My response to Guest reviewer from Oct 22 - unfortunately I can't respond to you directly as you're not logged into a account.
I genuinely appreciate your criticism, and I'm sorry that you're unhappy with the slow pace of these chapters, but I stand by the storyline I'm creating. Is it perfect? No way in hell is it perfect! I agree with you, some of the plot points have been dragged out longer than I wanted them to be, but I'm doing my best to minimise that. Some chapters have undergone major reconstruction (including 37-40) and even complete deletion to ensure that the story moves on as quickly as possible. I've been disappointed to ditch some subplots that would have been great entertainment, but for the sake of keeping things moving I had to ditch them. I guess I'm trying to say that I'm doing my best here, but that I do stand by the story I'm creating. I'm sorry you feel that barely anything happens.
As for the fact that I only post once a week, given that this is a fanfic from which I make $0 in profit, I can't write any faster. Writing this story occupies the majority of my free time, it's a well loved hobby of mine, and I'd love the luxury of being able to quit my job and write for 40 hours a week. But the reality is that I can't - therefore fan fiction readers have to wait and read at my pace. I understand that this wait also contributes to the way the storyline feels much slower. I love and appreciate my readers, and if I could speed things up for them I absolutely would. I want to give chapters asap, but I simply can't.
Like I said, I genuinely appreciate your criticisms, and I'm sorry that you're unhappy with the pace. There won't be action every chapter, and the characters I'm writing make stupid, dumb mistakes like delaying important conversations. If you're dissatisfied with the story's pace, move on to something that is completed, that way you don't have to wait between chapters. Some Rick/OFC stories that I have really really loved include The World We Live In by eventualprocrastination, and Solace by Blue Crush. They're great stories, and they're completed, so you'll probably find better enjoyment from them.
Was there any better way to spend a Saturday afternoon?
Ever since Carl had gone back to his laborious chores after lunch and Michonne had taken Judith to the Pantry, she and Rick had taken advantage of their free time together. It had been her idea that they abandon their other tasks and hide away from the world, for not only was she particularly in the mood today, she felt like she needed to reconnect with him. Happy and content, she sighed as she lay naked on her bed, Rick's breath against her shoulder making her skin erupt in gooseflesh. She smiled when she noticed that his eyes were closed, her hand automatically reaching up to push the curls off his forehead so that she could see him properly. He looked so content, impossibly relaxed in a way she hadn't seen him for a long time. Taking a moment to enjoy their time together she lowered her hand and closed her own eyes too, revelling in the way their bodies felt against one another.
Right now it felt like sex was the only thing they could get right, the only thing they had going for them. But the way they held one another now comforted her, the ease of the way they shared a meal together that morning reminding her that there was more, that she hadn't imagined their entire relationship. They had a lot going for them as a couple, more than just sex, and it was this notion that she clung to. They just had to figure this out, to get over the one last hurdle of sharing the news of their relationship. Surely then things would be okay.
Things had been difficult for them lately, for with a relationship came hurdles, the type they were only just learning how to handle as a couple. Being closer to one another made smaller things matter more, the added pressure of how they would handle delivering the news of their relationship to Carl opening them up to petty arguments and harsh exchanges. While at first they had managed them well, their argument from earlier this week had been an eye opener for them, perhaps one they had to have. Rick was fresh from dealing with Carl and exhausted by the inundation of problems he was dealing with, while Carrie was doing her best to tolerate another delay in telling Carl. As couples tend to do they'd unfairly taken their frustrations out on one another…perhaps that's what made it easier for them to forgive and move on. A brief exchange of apologies had been made the following morning, both Rick and Carrie trying to exercise patience and understanding despite their respective frustrations…that's all it had taken. They could have drawn out their argument even longer, they could have spent the following days with anger and resentment festering inside of them, or they could just let it go.
