Hello everyone :)

I guess this chapter is probably the one everybody is waiting for. Somehow it was quite hard to translate as it was hard to write it in German before. But I hope you like it anway. :)

Reviews:

To C: Yes, I was quite motivated to keep on the translation work and so I could update soon. :) We´re comming closer to the end and I just want to know what you guys will think about it.

To Guesty: For me as a writer it´s always important to keep the story as realistic as possible and also to keep the Assassin´s Creed characters in character. A Connor who instantly falls in love with someone just isn´t Connor in my opinion. I´m glad you appreciate that. :) And I think there is going to be a lot to squeal about in this chapter. xD

Stepping forward

During the next two days, Connor and I only talked to each other when it was necessary and this time, it wasn´t because of him. After our evening conversation I had decided to evade him as good as possible. I feared that I had revealed more of my feelings to him than I had wanted to and that he could ask me about it. So I doggedly got down to my tasks and every time I saw Connor approaching me, I suddenly had something urgent to do in the opposite direction. His partly searching, partly concerned gazes didn´t escape my notice but I ignored them as good as I could. I also tried to be never alone with him. In the evenings I instantly went to bed while the assassin made his patrol and when he came back, I pretended to be asleep. So my plan worked out until one afternoon, when Noel sent Connor and me to harvest reed by a salt lake nearby. On the island it was used as fuel like wood and coal somewhere else.
I was anything but pleased about this idea because among other things, it meant a one-hour walk to the lake and one hour back. Two hours in which I would be barely able to evade Connor. But my tries to rope Caleb in for this task weren´t successful and so I could do nothing else but to help to tie three baskets on Cherry´s back and to set off with her and the assassin.

The wind had become noticeable cooler over the day and so it wasn´t so unusual that I had pulled my hat deeply into the face and held my head down while I let Cherry´s rope slit through my hands over and over again, just to occupy myself with something and not to think about Connor again. He silently walked next to me and I was glad that he didn´t use the chance to talk to me. Maybe I was concerned about that for nothing and he already wasn´t thinking about our past conversation anymore? I raised my head shortly and looked at him, but the assassin´s gaze was directed to somewhere in the distance and so I looked away again, concentrated on our path. Despite the unpleasant silence, the hike didn´t seem to last as long as I had feared. As soon as we had got to the small, reed-surrounded lake, we let Cherry graze and I started to cut the reed with a sickle while Connor used his tomahawk. I worked silently and concentrated not to slip on the slick ground. But it didn´t become easier as the sky finally darkened and a flogging wind swept over the island´s plains. Every gust made me stumble and soon I gave up the try to harvest the reed and to hold my hat at the same time. I swore quietly and stumbled back to the mare who was standing there with her head down and fighting against the wind which seemed to become increasingly stronger. I stuffed everything I had harvested into one of the baskets as Connor approached me and pointed into the west.
"There is an old house. Maybe we can find shelter there." His voice was barely audible through the wind´s howl in my ears but I nodded and he took Cherry´s rope from me so that I could concentrate on keeping my balance.

I had the feeling that the storm could tear me from my feet in every moment and it seemed to come from every side. Either it slowed me down by coming from the front or it pushed into my side so that I stumbled against the pony that was stumping between Connor and me. Luckily the house, Connor had spoken of, appeared in front of us and we escape inside of it. It was unoccupied, not in the best condition but at least it had a door and closable shutters. So we managed it with great effort, to lock the storm out and I took the load from the back of the trembling Cherry. Obviously the little horse had struggled with the weather more than I had done and I kneeled next to her to tickle her ears reassuringly. Soon she relaxed, let her eyelids droop and bent on of her hind legs. If I only could relax so quickly, too, I thought smirking and gave some of the reed to the mare so that she had something to chew on. My way led me to one of the shutters which was clattering loudly but luckily withstood the wind. I glanced outside through a narrow gap and winced as the dark sky was enlightened by a lightening which merged into a loud thunder shortly afterwards.
"Seems like we escaped the storm on time", said Connor, who had sat down in a corner of the small living room and leaned against the wall. He had barely said that as it began to rain in sheets and the already unpleasant background noises were completed with a steady drumming on the roof.

