I was so sure I'd misheard it.
With all the pounding the rain, and the crashing of the sea, how could I possibly believe that I'd heard something so soft?
If I was so sure it wasn't real though, why was I suddenly not capable of breathing?
'Oh my God...' I was frozen in everything imaginable: shock, fear of being mistaken, incredulity, wonder, hope, possibility, desperation, chill, thrill, insanity...
I was shaking like I'd never shaken before. My fingers jammed over his jugular, and I died happy when I felt the steady thumping beneath my fingers. His blood was pumping for the first time in over a hundred and fifty years...
I didn't know what to do, or how to react. Everything was tearing at me all at once. On the one had...he had a pulse, but on the other...he...wasn't moving...
So I did what any crazy girlfriend with a recently alive cowboy would do: I started hammering on his chest like hell.
'Jesse!' I begged, the relentless excitement making my voice tremble. 'Jesse...you're not going to believe it...'
And to my absolute joy, he stirred beneath my fingers. 'Nombres de Dios... Susannah, could - could you please stop...oh, I have a headache...'
I didn't know what to say. What COULD I say? I hardly dared to believe it myself.
He sat up, presumably clutching his head. I tugged at his shirt. 'Jesse...'
'What happened?' he asked groggily. 'Mi Dios, it's pouring...aren't you cold?'
'Jesse, your...'
I just couldn't say it. He stopped talking, and regarded me carefully. 'What, Susannah?'
'...Your heart.'
Dazed, he replied with obvious confusion. 'Are you all right?'
I shook my head, the excitement both toxic and infections. 'Jesse,' I tried to contain the manic ecstasy that rattled my voice - but failed. 'JESSE, YOUR HEART IS BEATING.'
'No it's not,' he replied kindly. 'Susannah, I ought to get you home - '
'You don't understand!' I squealed shrilly. 'Jesse! You have a pulse! I heard your heart beat! You're - '
Again, I couldn't say it. Oh God...what if I was wrong? What if I'd imagined it all...? Was this truth?
But how could I have imagined all the visual things I saw? Him clawing at his neck? I didn't KNOW any of that!
He was silent. 'W...what?'
The rain was still pouring down madly. I seized his hand with my own viciously shaking one. 'Oh my God...oh my freaking God...' Then I pressed it against his wrist. He had no distinct reaction for about five seconds, until suddenly, he jerked his hand away.
'What happened?' he whispered, sounding terribly shocked. 'Susannah! How did this - ?'
It was true...he felt it too...oh my God, it had really happened...
And then, I just leapt at him, unable to reign in the amazing euphoria that swamped my body. 'Jesse! You're alive!'
I started kissing him so quickly, so desperately, so blessedly that I could barely think.
'I'm...I'm alive...'
The psychosis of my giggling made my entire body shake with peals of exhilaration. My spirit was soaring beyond all conceivable height and my own heart, still alive in its disconnection, was thumping erratically in my chest cavity.
Rain drenched the pair of us. He was still too stupefied to respond to my kisses. I knew that, but I couldn't help it as I hungrily kissed his neck, drinking the water that clung all over his skin and panting against the heat - the REAL HEAT - that warmed my very soul with its radiance...
Then, it sunk in.
'Querida,' he gasped, 'I'm alive...'
Maybe it was because he just seemed so slow on the uptake, but I cracked up laughing again. I was uncontrollable. 'YES!' I trilled, 'Oh my GOD...I can't BELIEVE it...'
'How?' he asked shakily, sitting me up as he climbed away from the sand and started inspecting his body with his hands. I know, because I was too. 'How did this - '
'I don't know!' my voice was hysterical. 'You - you just collapsed and started shaking and thrashing! Then you went still, and then I got really scared and it was raining and then your heart started beating suddenly - '
'Nombres de Dios...'
Yet another demonic giggle was torn from my throat. 'JESSE. YOU'RE NOT A GHOST ANYMORE!'
He started laughing too, nearly matching my own hysterics even. 'Dios!' he yelled again, scrambling to his feet. He didn't even wait for me to scurry up too - he picked me up and started twirling me around in the air, holding me beneath my arms. He wasn't able to do it for long - he was laughing far to hard. My euphoria was obviously contagious. 'Oh, Susannah...'
My arms held him fiercely and he embraced me back with equal desperation. His hand buried itself in my wet, messy hair and my freezing face was against his warm, warm neck... His body heat enveloped me, merging with the supreme happiness that lifted me above everything I'd ever known.
'I love you,' he professed in a voice that was heavy with passion - a passion for love and a passion for life. 'Susannah, I love you more than anything...'
And in my mad-scientist laughing, the tears started falling again.
But this time, they weren't forced out by my crippling fear.
No... No, this time, pure, blessed joy had smashed the fear into tiny, tiny pieces and I was free to scream the happiness that made my body and soul glow...
'I can't believe it...' I murmured again. 'You're really here...you're really here with me...'
He started kissing me, claiming my mouth so entirely that I melted in his arms from the heat of his aliveness. He fought against the night's chill and wrapped me with arms of fire. I poured all my love into my kiss. My love, and my sincere gratitude for delivering my Jesse to me like this...
Drenched, cold, shivering, I kept kissing him as water made our lips slippery. His tongue was warm and addictive against mine, and I was so, so happy.
Finally, I wrenched myself away from him. 'Oh my God...this - Jesse, this will change everything that we've come to accept - '
'For the better,' he stroked my face, kissing my forehead with tiny little kisses and lots of them. 'Oh, querida...oh thank God...'
My teeth chattered as I smiled so widely it hurt. His voice suddenly was stained with concern. 'Susannah, you're shaking.'
'I'm happy,' I said in a wobbly voice as tears streaked my face.
'You're freezing,' he told me. 'You ought to go back to your body...'
'But - you - '
'I'm sure I can still materialise, if theory is on my side,' Jesse assured me. 'Go. I will meet you at home, one way or another.'
