Chapter 37

Somewhere inside the safe haven she had created for herself in her sleep, Melissa heard a man calling her name. She watched herself turn her head, looking for whoever it was.

"Melissa," she heard again and she realized it was coming from somewhere else. Somewhere outside.

She opened her eyes to see Rick's face looking into hers. It was daylight, but barely.

"You're having a nightmare," he said.

No I'm not, you dick, she thought to herself, but as she propped herself up on her elbows all she could say out loud was "Oh."

As she looked around she realized that she was no longer in her safe place and she suddenly found herself worried, almost panicked.

"What's wrong?" She asked anxiously, jerking herself up to a seated position.

"It's your watch," he replied. Melissa took a breath, grateful that he hadn't said We're Under Attack instead.

As Melissa climbed down Rick extended a hand to help her. She allowed it. She figured it was the least she could do after calling him a dick, even if it was only in her head.

He waited for her in the commons area as she got dressed. Soon they were standing on the loading dock, looking at the morning sky and the pinks and yellows and oranges that it held as the day softly unfolded before them. It was almost mocking them, how beautiful it was. As if it already knew how ugly things would become, but decided to taunt them anyway.

"Have you given any thought as to our discussion?" Rick asked, suddenly breaking the silence.

"I've thought about it," she replied without returning his gaze. It was practically all she could think about.

Rick stared at her, waiting for her answer. She could feel his eyes burning into her. She took a breath and turned to face him.

"I understand what it means to you. I really do. But, turning my back on the rest of you… leaving you to…," she stopped, unable to finish her sentence. "I don't know how to do that. How do I do that?"

"Life is full of choices. Most of them aren't easy, God knows. I never said this one would be easy either, but at least you'd be giving Carl and Judith a chance."

When it was clear that she didn't know what else to say he decided he could deal with giving her more time to think it over, but not much.

"Let me know by noon," he said as he turned to leave.

As he made his way back to the cell block he tried to consider what she must be going through. Melissa had always been willing to help, always doing what was asked of her. It was the knowledge that, while she would be protecting some, she would be leaving others to die, that was what she was struggling with. Melissa had never had to make a decision like that before. They weren't easy decisions to make. That kind of knowledge can weigh heavily on your heart and your mind and if anyone could understand what that was like it was Rick.

But, the more he thought about it the more he felt confident that she would come through for him. And if she was willing to leave behind people she cared for in order to protect the people he cared for most in the word, his children, he knew he should at least consider doing something that he knew could save them all.

Which was why Rick decided that it was time to tell the truth about their options.

. . .

Melissa knew something was off that morning. Something more than the impending threat of war, more than the decision she needed to make. She wasn't sure what it was. But she could feel it. It was in the air. She noticed it the most with Rick and Daryl, as if they knew something the rest of them didn't. She didn't want to say anything in front of the others, but when an opportunity presented itself she didn't hesitate to ask.

She was walking through the prison, on her way back from her morning watch duty when Rick spotted her.

"Melissa," he called out. She stopped and waited for him to catch up to her. When he did they walked together and he got right to the business of explaining what it was he wanted from her.

"I've got a group headed outside to get some things ready for the attack. I need someone to make sure all the guns are full of ammo, packed up and carried to the designated areas. Can you take care of that for me?"

"Sure," she agreed.

They walked in silence a moment. She bit her lip, unsure if she should even ask when the feeling suddenly overwhelmed her. She took a deep breath and tucked a strand of hair that fell out of her braid behind her ear.

"Is everything okay?" She asked.

"Somebody say somethin'?"

"No. Just a feeling I have. Like something's not right."

Rick looked at her with curious, almost suspicious eyes and she was sure there was something he wasn't telling her.

"Just a lot to do to get ready," he said objectively.

She bit her lip and nodded. If there was something, she now knew that she wasn't included in the inner circle this time.

"I'll see you in a bit," he called out without stopping as they reached the entrance to C-block.

Melissa watched him continue out the door to join the others outside. She didn't envy him. She figured it must be exhausting, keeping track of who to keep secrets from. Who was in and who was out. As she headed into the commons area she spotted Beth alone with the baby and headed over to them.

"How's she doin'," Melissa asked with a grin as she gently rubbed her finger on Judith's cheek.

