A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does.
Thanks to goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, and bugsmama07 for pre-reading this. :)
Thanks to MariahajilE for keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. :)
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Chapter Thirty-Six
It was warm. My body was so warm and comfortable. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt that way. I was asleep, though slowly inching toward consciousness, yet I didn't want to wake up because I was so warm. And I felt too good. Almost jelly-like, or squishy, or melted. Yeah, I was melting slowly and peacefully, and I loved it.
Then I felt something tighten around, me and my eyelids fluttered. I didn't want to wake up and have the warm, happy feelings disappear, but when my eyes opened, I was surprised to see that my reality was even better than my dreams had been. I was still curled up next to Edward, his arms wrapped around me and holding me close to his body, and I was still very, very naked. As my eyes adjusted to the dark of the room, I realized quickly that there was no light coming through the window shades, and Edward's alarm hadn't gone off yet, so it was early. I couldn't see the alarm clock that sat on the nightstand because it was on the other side of Edward, and I didn't want to move enough to look over him. I didn't want to move at all – ever – so I just lay there looking up at him, taking him in.
His face looked so relaxed and peaceful, and as I watched him, I remembered another morning when I'd done nearly the same thing.
It was the day after Alec's funeral, and Edward had stayed the night. My parents were sleeping in the office and the kids in their bedrooms, and I'd awoken in the guest room. I wasn't totally sure how I'd ended up there, but after a few minutes, I recalled Edward helping me into bed after I'd tucked in my children.
I got up, slowly making my way to the kitchen with one goal in mind – making coffee. As I walked past the family room, I saw a foot hanging over the edge of the sofa and it made me pause. Quietly, I stepped into the room and to the back of the couch, only to find Edward sound asleep, curled up on his side with a blanket thrown over his body. His shoes lay on the floor next to the sofa, and he was still wearing the dress clothes he'd worn for the funeral. I doubted he was very comfortable in them, but as I watched him, I studied his face and saw how peaceful and at ease he looked. There was no worry there, no sadness or despair. His lips were pressed together in a little pucker, and his hands rested under his face as he softly breathed in and out.
How was he managing? Jane had only been dead for two weeks, and yet it seemed like he wasn't affected at all by her passing. He had to have been consumed with his own grief, yet he was so worried about me. He'd been such a rock for me and my children, always there to help in any way we'd needed him. Ever since the day he and Alec had talked in the hospital, Edward had been hyperaware of my needs. I wasn't sure why that was, but I also didn't question it because I knew I needed him. I needed him and his help, support, encouragement... him. I needed him.
"Hey," he whispered as I stood there watching him. I hadn't noticed that he'd woken up, but when I looked back at his face, he was looking at me with tired eyes. And all the despair, sadness, and hurt that had been missing just moments earlier were back on his face, showing through in the lines and creases and wrinkles caused by his expression.
"Good morning. You stayed," I said, more as a statement since it wasn't much of a question.
"Yeah. Emily was asleep, and I wanted to be here if you needed anything."
I nodded. "Thank you. For everything. I don't know what I'd do without you here," I confessed to him, my voice growing softer as I spoke.
"Of course. Anything you need, Bella. I'm here for you and the kids."
"I know," I whispered, feeling my eyes begin to tear up.
"Hey, hey," he said, standing from the sofa and moving around the back to where I stood. "It's okay. You're gonna be okay," he said, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against him.
"How can it ever be okay without Alec here?" I mumbled into his chest as I started to cry. He held me, tight yet gentle, supporting me and holding me up when I needed it. After several minutes, my tears began to slow down and I heard movement somewhere else in the house. I wasn't sure if it was my children or my parents, but I knew I needed to appear a little more in control before they found me. "Thank you," I said to Edward, pulling away from him and looking up to meet his eyes.
"You're welcome. How about some coffee? Maybe some breakfast? I could make something, or we've got a lot of leftovers in there."
I sniffled and wiped at my eyes. "I promised the kids they could have cake for breakfast."
Edward smiled at me. "Well, we've got plenty of that, too. Let's go get things started, 'cause I think they're up and movin' already."
I followed him into the kitchen and let him lead me into the first day of the rest of my life.
"Hey," Edward's groggy voice said, and I looked up at him.
"Morning," I said with a smile.
"What time is it?" he asked.
"I don't know. I was too comfortable to move and look at the clock."
He smiled and sighed. "It is pretty comfortable here, huh? Are you cold?" he asked as his hands moved over my bare back.
"No, I'm really warm, actually. It's kinda great." There was no blanket over us, no sheet from the bed, either - just me with Edward's leg draped over mine, his arms around my waist, his body on its side, slightly leaning over me, and his rumpled clothes against my bare skin.
