Finding Yourself

Author:Nightstar Productions(Nightstar Fury).

Rated: Mfor Mature.

Pairing:Toothless & Hiccup.

Disclaimer:I do not own the HTTYD movies, Dreamworks Dragons series.

Chapter 38: Home.

Hiccup was sitting with Lilly, Markus, and his friends in a McDonalds eating lunch. It was now give or take 3pm and they still hadn't gotten an update from Toothless. He was worried about his boyfriend deeply, none of them liked when Toothless either mad or upset because he didn't answer calls or text messages from anyone. They were battling themselves on going to the orphanage, or cemetery to see if he was okay. He had his knife on him and if it got to much they worried he'd hurt himself. "We have to make sure he's okay..." Fishlegs finally said.

"We have to trust him...And to be honest...I don't think he's going to be at either of those places. I think he went right to CPS to get the information and is probably driving around looking his relatives." Cami offered softly.

"So lets go there and at least find out where he might be." Snotlout said.

"We can't. We have to trust him guys, if he finds out we're here and looking for him he'll think we don't trust him and it will make his depression all the worse." Markus sighed. They all sighed afterwards hoping for the best.

(With Toothless)

"I'm waiting." Toothless stated firmly.

"Sweetie there was a lot going on back then...It was so sudden and to make a decision like that so soon..." Said one of his uncle's wife.

"A decision to take the grandson or nephew who just lost his parents or let him go into the system and its evident what you chose to do so thanks for that." Toothless mumbled.

"No need to get an attitude right now, Toothless." Said one aunt.

"I do believe I have every right to be angry. None of you lost everything...None of you went through what I did for 8 fricken years so don't tell me not to have a tude." Toothless crossed his arms over his chest. So far since being there, Toothless figured out on his own who in the room was a blood relative and who was someone who married in to the family. He had three uncles and two aunts. A handful of cousins. Two uncles had wives, the other was recently a divorced single father sharing custody. Both of his aunts were married, and one of them Toothless already knew he'd hate. Then there were his grandparents. Toothless a breath, "Look just give me what I came for and I'll leave..." Toothless stated calmer.

"Dear, we would of taken you...I had no idea about all this CPS nonsense." Rebecca stated. "We never knew you were in the system dear...We thought one of your uncles or aunts took you and you just didn't want to see anyone...Or were sick. That's what we were told at least." She added.

"Really? You expect to believe for 8 years...you thought I was sick or didn't want to see anyone? And if you weren't aware then why didn't my aunts or uncles show you pictures or something, or talk on the phone. Ya didn't think that none of that was suspicious?" Toothless remarked coldly.

"And how could none of you take him. He's your nephew for Odin's sake! Why weren't we called, I know how the system works...they look for all relatives..." Jay jumped in now.

"You're on the list for contacts. You two, then an Alex and Alicia. No others were listed." Toothless stated. "CPS said they tried multiple times to phone and write for two weeks but nothing. However I recall one aunt actually coming to the office saying 'we don't want him and he isn't our problem'. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that was you." Toothless pointed to the aunt who had been snotty with him.

"Alicia...I told you we would take him when we discussed it." Came the voice of her husband.

"We already had 3 children in the house, we didn't have the room for another." Alicia now said.

"He is you brother's son! We could have made room or he could have shared with Douglas. I told you to go to that office and say we'd take him. And you told me someone else had already done so, some distant family member who didn't live around here." Said her husband.

"And we were never informed...We're so sorry, Toothless...If we had known, we would of taken you in a heartbeat..." Said another one of his uncles.

"Save it...It doesn't matter anymore. It was 8 years ago, I only came to get the truth and its clear that you dear aunt Alicia are the reason I was stuck in foster homes for 4 years, then an orphanage for another 4 years..." Toothless stated getting up now.

"Well if you were in the orphanage, then why are you here? They don't give out cars, licenses, or whatever..." Alicia asked.

"Shockingly enough, I got adopted at 16 just 7 months ago. I now have a mom, a dad, one brother, and two sisters. What bothers me most in all this...is that none of you showed up for the wake or funeral. Had you done so, you would of known the truth." Toothless started for the door now pulling his keys out.

"Toothless dear, please...Don't...make us all suffer because my sister made a stupid, terrible decision. And we didn't know when they were, we went to the times given to us...but you weren't there. Wait...who handled the funerals, it was you Alicia. How could you keep us from him! He's our nephew, you had no right to keep him from all us." Said the one aunt.

"You heard him, he made out just fine." Alicia mumbled.