Not wanting to disobey him for a second, I wrapped my arms around my upper body and willed to be one with my body again. After a jerking feeling from my stomach, I sat up quickly and ripped my covers back, realising that I was whole once more. I was panting heavily, looking around. Oh God, had it been a dream - ?
I heard the tinkle of materialisation and I flinched. Then, I heard Jesse breathe out long and loud.
He had breath...real, live breath...
I beamed in intoxicating rapture, before I felt him climb over me and he resumed his phenomenally thorough kisses. He had me gasping and moaning within seconds. I seized fistfuls of his shirt, tugging it stubbornly out of the hold of his belt until I'd dragged it right up his back. He laughed, sat up, and returned to me with bare, hot skin against me...
'This is...incredible,' he breathed against my shivering lips. 'Touching you like this...it's so much more - I can feel it with such sheer clarity now...'
'I know,' I rasped. 'Oh God, I know...'
And I did. The pleasure was so intense I almost couldn't stand it. Fused hotly with the happiness, I could not go wrong. I had all of him...and I couldn't have asked for anymore than that.
His mouth came back over mine, with warm, heavy breath. His hands were roaming my back, fumbling for the zipper at the back of my dress. I don't think he knew where on earth his head was, and I wasn't about to interrupt him so he'd remember to act like a gentleman.
Suddenly, I was saying breathlessly, 'Jesse...can we – I want to...'
My eyes were blind once more, so I had no chance of learning his expressions. But he hesitated for sure. His fingers on my back went still. 'Oh, but Susannah...it's different now.'
I shook my head madly. 'Jesse, please.'
I couldn't breathe, I was so hot...so happy...I needed to have him completely, just the way I was always meant to.
'But Susannah,' he sighed, '...We ruined all of Brad's strange Trojan balloons...'
Even in my state of pleasure, I just started giggling like mad. My body shook beneath his from my high-pitched laughter. He chuckled, still consumed by his own desire. 'Oh God, don't tempt me because I will...'
I stopped laughing immediately and tried to keep coaxing him, but he refused to 'disgrace' me like that when there were so many 'risks' involved now. I told him I didn't care - SHUT UP, I WAS DESPERATE - but he shut me up my kissing me fiercely.
...Wow...that...that was just as good.
His lips roamed my neck as if he was hunting, and I squeezed his shoulders ever so tightly against the turbulent lust that was crackling dangerously between us. His body against mine...heaven. But him unknowingly pressing that part of himself against me so forcefully?
Hell.
Because I wanted so much more from him then...
'You feel amazing,' he rambled, 'This...life has enriched everything about you...oh God, you smell so good...' he breathed in deeply, his lips on my ear. I moaned his name, once again trying to get him to give in. Finally, he relented the tiniest bit, and I felt his fingers rip the zipper at the back of my dress down. I don't think he had any intention of doing what I so badly wanted him to though...Damn it.
He just ran his hands down my sides and I shivered madly. I bit my lip hard. 'That's...not fair – '
'How can you possibly complain?' he asked quickly, before laughing with breathy anticipation. His hands roamed all over my front, and I sighed loudly. His fingers then began tugging down the straps of my dress. The beaming smile returned to my face. Well...that was an okay second...
But just as he was working the straps down my shoulders so as to have more area for kissing, there was a strangled shout, of:
'...What the FUCK?'
I swallowed my heart and almost coughed it back up immediately. Jesse was off of me like I was on fire. 'Nombres de Dios...I forgot, Susannah; they can see me now - '
'Get the HELL away from my sister!' I heard Jake shout wrathfully. 'God, what the hell is it with you guys and her? She's not a freakin' all-you-can-eat buffet, okay?'
I was struggling to get my dress right. I heard Jesse splutter apologies when Jake was all, 'I don't CARE about what you have to say! Suze, did he try something with you?'
'No!' I shook my head wildly. 'Jake! We were - '
'Was this what you were like with Slater?' Jake wanted to know, sounding irritated. 'Because if you were, then I was so wrong about - '
'I WAS NOT!' I snapped at him. 'Jake, God! Can you shut the door, please!'
The door slammed shut.
Jake hissed at me, 'You are so busted. Mum is going to kill you. And YOU,' his attention was obviously on Jesse, 'I'm going to kill YOU. Because I don't like people messing around with Suze, you got me? She gets enough shit already! I swear to God, if you're just another Paul Slater looking for - '
'I am truly sorry,' Jesse was stumbling over his words, 'I am nothing like that...' he started swearing in Spanish. 'Nothing. I only have the utmost respect for Susannah - '
'You hear that?' I piped up. 'He doesn't even call me Suze! He's - he's NOBLE and stuff!'
My heart was pumping. I was so excited...I mean...SOMEONE HAD CAUGHT ME MAKING OUT WITH JESSE! This - while deadly embarrassing... - was a GOOD thing! It meant that it wasn't all a dream, and Jesse was real.
'Listen, pal,' Jake's voice was starting to get kinda...growl-y. 'Get out. Now.'
Ugh.
'JAKE!' I crawled off of my bed. 'Look, I swear. Jesse's - '
'I thought you were dating someone called NIGEL,' Jake accused. 'Christ, Suze...how many guys ARE you dating?'
This sucked. Forget I said anything about the Jesse-is-finally-visible thing...too much talking.
I sighed deeply. 'Calm down, okay? Look. I kinda made the name Nigel up because my friend CeeCee kept asking about him and I didn't want to tell her his name and it's kind of complicated but basically this is Jesse and he's really-nice-and-I-think-that-you-should-just-back-off-now-because-it's-not-what-you-think-at-all - ' I sucked in air, unaware that I was steadily speaking faster and faster, ' - since-Jesse-is-like-the-most - the most...keepingitinhispantsguyIknowsoyoudon'thavetoworryaboutathingandhedoesn'tjustthink...thatI'manallyoucaneatbuffet - and what's THAT supposed to mean, anyway?' I demanded hotly.
There was silence all around.
'I don't like this,' Jake said moodily after a second. 'If he's so great, why haven't you introduced him to Mum yet?'
Why did he keep calling her Mum like that?
'B-because...'
