Disclaimer: No! I OWNZ NOTHING!
Luna: AH! I'm so late…(panicks) to make up for this, this chapter is going to be so long that my fingers are going to bleed. BLEED. Thanks if your even still reading this!
Chapter I don't know anymore: More delays than any game by Square Enix.

The gang got to an elevator. And a Sorcerer's Ring changer.

Lloyd skipped to it, excited by what it would be.

Would it shoot fire this time and incite the pyromaniac dormant in everyone's soul? Would it shrink them to midget size so Zelos could jump down Sheena's shirt? Would it have hair shaving abilities so Lloyd may sport a hair cut like Brittany Spears? Yes, I had to make a cheap joke at her.

But it did neither.

" There's a strange sound," he said, when he pressed it, " Dammnit! That's all it does? Bo-ring!"
" Maybe it's a low frequency dog whistle?" suggested Colette.

" Yeah, to call a pack of dogs to help us advance, OKAY." said Genis, sardonic.

" If it was low frequency, there's a 99.9 percent chance Lloyd wouldn't of heard it, anyway." came Presea, blinking.

" He's part dog?" came Colette's sad response.

" If Colette only had a brain…" said Genis, eyes about to roll out of his sockets from rolling so much.

" Dun dun dun da!" sang Lloyd, cause Luna sucks at making noise words.

Raine stared at the shiny platform before them. It changed colors.

" Or, perhaps, the sound resonates with machine." suggested Raine, trying to be patient.

" I see. So it's a key for this place," Genis announced.

" Yeah, that's what I figured, too." cried Lloyd.

" Yeah, sure."

Open season on Lloyd's stupidity starts now.

There was a puzzle.

They solved it.

They really wanted Luna to be descriptive.

They were let down.

They got to another elevator. One that looked identical to the other one. Twilight Zone…or just really bad interior decorators? I'll let you be the judge.

" Can't we go any higher?" asked Lloyd.

" Not unless you wanna smoke a blunt," said Zelos, bluntly.

Zelos' secretly getting stoned: My Anti-Drug

"Hmm…As far as I can tell, this is the only elevator in this ranch. In other words, the Desians use this elevator to go higher than this. Which means the solution is simple," decided Raine.

" What do we do?" asked Lloyd.

Lloyd's ability to ask the obvious and rely on others constantly even though he's the main character: My Anti-Drug.

" We just have the Desians move it for us. In other words, we create a situation in which they have to move it," She said, simply.

" Right, so what do we do?"

Repeat above bold lettering.

" Lloyd, your as thick as a brick-"
" -on the small of my back, so let's end this call and end this conversation!" sang Lloyd.

" Let's start-" began Raine.

" A riot! A riot! Let's start a riot!" Lloyd sang, again, man, I'm on a roll.

" Well…yes. Sort of. A…disturbance. For instance, let's start a…riot." said Raine, blinking, " And get those captives to-"

" Stand up! Stand up! When I move you move!"

" Sure…"

" And then we wait for the Desians to move the elevator!" cried Colette, " Yay! I get it!"
" No…you don't." said Genis.

Open season on Colette, why not?
" That's a sinister plan," commented Sheena.

"…We're in no position to play fair, Miss Goody Two Shoes. Go home to your curfew at 10!" cried Raine.

SHEENA OBTAINED TITLE OF ' PRISSY 2 SHOES!'

" I do feel a bit bad…wait…no I don't!" cried Lloyd, " Let's free those monkeys from the zoo!"
So they went to the cell tower. And began to press random buttons. One prisoner ran out, looked to the ceiling and screamed, " FREEDOM! No more lumpy oats for me! I SWEAR IT WAS MADE FROM PEOPLE!"

" Uh…sure." said Lloyd.

The Desians, predictable as pie, got out of the elevator.

You may ask how pie is predictable. My question is, how isn't it predictable? I mean, its pie. Its just gonna sit there til you eat it…Anyway…

" So you lead the escape!" cried the first to die.

Lloyd and Colette double teamed the Desians…by jumping on them. Yes, jumping on them. And knocking them out.

And you thought there was gonna be an actual fight…

" Our ability to jump on people worked, Lloyd!" chirped Colette.

And Genis thought to himself, that if merely jumping on people could knock them out, why bother with battles?! PLOT HOLE 52!
They got to the top floor.