"Me, too."
We lay together for a few minutes until the alarm on his phone suddenly started to beep.
"I guess we know what time it is," he said, then reached behind him to the nightstand, so he could turn off the alarm.
"What time do you think Emily will be up?" I asked.
"I'd guess by around 6 or 6:30. She's an early riser; that's for sure."
"I guess that comes with the territory," I said, smiling up at him. With him and Alec working construction, we were all used to early mornings and early bed times. I couldn't even remember the last time my children had slept past 8:00 in the morning, though I was hoping they might start doing that, especially if Edward and I were to have any future sleepovers. I was feeling greedy, and I wanted as much time with him as I could get.
"How you feelin' this morning?" he softly asked. His hand slid up my back to my hair, and instantly, I remembered every moment of the night before. It was amazing and perfect, until I realized I hadn't returned the favor and Edward had most likely fallen asleep very aroused and uncomfortable.
Looking up at him a little sheepishly, I smiled. "Good. I'm good. Are you okay?"
"I'm great, yeah. I had fun last night."
"Me, too. It was incredible."
The smile on his face seemed to grow to about 10 times its previous size. "Yeah? Incredible, huh?" he asked, slowly nodding his head as he continued to smile.
"Yes. Incredible. And now I feel horrible, because I didn't pay you back."
"What?" he asked, and his smile was suddenly replaced with a look of confusion.
"You know, I didn't do anything for you. In return. You made me feel like... that... and I just went to sleep afterward."
"Bella, that wasn't about you doing something for me. Don't think that you have to repay me or anything like that. That was just about me wanting to make you feel good, to make you happy. As long as I did that, I'm completely content. I enjoyed it. Trust me."
His hand smoothed over my hair as he spoke, his fingertips skimming my ear and neck as his hand moved.
"Are you sure?" I asked. My left arm was wrapped around his waist, and my hand was gently rubbing back and forth on his lower back. The fabric of his shirt had risen up and my fingers pressed against his skin, loving how soft it was.
"Yes. I'm sure. Don't worry about it. We'll get there eventually." He leaned down to kiss me, his lips wrapping around my upper lip as he tenderly kissed me several times. The longer he kissed me, the more forceful the kisses became. Soon his tongue had pushed between my lips and was sliding in and out of my mouth. Normally, I would have been worried about morning breath, but neither of us had been asleep for too long and it didn't really seem to be an issue. His hands moved across my body, leaving goosebumps over every inch of skin that he touched. I quickly took advantage of his shirt rising up and slid both of my hands under it, raking my fingers up and down his stomach and back.
After several minutes, he rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him. I could feel through his jeans that he was hard, and as I hovered over him, I slipped my left hand down to his waistband. His lips soon moved to my neck and collarbones, and as he sucked and nipped at my skin, I popped the button on his pants.
"Bella," he breathed out in a strangled sigh.
"Shhhh," I whispered. "Let me."
He continued to kiss me as I lowered the zipper on his pants and pushed the fabric away. I could feel the cotton that still covered his length, and I ran the back of my fingers up and down him several times. He moaned and growled with each pass of my hand, and it made me smile to know how much I was affecting him. When my fingers finally moved to the elastic waistband on his underwear, he pulled away and grabbed my face, making me look at him.
"You don't have to do that," he said, his eyes searching mine. "That's not why I did what I did last night. I wanted to, because I wanted to. Bell, you don't have to do anything you're not ready to do."
I nodded and sighed. "I want to. I want to give you what you gave me. I'm probably not as good at it as you were, but I can learn, if you show me what to do... what you like."
He watched me for several seconds, and I could see the hesitation that was taking control. Finally, he let out a long, deep breath. "Bella, I do want you to do that to me but not right now. It's been a really long time since I did this stuff with anyone, and as embarrassing as it is, I know I'm not gonna last too long."
"I don't care."
"But I do," he softly said. "I want to be good for you, and I know if you do to me what I did to you last night, I'll last about 30 seconds and that's embarrassing."
I smiled at him, leaning down to lightly kiss his lips. "What if I just use my hand this time? And then next time you can show me what else to do?"
He continued to look into my eyes, debating over what to do, and then finally nodded. "Yeah, okay."
I kissed him hard and deep and then quickly forced my hand into his underwear, letting my fingers trail over the silky soft skin of his cock. I wrapped them around his length and slowly began to pump up and down, delighting in the moans that soon began to pour from Edward's mouth.
"Oh, baby," he said, letting his head press back into the pillow as I continued to jerk him off. After a minute or two, I let my bravery take control and I pulled away from him, taking my hand out of his underwear. "What?" he asked as his eyes opened wide and he watched me lean back onto my heels.