Thinking about their disagreement last Tuesday, Carrie knew she had been taking her frustrations out on him, that she had been picking a fight. While she acknowledged that sometimes a fight was healthy for a relationship, theirs harsh words and disagreements were getting them no where, and so she'd made a conscious decision to avoid it. She wouldn't go picking fights, and nor would she allow her frustrations to brew up inside of her until they came to blows over it. It wasn't Rick's fault that Carl needed to be punished, nor was it his fault that the Wolves' discovery of their safe house delayed her first run since Aidan and Noah's deaths.
Regardless of her acknowledgement that this wasn't entirely his fault, she was still frustrated by the new side of him that she was seeing. She'd never known him to be an indecisive man, to be ineffective in his decisions. The Rick she knew got things done when he said he would, he was effective and followed through on what he said. Why was it so different when it came to Carl? It was not a side of him Carrie was enjoying, ineffectiveness being a trait she had never taken well to. Logan had been like that, a nuance to his character that had frustrated her to no end. Sometimes she had just needed her husband to make a decision, to tell her what he wanted. Brownstone or penthouse? Upper west side, or upper east side? Logan would take an age to commit to a decision, and the chances he followed through on it without changing his mind were slim at best. That was what she was seeing in Rick now, but only in regard to this one thing, to telling Carl.
On one hand she knew she had to cut him some slack, that he was nervous and apprehensive about this, but he was just making everything so much harder on himself. His lack of initiative to actually tell Carl was pushing all of the wrong buttons for Carrie, and in turn she was pushing back. They could have told Carl all of this days ago, a week ago even. It could have been over by now, the bandaid ripped off. She knew that she could tolerate a lot in her partner, that relationships were about compromise and understanding, but she wondered how much longer she would have to give and give. He had to be a parent first, she understood that, but taking second priority in these circumstances was starting to get old, and her frustrations were drawing out the bitchy nature she had suppressed for a long time now.
Trying not to think about their problems, she instead let her mind wander to the better parts of their relationship, the aspects that were working. That morning after Carl started his work she and Rick had shared a meal together…he'd cooked for her, and not for the first time either. It was a joy to watch him in the kitchen, to sit back and observe him doing something so mundane and normal. It amused her to see the way he'd get annoyed when he couldn't find something he was looking for, or the ever patient way he managed to entertain Judith while he cooked. It was a simple meal, just oatmeal with some fresh fruit, but it was enough to earn him her favour for the rest of the day. It was moments like then that reminded her just how good they were together, how easy it was to share his company. Had she ever felt such ease with a man the way she did with him? Had it been this wonderful and simple with Logan?
Drawing her out of her daydreams a short while later, Rick gave a long sigh when he began to rouse, his chin resting on her shoulder moving a little. She waited patiently for him to awaken, watching as he lifted his right arm and rolled his shoulder back to work out a painful kink. When he sighed again and settled back down he stretched his arm across her body, letting his hand come to rest squarely on her breast, and not by accident either. Smiling fondly, she brushed her hand through his hair once again, glad that he was awake now.
"Did you have a nice nap?"
He nodded in response, pressing his lips to the top of her shoulder. "How long have I been asleep?" he asked, his voice low and husky.
Looking to her right she consulted the alarm clock on her nightstand, seeing that it was approaching two o'clock. "Almost a half hour."
He grunted softly and then murmured an apology. "You shouldn't have let me close my eyes."
"You worked hard to earn that nap," she praised him, amused by his short chuckle. "Besides, I know you took a half shift last night…a short nap will get you through the day."
Rick turned onto his back now, the absence of his body against her side like a cold shock to her system. Not yet ready to give up the lazy afternoon they were spending together Carrie followed him, moving onto her side and resting her fingertips against his hip. It was all she had to do to tell him what she wanted, and he automatically raised his arm and slipped it around her, welcoming her to rest her head against his shoulder. She allowed herself to close her eyes for a short while, anticipating the unexpected shift on watch she had been scheduled for that evening.