"Fussy," Beth smiled. "I think she's tired."

"She had a late night last night. I'll watch her while she naps if you want to head outside with the others to get some air," Melissa offered.

Beth smiled and gladly passed the baby over to Melissa.

"Thanks, I've been stuck inside all morning," she said as she placed a burp rag over Melissa's shoulder and turned to leave the room.

"Not. A. Problem," Melissa almost sang. "I get the better end of this deal, anyway. Don't I, Jude?" She said in a soft voice to the little girl in her arms.

Beth was right. If Melissa had any doubt over whether or not Judith would nap so she could get her work done, that doubt was gone the second she looked in her eyes.

"Aww, you are tired. Aren't you, baby girl?"

She adjusted her grip on Judith, holding her closer to her chest as she gently swayed side to side. She felt the baby rub her eyes on Melissa's shoulder and make a few soft whimpering sounds. Melissa responded with a long, gentle shush and looked down the stretch of cells to make sure she was alone. Once she was sure she began to sing to the baby in a soft, slow, soothing melody.

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you

Tomorrow I'll miss you

Remember I'll always be true

And then when I'm away

I'll write home every day

And I'll send all my loving to you."

Melissa's voice echoed through the empty cell block. The baby seemed to like the singing. Her eyes were getting heavier, so she kept going.

"I'll pretend that I'm kissing

The lips I am missing

And hope that my dreams will come true

And then when I'm away

I'll write home every day

And I'll send all my loving to you."

The baby was asleep by the time Melissa got through the second verse. She stopped singing and started to lay the baby down in her crib. She was surprised when, suddenly, the sound of a baritone started singing the chorus, picking up right where she left off.

"All my lovin', I will send to you. All my lovin' darlin' be truuue. Those are the right words ain't they?"

Following the voice, Melissa looked up to the balcony to see Merle standing overhead looking down at her.

"Jesus Christ, Merle." She expressed her frustration in a gentle voice, but only for the baby's sake.

"Don't stop now, Hannah Montana," Merle joked. "We can sing ourselves a duet."

She couldn't stop herself from giving him a dirty look. She put her finger to her mouth and pointed to the baby's crib as she made her way to prepare the weapons.

"You got a decent voice," Merle said from above.

"Beth is the singer," Melissa responded, not looking up as she began loading the first gun.

"What's that make you?"

"Busy," she retorted.

Merle smiled at her sarcasm. He wasn't offended by her attitude. He liked it.

"You're quite the multi-tasker, Pollyanna. Singin' babies to sleep and loadin' guns. Makes me wonder what else I don't know about 'cha."

Melissa rolled her eyes again, but kept it to herself as she set the first gun to the side and went to work on another. "Don't you have someone else to bug?"

"Nah, I'd much rather bug you."

"Lucky me."

"What's with the hostility, Britney?"

Surprised by his seeming ignorance, Melissa stopped loading. She dropped her hands on the table and looked up at him. "Are you serious right now?"

Melissa knew he wasn't that dumb to be oblivious to anyone's attitude toward him. He practically encouraged it.

He shrugged. "I'm no angel, I suppose."

"Got that right," she fired back as she busied her hands with weapons and ammo once again.

Merle smiled. "You ain't like you was back at the camp. A little girl, runnin' around, scared of her own shadow."

"It wasn't my shadow I was afraid of, it was my father's."

"You're different. Tougher, but still sweet when you want to be. Obviously loyal. Pretty to look at. I can see why he likes ya."

Melissa hadn't meant to give anything away, but she couldn't bring herself to keep her hands going when he said it. She paused just for a second, but didn't look at him. Mentally kicking herself for not playing it off better, for not being able to pretend like she didn't know what he was talking about, she closed her eyes and told herself to get back to work.

"Still, the question remains," Merle continued. "Why do you like him?"

"He's a good guy," she answered honestly, keeping her head down and her hands busy.

"You don't know him."

"I know him better you think I do."

"Ya mean in the biblical sense?"

She looked up at him without meaning to. Merle grinned devilishly and raised his eyebrows at her.

"You're infuriating," she fired back calmly, trying to appear indifferent. She was confident Merle didn't know about them and she refused to give Daryl up.