'Because...I wanted to introduce myself properly,' Jesse said quickly.
Jake was pissed. 'To my sister's PANTS?'
I groaned. 'Because I was trying to put THIS off for as long as I could,' I said to him. 'He's - ' I blinked quickly, trying to think of an idea.
...Oooh. There's one.
I smiled. 'I mean, if he wants to...he's coming to the barbeque that Andy's organising Saturday. Mum can meet and approve of him there.'
'Of course I'll come, querida,' Jesse said happily.
Jake still wasn't very impressed. 'And what if I just tell her right now?'
I swelled in outrage. 'Then I'll freakin' stab all four tyres on your Camaro!' I retaliated heatedly. 'Don't you dare, Jake!'
Hearing the threat, Jake backed down. 'Okay...let's not get all crazy here...'
'Hmph,' I said. 'Anyway...Jesse, meet Jake. Jake, this is my...my boyfriend, Jesse.'
'Pleasure to meet you, Jake,' Jesse's voice was suddenly filled with pleasantries. 'Sorry you had to meet me like this - '
'Just about to do my sister...' Jake said sourly.
'Jake!' I hissed.
He sighed. 'Whatever...Suze, you owe me so bad. I assume that I'm now supposed to maintain my silence until Saturday?'
I nodded feverishly. 'Oh, God yes. Oh - and Jake? Can I ask one favour?'
'God,' he grunted, annoyed. 'What do you want?'
'A ride...?' I asked sweetly. 'Jesse and I need to go see Father Dominic...'
I noticed that after hearing Jesse was affiliated with a priest, Jake was considerably nicer to him.
We were granted the ride. Then, hand-in-hand, Jesse and I practically ran to Father Dominic's room at the rectory. (I, of course, could not see and was being pretty much dragged along by an equally as exhilarated and recently living Jesse.)
When we finally got to the rectory, a nun answered and we were invited inside. It was like, ten that night so Father Dominic was coming out of his room, grumbling. 'This better be good,' he was muttering to his nun, 'Who is it again? I just sat down for my bedtime tea - '
'One of your students, and a man,' the nun tittered. 'They said it was urgent - '
'A man?' he asked, bewildered.
Jesse squeezed my hand harder, and I grinned.
And when we were obviously in plain view, I heard a gasp and then a loud spash.
Oops.
...There goes his bedtime tea.
'Good Lord...' Father Dominic was in shock. 'J-Jesse?'
Jesse just chuckled. 'Hello, Padre.'
- 8 -
It rained for the rest of the week.
Every day, I woke up to the sound of it slamming against my window.
I loved it.
After all, it was the rain that brought my Jesse back to me... I owed it a hell of a lot.
Come Friday morning, I was able to get myself up without mum having to come in and wake me. I wasn't sleeping quite as well without having Jesse there... but just knowing that I had to give up my Jesse-Pillow in order to get a Jesse In-The-Flesh... well, not having him there was becoming very bearable.
You may be curious as to know what became of Jesse after we dropped the bomb on Father Dom, right? Well, basically, he was WAY of the speechless and demanded to know everything that happened. After he'd gotten over his amazement, he sounded a little accusatory towards me... which was fair enough, I guess. I mean, I WOULD be the loser most likely to try and bring my boyfriend back to life.
Once it was established that I didn't have a clue of how this...miracle happened, Father Dom went all quiet again and then started praying. Yeah...there isn't much of a story here.
After that, Jesse pretty much stayed the night for interrogation from the Priest whilst Jake took me home. I could have sworn I even heard Jesse begging Father Dom to go get take-out so he could eat for the first time in a century and a half.
I kind of...wanted to stay with him. You know, so we could try a whole bunch of other first-time-in-a-century-and-a-half stuff, but Father D was totally anti this. Very depressing. When Jake and I arrived home, I crawled into bed...but I was so excited, I couldn't sleep. I kept just...giggling.
And finally, just when I was starting to get VERY scared that I'd be up all night, I felt Jesse materialise, making my heart pretty much explode with happiness. He told me Father Dom didn't know he was here...but he needed to be with me, and that he couldn't sleep.
I told him I was all insomniac as well, and he agreed to stay until I finally wound down. It didn't take that long, with his arms around me like that... My heart stopped beating so fast, and my eyes became heavy despite my ecstasy's urge to keep me awake.
I felt him kiss me on the head and then apologise, because he had to leave...but I think I was mostly asleep then...
Over the next couple of days, I didn't hear from Jesse quite as much, but he told me that Father Dom was working on building his identity and stuff...you know, all the things that he'd ever need in order to get anything resembling a job...or a license...or an education...
It was happening so very fast. I felt positively dizzy, I swear. I couldn't even hope to keep my mind on anything academic...not when my mind was on him.
Him and his heartbeat.
I told CeeCee the news, and I think I was responsible for the migraine she got shortly after. My news was obviously supernatural-overdose...but she pretty much squealed and danced when it had finally sunk in. She was very happy for me, suffice it to say.
...So yeah. Bringing my thoughts back to Friday morning, I just lay in my bed, listening to the constant sound of the rain pitter-pattering on the window. I could almost smell it, even though my window was closed. My room was cold, but I was warm and toasty beneath my covers thank goodness.
And yes, I was just lying there, listening and smiling and blinking sleep from my eyes, when it clicked.
Just like that.
For days, I'd been wondering how Jesse had come to be alive again...just how his heart had suddenly started beating again. And now it stood out to me, with the most perfect clarity.
My God. I truly had been blind...it was so obvious.
In spite of myself, I smiled, hugging my covers against my chest.
- 8 -
I was busily punching holes in my paper...I needed to finish my note...
Braille notes. Hah, total privacy, right?
'So, although it was said in the prologue that Romeo and Juliet were destined to have a fatal love...do you think that this was the work of fate?' Miss Klein put to the class. 'Do you believe in fate?'
Someone presumably stuck up their hand, and contributed. 'Well, they were destined to die. In the context of the play, fate exists. Like in Macbeth, although that's more arguable.'