It was natural that people had a preference for the hours they took watch, and being an early riser Carrie had always preferred to get out of bed at five thirty in the morning and be on watch by six. Being early to bed and early to rise made it frustrating to take an evening shift, and on the rare occasion that she got this shift she tended to struggle once it got past nine o'clock at night. It was the monotony that got to her, that and the darkness that seemed to make her eyelids heavy and her attention lapse. But tonight she had no choice, for with over a dozen of their community struck down with a stomach flu, there were extra shifts on watch to cover at the last minute. Rick had even taken one during the night, taking over from Sasha on the north post a little after two o'clock when she too became struck down ill.
Carrie opened her eyes and looked up at Rick, taking the time to admire him, to appreciate the peaceful expression he wore on his face. In this moment he seemed to have few cares in the world, the two of them stepping away from the many problems that inundated them outside the privacy of her bedroom. Moments like this were what they were both looking forward to in the future, the opportunity for them to just be together, to enjoy the peaceful silence that came over them.
"Rick?" she enquired, noticing that his expression had darkened. "What are you thinking about?"
A moment passed before he answered, his expression slowly turning back to one of peace. "Men hate that question," was all he said, staring up at the ceiling.
"You looked worried, that's all."
He didn't respond to this, but his hand around her shoulder began to move, his fingers tracing themselves up and down her arm as far as he could reach. "I love you."
Carrie gave a short laugh at this. "And that worries you?"
This time he looked down at her, his chest rising and falling before he pressed his lips to the crown of her head. "Of course it does."
She didn't need him to explain, for she understood that loving other people meant you had something to lose. Nevertheless it was a rather depressing note, though thankfully one he seemed to pick up on. Refocusing his attention he sat up a little and looked at her with a lazy smile, his free hand reaching first to brush over her naked breast and then into her hair. He dragged his fingernails over her scalp, eliciting a long moan that she couldn't hold back even if she tried. It was exactly the encouragement she needed, and a moment later Carrie too sat up as she began to feel amorous again. She raised her own hand and moved it across the front of his shoulder, her touch light so as to not aggravate the week old cuts that remained following his fight with Pete. Moving down she stroked the top of his arm now, pleased to note a flicker of embarrassment crossing Rick's face as she admired his bicep, her fingers tracing the shape of the muscle.
"I was watching you help Carl yesterday," she whispered, moving her hand to his chest now. "When you were cutting the grass…it was quite the show."
Since Carl began his punishment Tuesday afternoon many toilets and bathrooms had been scrubbed, starting first at the two houses his family lived in, and then forced to move on to Natalie and Bob's house too. Even better, Rick hadn't been subjected to a single one of Judith's dirty diapers, and everyone in the house was getting a welcomed break from doing the dishes. The punishment was being delivered without compromise, though Carrie suspected that in the back of his mind Rick wondered if he was being too harsh on his son. He was punishing Carl for lying to someone who trusted him, and yet Rick himself was doing exactly that to him. On one hand it was justified that they keep their early relationship from him, for no father should be expected to share his private life with a teenage son, but it had now passed the point of justification. It had been two and a half weeks since the deaths of Aidan and Noah, two and a half weeks since she and Rick had come to terms with exactly what they wanted from one another. The acceptable time frame in which they could tell Carl had come and gone, moving them right into the territory of outright deception.
So it seemed that while Rick was punishing Carl for lying to him, he worked along side him too, participating in some of the hard labour as though seeking penance for his own sins. While it seemed he drew the line at scrubbing bathrooms alongside his son, yesterday Rick had been out in the hot sun with Carl, the two of them pushing the manual lawn mowers to cut the long grass. The task of pushing one of those old things had to be back breaking, but they had yet to find an electric mower and couldn't afford the luxury of running a regular one off gasoline.
"What I wouldn't give for a ride on lawn mower," Rick moaned dramatically, nuzzling the side of her neck before pressing his lips to it.
"A ride on mower? You mean a toy for you and the others to play with."
He kissed her neck a little more firmly now, his tongue darting out to taste her skin. "We wouldn't play with it," he murmured. "Cutting grass is serious business."