"Maybe I'm just tryin' to figure out what's really goin' on here."

"What you see is what you get, Merle."

"Bullshit. You people have more secrets than a teenager's diary," he fired back.

"What are you really after?"

"Maybe I'm just sick of feelin' like nobody wants me here. Tired of being the outcast."

"Daryl wants you here. And if you're the outcast it's only because you've made yourself one."

"How so?"

"Well, for one, you could be helping us get ready. Maybe if you made an effort; showed some loyalty to our side, everyone would lighten up a little. Instead you're standing up there asking me questions that are none of your business."

"My baby brother is my business and my loyalty ends with him. Now, what do you want from him?" His tone was rough and accusatory, his eyes dark and it suddenly dawned on Melissa what he was after.

"You don't know what you're talking about," she said, telling herself to stay calm.

"I know exactly. All hell breaks loose then someone like him comes along. Strong, protective, able to put food on the table. He must've looked like a damned super hero."

"It's not like that," she said gently.

"Sure it is. Admit it. Before all this happened you wouldn't have looked at him twice. He would have been nothin' to you. Now he ain't nothin' more than a man to hide behind."

"It amazes me how little you actually know about him. And you know even less about me."

"I know enough."

Melissa wanted to scream. She couldn't take anymore. He knew nothing. Yet, she completely understood why Merle was putting her through the ringer. He wanted her to get angry. He would see it as a sign that his suspicions of her were accurate. It was obvious what Merle was accusing her of. In his own, dysfunctional way, he was just being protective, but there was no way she was going to let him get away with it. So, she did the opposite. She stayed calm and looked up at him, right into his eyes, and held back nothing.

"I love him," she confessed gently. "That's the truth."

She felt like she was throwing herself to the wolves. Or to the walkers as one would call it these days. But, as she watched the expression on his face change she realized it had been the right thing to do. He hadn't expected her to say that. The way he seemed to hesitate instead of quick firing like he usually did convinced her she caught him off guard. And it was clear. Not only did she throw him off, he believed her.

"He love you back?" He asked as he stood from his slouching position over the balcony and slowly walked toward the stairs.

Melissa suddenly realized she didn't know the answer to Merle's question. Not completely. It's not like Daryl had ever told her. But even if she suspected that he did love her, she still refused to give him up.

"No," she said in little more than a whisper.

Merle raised his eyebrows and began slowly descending the stairs. "Probably for the best. Times like these you gotta be able to put yourself first."

"Look where that got you," she remarked as she started to get back to work.

Merle chuckled at her reply. As he reached the bottom of the stairs he walked to her table and took it upon himself to sit opposite her. She watched him cautiously as he picked up a gun. It made her nervous and he could tell.

"Just tryin' to help. That's what you wanted, right?" He grinned, only Melissa noticed that it seemed to be a more genuine smile as opposed to his typical dirty smirk. He started loading the gun with his one good hand and, as Melissa watched him she felt herself relax a little.

It was quiet for a moment as the two loaded guns together and Melissa wondered if this act somehow signified an understanding between the two of them.

"I appreciate your loyalty to your brother," Melissa offered kindly, breaking the silence. "Saw it in your eyes back in Woodbury the day you found me in the woods, when you asked me if he was alive. I could see how much he meant to you."

"Loyalty's everything to a Dixon. Of course, he did run off with you after that, didn't he?"

"Yeah well, he ran off with you the next time, so I guess we're even," she smiled.

Merle smiled back, amused.

"We have more in common than you realize, Merle. Mothers that died young, abusive fathers, younger siblings we'd do anything to protect."

Merle looked up at Melissa defensively and she wondered if she had overstepped, bringing up the abusive father connection. Perhaps she wasn't supposed to know about that. But, after a beat, Merle's face softened and he seemed to let it go.

"Ah, truth is I wasn't always there for Daryl," he admitted. "Guess there's nothin' worse than lettin' down someone you're s'pose to look after."

Suddenly a memory of Sophia screaming and running into the woods off the highway flashed through Melissa's mind. It was the last time she saw her alive.

"That's very true," Melissa whispered, more to herself than to Merle.

