that won't get me stuck in the Ha-Shi?

I reached for my Ipod as my thoughts drifted to Raphael. I've been meaning to add a song since yesterday's fight. Quickly I searched for Hot and Cold by Katy Perry and added it to my Team Playlist. It was getting to be a long list. How could love be such a complicated mess? Love? Do I love him? Wow, I can't even think about that right now. We have way too many issues we need to get sorted out. He can't even make up his mind as to whether or not he likes me. Well that not true, I feel pretty confident that he does. He's just, well Raph. And I'm… me. We're not exactly leading the most normal teenage lives. But those little moments, the ones where we're sharing ice cream, having a food fight, sticking bugs in each other's rooms, or stealing a moment alone in the wee hours of the morning. I wouldn't trade them for anything... Well maybe the spider part and the food fight was pretty gross… but definitely not the stolen moments.

Thankfully Donatello had accepted my second, heartfelt apology for messing with his stuff, and changed everything on my phone. Well almost everything. I kept Raph's picture as my home screen and when I whispered to Donnie (even though we were alone in his lab) not to change it, his brown eyes sparkled.

"You really do like him, don't you?" He asked as he re-programmed the phone, his pink tongue peeking out the corner of his mouth thoughtfully as he unscrewed the back of it.

"Yes. It's not like that's a big secret." I sigh, slumping back in the rolling chair.

"Then why do you seem so bummed?" He motioned for me to hand him a screw, which I did.

"He's hung up on our differences," I grumbled staring at the concrete floor.

"That's crap." He said flatly.

My head whipped up to look at him. "What?"

"He's scared. No one's ever made him feel the way you do Zoe, and you know he likes to be the tough guy."

"Donnie these aren't my problems. They're his."

"Put yourself in his position. A beautiful girl says she likes him, but he's big and green and has a shell on his back. And while there's no one just like him, there's a million more options for this very special girl. Ones that he probably thinks are better for you. Our lives aren't simple. Just knowing us brings danger to those we care about. You know that. He's trying to look out for you." Donnie's eyes narrow, "If he was selfish, he'd go for it and not look back, just holding on for the ride for however long it lasts" his voice dropped, "I know I would."

My hand wrapped around his and he dropped the screw driver, "Since when is anyone's life easy? And there's not a million more like me, or options for me. There's only a handful of hybrids and we have the same enemies you do. Besides I'm not falling for them. I'm crazy about your brother and I wish… I wish he would be selfish about this. I think it'd be a really long ride if he'd just commit to it."

He placed the phone in my hand and gave me his soft sweet smile. "Hang in there with him Zoe. He's teetering on the edge right now, but he's tipping in your direction."

I nod, "One more thing Donnie."

"Yes Zoe?"

"If you want to get anywhere with April, you've got to tell her how you feel. Ask her to listen to what you have to say. But you've also got to be prepared for whatever she says in return. You never know. And if for any reason she doesn't decide to get on this crazy ride with you, she's nuts. You're worth it."

"What about Casey?"

"What about Casey? He's a nice guy at heart, only I'm sure there's more just like him. But there's not another Donatello in the whole world and she'd be a fool to pass you up."

"Thanks Zoe."

"Let's go beat up your brothers."

"We can try."

I laughed, "That's the moral of the story Don, it's all we can do."

"What's that?"

"Try."

It was the first heart to heart I'd had with Donnie and I hoped that even after we were ungrounded that there'd be more. I'd gone to Mikey a few times and I probably would again, he was insightful and perceptive, more than he was given credit for. But if Mikey wasn't around, Donnie would most certainly do. Leo on the other hand… I might end up with a well intended lecture. But if I was desperate, he'd definitely try to help me out. Huh. My chest felt all warm inside and my heart-ached a bit as I realized... These guys are important to me. Crap. I'm getting attached to his family.

My phone vibrated and I picked it up. I had a message.

Hunter: 7:00 at the docks come prepared.

Zoe: That's too early, make it 10?

Hunter: 7:00 and don't be late.