I uttered a quiet swearword, crossed my arms and began to walk back and forth like a predator in a cage. I hated storms. As a child I had hid under the bed, fearing the lightning and thunder and even now I winced when the air almost shook under the loud rumble of the thunderstorm. I barely noticed Connor, who always kept an eye on me until he spoke to me.
"Are you afraid?"
I stopped and thought that he would look at me mockingly. But he didn´t. His gaze was totally calm but nevertheless I shook my head determined but was proven wrong as another thunder sounded and made me wince.
"Come, sit." Connor patted on the wooden floor next to him, like I had done on the bed two evenings ago. Had we switched roles? Hesitant I stayed in the middle of the room for a moment but then gave in with a sigh, approached him and sat down next to him. Drawn up my knees, the chin bedded on them and the arms wrapped around my legs, I now sat there and watched the shutters, how they hit against each other in an irregular rhythm.
"I wanted to apologize by the way."
My gaze came off the window and confused I looked at Connor who was looking at the floor, retracing its texture with his finger. "I was a bit hard and disrespectful to you sometimes. Somehow I hoped that you would have enough sometime and would stay away from me. I should have expected that I would hurt you with that. It was surely not my intention but you are..." I heard him smirk. "more stubborn than I have expected it."
I was surprised about these honest words because I hadn´t expected that he would actually talk to me about his behaviour. Again he just had wanted me to stay away from him to be safe. But did that make it better for me? It was true that he had hurt me but surely he didn´t know how much. Furthermore I wouldn´t abandon myself to the illusion that his whole behaviour had been put on. He was cold and unapproachable. But he was also honest and this honesty made me become milder.
"It´s alright", I murmured and plucked at the side seam of my trousers. "I´m not quite easy myself."

From the corners of my eye I saw how Connor raised his head and looked at me. "You asked me, why I do not let anybody come close to me. Can I ask you something in return?"
My heart began to race and I pinched my lips. What now? Did he want to know how I felt? I should have kept my mouth shut. But now it seemed like I had no other choice and I nodded slowly and awaited his question.
"Why do you not allow anybody to help you?"
My head turned towards him quickly and surprised I looked at him while a faint smile played about his lips. That was everything? Everything he wanted to know?
It seemed like Connor took my silence as incomprehension. "I mean, you always react irritated if someone offers you help. You refuse it that I want to protect you and during the last days, you were not thrilled when I wanted to do your work for you. You accepted it but like you said about me: You always looked like you bit into a sour apple."
And again he was using my own words against me. Obviously he was among the few men who were actually listening. If that was good or bad was an open question. Nevertheless I needed some time to answer, because I thought about throwing out the question. I had never found it wrong to refuse help and his wish to protect me was just exhausting after a while. But he deserved an honest answer and so I listened to myself. Searching for an explanation of my behaviour.
"Well, I always felt infantilized from you and sometime I was so sensitive that I instantly refused everything."
"But I never wanted to infantilize you. I just wanted..."
"The best for me?" I smirked and Connor appeared confused now but nodded slowly.
"Do you know how often I´ve heard this sentence yet? My whole education was about this sentence. It was the best for me to obey what I was told. The best when I had to sit still for hours when I was a child, because my parents had invited business acquaintances for dinner. It was the best when I wasn´t allowed to play with the servant´s children because they might have a bad influence on me. I never doubted these orders and was always certain that they were right. I put up with it and never saw alternatives for myself."
I was silent for a moment because I didn´t want to moan about my childhood in front of Connor. At least I had been better off than some others. But Connor looked at me attentively and honestly interested.
"But you certainly had alternatives. At least you are from a good family."
Chuckling I shook my head and leaned against the wall behind me. "That´s exactly why I had no alternatives. You know, the only goal of the rich is to keep their wealth or to increase it. In my case it always meant that I had to marry a merchant, no matter if for love or not, to have children and to watch how the boys are raised as merchants and the girls as wives. I would be such a wife now if Richard hadn´t kept me away from all men because he wanted to have my heritage."
A bitter smile flitted across my face when I thought of that. When I was talking about it now, I found it ridiculous that I had always longed for this life I was now calling a life without alternatives. In America I had wanted to have this monotonous life back, had missed it because it was the only one I knew.
"But during the last months I didn´t want to put up with it anymore. I´m angry about me, that I accepted everything, because if I had followed my education, I would have never helped you. I would have sent you away when you came into my room wounded this one evening. I would have closed my eyes in front of everything that happened and I could never forgive myself that." Slowly I turned my head to look at him. "I didn´t want it and that´s why I couldn´t accept that you wanted to keep me out of everything, because I had an alternative at last. Do you understand?"
Connor looked at me for a moment and nodded. "I never saw it like that. I always thought you are just...stubborn."
I had to laugh again and grinned at him. "I think the both of us are stubborn. No wonder that we always get into a fight."
The assassin smirked, too. "That is true."

