37
Ian
It had been a week since the intervention and you would've thought it never happened. The only clue was the glances passed between the five of us around the halls but that was about it. We continued interviews, we continued avoiding people, and we continued ignoring our problems. We were really good at that.
So I went back to regular life with the rest of them. I went to class, I did my homework, I practiced Quidditch. I joked around with my friends and pretended that I wasn't constantly searching for blonde hair and a Ravenclaw tie.
After Friday night it was like a switch had been turned on. All of my feelings from the past 7 years rushed up on me and it was confusing and painful and I had no idea what to do about it. The realization had hit me like a train and it was unlike anything I had known before. I knew I liked Evie but not that way. It was like I had pushed those feelings into a corner and forgot about them.
I figured that Evie would know what to do about it. She always knew what to do. But even after a week I hadn't even seen her in a crowd. She had always avoided me before but this was different. There were no glimpses of her at all. It was like she had left Hogwarts altogether.
I wasn't sure I could make it any longer without talking to her. This wasn't something we could ignore, I mean, I wanted to be with her. I wanted to make her smile and hold her hands and have things be as they were when we were younger. I wanted to lay on her bedroom floor with her beside me and we could just talk without having to really worry about the future because that was a long way off. The problem was it wasn't very far away. We would be out of school in a few months.
After classes exactly a week since, I found Wes in the Great Hall a few hours before dinner. He looked kind of dazed and I was almost worried about talking to him but I decided it was urgent.
"Hey Wes." I greeted him. He mumbled a reply and waved awkwardly but didn't stop moving, looking around like he was completely confused about where he was. "Are you OK?"
"No." He said absently, bending down to look under a table. "I lost my camera."
"What? How did you lose it?"
"That's what I've been asking myself. I somehow didn't notice until two days ago but it's been gone since Monday. That's the last time I remember seeing it." Wes turned to me as if he just realized I was there.
"Can I help you find it?"
"Don't bother. It'll show up somewhere." That seemed very unlike Wes. He was never so casual about the documentary and as far as I knew, that's where all the footage was. He looked preoccupied and I considered asking him about it but a voice in the back of my mind urged me to ask him about Evie. I guess therapy would have to wait.
"Do you know where I could find Evie?" I asked, following him as started to move again.
"She hasn't talked to you yet? She's got iron will, I'm telling you." Wes said, squinting across the hall and pushing his glasses up his face. "I haven't seen her lately but last I heard she was in the library."
"Thanks." I said, making my way to the exit as quickly as possible. Wes only muttered something before continuing his search. I reminded myself to talk to him soon before passing by my questioning group of friends and heading to the library.
I found Evie at the back of the library in the very last section before the restricted area. She was poking around the shelves and pulling out books, totally unaware of me standing there. It dawned on me then how beautiful she really was. All of her, every inch, was amazing. Every cliche cheesy metaphor I had heard about romance made sense then as I stared at her. She was everything.
"Evie." I breathed. I meant to be louder but I couldn't seem to get my voice to be louder. She flinched and turned, a grin on her face that faded as soon as she saw me.
"You scared me." She said, letting the book in her hand hang awkwardly. It was like being stabbed in the heart.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you." I walked closer until there she was. Right in front of me. Real.
I expected her to say something. Anything. I figured she had as much to say as I did, paragraphs and paragraphs of words and worries and hopes. But she just stood there. I felt like I was two feet tall and suddenly I wondered if I was even good enough for someone like Evie.
"I don't know what to do." I said finally, deciding to start with the only answer I had. "I've been so confused this whole week and I'm trying to be normal but the only thing I can think about is you. Through all this bullshit the only thing that makes sense is you." I laughed. "I sound like one of those guys in those romance movies we used to make fun of."
"I liked those romance movies." She said quietly.
"I did too." I never admitted it but Love Actually made me cry. After that I always swore I hated those movies but they were my favorite to watch with Evie. She raised her eyebrows but that was all.
"I know I don't deserve you after everything I've done." I continued. "I put you through so much and I didn't even know until now. I've been such a dumbass I don't know how you even stand me."
"What's your point?" Evie asked. It was supposed to be a hurtful question but she said it so quietly I couldn't even be disappointed. She was just as lost as I was.
"I don't deserve you but you're all I want. I've been thinking and I want to leave all those people that are supposed to be my friends and I want to mess up my hair and rumple my clothes and I want to be in love with you, Evie. I want to go back." I take a deep breath. "But all I ask from you is to consider maybe forgiving me. If not for me, for the Potter Generation. For Wes."
Evie was silent, looking me over with clear blue eyes. Blue eyes that scanned book shelves and brightened at old jokes and glazed over when she stayed up too late. Blue eyes that I knew better than my own eyes. I loved her so much.
"Give me some time." She said after a while, hugging the book to her chest. "I need time to think."
I could only nod and with that she walked away. She passed me like a breeze and it felt like she hadn't even been there. God, everything was fucked.