"Indeed I did, mom and dad made sure I was taken care of...Regardless if Alicia made a bunch of lies to hide my existence from you all...None of you made the effort to check in or find out if I was actually okay. As far as I'm concerned, you're just as guilty as her. Either way...I don't care anymore. I came for answers and I got them so now I'm going home to my family." Toothless stated.

Rebecca grabbed his hand pleadingly. "Please...We've...already missed out on so much of your life. You aunt Alicia never got along with your mom, she didn't like her for whatever reason but...that's why we never saw you a lot except for holidays. Your mother refused to go where your aunt was...Please Toothless...Don't leave so soon...You're...all I have left of your father..."

Toothless closed his eyes a moment debating it. His aunt was right, it wasn't all their faults. And he should punish them all for one aunts mistake. But still none of them bothered to check on him to make sure he was alright, he was just forgotten about. "I will consider coming back...right now. I still came here to see my parents and visit some old friends...Is the number on the paper right? If it is, I'll call you when I'm ready..." Toothless said calmly. Rebecca looked over it and nodded.

"And here is ours." Said one of his uncles. "Well I suppose we should introduce ourselves first. If you don't mind waiting a minute." He asked.

"I can spare a few..." Toothless stated.

"Well I'm your grandfather Jay, and this is your grandmother Rebecca. We're your father's parents. You have 3 uncles, and 2 aunts." Jay smiled gently.

"Your father was the oldest of them all. It goes your father, Damien, Cole, Alicia, Selby, and finally Ronald." Rebecca added.

"I'm not your blood uncle, I married in to the family but. I'm your aunt Alicia's husband, Alex. And these are your cousins; Todd, Douglas, and Sarah." Alex greeted offering a handshake. Toothless nodded shaking his as another stepped forward.

"I'm your uncle Damien, and this is my wife Stephanie. You've got Jeremy and one on the way, we still don't know the gender yet." Greeted Damien.

"Congratulations..." Toothless said softly.

"Thank you." Stephanie replied smiling.

"I'm your aunt Selby, and this is my husband Dan. You have Bella and Jasmine for cousins with us." Selby introduced. Toothless only nodded.

"I'm uncle Ron as the kiddos call me, and your cousins are Raymond and Johnathon." Ronald smiled.

"And I'm uncle Cole, my wife Elizabeth and our daughter April, planning to have another baby in the next few months or so." Cole introduced.

"I guess...its nice to meet you all. And on this...less than cheery note. I should be going..." Toothless stated, he felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out. It was Hiccup, of course. He slid it to answer, "Hey babe, I'm kind'a in the middle of something right now...Can I call you back in like 5 minutes?" Toothless asked.

"Toothless we're worried about you...Its nearly 4pm..." Hiccup said.

"I'm fine, Hayden. I will call you back. I love you." With that he hung it up. "And before you ask, that was my boyfriend. I'm bisexual, get over it." Toothless said slipping his phone in to his pocket.

"We won't judge you sweetie. Are you certain you have to leave so soon?..." Asked Stephanie.

"Its 4pm, I still want to go to the cemetery before it gets dark then I have a 3 hour drive home to Berk." Toothless stated.

"Well we put our numbers, addresses, and e-mails on that list...If you need...anything at all. Just ask, please...We'd like to try and be more involved in your life, Toothless." Said Dan.

"Lets just say for now, I've acknowledged I have...extended family who I'm undecided if I even want in my life. I came hoping to bury my past, not make it part of my present or future...This...is going to take some adjusting and serious thought so I hope for the time being you can give me my space and I'll let you know..." Toothless said.

"Of course...Take all the time you need lad." Jay added, Toothless nodded as he turned to leave.

"Sorry I interrupted your birthday party, Jay." Toothless said then left out the door, he went to his car and started it up. Thank Gods the windows were tinted because as soon as he got his seatbelt on he started crying. He took off down the road quickly, he didn't want this. He didn't want to know that he could of had a home years ago if not for one selfish aunt stepping in the way. Toothless drove as fast as the speed limit would allow towards the cemetery, but what he didn't realize was he drove right by the McDonalds where his parents, boyfriend, and friends were sitting in.

"Um...guys?" Fishlegs started to get their attention, they looked at him. "Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but...isn't that...Toothless's car at the stop light across from us?..." Fishlegs asked pointing out the window. They glanced out the window quickly to see the windows down slightly, they saw him slam his hand on the steering wheel angrily then wipe his eyes.

"He's crying..." Hiccup whispered. "I don't like this..." The light turned green and his car darted off down the road more.