"No? But you would fight over it like little kids…don't deny it, I know you."
"That's comple-"
"You and Eugene nearly came to blows over a Cozy Coupe…remember?"
Shrugging, he lowered his head and kissed her shoulder. "I remember that he was wrong, and I was right."
Catching her when she rolled her eyes, he smiled as he began kissing her properly, still stroking his hand over her hair. He pressed his teeth around the swell of her lower lip, pulling it taught until she laughed, her eyes filled with mirth. Letting it go he watched as it went red and swelled a little, and then he kissed her again. Warm and comfortable with her beside him, there was a welcome sense of peacefulness…things were always perfect when they are alone, when the two of them could just be together.
"To answer your question, I was thinking about not making Carl go to school."
This remark made Carrie pull away, and she looked at him in surprise. "Alright. Who are you, and what have you done with Rick?"
"I'm serious. I'd still make him go, just not all the time. Maybe only three or four days a week."
Carrie thought about this, trying to understand. "But, why? It's only four hours a day, that's what you keep telling him anyway."
"I know…I just think it might help," he murmured, sitting up a little so as to kiss her other shoulder. "We started the Lego Death Star last weekend, but we haven't done anymore…I'd like to spend more time with him."
"You say that a lot."
"Yes, I do…and then I don't do anything about it," he admitted candidly. "This is me doing something about it."
"He'll be thrilled. When will you tell him?"
"Maybe this afternoon," was his tentative suggestion. "It'll soften the blow when we tell him about us."
Carrie didn't say anything at first, having not expected him to bring this up. Until now they'd spend the week with the unspoken agreement not to argue about telling Carl, not wanting to drive themselves further into anger and frustration. Now though, given that Carl had settled into his punishment and was behaving himself admirably, perhaps Rick saw this as their opportunity. Regardless, she knew better than to get her hopes up, having learnt that he was hesitant and indecisive when it came to his son.
"As long as it's the right time," she said softly, wondering what else he would say.
"This week has been good for him…we even got to talking yesterday."
"What did he say?"
Rick paused the kisses he was pressing against her neck, a soft sigh passing his lips before he sat up and looked at her properly. "He's miserable…can't blame him for that. Between Noah's death, feeling like he's got no friends, all the drama with Pete and Jessie, now being grounded…it sucks to be him right now."
"Is it helping that Daryl's back?'
He nodded, pressing his lips to the top of her shoulder. "I won't let him go hunting at the moment, but yes, it helps that Daryl's back. It's one less thing for him to worry about."
The conversation comfortably lapsed, Rick lowering his lips back to her neck and eliciting the shivers of delight he so easily managed to create. As she felt his lips starting to press a little more firmly she squirmed away, not wanting him to leave a suspicious looking bruise on her neck for all to see. Instead she nudged him upwards, seeking out his lips with her own before kissing him properly. They indulged themselves, letting their hands roam one another as their former sense of peace began to return. Things were always so perfect when they were alone together, when the problems they faced could be shut out behind a locked door.
"You know" she murmured, her voice laced with enticement. "Michonne and Judy won't be home for another half hour."
"Oh. Is that right?"
She gently pushed at his hip to move him off of her, allowing her to get up and move on top of him. Straddling him now she grinned as she looked down at him, enjoying the expression of awe on his face. She loved the way he looked at her any given day, the love and affection he managed to express so easily despite the way the world had hardened his nature, but the way he looked at her now was something else entirely. He looked like a man who couldn't believe his luck, who was determined to appreciate every moment he got to spend with her. Without delay he ran his hands up each of her thighs to settle on the curve of her ass, unable to hide the satisfied smile that crossed his face.
"What do you think we can achieve in half an hour?"
He swiftly sat up and kissed her, his enthusiasm making her laugh with joy against his lips. They kissed leisurely as Rick's hands on her ass encouraged her to rock against him, a motion she made only too happily. It felt wonderful to press herself against him like that, his clenched jaw signalling that he too shared her enjoyment, but when he tried to make her lay back down on the bed she resisted. It was her turn now, her turn to drive him absolutely crazy, and she was going to take complete advantage of it. They kissed a little longer before she started peeling his hands off of her, a rare giggle escaping her throat when she batted him away as she got to her feet and left him laying there.