And then, there was the ring's ability to change colors. Oh…Shiny.

After changing the colors from green, to blue, to white, to red, to Colette staring like an idiot at it; the gang finally got the right combination. After many a tear shed, hair ripping and stress.

Oh, the stress.

Seriously, think about it.

If you were really in this scenario and you couldn't turn back and had to do a senseless puzzle, I think you'd begin to get claustrophobic, uncomfortable and then panic.

God knows I would.

So they get to the control room, where Rodlye is; sporting his very fashionable neck brace.

Sexy.

" Well, I see the failed Chosen and her traveling band of fools are still alive. You're as stubborn as cockroaches," he greeted, as if comparing people to insects were somehow original.

" You and Vharley deceived me!" cried Presea, " There's a 100 percent chance you're an asshole!"
" Yeah! You jerk-" began Genis, eager to defend his 'love.'

This was ignored.

" Presea…I'd have treated you so much better had you made me a Cruxis Crystal in that little body of yours," he retorted.

" What!? Presea isn't a-"
" Die!" came Presea's blunt and direct come back.

There was a pause.

Crickets chirped.

" Ahahah!" laughed Rodlye, cause, you know, death is just what tickles the funny bone these days, " Now, now, settle down. Have a look at the projector. I've got a special underwater show for you."

" Is it the Little Mermaid?" asked Colette, eyes lighting up.

But it wasn't. No. It was the prisoners who they freed. They were in a tunnel. About to drown.

Dead.

" How could you! They'll all die!" cried Genis.

" No! I'll get you out of the monitor!" screamed Colette.

With a guttural animal noise, she chucked a charkem into the screen, shattering it.

" You fool! My 200 gald computer equipment from E-bay!" cried Rodyle, " Now your really gonna die!"

" Your gonna kill all those people just to stop us?!" cried Lloyd.

" But…but…I killed them?! But I shattered the monitor!" panicked Colette.

" Who cares about the lives of pathetic inferior beings?! The Mana Cannon will be completed once I get the Cruxis Crystal. With Thor's Hammer in my possession, Yggdrasill and Cruxis will beg for my mercy! Even that eye-sore of a tower will fall before my cannon!" cried Rodyle.

" What do you hope to accomplish by destroying the Tower Of Salvation?" asked Lloyd, blinking.

" Cause its frickin ugly!" he replied.

That's when things got hairy.

Like a chimpanzee.

Rodlye put on the Cruxis Crystal, and transformed into a steroid pumped monster.

Presea attacked him with extreme prejudice.

Rodlye attacked.

Lloyd's group attacked.

Lloyd's group won.

" Ugh…what's happening?… My…my body…my body is disintegrating! Pronyma, you tricked me!" he screamed.

Or, hm, maybe his body was disintegrating because Lloyd and company just whipped your ass and broke all your bones and now you're a bloody pulp?!
Rodyle hobbled over to the control room.

Note this 'hobbled.'

Seriously, the man was SURROUNDED. Did anyone think to run in there and say, jump on him? It worked on those Desians, didn't it?

" But I won't die alone! I'm taking you all with me!" he continued, flipping a switch.

They had a whole 3 minutes to intercept a hobbling dying guy and no one interfered.

Wow. Just…wow.

Plot Hole? No.

Laziness? Yes.

Rodyle activated the self-destruct system, just as he died. He lived as he died. Screwing over everyone in a 10 mile radius.

" No! He's activated the self-destruct system while we had ample time to thwart him!" cried Raine.

" Botta warned us not to destroy this place!" Colette cried, everyone looking at Raine.

" Dammnit! We have to stop it!" cried Lloyd, " Let's randomly bash buttons until we're saved!"
" Impossible. The only one among us who can handle this machinery is Raine…" Presea stated.

" But then isn't it not impossible?" asked Genis, " I mean…if she can do it-"

He bit his tongue.

How dare he show a slight difference in opinion that goes against his crush?!

" Most Tethe'allans don't really study the details of magitechnology very much," decided Zelos, " We're too busy partying and getting laid."
With that useless information, Lloyd stared at Raine and said, " Well, what the hell are you doing?!"
" I know! But I can't do it alone!" she replied, panicky.

Great. In the one area Raine proved useful in, she was now proving to be totally useless in.