Zoe: Please Hunter, I have to sneak out and it's going to be hard enough at 10.

Hunter: Why don't you just come live with me? I have plenty of work for you.

Uh, no way. Even going to high school was a better option than living with Hunter.

Zoe: No thanks.I'lltry to be there at 7. Let me see what I can do. I'll text you as soon as I know something.

Hunter: Make it happen Zoe.

How am I supposed to do that? We had dinner at six and then chores. I'd have to miss patrol too. How am I going to get out of that? Unless… I could go now. If I went now, the boys couldn't come after me until it got dark. But that wouldn't stop Karai. X would wait and do whatever Sensei and Leo say… April may or may not. I don't want everyone freaking out. But then this is the first Thursday since they've found out. I'm sure it will come up today. And I know Leo has no intention of letting me go alone, if at all. Oh the trouble I will be in when I get home.

I reluctantly slip from beneath the warmth of my pink blanket, the familiar sting of cold morning air makes me want to turn and crawl back in the bed. I wonder what it's like to just lie in, to not get up in the morning and train... to just worry about whatever it is that normal kids worry about.

Carefully shifting my weight to remain as silent as possible, I locate a pair of yoga pants, a sports bra and a pine-green boxy sweatshirt. Next I find my duffel and shove in my silver bodysuit and mask. Then I tugged on my sneakers, laced them tight and crept out of the bedroom. I made my way to the dojo for my weapons bag.

I knew it was a good decision to keep this thing packed and ready. The black bag wasn't light by any means. It held a variety of tools of my trade, rope, lock picking kits, shuriken, among other items. As I grabbed my twin tessen, then bow and arrows and shoved them in the bag, an uncomfortable knot tightened around my stomach. Not having second thoughts now, Zoe. Just go.

Slinking through the darkness of the lair and into the dank sewer tunnel, I breathed a sigh of relief. Sneaking out of a houseful of ninjas was no easy task. I just hope Sensei lets me stay when I come home tonight. The tunnels are even colder than the lair and I wish that for once I would've remembered my jacket. It was going to be a long frigid day. Hmmm, maybe I could go to Casey's. He might not rat me out. Maybe.

As I slip the manhole cover away and climb street-side, close to Casey's apartment, the knot in my stomach began to feel like a rock, a very heavy boulder. I swallowed the excess saliva and the lump in the back of my throat. What is my problem? Tugging my T-Phone out of my pocket I glanced at the time, almost six thirty. Casey should be getting ready for school. I made my way to the bench in front of his apartment building, sat down and set up a text.

Zoe: Hi Casey.

What else do I say, to the guy I likes best friend, who I've never really had a private conversation with? Minutes pass and I start to think he's still sleeping. After all who knows how late he was out hunting criminals and mutants with Raph last night. Well I think Raph made it home by curfew. I'm not really sure, we hadn't talked since our spat and the girls and I had been home right on-time with Mr. O'Neil after school supply shopping. My phone jittered in my hand.

Casey: Uh, Z, why u txtin me?

I heaved a sigh and huddled against a frigid, bitter rush of wind.

Zoe: Can I come in? It's freezing out here.

Curtains suddenly shifted in Casey's bedroom window.

Casey: R U OK?

Geez, Casey, come on already.

Zoe: Just becoming an icicle.

The door to his building opened and Casey came out, glancing around him like I'd set a trap and was luring him in. I rolled my eyes.

"No one knows I'm here Casey."

"Come in Z, my Dad's gone to work, took my lil sister ta daycare."

He waves at me and I follow him inside the run down building, and up three flights of stairs before he leads me in his tiny apartment.

"I'm not showin' you my room, Raph'll kill me."

I laugh, "Not thinking he cares too much right now Case. Anyway, I just need a place to stay warm until tonight. You don't look dressed for school, are you cutting?"

"I got up late." He shrugged, and I realized he wasn't even dressed yet. He'd put on a pair of black jeans with the knee ripped on one side. But he was wearing a white, short sleeve t-shirt, instead of the layered look he usually had on. He motioned to the kitchen, "You hungry?"