Enjoying the way his eyes followed her as she walked around the bed to the other night stand, she swayed her hips with each step and then turned her back to him. Unsurprisingly he had high regard for the tattoo on her ass, one that embarrassed her now that she was old enough to know better, and she knew that he would be looking at it now. As she opened her nightstand and tore a condom off the chain she looked at him over her shoulder, grinning when she indeed found his eyes on her ass.
"You done watching me yet?"
"Not by a mile." he shook his head, impatiently reaching for her when she returned to the bed.
When she returned to the bed he reached for her impatiently, his hands gently pushing at her hips to make her lay down beside him. Content to let him have his way for one brief moment, Carrie clutched the condom in her fist when he tried to take it from her. They grappled for it before he turned his attention elsewhere, running his hands down her torso before quickly following them with his lips and tongue. Determined to get her own way she settled back and remained impartial to what he was doing, and it took all her self-control to give no reaction when he laved his tongue in a circle around her navel. She knew what he was going to do, that any moment now he would gently tug on the piercing there, so when he did she was prepared. She resisted the shiver of delight, resisted the urge to push her hips up against him and instead stayed perfectly still. He soon looked up at her in exasperation, knowing that she was toying with him, determined to get her own way.
"Come on," he said huskily, trying to coax the condom from the palm of her hand. "Carrie, Babe…"
She smirked, knowing that if he resorted to that name he knew he was fighting a losing battle. Of the two of them she would be able to hold out the longest, and she was right. Moments later Rick gave a soft groan and allowed his head to fall forward onto her lower stomach, his shoulders slumping a little as he gave up. He moved off of her and sat up on the other side of the bed, rolling his eyes when she excitedly bounced up onto her knees, opening the condom as she went.
"There's no need to gloat," he admonished her.
She kissed him hard as she rolled the condom onto his length and then straddled his lap, finding his hands and settling them on her hips before she was ready. Taking her time to get comfortable, particularly with her broken wrist, she brought him inside her and sank down into his lap, her heart rejoicing when she felt his hands on her hips squeezing tight. "You know I like being on top," was all she said.
"I like you being on top too," he admitted around clenched teeth. As he encouraged her to start moving he lowered his mouth to her breasts, taking full advantage of having her in his lap.
"Then why were you complaining?"
"Mmmm, because I'm stupid," he admitted, the twang of his accent more pronounced. "There's no blood left in my head."
Agreeing with him for the moment, she let his hands on her hips help her find their slow rhythm, and when she did she raised her hand to his face and prompted him to look up. Unable to resist the expression of awe on his face she leant down and sealed her lips around his, kissing him leisurely. Determined to leave him completely breathless and at her mercy she deepened the kiss, his hands tightening on her hips as she slid her tongue across his. She knew exactly what she was doing to him, just how much he enjoyed a thoroughly indecent kiss like this, the knowledge prompting her to keep going, to keep driving him crazy. A short while later he could resist the slow pace no more, his chest heaving as he tried to convince her to lay down, his growing urgency only boosting her ego.
Winding her hand into his curls she brought her lips back to his and kissed him again, her forehead resting against his when they broke for breath. She smiled when she recognised the look on his face, the one he didn't give to anyone else, one that spoke volumes to her. "I love you too," she murmured, knowing what he was thinking.
He smiled at her breathlessly, the crinkle of his eyes showing how happy he was right now. Just like she was, Rick too was revelling in the good moments, trying to avoid thinking about their petty arguments and the problems they'd been facing. They loved one another, that's what they were trying to focus on. Determined to see his eyes roll back Carrie resisted his every attempt to take control, grinning stupidly every time he tried. As wonderful as it was that he could bring her such incredible pleasure when they had sex, she wanted to do the same to him, and it wasn't often that they got the chance to have this long together. Knowing exactly how long they had up their sleeves she took her sweet time with him, both of them well rewarded for her efforts.
