A/N: #LongLiveLongmire
This chapter is double my normal length because I probably won't be able to update this until the weekend. If you can't get enough of our favorite couple check out my other story Long Live Longmire. Thank you for taking the time to review and for your messages. There's lots more in store for Vic and Walt!
I cut into my scrambled eggs and take a bite of toast when Vic asks, "When did you know?"
"When did I know what?" I ask with the eggs tucked in the corner of my mouth.
"When did you know you liked me?"
"I always liked you."
"Walt, come on are you gonna make me play 20 fucking questions." She breaks off the top of her breakfast muffin and slowly nibbles the crisp edges.
I actually wasn't playing 20 questions I was just answering her question but I smile because I finally get the clue, "Ah well, when did I like you." I pause because I know when I started thinking of her as a woman and not as my deputy but then I remember the exact moment I thought of her as a woman I was falling in love with and that's a whole different beast all together.
"In all fairness Vic, I always liked you, you are a pretty interesting person but to get to what I think you're asking is that I started to think of you as a woman and not as my deputy when you were accidentally shot by Omar. You were hopped up on the tranquilizer and you were pissed, I mean really pissed, and you told me I was a real man. It hit me like a ton of bricks because it made me think of you as a real woman."
The corners of her lips turn upward and she lowers her head. She tears her muffin into pieces and just stares at it. I can tell there's more she wants to say and taking a risk at reassuring her I slowly continue, "I knew I was starting to fall in love with you when I went and had a man to man with Gorski. You see, you weren't just my deputy who needed help, and you weren't just a woman who needed a little protection, you were the woman I was solely interested in and whose safety, protection, and happiness were my only concern. I was willing to risk my professional reputation and possibly my career by threatening a man under the color of my authority. Walking out of his motel room for a fraction of a second there I stopped and turned back and looked in his direction because I understood the gravity of my actions but more so why I did it. Clearly, I was falling in love with you."
Vic reaches out and takes my hand. Her thumb caresses the top of my hand.
"Are you starting to have second thoughts about us? About all of this?"
"No, Walt, I'm not. I'm really happy. Just being silly that's all."
Our eyes linger and I decide to ask what's been on my mind, "Is seeing Sean giving you second thoughts?"
She looks up at me the same way a suspect does when you have hit upon a truth, a part of the story, they never figured you would figure out.
"Not second thoughts about us."
"You afraid you gave up on your marriage too soon?"
"Actually no, my marriage was crap for a long time, a very long time. Sean was never Mr. Right he was more like Mr. Right Now. I wasn't being fair to him, really. "
I just listen and I drink my coffee.
"I'm beginning to wonder about myself. Like why did I allow myself to begin falling for you when I was still married? What kind of woman does that make me?"
"What do you mean, Vic?"
"I mean I allowed that emotional closeness, that bond between us to develop. We may not have slept together while I was married but I gave you everything else, my heart, my feelings, my thoughts, they were all yours. "
She pauses and looks at our hands still clasped, "just has me thinking that's all."
I'm not exactly sure what to say so I retreat to my comfortable space of silence.
We finish our breakfast; pack up for our trip home, without a word spoken between us. Waiting for the elevator, my bag is thrown over my shoulder, my head is hanging down and I can feel myself retreating further into my mind, building barricades for protection but I don't want to make the mistakes I've made in the past were I run so far to seek shelter it's almost impossible to find me. I look over at Vic, her eyes are fixed on the elevator number display, but I don't detect any emotion on her face and I wonder if she is running for cover, too?
I reach over and take her bag out of her hands and sling it over my other shoulder.
"I can carry that."
I just nod my head and close my eyes telling her not to even think about arguing with me.
The elevator door opens and the car is empty, thank goodness, we step on and I turn to Vic and genuinely ask, "Are we having a fight?"
She smiles at me, "No, but I think I'm having a major freak out."
That doesn't make me think any better about this situation.
"Ok"
The valet brings the truck around. I tip him and we head for home. We have managed to escape any foul weather but it's cold and I take our time getting back to Durant hoping the atmosphere will change once we see familiar landscape.
Our drive is nearly silent.
I need to let her think and I do just that as this moment comes as no surprise to me. I just got there before she did and thought about all of this already. My meltdown was a little ugly but I understand the feeling she is going through and I will be here on the other side when she works her way through them.
About half-way home, I spy a coffee shop sign ahead and think I could use a cup of coffee to warm me up instead of the heat in the truck which may make me sleepy.
"You want a cup of coffee?"
She snaps her head toward my direction when my words break the silence in the truck.
"Walt, I'm sorry."
"For what, not wanting a cup of Joe?" My attempt to redirect is strictly fear based and I am a little surprised by the effort. When she doesn't give me shit for making a bad joke I begin to worry.
"I could use a cup to warm me up. I kinda got used to you keeping me warm on our drives," referring to the distance between us in the cab.
"It was when you were drunk and you called Lizzie. You said you had cheated on Martha."
"What?"
"That's when I started to think of you as a man and not my boss and definitely not as the Sheriff."
I take the coffee shop exit and park in their parking lot hoping my silence and stillness encourage her to continue.
"The irony of course is that I pushed you toward Lizzie. My intentions were 100% legitimate. I figured some attractive female attention with the possibility you getting laid, a very high possibility, would be a good thing for you. What I didn't expect was for my feelings to change."
She looks over at me because this is the point I'm supposed to get, "I realized I was falling in love with you when I saw you at the hospital after Cady was hit. I remember the exact moment. I sat next to you on the arm of the chair and at some point, I began thinking how I wanted to hold you in my arms and tell you that I loved you. I snatched my hand back from touching you because if I hadn't I would have crossed my boundaries that day."
"I remember that day. That's the same day I told Lizzie that I made a mistake sleeping with her the night before. That she and I were wrong. We were wrong. You touching me, comforting me, you see Vic, I felt it too."
I reach out, take her hand, and press it between my hands.
"I never knew that."
I don't want to say what I have to say to her but I forge ahead because it's the right thing to do, "If you want to give you marriage another chance I won't give you any trouble."
"Have you lost your fucking mind?" The sudden octave shocking my brain, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Haven't you heard a word I've said, fuck, Walt, honestly sometimes you can be so fucking stupid."
I laugh. I laugh from the relief but from the wondrous foul-mouthed beauty sitting next to me.
"I fucking love you, alright. I don't want anyone else, ever. It's the ever part that has me a little fucked up right now but I'm working on it."
Still smiling, "Hey you were the one waxing poetic over in the corner of the truck."
"That's because I know if I touch you I'm going to be weak and I need to process all the things I'm feeling. This is all new to me, Walt. I've never felt anything like this."
I grab the sleeve of her jacket and pull her towards me, meeting her half way; I kiss her softly and slowly, letting her know I understand.
"See, that gets me all weak"
I kiss her again.
"Weak all over"
I kiss her deeply while thinking of how much I love her never wanting to let her go.
When we finally break for air, the windows are fogged up, and I smile. I can see the love she has for me looking back at me.
"Go get your fucking coffee and get me home."
"You in a hurry?"
"Yeah, Mr. Longmire, I have some love to make and you are keeping me from it."