Dun dun a dun!
Botta and 2 expendable Renegades swooped in to save the day!

" We'll take over from here. The rest of you go and escape through the hatch over there," said Botta.

" Botta! Your not dead!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"There'll be plenty of time for chit-chat later. Leave, now. You'll only get in our way!" he said, using the old 'tough love' technique.

No one had any objections to leaving.

Except, maybe, Genis.

" But how are you-" he began.

" You think too much!" Lloyd said, tugging him away.

Botta and friends begin to hack into the computer to shut it down, as a steady flood of water enters the control room.

" Oh no!" cried Lloyd, " We've got to open that door!"
Lloyd and Genis use all their manly strength to open the hatch.

They fail.

How emasculating.

" Move!" cried Regal.

He goes for a flying Matrix kick into the glass, only to scream and yelp like a wounded puppy as his foot bounces off; his ass on the floor.

" Botta did this on purpose. They knew the water was coming and locked it from the inside," Raine decided.

" Why would he do that?! Is he suicidal or something?" Colette asked, wide-eyed.

" If we open it, this whole area would flood." she explained.

" They…did it to save us?" asked Presea, delayed reactions R Us.

" No! We have to do something! Everyone's sacrificing themselves like a bunch of stupid martyrs!"
" Sounds familiar, doesn't it?" asked Genis, dryly.

But this was no time for sarcastic remarks.

" Dammnit! isn't there anything we can do?!" asked Lloyd, getting to the window.

" We've stopped the self-destruct system," said Botta, blandly.

" Botta! Open this door! If we destroy the dome-" he began.

" Our goal was to modify each ranch's mana reactor in order to fire mana at the Great Seed. Now that we've finished reprogramming this control room, our mission is complete. We need you to get the message to Yuan that we have succeeded," he said, not the least bit concerned about the fact of, well, he's gonna die.

" Tell him yourself! I'm nobody's messenger boy!" cried Lloyd.

He tries to hit the window, stepping over Regal who really wished his hands weren't shackled so he could rub his ass to alleviate the pain; and fails.

The shutter drops down, as Botta and friends drown.

" No!" cried Colette.

" Man…" commented Zelos.

Everyone was depressed…really depressed. Like more depressed than that time I lost that smiley face key chain when I was a kid. And that was depressing. I should really stop the cold jokes about death now.

" Everyone, behind you!" cried Presea, breaking the depressing silence.

That's when the dragons appeared.

" Wh-what are they?" asked Lloyd, staring.

" They're dragons, you idiot!" cried Genis, " How short is your attention span? We fought them not too long ago!"
They swoop down on them.

The fight begins.

The fight ends.

Huffing and puffing, Lloyd sees even more dragons appear.

" Dammnit, there's too many of them!" he cried.

" If we lose, we'll like, die!" Colette moaned.

" Mithos!" cried Genis.

He pulls out the unreliable flute and blows in it.

That's when a shiny bird that greatly resembles Ho-ho from Poke'mon appeared, sent some shiny lights to kill everything on screen; and left.

" Wh-what was that?!" cried Lloyd.

" it's a bird!" cried Genis.

" it's a plane!" cried Colette.

" Its Superman?" asked Lloyd.

" Lloyd! Genis! Those other inferior beings!" cried Mithos.

" That's Mithos!" cried Genis.

" No shit!"
" Definitely him…" said Lloyd, " But why's he here? Stalker…"

" I saved your ass and you wanna play 21 questions?! Shut up and get on a Rheird!" screamed Mithos.

So everyone went on the Rheirds, totally ignoring what a cowindy dink everything was with Mithos here; and so, yeah.

" Mithos! It's really you! But what was that attack just now? Its a lot better than your usual crappy fire balls! And how did you get a Rheaird?" asked Genis, air borne.

" I hot wired it, duh." he explained, " And I was bored. When Altessa isn't whining about his regrets, Tabatha is making weird machine noises."

" But that attack-" said Colette.

" Was from a shiny bird-"

" Shiny!? REALLY?"

" Could it be…Aska?" gasped Sheena.

" It can't be! Why would a Summon Spirit whose indifferent to everything care?" asked Raine, astounded.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Luna: Er…yeah…I've been preoccupied with life and…I'll try to update by next week. Thanks for reading!