We became silent and I looked to Cherry, who was standing there with her head down and asleep. I admired her for that. The storm was still blustering around us and now that there was no conversation anymore, I could have concentrate on, I began to feel unwell again.
"How long do you think the storm will take?"
Connor shrugged his shoulders and looked to one of the windows. "No matter how long it takes, I think we should wait here till tomorrow before we go back. We shouldn´t leave in the dark."
"So one more night on the floor? That can only become a sleepless night."
I screwed up my face and wrapped my arms tighter around my cocked legs. Certainly I wouldn´t get a wink of sleep. This time we even hadn´t the possibilities to make ourselves comfortable and the house was completely empty. But I was tired and it became noticeable soon, as I had to suppress a yawn which unfortunately didn´t escape Connor´s notice.
"You can sleep if you want to. I will not go away."
Smirking I looked at him and cocked my head. "That would be even better. But it´s alright."
Silence again which I soon interrupted with a yawn again. I stretched my legs and arms and let my head roll over the back of my neck, hoping that I stayed awake when I was sitting straight. Didn´t work well enough. Sighing I leaned my head against the wall again but glanced at Connor from the side and bit my lower lip. Maybe I shouldn´t exaggerate...
"Connor?"
He turned his head towards me and looked at me questioningly.
"Can I...lean against you?"
Connor shortly blinked in surprise before his expression became hesitant. I should have known it. He wouldn´t...I faltered because he nodded.
"Of course."
Hesitant I moved a bit closer to him and leaned my head against his shoulder. Shortly this well-known tension went through his body but it vanished quite quickly and I held my breath as he put an arm around me and pulled me closer to him. Now my torso leaned completely against him and even though I felt uneasy at first, I soon abandoned this feeling and relaxed. Connor´s body was pleasantly warm and while I listened to his regular breathing, I managed it to forget the storm and my fear of it. It didn´t took long until my eyes became heavy and even though I wanted to prevent it, I fell asleep shortly afterwards.

When I woke up, I still heard the patter of the rain but now the house was filled with the faint twilight of dawn. I really had slept the whole night but it quickly became aware to me, why it had been so easy. Connor had brought us from the sitting into a lying position sometime but it wasn´t like the night when he had brought enough distance between us and had lain with the back towards me. This time he was lying on his back and I was lying on my side, cuddle up to him. His arm still lay around my shoulders and my head was half bedded on his chest so that I could hear his regular heartbeat while I had put my arm over his torso. There was no distance between us this time and I asked myself if he had known that when he had fallen asleep or if I had come closer to him in sleep and he would get the scare of his life, when he woke up. Shortly I thought about moving away from him but I didn´t want to. I enjoyed this closeness and even if he would push me away when he woke up, I wanted to enjoy it. Carefully I cuddle up closer to him and breathed in this unmistakable scent of him which alone was able to make my heart jump. Was it normal that you noticed such small things when you liked a person? When you were in love? I bit my lower lip when it hit me that it didn´t matter anyway. This situation was unique. When he woke up, everything was going to be as always. We would go back to Noel´s house, would sleep separately and sometime, when we had found the Shroud, our ways would part again. There would be only memories and when I now started to enjoy Connor´s closeness, this would be the thing I was going to miss the most. But still I couldn´t move away from him.

I had barely thought that, as Connor moved a bit and I only saw how he opened his eyes blinking, before I quickly closed my own. Maybe he wouldn´t push me away when he thought that I was still asleep? So I tried to keep my breathing as calm and regular as possible while I felt how Connor turned his head towards me. His chin brushed my forehead shortly and I could feel his gaze on me but there was no sign that he felt uncomfortable about my closeness. I believed that his heartbeat had become quicker but apart from that, he was totally calm and relaxed. Had I been mistaken and he was still asleep? But then he put his hand on mine, which was still lying on his chest. Instead of pushing it away, he shortly stroked his fingertips over the back of my hand before his hand disappeared again. Connor took a deep breath and murmured, so quiet that I could barely hear it: "What are you doing?"
Did he mean me or himself? Did he decide that he didn´t want me so close to him? Shortly I thought of opening my eyes but then my heart skipped a beat again as Connor gently stroke over my hair and then my cheek. Unconsciously I held my breath and it didn´t escape the assassin´s notice. Caught his hand flinched back and I exhaled again. "Don´t stop", I murmured, my eyes still closed because somehow I didn´t dare to look at him. What if he just hadn´t resisted for the moment but would turn me away again, now that he knew that I was awake?