Merle noticed the sad expression on Melissa's face. He waited a moment to see if she would elaborate, but she didn't and he didn't ask. They went back to loading the guns, neither of them speaking again. They were nearly finished when they could hear some of the others coming inside. Merle stopped and stood up. He began to cross the room and Melissa figured he didn't want to be seen helping her for some reason.

"Hey, Merle," she said quickly while it was still just the two of them. "It's not too late to come through for him."

He held her gaze for a moment and Melissa could see he was working something out in his head. She wished she knew what, but felt it wasn't her place to ask. Then as Hershel, Maggie and Beth filtered inside Melissa felt Merle pull away and she put her head down and got back to work. When she was finished she packed the guns and enough ammo for herself, Maggie and Glenn into a large duffle bag and made her way to the crosswalk.

As she stepped out onto the crosswalk she could see that Maggie and Glenn had busied themselves with providing plenty of cover for the area. As she surveyed their work she smiled to herself approvingly.

"Hey," she suddenly heard from beneath her. She looked down to see Daryl standing on the concrete below.

"Hey," she replied. It was the first time she had seen him since the night before and she couldn't stop herself from smiling, almost blushingly, down at him. She was suddenly filled with a warm sensation, not unlike the night before, but not the same either. It wasn't desire, but contentment she felt and for the first time in what felt like a long time she began to believe that everything was going to be okay. They were going to work it out. She knew it.

He smiled back softly and she couldn't help but think that his thoughts were mirroring hers. The look in his eyes confirmed her belief and she knew he felt it too.

"Daryl," they both heard coming from behind him and back by the gate. They looked to see that Rick was gesturing for his help. Daryl glanced back to Melissa and the two exchanged a short, but meaningful gaze before he turned his back to her and walked toward Rick and the others.

She watched him for a moment before laying the guns and ammo down for Maggie and Glenn then she heading up to the roof. As she climbed up through the hatch to the top she stood and took a quick look around. It really was beautiful up there. That was the thing about life that always fascinated her; the way it surprised you. The way it took you down paths you never could have expected. She never would have expected that the view from a prison rooftop could be as beautiful as that one was, just like she never would have expected to fall in love with Daryl. Yet, there she was.

She sat alone on the roof for a while, looking out over the property. As she stared at the walkers in the yard she had a thought. She picked up her rifle and lay on her belly, propping herself up onto her elbows. She looked through the scope and practiced her aim. She didn't actually shoot any walkers in an effort not to waste any bullets, but she pretended to. After she'd aimed the rifle at quite a few of the walkers she studied the property surrounding the prison with her scope, looking for any sign of Woodbury before she headed down.

It was then that she saw Merle dragging Michonne into the woods.

. . .

Melissa flew through the halls of the prison. Running as fast as she possibly could, she all but exploded out of the nearest exit door. The exterior of the prison appeared to be empty and she was about to head back inside to look for the others in the cell block when she spotted Daryl, alone out on the concrete courtyard. He was walking briskly and she realized he was in a hurry, but she wasn't sure where to.

"Daryl!" She called out without slowing down. He stopped and turned back to face her then made his way to her, closing the distance quickly.

"It's Merle," Melissa said breathlessly as they caught up to each other. "He kidnapped Michonne. I saw him dragging her into the woods."

"Which way?" Daryl asked.

"I'll show you," Melissa offered, breaking into another run. Daryl ran alongside her until they got to the parameter fence on the side of the prison. They spotted the hole Merle had cut in the chain link and Daryl wasted no time. He passed his rifle to Melissa, adjusted the crossbow strapped to his back and moved toward the fence.

"What the hell is he up to?" She asked.

"No time to explain. Patch it up," he instructed as he passed through and began to make his way.

"Daryl," Melissa called out suddenly, causing him to look back at her over his shoulder. "Be careful."

He gave her a knowing look and just like that he was off. As she watched him disappear into the trees Melissa took a deep breath and ran back to the prison to find something to patch up the fence. When she was finished she went back to the prison to look for Rick, hoping to find out what in the hell was going on. But Carl found her first.

"Hey," he called out. "My Dad's looking for you. We're having a meeting."

"Did he say what it was about?" She asked.

"No, he just wants to talk to everyone."