Miss Klein murmured happily. 'Yes...'
I lifted my head from my punched paper, and said quietly, 'I believe in fate.'
'Oh? Why is that, Miss Simon?'
Next to me, CeeCee chuckled. 'Where do you start...?'
I smiled weakly.
'Isn't this supposed to be a Catholic school?' one of the students demanded cynically. 'Shouldn't you be saying that fate is the work of God, or something?' The class groaned, and I mentally thanked that person. I had my reasons for my belief in fate, but I wanted them to remain mine.
After everything that had happened to me...how could I not? First the move to Carmel, then finding out there was a ghost who refused to leave in my bedroom...then, a greedy mediator who wanted power, then encountering a deadly ghost who was out for blood...and then the shifting lessons, the possession, the stalking, the fear, the falling, the passion, the betrayal, the saving, the faith...the power I never knew I had...and then...Jesse.
Take away just one of those things, and the chain of events would have never turned out like this. Just like it was supposed to be.
I smiled.
Fate had worked wonders for me. I didn't know if it was the work of God, or not. Frankly, "God's Work" was a freaky notion for me these days. But whatever it was that had brought my broken life together like this...I owed my life to it.
I had Jesse now. But most importantly, I had me. All of me. Flaws and all.
I finished punching the last few holes, before folding it over and elbowing CeeCee next to me. 'Pass this to Paul,' I hissed at her.
She plucked it from my hand, and I hear the gentle rumple of paper and a whisper of explanation, 'From Suze...'
The paper was unfolded behind me. I waited for him to say something. For him to accept my invitation. Or deny it.
...I just had to know.
After what seemed like hours of ignoring the Romeo and Juliet discussion, a sliver of paper landed over my shoulder. I picked it up, and my fingers buzzed over the Braille words.
Shadowland? Do you even know how to get there?
I frowned, and then turned my head a little and nodded. Sure. Visualise.
There was a nervous sigh beyond me. 'Okay...tonight.'
- 8 -
It took me longer to get there than I expected. I wasn't as confident in shifting - I could count the number of times I'd done it successfully on one hand, and even then, most of those times Paul had just pulled me along with him, rather than me doing it solo. Well, I was going to this time. I got into bed, keeping up the pretence that I was having a nap, and then tried desperately to visualise the black starry sky, with the...fog, Paul called it, and the doors...
After an eternity of effort, I was standing there, shivering.
The shock of sight had died since my first time up here; my first ever time seeing. I looked around worriedly, trying to detect moving shapes. The only moving entity was the fog...it wouldn't stay still. It was so hard to understand...it was such a strange thing to look at...
Then, from the depths of the fog, he came striding toward me. 'You're late.'
I wrapped my arms around my chest, shivering from the relentless fog. 'Yeah...sorry about that.'
He blinked, before he started moving his upper body strangely, until suddenly, I felt warmth being drenched over my shoulders. He'd given me his coat. I awkwardly mumbled, 'Oh...thanks...'
'No problem,' he replied.
...Wow. This was hard.
'So,' he ventured out. 'Any reason why you wanted to meet me in Heaven and Hell's waiting room at all?'
I said softly, 'You know why.'
He sighed. 'You figured it out, huh.'
I nodded. '...Why did you do it? I thought you hated Jesse.'
He seemed like he didn't really want to answer this. 'I do.'
I was confused. 'So...you gave life back to a random ghost that you completely hate? Because gee, that makes sense.'
I heard him groan in apparent irritation. 'You...you never get it, Suze.' He turned away from me, but I ran around the other side of him. I needed to see his face. I needed to link the expressions with the words.
'What don't I get?'
'I did it for you, Suze,' he explained. 'It's always for you.'
I couldn't comprehend what he meant. 'You did it to get me to like you again?' Suddenly, I was angry. 'Paul! Look, I know that you hate what you did to me with Rhys and you want it to be water under the bridge, but trying to BUY your way back into my - '
He grunted in frustration. 'I shouldn't have come.'
'Paul!' I stamped my foot, 'Would you just - ?'
'You accused me of being a selfish son of a bitch,' Paul retaliated, sounding very defensive. 'I did this for you, Suze. I wanted...I needed you to know that I actually cared about you. That I wanted you to be happy. So I tried to give you the thing that I thought would make you the happiest. That's what I've always tried to do. Sure, at first it started off with sight, while I tried to weasel something out of the deal too...then, I tried to give you...me. I wanted to make you happy. I thought I was, but...it wasn't real. I got angry when I realised that the one thing that made you truly happy had nothing to do with me. I hated you for it, Suze! And I made the biggest mistake of my life...'
My eyes were bugging.
'But,' his voice no longer harboured annoyance, 'When your stupid boyfriend was kicking my ass, trying to get me to drop the barrier...I realised that the guy loved you. He loved you way more than I did; he cared more about you more than anything else while I left you to die... I couldn't ignore it anymore. No matter how I feel about you, I get that it's not me that's supposed to love you. He is.'
He sighed. 'So I did everything I could to give that to you. I'm not trying to buy my way back into anything, Suze... I'm just trying to make amends for what a shit head I was last week. I can't buy forgiveness, I know. But I can try to earn it, can't I?'
His voice finally stopped, and mine refused to start. I was...shocked. I hadn't expected a single one of those words to come tumbling from his lips. And even if I had...never did I expect them to sound so genuine.
When I came here, I'd been sure that he'd gloat about his act; he'd want the glory and the credit, and then claim there was no possible way I could hate him anymore.
...But knowing that he did it selflessly like that...I hadn't anticipated that for a second.
I bit my lip, and bowed my head, hiding behind curly messes of hair either side of my face.
'Say something,' he begged, sounding on the verge of cracking.
I lifted my face once more, blinking quickly, trying to moisten my eyes. They needed moistening up here to much more.
My word was a question that had been plaguing me for days, now.
'How?'
I was dying to know how it had been accomplished... How Jesse had been brought back to me.