"Eh, what've you got?" I follow him into the tiny corner space and he points to a chair at a small round table. I plop down and he tosses me an apple. "Mmm, this will work."

"Raph says you eat healthy stuff a lot," he shrugs again then pulls out a Pop-Tart, "You don't want one of these too do ya?"

"Nope," I smile, "So Raph talks about me huh?"

"That depends, does April talk about me?" Casey plops down in the chair next to me and proceeds to shove almost the entire pastry in his mouth.

Gross. I close my eyes, shake the image from head and then open them to see a mouthful of Pop-Tart rolling around as he talks.

"What'grmmm're ya doin' herrrggrmmme Z?"

Right. Stick with Donnie, April.

While deciding how I will answer him, my phone starts to buzz.

Raph: Where you at?

I glance at the time and groan. It's seven-thirty already? The whole lair is up by now. Right as I'm ready to answer him another message comes through.

Donnie: Zoe, are you okay?

And then another.

Karai: If you've gone to meet Hunter I will kick your…

Okay Karai.

And yet another.

Mikey: Zoe, X and I are worried about you. Please come home.

Seriously, am I going to get a text from everyone in the lair?

Leo: Zoe, what are you doing? Please let us help you.

I heave a massive sigh, set the phone down and bury my face in my hands.

"That thing's really goin' off. What's goin' on?" Casey's dark brows snap together and he looks from me to the phone and back.

And then his, phone starts bouncing across the table.

Oh, no.

He reaches for it and I grab his hand. His head jerks in my direction, "What's goin' on Zoe?"

My phone starts up again, only now it's ringing.

Casey's face darkens, his lips pursed, eyes narrowed as he tugs his hand from mine and looks at his phone. "Why's Raph askin' me if I've seen ya?"

Taking a deep breath I swallow and press a button on the phone to make it stop ringing. As I launch into the story, I'm surprised to find that Casey already knows most of it, and I start to wonder just how much Raph talks about me.

"You should tell him you're ok. If you don't I will." He taps the screen on his phone and moves to type out a text.

"I'm going to do it now Casey."

"Raph's my friend Z. I ain't gonna lie to him."

"Well I wasn't going to ask you to. But I guess I won't be able to stay here either. I don't want any of them coming for me. Oh, crap, Raph knows my meeting spot. He'll show up there tonight. But not if I meet Hunter at seven, it will be too early for any of the guys to be out."

"This is crazy Zoe, you shouldn't be doin' this by yourself." Casey shakes his head and pecks out a message.

"What are you telling him?"

"That you're with me and your ok."

I nod and stand up from the table.

"Sit down Z, you can stay here. But you gotta tell'em you're ok."

"Why? Isn't that what you're doing?"

"They should hear from you."

"I guess you're right." I sigh and slump back down in the chair.

Zoe to Team: I'm fine. I'll be home tonight.

Team: Come home now!

Zoe to Team: Sorry, guys, this girl's got responsibilities.

Leo: We're a team, we share in that responsibility. Let us help you.

Zoe: Leo, please stop. I'll be fine. This isn't my first solo mission.

Raph: Are you insane?

Zoe: Yep, nuts. Do you care?

Raph: Don't make me come up there.

I snort.

"What?" Casey's been zapping texts back and forth too and he stops to look at me.

"Nothing. Your best friend drives me nuts. He acts like he cares one minute and couldn't get far enough away the next." I hit the power button on my phone and shove it in my weapons bag.

"What's in there?" Casey's dark mop of hair falls in his eyes as he glances down at my bag.

I reach into a side pocket and pull out a small, garnet ring and slip it on my right hand. This may come in handy later. "Weapons."

"Figures. Not much for the girly stuff are ya Z?"

Maybe I'll just use it right now. "Well this is jewelry."

"You carry a bag of weapons." He scoffs, "Don't bring that to school tomorrow. You won't get past security at the metal detectors."

I frown, "School is going to suck."

Casey laughs, "No more than life when you get home tonight."