"Lets go home, whatever happened he's not gonna be in a mood to talk and if he sees us..." Lilly said softly. All in agreement they cleaned up their mess, then returned to the train station to get back to Berk. None of them really wanted too but they didn't want to push Toothless's already very delicate mood any farther. As they were waiting to leave, Hiccup's phone rang and it was Toothless.

"Tooth?" Hiccup said quickly.

"Hey...I'm gonna be...later than I thought. Just...tell my parents not to worry. I'll call you-...Wait...is that...the train in the background?" Toothless asked. Hiccup's eyes widened a bit as he stayed silent biting his lower lip, "Don't lie to me, Hayden...My mood is already unstable enough as it is. Did you come to Bashem on the train and who is with you?" Toothless asked firmly.

"U–um...Your parents, me, our friends...Please don't be mad, W–we were worried about you..." Hiccup said quickly.

"I figured as much...If you wanna see me, I'm headed to the cemetery..." Toothless then hung up as Hiccup sighed looking at them all.

"What did he say, Hayden?" Lilly asked him.

"If we want to see him, he's going to the cemetery..." Hiccup answered.

"Well what are we waiting for then!" Tyr cheered, they quickly rushed off the train and caught the next bus headed towards the cemetery route. The bus trip took 10 minutes but soon it stopped at the cemetery gates and once they got off, sure enough they saw Toothless sitting in the grass head facing the sky and eyes closed. They approached slowly and didn't say anything, once close enough they saw the one headstone which was black with a gray heart center and engraved on it were names Keith & Louise Doragon, then their birth and death dates. In a plastic case was an army hat on the side where Keith's name was.

Toothless pulled his phone out and scrolled a few times before turning up a light tune that began to play, he rested it on the headstone and sighed heavily taking a breath. "Hey there now...Where'd you go? You left me here so unexpected. You changed my life. I hope you know...cause now I'm lost...So unprotected." Toothless began to sing getting their attention now. "In a blink of an eye...I never got to say goodbye!" The small group of them looked at him sadly but otherwise kept quiet.

"Like a shooting star. Flyin' across the room...So fast so far! You were gone too soon! You're part of me, and I'll never be the same here without you...You were gone too soon." Toothless took a breath looking up now.

"You were always there, like a shining light on my darkest days. You were there to guide me...Oh I miss you now. I wish you could see...Just how much your memory, will always mean to me!" Toothless closed his eyes, "In a blink of an eye...I never got to say goodbye!" No one blamed him for being upset, so much had happened in so little time.

"Like a shooting star, flyin' across the room. So fast so far...You were gone too soon. You're part of me, and I'll never be the same here without you...You were gone too soon!" Toothless sang out clenching his hands to fists.

"Shine on! Shine on! Into a better place...Shine on! Shine on! Will never be the same!" Toothless yelled out still singing. It was weird, there was a single break in the clouds as a beam on sunlight fell on to Toothless. "Like a shooting star, flyin' across the room. So fast so far! You were gone too soon! You're part of me, and I'll never be the same here without you! You were gone too soon!" Toothless put his hand on the stone now as a few tears slipped from his eyes.

"Shine on! Shine on! You were gone too soon...Shine on! Shine on! You were gone too soon...Shine on! Shine on! You were gone too soon..." Hiccup finished as he took a deep breath looking up and calming down a little. "I miss you guys so much..." Toothless whispered but they still heard it he pulled out a small picture of him and his parents and almost hugged it before pulling out his key ring and unlocked the case with a small key then placed it inside, then he pulled out his school picture and placed it inside before locked the box tight again. "Now you can stop arguing over who I look like more." Toothless tried to laugh as a warm breeze whipped through.

Toothless finally got to his feet as he took his phone, then kissed his index and middle fingers placing it to the stone. "I love you both." Toothless said softy as he walked around the stone and through a few more across the way, he knelt down before it. The group followed him and saw him kneeling before a stone that read 'Drew Corbit'. "Hey again old friend, been a while I know. Had a lot going on...I'm still mad at you for doing what you did...I told you...to talk to me and I'd help all I could...but you just...kept telling me you were fine. But you weren't...And maybe I guess it makes me a bad friend for not making you when I knew something was wrong." Toothless sighed.

"You think...this is the friend that...?" Fishlegs asked. Hiccup nodded to him.

"We didn't say goodbye, Drew...Its never truly goodbye and you can bet your ass when I get up there...I'm gonna deck you hard for leaving me. You promised...You promised you'd always be there for me, and then you left me...But I tell you this; No matter where you are...Whether is a quarter mile away...or half across the world...You will always be my friend, family, my brother." Toothless said lowering his head. "Its been a long day...Without you my friend. And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again. We've come a long way...from where we began. Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again...When I see you again..." He trailed off.