He didn´t react for an eternity but then Connor carefully turned on his side and I was forced to raise my head before he embraced me and I could bed my head on his upper arm again, my face buried in his chest. My heart was in my mouth and a pleasant prickle spread inside my body while Connor only held me in his arms. Being so close to him was as wonderful as it was unfamiliar and it was nearly too much for me. What should think about this sudden approach of him? At least he surely wasn´t in fever.
"Don´t you want to take two steps back again?", I asked quietly and referred to our conversation three days ago. Connor´s hand gently stroke over my hair again, played with my braid before he answered just as quietly: "Yesterday I learned that it obviously would not work anyway. No matter how far I am stepping away, you will always approach me again. Why should I not come to meet you? Unless..." Now he tensed and his hand suddenly stopped caressing my hair. "...you want me to stay away from you?"
A smirk flitted across my lips in face of the sudden insecurity in his voice. I opened my eyes and moved away from him a little to look at him. "Until now, I find it pleasant that you don´t."
His brown eyes looked me over but then a smile appeared on his face. "That is nice to hear", he said and carefully reached out his hand to stroke over my cheek, as if he wanted to check if I was really saying the truth. But it actually was pleasant but unfamiliar. I had never thought that Connor would decide on his own that he wanted to give up his permanent evasion. At least I had been sure already that something about me had scared him off. But it had only needed some honest words to achieve the opposite even though I could see hesitation flicker over his face from time to time. As if he wasn´t quite sure himself, if it was right to seek my closeness.

Now it was me who slowly reached out her hand and stroked through his medium-length hair which began to loosen from his braid. The assassin took a deep breath and closed his eyes as my fingertips stroked over his nape, to his chin and over his cheek. But he allowed it and as he looked at me again, he smiled and made my heart beat faster once again. How I wished that he would always look at me that way. That I could see this smile more often when I was allowed to be close to him. But this smile vanished again and brought back all my uncertainty at once. Suddenly he looked at me thoughtfully and I took my hand away. Had he chosen the opposite direction again? I bit my lower lip as I felt how my heart missed a beat but then he stroked my cheek again and murmured: "Do not do that."
He bent down to me and I almost held my breath as he leaned his forehead against mine. He had closed his eyes and I felt his breath on my skin before he slightly raised his head again and first his lips touched my forehead, then my cheek. Now I had the feeling that my poor heart was going to jump out of my chest as his lips stopped shortly at the corner of my mouth before he kissed my lips amazingly gently and carefully. The kiss only lasted a split of a second as Connor broke it off again and leaned his forehead against mine. We spoke no word and maybe it was good in face of my irregular breathing.

It must be a dream. Connor never would have kissed me of his own will. It wasn´t such a long time ago since he had said that I shouldn´t interpret too much into our first kiss. But this time there wasn´t much I could misinterpret. Or was it? I laid my hands on his cheeks and gently pushed his head a bit away from me and looked deeply into his eyes. "Was that such an "I may kiss you but it doesn´t mean anything"-kiss again? Will you keep distance again in a few hours and tell me that I shouldn´t misinterpret anything?"
I had to ask that because if he had only wanted to test himself and everything would be like it was before afterwards, it would break my heart. Maybe he wasn´t aware of how much he meant to me.
At least Connor frowned shortly after my question and didn´t seem to know what he should answer. But then his gaze became serious and he propped his arms beside my torso to push himself further up. "Do you really think that I would kiss you then?"
"I don´t know. I don´t know at all what to think about you. I´m always afraid that you suddenly go back on a decision and take your two steps back again."
He looked at me and shook his head with determination. "I always kept you away from me because I thought that I could protect you like that. But you are making it more than difficult for me and if I am honest, I do not want that anymore. I can protect you without keeping you away."
Connor let his arms sink again and now the tip of his nose touched mine. "I do not know what you are doing with me but basically I never wanted you to stay away from me."
"I don´t do anything", I smirked while his words caused a wonderful warm prickle inside of me.
"Oh, you do."