"Hang on," I said, reaching for his pants and underwear and then shimmying them down his hips, exposing his erection to the open air. His shirt was still on, though the hem of it was pushed up around his chest, and I looked down at how beautiful he was. The color of his skin, the muscles underneath, the sparse bit of hair on his abdomen... it was all different to me, and yet, there was something so familiar about it. I never wanted to be without it again.
I couldn't help but lick my lips as I looked at his hardened cock laying against his belly. The room was still dark, but my eyes were adjusted enough that I could make out the head and the veins of it, and where it disappeared into the darkness between his legs.
"Bella?" he asked, and I looked up at him.
"Don't worry," I said, then leaned back down to hover over him. My lips pressed against his again as I straddled his thighs, sliding to his other side. My right hand took hold of him, and I started to pump.
"Oh, Bella," he sighed, kissing me hard and deep and so, so forcefully. His hand threaded into my hair and held my mouth against his. His other hand found my breast and squeezed hard, letting his thumb rub over my nipple as our tongues slid against each other. "Oh, fuck," he whispered, and I knew he was close.
My grip tightened and quickened, and I couldn't help but move my hips in time with his, grinding myself against his thigh that my leg was laying on. I knew it would have been easy to just move over him again and let him fill me, let him make love to me, but I couldn't do it yet. Not yet. That didn't mean I wasn't wet because of what we were doing. Having my hands on him while he had his on me was intoxicating, and it pushed me to go faster.
"Bella!" he nearly yelled into my mouth, and then I felt hot, wet spurts of cum cover my hand, wetting me and his belly as he came. I kept moving my hand on him, not slowing down until he sighed and I felt his chest relax a little. His lips were still on mine, kissing me slowly and easily, and he smiled.
"Good?" I asked, grinning at him.
"Oh, yeah," he said. "You have no idea how long I've dreamed about this."
Leaning up on my elbow, I looked at him. "How long?" I asked.
"Too long," he quietly said. "I never in my wildest dreams thought it would ever come true, that I'd ever get to be with you like this. Never. And now with everything we've been through, I almost feel guilty about it."
"Why?"
"Because. My life's not supposed to be this good, you know? And why did I get so lucky? How is it fair that for me to get everything I ever wanted, someone else had to lose it?"
He watched me for several seconds as I thought about what he was saying. I had purposefully not thought about Alec that morning. I'd made a point not to compare them, not to remember times with Alec, not to think about things I'd done with Alec, and then Edward had to bring it all up. I understood it, that he was probably feeling the same things I was and wondering why we were getting a second chance at happiness. It didn't mean I wanted to think about my dead husband as I lay naked against my brother-in-law.
"I don't know," I said, because I didn't know. "But this is about us, remember? You and me. You told me that. I know we're gonna talk about Alec and Jane, and that's okay. We should talk about them. They were a big part of our lives, and they always will be. But now, right now... this is us. This is you and me on this bed. You and me naked and touching and kissing and happy. And while I know eventually we'll talk about all the things we need to talk about, this isn't the place. Not here. I can't do it here."
He nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."
"Hey, don't be sorry," I told him. "We'll talk about it later, okay? But right now, I wanna kiss you until I have to put clothes back on and sneak out of this room before our children wake up. Okay? That sound alright with you?"
"Yeah. Perfect," he said, pulling me back down to kiss him. And I did, until 6:30 when I reluctantly pulled away and let him watch as I slid my panties up my legs, wrapped my bra around my chest, stepped into my shorts, and pulled on my shirts. Then I smiled as he fixed his shorts and underwear, running his hands through his hair in an effort to tame it.
"Breakfast?" I asked him.
"Yeah. Why don't you take a shower while I'll start some pancakes?"
"Sounds good," I said, stepping toward him to kiss him one more time.
"So, when do you wanna talk to the kids?" he asked as I pulled open the bedroom door. He grabbed me one more time and held me close against him.
"Today. Maybe after breakfast?" I offered.
"Okay," he said, then kissed me again, long and wet and sloppy and so good. I sighed as I leaned away, then quickly turned around when I saw movement from outside the doorway.
"What?" I said in surprise.
"Auntie Bella, how come you're coming out of where my daddy was sleeping? And why do you still have on your clothes from yesterday?" Emily asked.
"Mommy, you hair's all messy," Mckenna said.
Edward and I stared at our two daughters who looked back at us with curious looks on their faces.
"Okay, so maybe we tell them during breakfast," Edward whispered into my ear.
"Yeah. Good idea," I said, smiling down at the two girls I loved most in the world and hoping they would both still love me after breakfast.
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