"Yeah, I'm sure of that."

His phone buzzes again. He glances at it and then me, "Wow, you are seriously in for it Z. I think you should turn your phone back on." He shows me the screen on his cell.

Raph: Tell her to turn her phone back on right now or I'm leaving the lair in the next sixty seconds. Not joking Casey.

"Seriously. Ugh, this is going to be a long day." I turn my phone back on and a barrage of questioning texts roll through before it starts jittering again.

Casey holds his phone in front of me.

Raph: Tell her to answer the phone or I swear I'll pound you both.

"Chill out. Geez," I roll my eyes and slide my finger across the screen.

"What are you thinking? Come home! We're in this together Zoe! You're going to get hurt or worse! I will come up there! Don't make me come up there and risk the safety of our family! I can't believe-"

If he'd stop screaming at me I might get a chance to respond. But it doesn't sound like that's going to happen. So I hang up.

"Did you just?" Casey's mouth is hanging open.

"Well how am I supposed to even get a word in? And I'm sure not going to just listen to that."

My phone starts up again.

"Oh, please, Raphael, chill out."

Raph: Answer the phone and DO NOT EVER HANG UP ON ME AGAIN. EVER.

Zoe: Fine. Stop yelling at me and I will.

Raph: Fine.

A few seconds later it rings again.

"Hello?" I answer sweetly.

His voice is edged in panic but drenched in fury, "Come home."

"Would you just calm down? I'm at Casey's. I'm fine. This is not a big deal Raphael. It's not even my first job. I'm no rookie and we need these meds. I wasn't going to try to argue with you guys all day about this. I'm going and I work solo." The confidence in my voice trails off as his silence, his letting me speak, somehow moves me. This isn't easy for him. "Besides, you're telling me to come home Raph, but it's your home. Sometimes I don't know if I really belong there."

"Are you done?" His voice is so eerily calm and controlled it sends a shiver throughout me.

How can he affect me this way over the phone?

There's silence for a few minutes and I realize he's waiting for an answer.

"Yes," I squeak. Wow, what happened to my voice?

"Good. This is your home. You are part of this family. So don't let me hear you say another thing about that. It's not up for debate. That's crap and I'm not going there with you. Do you understand me?"

Okay, he's scares me more over the phone than he does in person. I swallow a lump in my throat, "Yes." Then somehow I find some of my sass, "But if we're family, that would make you like my brother and we-"

"Zoe." He interrupts me with a single word, my name, and the tone of his voice is so unlike I've ever heard before, I shut up. But again he's apparently waiting for my reply.

"Yeah?"

"Knock. It. Off."

"Okay."

How is he doing this? Why am I able to control the way the conversation goes in front of him, but I'm helpless over the darn phone? This isn't good.

"Now. Come home before this goes all wrong and someone gets hurt."

"I can't Raph. I'm in too deep. Hunter isn't someone you just walk away from. I honestly don't know how I'm ever going to get out. We need the meds and-"

The phone goes dead.

"What the?"

Casey stands up and makes his way to the window then pushes up the sash.

Oh, no.

I stand up, shoving my chair back as my heart begins to pound.

I totally fell for that. Crap.

Raph climbs in through the window and seeing me consider bolting for a half a second, marches over to block the doorway to the kitchen. His green eyes are flaming, "What're you doing?"

"Tell me you came alone." I manage as he steps closer to me and I inch back, almost tripping over the chair. I shove it in and find my back pressed against the wall with him glaring down at me. Daring to glance away from the intensity that is Raphael, I see Casey still standing by the window.

"I'm just gonna go take a shower." He points toward the hallway, before making his exit.

"Look at me Zoe." Raph's eyes have never left my face and I bite my lip and meet his gaze. "Good. Now. Sit." He points to the chair.

"No." I manage.

His teeth are clenched, "Sit."

I knew today was going to suck. I knew it. "I can't move Raph, you've got me pinned against a wall. Maybe you'd like to take a step back and have a seat yourself?"