Still sounding disappointed that I hadn't officially accepted his words, he muttered, 'It was just a resurrection spell in one of my books...I've got a couple, but I chose the cleanest one since the other ones were like...sacrificing lambs, or virgins, or something...I don't know. Resurrection's hefty, but I'm pretty sure the one I used isn't actually dark, and it's completely consequence free.'
I hugged his jacket around me, still shivering. 'But – what happened? I mean, when...when it happened, all I could hear was him making weird choking sounds...God, it scared me half to death.'
Paul laughed uncomfortably. 'Er, yeah. Perhaps I should have warned you in that respect...'
'Why did he do that?' I asked him.
'Do you know how Jesse died?' Paul said softly.
I frowned, trying to remember. 'Um...I dunno...his ex's lover killed him...I forgot how though - he told me once, but...'
'Jesse was strangled to death. This guy, Felix Diego, came to his room at midnight and whipped his belt around Jesse's neck. It's a pretty silent method of murder... it would probably only sound like a few...weird choking sounds,' he finished, sounding amused.
My mouth fell open and before I could process this properly, I screamed out in horror, 'You KILLED him again?'
Paul groaned, sounding frustrated with me. 'No, Suze. I didn't kill him again. You can't kill a dead man... All this spell did was reverse his death. So, he would have started off dead. I assume he just...collapsed or something. Then, he would have made noises, moved around a little – with not much energy, because he was 'dying' at this point. Then he would have done that with more vigour. He would have, at some point, lost his astral glow. And maybe he yelled or something, I don't know – '
'Diego,' I hissed suddenly, comprehension dawning on me. 'Oh my God...'
'What now?'
Excitedly, I waved my hands. 'He said Diego! Before he...went all floppy for the second time.'
'He collapsed again,' Paul murmured thoughtfully. 'Why would he have done that?'
'I don't – '
'Oh. Yeah. If memory serves, he was asleep when Diego choked him. So he ended up asleep.'
I shook my head. 'But...why couldn't I wake him for so long?' I asked earnestly.
Paul snorted. 'Suze. I gave the guy back his whole body. His soul had to completely merge with it again – not to mention his body had to materialise out of nothing. I doubted you would have been happy with his corpse remains, so they were deleted and I gave him an entirely new one. This is a process that takes time. Excuse me if he didn't wake up straight away.'
Strangely enough, this snobbery was quite refreshing. He was still angry with me...I knew that. I still hadn't exactly forgiven him yet, and I think he was starting to think I wasn't ever going to, therefore interpreting this as an opportunity to continue being a rude, arrogant asshole to me.
In my head, I was verifying all of this information with my memories of that night.
It was almost unimaginable...to think he'd been able to pull that off. Cast a spell that would act as an exact reversal of Jesse's murder, starting with a dead body and ending up with a living one...
Wow.
He'd tried so hard. He really had. He'd done everything he could think of to make it all right. And he'd finally done the ultimate thing for me, and still I was torturing him.
So finally, I let my guard down completely. The walls of hate, fear and stubbornness finally fell away, and I moved forward, steadied myself by grabbing his shoulders, and I went on my tippy toes to softly kiss his cheek.
'Thank you,' I said sincerely. 'You...don't know what you've given me, Paul.'
He seemed stunned that my eventual reaction had been of this nature, but his arms went around me all the same as he hugged me. 'I kind of do,' he replied with an awkward laugh. 'I can pretty much see what the two of you have... I'm just glad I finally actually made you happy for once.'
I returned his embrace, smiling. 'You have.'
'Forgive me?' he had one last crack.
I laughed against his shoulder, and then pulled away, a watery smile on my face. 'Yeah...' I muttered. 'It'd be kind of bitchy not to, after what you did.'
I heard him sigh. In relief, I think. 'Not really. God knows you'd be perfectly within your rights...but thanks all the same. Swear I won't do it again,' he added ruefully.
I crossed my arms. 'Well, I think I'd better get back then - ' I broke off, deciding to throw him one last bone. 'Oh. Uh, my...my family's having a barbeque on Saturday. Do you wanna come along?'
He snorted. 'Um, not really. For one, your step-brother wants my blood. And secondly...I won't be around tomorrow.'
My forehead creased in confusion. 'You're not...jumping off a cliff or anything tonight, right?'
'Yes, Suze. I'm going to jump off of a cliff,' he said sarcastically, before laughing a bit. 'No...I'm taking off tomorrow morning.'
'Taking off what?' I asked stupidly, thinking me meant clothes.
'Back to Seattle. I think I've done enough damage in Carmel,' he explained. 'And plus...Father Dominic isn't exactly chuffed with me. He told me he doesn't have any official grounds to expel me, but he made it pretty clear that he thought it'd be best if I left you alone.'
A pang of unexplainable grief hit me then. I...I didn't want to be the reason that he had to leave town...
'Oh,' I said. 'But - if you tell him what you did, then maybe he'll let you stay at the Mission - ?'
He shook his head. 'He's right. I should go. If not for your sake, then for mine. If I'm around you every day, not being able to...' he trailed off and groaned quietly. 'I'll go crazy, Suze.'
(A/N: It is at this point in my writing to Steph that she is making insensitive comments about Paul having blue balls. YES, I AM GLARING AT YOU, STEPH.)
I stopped smiling now. 'I'm sorry...'
'Don't be,' he muttered. 'God knows I had it coming - ' (A/N: STEPH, SHUT UP WITH THE BLUE BALLS THING. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, YOU HUSSY.) 'So, I guess this is the last time I'll see you. At least for a while, anyway.'
'I guess.' Something then occurred to me. 'Oh...you know that time when Jake completely kicked your ass? You're not still having him charged for that, are you?'
Paul laughed a little sheepishly. 'Erm...no. I just...was trying to get back at you there. Nah, that's gone.'
'Oh, thank God,' I rolled my eyes at his immaturity.
'Well,' he said. 'For goodbye's sake...?' I saw his arms spread out hopefully. It took me a second to realise what he meant though.
'Oh,' I said quickly, and wrapped my arms around him again. His hands came to my shoulders gratefully, and he dipped his head down against the side of mine. I could feel his breath on my neck.