Melissa nodded, signaling for him to lead the way. Carl led her to a table outside where everyone was already gathered. Rick watched her as she walked in and she immediately understood from his expression that all was about to be revealed. Most of the group sat at the picnic table, but Melissa was too agitated to sit. Instead she leaned against a wall, bent her knee and propped her foot on the bricks behind her. She crossed her arms and looked back at Rick, anxious for him to begin.

"When I met with the Governor he offered me a deal," he started. "He said he would leave us alone if I gave him Michonne."

Melissa felt her lips part. She gasped faintly, almost inaudibly as it dawned on her why Merle had taken Michonne. Rick told him to.

"And I was gonna do that," Rick admitted. "To keep us safe."

Melissa stared down at the cement beneath her, unable to look at Rick. For the first time in a long time she didn't know what to feel.

"I changed my mind," Rick continued. "But now Merle took Michonne to fulfill the deal and Daryl went to stop him and I don't know if it's too late. I was wrong not to tell you. And I'm sorry."

Melissa listened as Rick continued, speaking of the night they spent together in the wild, exposed, after the farm was overrun by the herd walkers. It was the night Rick had declared that their group was no longer a democracy. As he continued, explaining that he no longer believed that it should be that way; that it couldn't be that way any longer, that the entire group was the reason they were all still alive, not him, Melissa realized that he was right. He was not their Governor and he didn't want to be. How they chose to live was up to all of them. And that was the way it should have been all along.

Rick left them with the option to stay and fight or to go. And as she watched him walk away, it suddenly dawned on her what she needed to do.

. . .

Rick stood atop the nearest guard tower looking through the scope of his rifle, surveying the property when Melissa found him. When he heard her approaching he turned to see she was standing behind him. He lowered his arms and hung the strap of the rifle over his shoulder. She walked up next to him and wrapped her hands around the railing, looking out at the trees. After a brief silence between the two Melissa spoke.

"Everyone's heading inside to pack their things," she started.

Melissa watched as he put his head down and nodded to himself as if he was mentally accepting the group's decision to leave.

"Later, as we're carrying everything out to the cars I want you to be out there, looking after what goes in each one. One of them needs to be for your family, Beth and Hershel. And me. We need clothes, food, water, formula and medical supplies. And plenty of gas."

Rick stood up straighter, understanding perfectly what she meant. Not only were they going to stay and fight, as planned, but she was accepting his request. His eyes filled with gratitude and he watched her, giving her his full attention as she spoke.

"Before they come you're going to drive the others out into the woods where you showed me. You're going to leave them the car, telling them it's for them to take if things go south. But, I want you to tell Hershel the truth. If you don't want anyone else to know that's fine, but someone needs to know besides us."

"Okay," Rick agreed.

Melissa nodded, signaling to him that she was finished. "Okay," she repeated. She turned to make her way back into the prison to get her things ready.

"Melissa," Rick called, stopping her. "Thank you," he said gently and she could see the appreciation in his eyes.

"I'm glad did what you did, with Michonne. You made the right call. It got me thinkin'. You shouldn't have to make all the hard decisions. Making one is hard enough. I wish I could protect everyone I care about. But at least I can protect some of them."

"I know the feeling," he replied.

Melissa turned to leave again, but stopped as she suddenly found her eyes drawn through the window of the guard tower to the room inside. As memories of what had taken place there between herself and Daryl the night before flooded back to her she felt her chest begin to pound and she turned back to face Rick once more.

"Rick," she said. "Don't ask me to leave unless there's absolutely no other way."

Rick could see in her eyes how serious she was and he nodded back in confirmation. After a beat he looked back out into the distance. Melissa watched as he raised his rifle, looking through the scope, and it was clear something had caught his attention.

"What is it?" Melissa asked. She squinted her eyes and looked in the direction his rifle was pointing. That was when she saw Michonne walking back to the prison.

And she was alone.

Sorry for the delay, loyal readers. Hope this long chapter makes up for my busy schedule! To those of you who loved the last chapter, thank you so much! And to those who have taken the time to review and/or PM me your comments, a big THANK YOU to you as well. I love hearing from you guys. More exciting chapters to come...

Chapter 37 Playlist:

The Beatles - All My Loving

John Murphy – Mercado Nuevo