Her legs weak and body trembling, Carrie closed her eyes as she slowly slumped down against him, her lungs heaving for breath as his did the same. Completely exhausted and content to boot, she swallowed heavily and relaxed against him, sighing when she felt his arms reach up to wrap around her. Satiated, the couple lay in silence as they recovered, Carrie concentrating on the way Rick's chest rose and fell beneath her, on the way he pressed his lips to the crown of her head. Her mind was closed to anything external to him and herself, ignorant to the world outside that would eventually make itself known again. This was exactly what she needed right now, what they both needed. There was so much going on in their lives that they could barely keep up, the difficulties making them exchange more harsh words with one another more than they'd like to. But now? With nothing else in the world to bother them, the couple were completely at peace the way they needed to be. It was these moments that Carrie looked forward to, moments when she and Rick were simply together.
Having settled enough Carrie shrugged her shoulders and began to sit up, the movement enough to make him let go of her. Letting his softening erection slip out of her she slumped down beside him with a long sigh, the startling separation of their bodies abruptly bringing her back to reality. She was cold now. Rubbing her eyes she sat up and scrounged for the sheet at the bottom of the bed, wrestling it over Rick's left leg before looking at him over her shoulder. He lay completely lax exactly where they had laid down together, his hairline damp with sweat and the loose curls falling messily over his face. Softly warning him not to close his eyes she threw the sheet over him too, laying back down and getting comfortable together again.
"How was that for filling twenty minutes?" she enquired, proud of herself for the stupid look on his face. "Good?"
"Yes," he mumbled to himself, rubbing his hand over his face. "Yes…"
"You can stop shouting yes now."
To her delight he gave a short laugh, a yawn escaping his lips before he looked at her in amusement. "Listen to you…all smug and proud of yourself."
"Don't I deserve to be?"
"Yeah, alright. You deserve to be a little smug," he admitted, the mattress bouncing as he reluctantly sat up on the edge of the bed and reached for the Kleenex on the nightstand.
She grinned, exceptionally proud of herself for the expression she managed to bring to his face, the loud shout that he couldn't seem to hold back. Turning onto her side she stroked his lower back, admiring his body every time she got the chance. "I'm calling it. I think today might be the best sex we've ever had. God, the thing you did earlier, with the…Rick?" she said when he didn't respond, surprising her with his silence. He sat with his back turned to her, an uncomfortable air about him. "What is it?"
There was a brief pause before he turned around to her, his expression having become noticeably more subdued. "The condom broke."
Carrie's heart leapt into her throat, her mind instantly going to denial. "No, it didn't," she said, swiftly sitting up. But there was no denying it, not when he showed her the evidence. "Oh…"
"It's all in one piece," he started to assure her. "It's just torn."
They fell silent as he grabbed some more Kleenex and then disposed of the condom into her trash, neither of them really knowing what to say. Her good mood having taken a sharp nose dive Carrie sat there in disbelief, trying to make her mind catch up to the situation. It wasn't as bad as it felt, that's what she told herself. Remembering the few other times the condom had broken before sex she glanced down at her fingernails, noting one on her left hand seemed a little rough along the edge. This wouldn't be the first time her fingernails had accidentally torn a condom.
"It's not your fault," she cut him off, realising he was apologising. "It was probably me. I'm the one who put it on…I should have paid more attention."
He looked at her fingernail when she showed to to him, and he gave a short nod of understanding. "It's not your fault either," he said kindly, putting his hand on her knee. "These things happen."
It was particularly understanding of him, especially given that he'd told her many a time before to cut her fingernails or let him handle the valuable contraception. There was an awkward pause as they looked at one another…they'd never faced this situation before, they'd never discovered a broken condom after having sex.
"Don't worry," she began, not wanting the silence to stretch on. "I'll see Pete. We've got emergency contraception, plenty of it."
