Chapter 37: You're Kidding, Right?

Once the pair of them were through the doors, it was naught but a left turn and a walk down a short hallway that brought them to her room. The door was closed, and all was quiet inside. A reluctant Padroc stood red-faced next to his cousin as they rapped and knocked and no one came to the door.

"Say something," Sam hissed in Padroc's ear.

"Why don't you say something, since you were so keen on dragging me here." He mumbled back, shamefaced. It was all too obvious that Padroc had no desire to see Merna so soon after what he had just done to her. But Sam was finished with cowards.

"Please, just say 'open the door please, Merna'." Sam whispered again, his fist banging off of the door.

With a sigh, Padroc did as he was asked…

There was no answer. In fact, it seemed as if there was no one in the room at all.

"She's probably sleeping." Padroc explained as he turned to go. "We should just leave her alone."

Sam shook his head stubbornly. "I don't think so." He replied, hand on the doorknob.

OOO

The day was awful. All I could hear from sun up was the roar of laughing, talking, gossiping relatives. It blew any chance I had of sleeping in right out of the water. So, when no one was watching, I snuck down to the kitchen and stole myself an armful of cucumbers, a saltshaker and half a watermelon. I then proceeded to sit in my little room and have my own pity-party.

I didn't know how to feel, really. I mean, I had gotten what I wanted. I had successfully ridden myself of Padroc's admiration and his attempts to ask me for a date with out causing any major damage. It was more than I could say of past experiences.

I convinced myself that I would have been miserable out in the crowds. That I wouldn't have known anyone and that Padroc probably would have ditched me for some cousins with a ball to kick around at his first opportunity.

And so, I sat and doodled on the backs of my maps, drawing myself a cozy little hobbit hole with a huge garden out front as I proceeded to eat my way through six cucumbers and most of the watermelon. I realized too late that I had picked mostly water-based foods, and after finishing off my loot, I was rewarded with a too-full bladder and a headache from all the salt.

My back was sore too, I realized as I shifted my weight. I shouldn't have sat at the stupid desk for so long, it had put a crick in my spine.

With a sigh, I looked back at my drawing, adding a vine creeping up the dome that was the front of my little sketched abode. It was actually quite a pleasing picture. And with some watercolor and a decent brush, it would make a splendid painting.

My heart leaped into my throat, as I looked it over again. There, in the window I had drawn a little likeness of Pippin. It was pretty accurate, and his eyes seemed to look right at me. I quickly smudged the figure out with my thumb. Hating to mire the picture, but not being able to look at it until that was done.

I stopped drawing, packing up the maps and allowing my charcoal to roll off of the table and snap in two on the floor, and went to use the privy. I waddled down the hallway as fast as I could manage, hoping I ran into no one on my way…

OOO

Sam and Padroc burst into the room, nearly on top of each other. It was empty. Sam looked around with dismay, running a hand through his curls as he took in the sights. It was definitely Merna's room; he imagined it even smelled of her. Somehow sweet and mossy, like fresh garden soil, or baby plants.

There was a mass of green rags in the corner, glints of silver in the pile and scattered nearby. The dress she must have been working on. It was in tatters. With a smile, Sam remembered her temper when it came to things not going as planned.

There was a snapped charcoal on the floor, and the bed was a rumpled mess, sheets and blankets kicked down to the end, the pillow dented in the middle, feathers sticking out at one corner. There were hairpins scattered across the bedside table, and a half burned candle with the snuffer still atop it like some kind of absurd hat. A pool of hardened wax had a pair and an extra earring stuck in it.

It was all entirely Merna, but she was nowhere to be seen.

OOO

The door to my room was open.

I quickened my pace, hoping that someone had just had a mix up, and thought that my room was theirs, and forgot to shut the door. It was likely. I had had to listen to doors opening and banging shut all morning as hobbits remembered some treasure in their bags and hastened to retrieve it.

I quickened my pace, and quite nearly ran into my room, and right into someone's back. I stopped short, and took a step back, my eyes flicking back and forth between the two hobbits in my room. I put a hand to my mouth, not believing this was happening.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded as I shut the door behind me with an angry snap. I leaned against it, effectively cutting off any escape of the pair of them.

Padroc just opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water, but Sam, Sam's face just closed up and he took a seat on my bed.

"Somebody better start talking." I mumbled angrily, my heart thudding in my chest.

"I could say the same of you, Mern." Sam answered flatly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You two know each other?" I asked, motioning to Padroc.

Sam shrugged. "He's my cousin." Again, he gave nothing away in the tone of his voice.

I shook my head. I should have known. I HAD thought that some of Padroc's mannerisms and behaviors had seemed too familiar. Sometimes the way he blushed, or mumbled something had reminded me of someone, I just hadn't been able to place whom. But now, seeing them both in the same room, I could identify a similar face shape, and they both had similar eyes, though different colors.