'I can't believe I ever tried to hurt you...' he whispered mournfully. 'I'm so sorry Suze...'
'It's okay - '
He just... kept hugging me for a bit. Then finally, he let go. 'Okay...well, this is goodbye then.'
I nodded, feeling strange. And coveted.
'Yeah.'
I gave him back his jacket, and he shrugged into it.
He turned, and began walking away. But he stopped, faced me again, and flashed me a grin.
'You'll always be in my spank bank, Suze.'
I choked on an unexpected laugh. 'Um...thanks. I think.'
And then, he disappeared into the heavy fog.
That was the last time I ever saw, heard or felt Paul Slater.
- 8 -
'Have you even told your mum you're bringing him?' Gina demanded, insanity and curiosity thick in her voice.
'Negatory,' I responded. 'I'll let her flip out at me after the barbeque... that way, when I introduce Jesse to her there, she'll have to pretend to like him because she's pretty much out in public. The perfect plan, am I right?'
Gina laughed. 'Uh huh.'
I'd basically filled her in on every romantic detail about Jesse and I that I could think of - omitting the resurrection and stuff, of course. She, of course, gave massive revelations about what had happened between me and Jesse in the bath that time. Like, what that big...thing was.
I was all, 'Oh.'
And she was all, 'Exactly!'
So yeah. She was thrilled to bits that I was so hopelessly in love, and had the decency to leave out any sexual innuendos that she could have made in our conversation.
'Oh, wow,' she said happily, 'My little Susie's all grown up... I'm so proud of you, baby. If I was there, I'd squeeze your cheek and just...'
'Fuck you,' I laughed.
She cracked up and then demanded to know more, more, more about Jesse. She was even worse than CeeCee, having done the dirty enough to know all the embarrassing questions to ask. I think I even let slip about how much I loved his eyes...before quickly adding 'lashes' to my breathy sentence. Gina didn't seem to notice, though.
After we'd finally began planning for her to come over that summer, she hang up and left me to get ready for the impending family barbeque. I don't know why I felt so nervous. I mean, sure, Jesse was going to meet my entire family. What was so bad about that? He was too nice for them to not like.
So why was I so terrified about my mum's reaction?
After getting into the outfit my mum had begged me to wear - a long skirt, and a tank top with a little lacy shirt that went over it - the colours were unknown to me - I finally made me cautious way downstairs, feeling fresh as a daisy after my lovely hot shower.
Food was being baked in the kitchen. Whilst Andy had specified that this was a barbeque, he couldn't help but make like...eighty five percent of it gourmet. So yeah, I could smell roasted potatoes, some kind of tomato-y pasta, a very distinct smelling salad dressing, and more mouth-watering scents that made my head swim happily in anticipation.
Andy was merrily humming a Stones number, and occasionally barking orders at Brad to set up the barbeque, or move the tables and chairs to the veranda or something...random slave labour stuff, you know.
I could hear Doc running around with his friend chess club buddy, Justin. They were arguing over String theory or something...
Jake wasn't in the house. Andy told me that he was out getting his car washed, probably in hopes to impress his potential belle, Melinda.
I asked Andy if he could put some music on, and he happily bustled around looking through his albums. Finally, the Beatles were crooning through the Ackerman/Simon household, and me and Andy were rocking away to "She Loves You (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.)"
How I know all these songs, I do not know.
Andy had given me a simple job of stirring the gravy at the stove, and then Yellow Submarine came on. We started having a shouting match as to who could sing 'WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE' the loudest. I think he won...only because I was laughing too hard. So yeah, he won by default.
Halfway through Hey Jude, CeeCee and Adam FINALLY showed.
'Suze, babe!' Adam yelled gleefully, coming up behind me and picking me up. I shrieked with laughter and affront, before slapping at his hands for him to put me down. 'Thank you for inviting us to your humble abode. We'll try to leave your room out of our plots to burn down the house - '
'Shut up Adam,' CeeCee scowled. 'So...is Jesse here yet?'
CeeCee was dying to meet him. I knew this very much.
Adam gagged extravagantly. 'Put her out of her mystery, Simon. Please. It's Jesse-this and Jesse-that. I maintain that they're sleeping together. CONFESS!' he screamed out in false accusation.
'You're so embarrassing,' CeeCee muttered, loving every minute of it. 'Is he - '
'Father Dominic's dropping him off,' I told her.
'HE'S SLEEPING WITH FATHER DOM TOO.'
We tried our hardest to ignore him, honest.
Andy came inside, and enlisted their help in transporting napkins and cutlery outside, whilst muttering his concerns that it'd rain again.
'So, you got any more crazy friends coming?' Andy joked.
'I see dead people...' Adam was hissing in the background. CeeCee laughed appreciatively at the dramatic irony of it all, and it was quite clear that Andy was pretty fond of Adam's endearing retardedness.
'Um,' I mumbled, nerves claiming my stomach once more, 'Just one.'
'Tell me when she gets here,' Andy said cheerfully, 'And I'll introduce myself.'
I just went 'Um...' some more, not having the guts to tell Andy that my 'friend' was of the Y chromosome. CeeCee was giggling at this, as well.
There was a knock at the door. My heart shrank as Andy went to go answer it.
'Oh,' he said in surprise, '...Hello.'
I waited for Jesse's voice to reply, but instead I heard a shrill, girly voice squeal, 'Thank you very much for inviting me to your home, Mr Ackerman!'
'It's...it's a pleasure, Kelly,' Andy mumbled. 'I'll just call Brad for you - '
'Is Jake around?' she asked very innocently. I heard Adam beside me, making strange vomiting noises.
Andy sighed. 'He's picking up his girlfriend, I think...'
God, that step dad of mine was smart.
Instantly put out by this, Kelly's voice hardened. 'Oh. Right.'
'Please come in,' Andy said, highly amused.
She did, and Andy walked away to continue preparing for our feast. CeeCee whispered in my ear, 'She keeps glaring over at us, Suze. Should I sic Adam on her and embarrass her even more?'