No one talked, no one moved. They didn't want to upset him even though they were sure he knew they were standing right behind him. Though the silence didn't last because another car pulled up near his and people stepped out who he really didn't want to see right now. "Toothless! Toothless dear...You left this at the house..." Came the voice of his would be aunt Selby. Toothless closed his eyes and took a breath before standing up and facing her as she came over and handed him the folder.

"Thanks, I didn't need it...It was only pictures or things to prove who I was to you people..." Toothless remarked.

"We could never forget that face...You look so much like your father." Selby said.

"Yeah, I know...But thanks either way, you can go now..." Toothless stated.

"Please come back to the house and talk to us..." She asked.

"What part of I'm not ready to see any of you right now wasn't clear when I left? I came for answers, I got them...now leave me alone. You all had your chance to have me in your lives, to care 8 years ago! I don't care if Alicia messed it up, it still stands the fact none of you bothered to question it, or check on me and here's some insight...Odin forgive my words but, I went through hell in those foster homes...and the orphanage. And where were all of you for that?...Not bothering to look for me, to stay in my life then so why should it matter now?" Toothless snapped at her.

"Please give us another chance...Alicia told us someone else already came forward to take you, that you'd been adopted by one of the foster homes..." Selby said to him.

"So what, you just give up and walk away. Adoption by foster care can be revoked in a heartbeat if blood relatives step forward. And not a one of them, of you all did. The only person who showed up was Alicia to say she didn't want me, and I wasn't your guys problem. Well guess what, now I don't want you and you guys aren't my problem...I said to back off until I decided what I wanted to do...You keep pushing and I'll cut all ties right now." Toothless warned. "And for the record...I did get adopted by people who actually care...And they are right over there. They followed me from Berk to make sure I was alright...even after I told them not too. That's what family does. These people are my family...Not you. All of you can screw off until I decide that what to do. I came here to clear my head, not get harassed by people who suddenly care. Now just go and leave me the hell alone." Toothless ordered.

"We're sorry, Toothless...If we could go back..." She started.

"Funny thing about time. Once something is done, it cannot be undone." Toothless crossed his arms over his chest. Selby sighed and nodded as she retreated to her car, then 2 minutes later pulled away. Toothless clenched his fist again, "I just can't catch a break today..." Toothless growled out walking towards his car.

"Toothless please...don't drive off angrily...Its not safe..." Lilly asked lightly.

"Why did you follow me here?" Toothless asked coldly.

"We were...worried about you..." Hiccup said.

"I told you where I was and what I was doing. I've even checked in...How long have you been in Bashem for?" He asked.

"Since 3:30...We were sitting at McDonalds..." Eret added.

"Baby, please...We've...been worried since you said you've been depressed and had thoughts about suicide..." Lilly tried to reach for him but Toothless pulled back.

"So what, you don't trust me now? Yeah, I had thoughts about it but instead of doing it...I left to get answers. Wishing I hadn't now...but hey its what I get. I'm going to go for a drive and I'll be home later...Get on the train and go home." Toothless said as he got in his car, started it and pulled away before any of them could stop him. They all sighed and headed towards the bus stop, it was going to be a long night but they'd pushed Toothless and made him feel like they didn't trust him. When the bus came, the got on and returned to the train station, boarded that and it headed back to Berk with all of them upset that they'd hurt Toothless more.

(With Toothless)

After 20 minutes of driving he pulled up before another house and stared at it from the window, his eyes caught the address and for the first time all day he felt at ease. Toothless pulled the car around the hooked driveway so it'd be hidden from sight. He got out of the car, locked it and pulled the key from under his shirt over his head and unlocked the door. He knew he wasn't supposed to be in it but who was gonna tell? The neighborhood was mostly vacant and kept to themselves from what he remembered. That and if he remembered correctly, the house was only locked to outsiders and Toothless had a key. And with him he could prove that he was the son of its previous owners and he owned it. That was right, his parents not only left him the annuity but the house too. Toothless made his way around, everything was just as he remembered it from the day he was taken away from it. Toothless made his way down the hall to his old room and look in, he saw a few old toys of his that he hadn't grabbed.

He knelt down and picked up one, running his fingers along it he found the smallest smile. He finally put it down, then left the room. He turned to the door across the way and shakily put his hand to the knob and turned it, as soon as he looked inside the tears formed. His parents room and gods if it didn't still smell like them even 9 years later. Toothless moved around the room seeing everything, still in its original place. He put his hand on the blanket folded on the bed, he pulled it close to him laying down in the middle. Those tears finally fell down his cheeks and he ended up crying himself to sleep there on his parents bed.