Padroc's gaze was bouncing from Sam to me, his eyes wide, confused. "You two know each other?" He asked the question again.

"Yes." We both answered at once.

And all of the sudden I felt like crying. I couldn't believe that Sam was really here. I didn't want to talk to him anymore, but at the same time, I felt like telling him everything. My heart was racing, and the blood seemed to drain from my head, all of the sudden it felt all floaty and empty. I needed to sit down. I needed to be alone.

"Get out." I said, gasping as I pushed past Padroc so I could get to the desk chair.

He fled the room, the door shutting behind him with a small muted thud. My ears were roaring. I put my head on the desk, covered my eyes with my hands. I had meant for both of them to leave, but Sam had not moved.

"I expected more of you, Merna." He said quietly.

"Don't." I said, I could hear the tears in my voice, and I hoped he hadn't.

"I never pegged you as the type that ran away." I could hear the undertones of anger in his voice. The tears burning at the backs of my eyes threatened to spill over. I could feel a hard crumble of something under my cheek; but I didn't dare lift my head.

"Don't." I sucked in a gulp of air trying to calm down and quiet my heart. I wanted him to stop talking. I knew what he was going to say next. I had already said it myself, over and over in my head; I didn't want to hear his voice saying the words I knew so well.

But it seemed this wasn't about what I wanted, and Sam wasn't about to just let it drop.

"You really did a number on Frodo. He's retreated back inside himself again. He's back the way he was after he lost that stupid ring." Sam spat. So he was angry with me. Because of what I did to Frodo, just as I had known he would be. I pressed my palms over my ears, not wanting to hear any more and felt the tears start to slip down my face. I could still hear the murmur of his voice, but I couldn't distinguish the words.

"Don't." I whispered again. The baby somersaulted and I felt my stomach jump up in my throat.

It was quiet now. I took my hands off of my ears; my head I left on the desk.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" He mumbled quietly.

I swallowed, and jerked my head up as I turned to look at him. The room spun, but I ignored it. I knew I looked horrible, my hair must have been sticking up in six different places, my eyes red from holding tears back and then from crying anyway, charcoal smudged on my cheek from the desk.

I took a deep breath, it was shaky but it helped. "I don't know what to do, Sam," my voice broke on his name.

He seemed taken aback to see me crying. It wasn't something that I did often, and never in the presence of others if I could help it. He pulled his lip in between his teeth and gawped for a second. I took this for encouragement and continued.

"I'm horrible. I know I hurt Frodo, I know I hurt Pippin. I know how angry you all are, and I know that I deserve it! I just…I don't know what to do! I haven't for a while now, Sam. I never meant to end up here. I thought I would just…I don't know. Walk and clear my head. That morning, I just threw some things into a bag and dashed out of the door, I thought it would make things better." I wailed.

Sam stood up and held his arms out. I shook my head at him. He didn't need to comfort me, and he didn't need to feel sorry either. I deserved all of this and more by far.

With a sigh, he came over and plucked me out of my chair, enfolding me in a hug so tight I thought I might break. I put my chin on his shoulder and soaked up the feeling of being held again. Sam was like a brother to me now. I brother I had missed dearly, and too badly to ever really know. I fisted my hands in his shirt and held on, not wanting to let go, or be let go of.

I don't know how long we stood like that. Eventually my heart stopped thudding so hard, and my nose stopped running so badly. There were still tears sliding down my face.

"I'm so sorry, Sam." I whispered.

Instead of acknowledging my apology he just answered with "Boy, I've missed you."

My heart felt like it was going to rip in two when I heard that. After all I had done. I pulled out of his embrace reluctantly. "Is Frodo really that bad off?" I asked quietly.

Sam nodded. "I don't like seeing him the way he is. He's missed you terribly as well."

I felt the weight of what I had done to Frodo settle back on my shoulders as if it had never left. "And Pippin?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

Sam put a hand under my chin, and looked me square in the eyes, a small smile playing on his lips. "Pippin is another story."

OOO

And there it is folks. Hmm…what can I say. Thank you to all that reviewed. DJ Took, its been a while hasn't it? And ArwenEvenstar, I just love your reviews! They're always long, for a start, and I really get into your analysis. That's what advanced English classes will do you to I guess! Oh, DJ T, thanks for the compliment on my writing skills, a craftsman is always pleased to hear her work is appreciated!

Thanks to all for the encouragement on the friend-front. I am now one back-cleveing rumor spreading bi-atch less, so perhaps my junior year will suck, but hey, hardship builds character right?

I have also updated my profile and it now includes a link that will bring up a page on the net with my pic on it...for those of you who have wondered what i look like. Tah!

PLK