He squints, drawing his mouth down, keeping his eyes on me as he backs up a step.

"Oh for crying out loud, I'm not going to run." I roll my eyes and sit, arms crossed in the chair.

"You've already thought about it, the second you realized what was happenin'." He sits down in the chair Casey had sat in, and his leathery scent drifts toward me. He smells so good. I could just breathe him in all day. But instead we're going to fight. Yay.

"Whatever." I shake my head, trying to stop smelling him, it's distracting. "What are you doing here?"

"Bringing you home," he has one arm across his plastron, the other hand he waves at me.

"I can't believe you came out in broad daylight."

"I can't believe you snuck out on us."

"I didn't want to fight about this. I have to do this Raphael."

"Not alone you don't." He shakes his head and looks at me.

I stare at him. He's so beautiful I can't think straight. What I really want, is to give him whatever he wants, right now. And I'd really like to spend some time just having fun with him. "Are you mad at me?"

He throws his head back and gives me an incredulous look, "Are you nuts? Yes! If you were one of my brothers I'd be giving you a good beat down right now. I can't believe you're being so stupid."

"Don't call me stupid." I gnaw on my lip and lay may hand, palm up on the table. "This isn't a very productive conversation Raph. I'm not going home till I'm done and you can't go with me."

"Oh it's not an option Zoe. If you don't go home with me, I'm going with you." He taps the table with his finger for emphasis but leaves his hand to rest near mine.

The corners of my mouth hurt, my frown is so deep, tears threaten my eyes but I blink them back and swallow the lump in my throat. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

He leans toward me, bringing his arm to rest on the table, and his finger wraps around mine. "And I don't want anything to happen to you. Let our family do this together Zoe, it's how we do things. That's how this works."

Pink and green fingers, intertwined, looking kind of like yin and yang, only I couldn't tell you which of us is which. I stare at our hands, his large thick finger wrapped around my tiny, slender one. "Does everyone else know where you are?"

"Yes. Donnie thought he should come since he's your partner this week, but Sensei only agreed for me to come." He hesitated, "He said something about-" His eyes narrowed and he looked away.

"About what?" My voice is soft and some of the tension between us fades.

"It was stupid. The point is he let me come instead. You know how much trouble you're in?" He's staring toward the kitchen cabinets.

"You wanted to come."

It's not fair for me to read him, it really isn't. But I turn my energy to our tightly clasped fingers and reach for his chi.

"Stop it Zoe, I know what you're doin." He shifts his gaze to my face and releases my finger.

Fine then.

"So what's the plan Raph? Are we waiting here for our entire team to meet up with us?"

That is so not happening. There's no way I'm dragging eight other teenagers along on a mission. Hunter will find out and it would be bad for everyone.

"I need to call Donnie. That jerk you work for will know we're there if we don't have a plan."

I stand up, step behind him, then flipping the cap on my ring, I kneel down, and just as he twists around to look at me I blow powder into his face.

"Zoe what are you-" his eyes roll back in his head and he starts to slide out of his chair. Getting behind him I lower him gently to the floor. "Sorry, Raph, I won't risk anything happening to any of you." I kiss his cheek, grab my bag and phone and head out onto the fire escape.

XXX

The wind whips stray red hair across my face as I pace before my favorite bench and peck out a text.

Zoe: I'm early. Had to sneak away when I had the chance. At the meeting spot. Can't stay here. Need to meet elsewhere.

Hunter: Wonderful. We can spend the day together. I have some clients I'd like you to meet.

My heart sinks.

Zoe: No. I'll meet you at the scheduled time. I just need a different location. I have to drop this phone.

"Glad you came early. I won't take no for an answer. Come with me." I turn around and Hunter's standing there, his cruel green eyes looking me over.

How'd he get here so fast? My eyes scan over the surrounding buildings. He must have an office in one of them. I grab my bag from the bench, hauling it on my shoulder. His perfectly manicured hand reaches up and I see something wrapped around his index. He wraps his finger around my neck and presses. I feel a sting right before my whole world goes dark.