When he brought his lips to mine this time, he was still gentle but not as hesitant as before. I moved my hand to the back of his neck and buried the other into his hair while I pulled him a bit closer to me and enjoyed this feeling, the kiss was causing inside of me. It was completely different than it had been on the soiree where I had taken him by surprise and where it had been only a matter of time until we had to break away from each other. The kiss had been gentle and carefully, too but there had been no seriousness behind it but only my own reflex and desperation. Not to forget that I had been slightly drunk. But know we were kissing each other in silent agreement and there was nothing we had to be afraid of. No guards who could possibly come around a corner in every in moment. We were alone and could enjoy the other´s closeness. And how I enjoyed it. My whole being was oriented to him in this moment. To his kiss, his warmth, his scent and his hand that stroked tenderly through my hair while his lips separated from mine, only to move over my cheek, my chin and finally the crook of my neck.
"You smell good", he murmured and shortly I was unable to help it. I giggled whereupon Connor raised his head and looked at me questioningly.
"A few days ago, I asked myself if the smell of home can stick on someone because you always smell of the forests and the sea near the homestead."
He cocked his head while I was still grinning and giggling. "I thought that I could reek of London then. Horse dung on the streets, the stench of the harbour, the heavy perfume of the rich..."
Connor smirked and shook his head before he bent to me and kissed me. "Do not worry. You do not smell of London and you certainly do not stink", he said close by my lips and I shortly had to laugh again before he stifled it with another kiss.

I could feel how the both of us were given up our initially timidity and became lost in our closeness. It was a wonderful feeling and I was sure that I had never felt as comfortable with someone as I did now with Connor. Comfortable, safe and happy. I never wanted this to end. That we never had to part again. That I never had to stop kissing and touching him. My hands caressed his nape, gently pushed him closer to me while he was playing tenderly with the dark strands of my hair until he loosened his hand from them and laid it gently into my waist. I gasped as his fingertips brushed bare skin with that action. My shirt had slipped up a bit and Connor´s hand had gotten to this spot accidentally. At least I thought that it hadn´t been aware to him because he pulled his hand away, broke the kiss and looked at me apologetically. "I did not intend to..."
But I shook my head, took his hand and laid it back to its former place before I pulled him down to me for a kiss again. He didn´t had to apologize because he hadn´t done something wrong. In the contrary. His touch was incredibly wonderful and I sighed quietly as his hand stroked over my waist without moving further up. Connor restrained himself what was probably more than you could expect from other men when they had a woman under them. He didn´t badger me. Made no move to expose more of my skin but was satisfied with what I granted him and incredibly careful as if he was afraid that he could hurt me somehow.

He only kissed me with more passion as I bit cheekily into his lower lip and elicited a low growl from him. His hand wandered back into my hair, buried inside of it and I sighed again at his lips. I wouldn´t mind if the time would stop and if this moment would last forever. I didn´t want to leave this place but unfortunately it was me who put an end to everything, completely thoughtlessly. The whole time I had lain half distorted under him. The legs laid on the side, the back flat on the ground. There was already a dragging pain in my waist which I couldn´t ignore for long. So I turned my pelvis a bit so that I was lying more comfortable. It was comfortable for me but obviously not for Connor. Suddenly he gasped, broke the kiss and bit his lower lips with his eyes squinched shut.
"Lillian, that...was not good."
"Why? What hap...oh."
While I had been confused at first, I now felt what my thoughtless movement had caused on him before Connor moved away from me and laid down on the side. Heat rose into my cheeks and probably I looked like an overripe strawberry while I looked at him completely remorseful.
"I´m...err...I´m sorry. I didn´t want to..."
Connor only raised a hand before he gave me a crooked smile. "You do not have to apologize. I just think we should...leave it at two steps and do not sprint."
His words made me blush even more and I wished the ground would open up and swallow me. I felt more than embarrassed.
"I didn´t intend to..." I stopped when Connor shook his head.
"I know, me neither. Do not let us talk about it."
I bit my lower lip and nodded. That was fine with me even though my face was still glowing.
"I...am looking after Cherry", I murmured and stood up to go to the mare who was still standing not far from us where I had taken off the baskets from her back. The little mare mumbled quietly as I kneeled down next to her and tickled her tuft while I heard how Connor stood up, too. Two shutters were opened with a rattle and shortly it was silent before I heard how Connor picked up something from the ground hurriedly. Confused I turned around and his gaze was alarming as he looked and me and hurried to the door.
"What is it?", I asked but then I heard the voice which was coming closer to the house.
Caleb who shouted our names in panic.