I sniggered. 'Nah...'
She whined. 'But...it'd be so much fun...'
As I was about to relent, I heard Brad grunt, 'Kelly.'
The girl in question stood up immediately, and practically ran over to him. 'Oh Brad. Thank God. What's with the low standard for people attending your party?' she asked, offended.
He didn't bother to reply.
'Brad! Can you give me a hand with the - !' Andy yelled, but his son roared, 'I'M BUSY,' and proceeded to drag Kelly upstairs.
Poor girl.
'That's really quite sad,' CeeCee sighed, sounding rather sympathetic towards Kelly. 'Sorry Simon. Your stepbrother is a complete jerk. Even Kelly deserves to get treated better.'
'I just...think that's the kind of guy she's attracted to,' I said, feeling bitter at Brad, and very sorry for Kelly. 'Maybe she doesn't think she deserves better.'
'Yeah,' CeeCee muttered. 'First Scott, then Brad, then Paul...then Brad, then Paul...then some randoms at various different parties...then Paul again...then your step-brother - '
'Wow,' I was rather amazed. 'You seriously know how to stalk the popular people, Cee.'
'It is creepy,' she admitted. 'But hanging out enough at the Coffee Clutch enough guarantees me all of this information first hand.'
I shrugged. 'It's even creepier to know that they're probably just about to do it right now...'
CeeCee made a shudder-y noise. 'Agreed.'
'Who's about to do it?' Adam asked happily, arriving on scene. 'Why CeeCee...you just had to ask.'
CeeCee giggled, and I heard the sounds of kissing. 'Adam,' Cee hissed, giggling, 'Please.'
'Oh come on,' Adam guffawed boisterously. 'I have the libido of a nun looking at porn, CeeCee. And Suze doesn't mind, right?'
'Mind what?' I played the blind thing up. Adam laughed, and continued kissing his girl. I grinned, whilst anxiously wondering when Jesse would show. I wanted him to be kissing HIS girl...
Only when my mother wasn't watching, of course.
There was a sudden fumbling at the door, making my ears perk up in keen expectancy. Alas, it was only Jake who'd arrived with his 'friend,' Melinda. No, seriously. He kept calling her that. His 'friend.' He never even said her name.
Aww... he liked her so much...
She was nice, too. Intelligent sounding. She totally guessed that I was blind, but was decent enough not to either call me up on it, or just pretend that it didn't exist. I quietly muttered to Jake that Kelly was on the prowl for him, and he whispered back his thanks my alert.
PaulSlater69: And then...finally, he arrived.
I knew, of course. The brimming sensation in my stomach signalled his presence. I staggered blindly toward the door, almost tripping over the sleeping Max in the hallway. Then, I got the door open with as much ease as a lap dancing elephant.
'Querida...' Jesse breathed contently, touching my face with a tenderness that I missed so much...
'Hey,' my smile was so huge, my cheeks ached. 'Way to be late, cowboy.'
Behind me, I heard CeeCee's very low, '...WHOA.'
Jesse's hands slid absently to my hips as he edged inside the house, before one of his hands collected my own. 'It's so strange to be walking in through the front door,' he said in quiet amusement. 'I don't think I've done that for a century and a half.'
I tittered nervously, pulling him to meet my friends. He had to save me from falling over Max though - something that I heard Adam laughing at, before he quickly turned it into a hacking cough.
'Um,' I announced, 'This is Jesse.'
CeeCee confidently greeted him with an awed sounding, 'Hello, Jesse. We finally meet. Face to face, anyway. Suze has told me so much about you.'
I smirked.
'Si,' Jesse said happily. 'It's wonderful to meet you finally, CeeCee.'
'He's not bad, Suze,' Adam did his best gay voice. 'Not bad at all...'
I went very red. 'Um. Adam. Shut up.'
Jesse laughed, sounding a little freaked. I quickly assured him that Adam was in no way attracted to him, to which Adam was all, '...You're sure of that, are you Suze...?'
I winced.
After a while of CeeCee, Jesse and I chatting – Adam sounded a little uncomfortable joining in on the conversation for some reason... - we, Jesse and myself, finally headed outside where I introduced my final 'crazy friend, who was undeniably NOT female, to Andy.
For a step dad who was expecting a chick, he reacted very well. And he seemed to like Jesse a lot, too. But then, Andy pretty much likes everyone straight away, so it's hard to tell.
And then, the moment of truth came.
I was sitting outside with Jesse – unfortunately, we weren't touching because of the parental hazard – when my mother's voice rang through the yard.
'Suze...can I talk to you for a moment?'
My eyes widened horribly. Oh, no... I was gonna get so scunted...
Jesse reminded me to breathe. I stood up, and shoved my stick out in front of me, guiding my way around the scattered chairs across the lawn. 'Um. Hi mum.'
She didn't sound angry as such...
Yet.
When I finally reached her, she asked in a would-be casual voice, 'Who's your friend, Susie?'
I forced a smile. 'What? Oh – oh, Jesse? He's...he's just a – '
'Just a what, honey?'
I shifted nervously. How was I supposed to tell my mother that I was dating?
She knew, too. But she was making me say it.
'He's my boyfriend,' I told her, before biting my lip. 'His name's Jesse.'
Mum sighed, as if she'd failed in something. 'I knew this was going to come sooner or later...you're getting prettier every day, and the boys these days are so cruel...they'd eat you up alive – '
I shook my head. 'And I knew you were going to say that.' I groaned. 'Okay, firstly, Jesse is not cruel. He's...amazingly kind. If you took a second to talk to him before you started grilling me, then you'd see that straight away.'
'But Suze – '
'I know what you're thinking,' I said quickly. 'What would he want with a girl like me, right?'
'Susie, no! I didn't mean that – '
'I thought the same thing, believe me. But he cares about me, Mum.'
Mum, sounding exasperated, said in a flustered manner, 'I sometimes forget how naïve you are...'
'Oh my GOD, Mum. Can you hear me talking at all?' I demanded hotly. 'Mum, I'm not some naïve, lovesick twelve-year-old. I know what I'm feeling, all right?'
'Susie...you don't know what boys are like. At your age, they want you for all the wrong reasons – '
I glared. 'He's twenty, Mum.'
'That's...a four year age difference,' Mum scowled. 'Why didn't you tell me about him, Suze?'
BECAUSE HE JUST CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD.
'I AM telling you about him!' I said in vexation. 'Today!'
'Honey, you've never been out with a boy in your life, so why are you so – '
'Damn it! Mum, I love him, okay?'
Mum went silent.
'And by God, if you treat me like I've just got a crush, I'll hate you for it,' I said solemnly. 'Please...trust me when I say I love him...'
'Susie...I'm only – '
I cut her off quickly. 'I know you're just trying to protect me from getting hurt; from falling into holes. You've done it all my life and I thank God for it every day. But Jesse's something I'm so, so sure about...he loves me as much as I love him. I'm not just saying that, and there's no room for uncertainty. You don't have to protect me from him, Mum... You can't protect me from love.'
She processed my words for a moment, before stroking my hair. '...All right, baby. I'll trust you on this one then...'
I grinned. 'Thanks.'
'I want you to tell me things from now on,' she added fiercely. 'I should have known about this from the start. I know how confusing it is... I could have helped you – '
'You've always helped me,' I protested. 'My entire life. This was something I had to figure out on my own, I guess.'
I was horrified to hear that she was suddenly crying.
Mum pulled me into a hug. 'I forgot that you're sixteen...' she whispered into my hair. 'I'm sorry, Suze... I keep thinking you're so much younger than you are. That you need me so much more than you actually do...'
She sniffed loudly. 'Gosh, I'm sorry – I don't know why I'm...this is silly...'
'Want to come and meet the guy I love?' I asked her.
She laughed. 'Let me just...go fix my make up, sweetie...'
And when she finally returned, I was able to say those precious words.
'Mum…this is Jesse.'
- 8 -
The barbeque went really well, much to Andy's delight. Brad was in a very bad mood though: Kelly had long since left. By the time it was seven o'clock, we were all stuffing our faces with Andy's masterpieces.
Jesse was eating particularly ravenously. He seemed to have a lust for food, ever since he'd come back. Every taste was exciting for him. I loved hearing his joy… it made me so happy…
Andy had invited a couple of adult friends over, so all the old people went inside and talked about the cold weather, and stuff. It sounded pretty boring. CeeCee and Adam were in Doc's room, hogging his computer and downloading stupid internet comics…something called Burnt Face Man or something.
I was too scared to ask further questions.
Jake and Melinda had left for greener pastures, but it sounded as though she was very into him. And Doc…God only knew where he and his little friend were.
So Jesse and I decided to stay outside.
Well, sort of. We were sitting on my balcony; I was curled up in his lap and he was stroking my hair.
It was a dream…
'So, did my mum twenty-questions you?' I asked him over the fluctuating noise of the wind.
'Fifty questions,' Jesse corrected me. 'I made up many things that I only hope to remain consistent with. She seemed reasonably satisfied when I told her I lived at the rectory and was looking to do some volunteer work in the future…which I shall do whilst Padre is building my identity…'
I smiled, and decided now was the time to be random.
'Paul did it, you know.'
'Paul did what, querida?' he asked a little tonelessly.
'Brought you back…'
Jesse's hands went still on my cold arms. 'Pardon me?'
I recounted my last conversation with Paul Slater, ranging from his confession, to his apology, to his goodbye. Jesse was stunned, to say the least. '…He is not lying?'
'No, 'I said. '…Weird, isn't it? How people can just turn around on you like that? First for the worst, and then for the better.'
Jesse thought about this. 'I would never have guessed he was responsible…Dios….'
'Hah.'
I settled back down, and we idly talked about everything else until it was nine o'clock. That's when the rain started falling.
'Okay, I think it's time we went back inside,' Jesse said firmly, but I sat up and shook my head. 'No…stay with me.'
'Querida, all this rain will be the death of you. It's too cold – '
'Dance with me,' I smiled, my heart starting to thump hard and fast.
'…What?'
He obviously thought I was a nut job.
I repeated my request. What? I wasn't allowed to shock him once in a while? Pfft!
'Susannah…' the rain started falling with even more conviction, 'It's pouring.'
But I was too far gone to care about that. My exhilarating jubilation made me feel so light…like I could see with an omniscient eye. An eye that saw so much more than the regular ones did…
I saw everything for what it truly was. No longer did I see the hate; the evil of mankind. The desire to hurt one another.
Now, I saw differently. I knew differently.
I saw the potential. The love.
Yes, there were a few sick freaks out there. And yes, there were people who didn't regard others' feelings all that much.
But the majority of us cared…so much…
And all I wanted to do now, was dance.
Rain made my hair heavy and frizzy. I threw my arms around his neck, breathing in his saturated scent and resting my face against his shoulder. And then, I danced with him, in the pouring rain…
My heart was immersed in his as we swayed. He laughed. 'You, mi querida, are one strange girl.'
I wrinkled my nose, seemingly looking up at him with humour in my tongue. 'You got a problem with my strangeness, buddy?'
'No,' he said over the hammering of the downpour. 'No…I want it all, Susannah…'
I beamed. 'We've got it all.'
And we did. We had everything we needed, right here.
Him…me…
So what if I was blind. Big deal.
It didn't affect my ability to love.
Not in the slightest.
The End.
Okay. Lolly is done...
ALMOST.
According to the Terrible Two, Steph and Charlotte... I owe ya'll a Fitty Lemon.
Groan.
Despite my claims that I can't WRITE one of these, they aren't relenting... so you might expect that some time in the near future. (Or in the next hour, knowing Steph.) Kidding. Don't expect it in the next hour. Please.
Please, review...
Thank you so much for sticking with the story so long. I love you all SO much. Many, many, MANY squishies for you all. And I only pray that I don't get detention for completely ignoring my weekend's homework...
Lolly.