He nodded in agreement, likely relieved that he hadn't needed to awkwardly make the suggestion himself. Looking at her in concern he tried to gauge what she was thinking. "Are you alright?"
"Yes," she said quickly, meaning it. "I'm alright. We can fix this, it's not a problem."
Though he nodded again he still seemed to be considering her very carefully, his expression apologetic as if it had been his fault. Not wanting their good afternoon ruined she quickly tried to change their tone, and so she eased his worries with a languid kiss. Instantly she felt him relaxing, the slight frown on his face easing.
"I think we need to change these sheets," she joked, gently pulling him down beside her as they kissed.
"No. We can just turn them inside out like socks. Good as new."
Carrie gasped in disgust, their moods instantly lifting at this remark. "Rick, please tell me you don't do that to your socks!"
"Would that be a deal breaker?"
"Yes!"
He chuckled in amusement, his stubble scraping her collarbone as he kissed the front of her shoulder. "I don't do it anymore, but out on the road, yeah. The concept works with underwear too."
Rolling her eyes, Carrie sighed as she wound her arms around him. He was right, for a certain amount of concessions had to be made during life on the road, but must he really bring that up now? "Men are gross."
"You haven't seen the half of it," he teased, his fingers caressing her belly now. "Burping, farts…that boil that keeps comin' up on Daryl's ass."
She burst into laughter at this, playfully shoving him away as the sound of a child crying reached her ears. "Don't make me think about another man's ass boil!"
Enjoying her playfulness Rick caught her around the middle as she tried to get up, giving a long sigh as he pressed his lips between her shoulder blades. "Stay…just a little longer."
"We can't."
"Yes, we can."
"Michonne and Judy are home," she reminded him.
"I hear them."
"Well from the sound of it someone needs a cuddle from her daddy, and you're going to need pants for that." She pried his hands from around her waist and then got up, kissing his fingers in apology before hunting around for their clothes. "Come on!" she said, hastening him when he made no effort.
With great reluctance Rick got to his feet, bolstered by the sound of Judith's crying beginning to escalate. It was unusual for her to cry, but quite recently she had begun finding a way with tears, having figured out that it occasionally garnered sympathy from those who didn't know better. As they dressed she glanced at Rick, thinking about his determination to protect his children from the truth about Lori's mistake. Though he claimed he truly didn't know who Judith's father was, Carrie couldn't help but see similarities between Rick and Judith. They both had curly hair, big blue eyes that could melt an ice berg…their personalities were similar too. Judith was content and happy for the most part, but when something annoyed or upset her she went off like a firecracker…Rick was the same.
Were these similarities indicative of her parentage, or was Carrie seeing them because she wanted to?
"Carrie," Rick began, the two of them now fully dressed and stripping the sheets off her bed. "If something ever did happen, we would be okay."
She frowned at him, and it took her a moment to understand that he was referring to the broken condom. "Something is not going to happen," she said firmly.
Though he nodded it was clear he wasn't satisfied with the too brief discussion. "I'm just saying, if it did-"
"One more cycle of my period, and then I'm starting birth control," she reminded him. "I am like a German train schedule with my birth control. Trust me, it won't be a problem."
"I'm just saying, we would handle it."
"Yes," she agreed. "Like we're handling it now. I'm getting a contraceptive, problem solved."
Rick sighed, the expression on his face indicating that he understood her reluctance to talk about this. Despite this it seemed he wasn't going to let the conversation lapse. "Carrie…I've already got two children who were unplanned, happy accidents. Thi-"
"And I won't be giving you a third."
He sighed again, biting his tongue for a moment. "This is a conversation we should be able to have."
She too bit her tongue, resisting the urge to repeat herself. It was clear to her what he was doing, that he was trying to be a responsible partner by wanting to be prepared for the possibility, but despite his responsibility in the matter it wasn't something she anticipated being a problem. She'd only ever missed a birth control pill once, and she had learned from that the hard way…it wasn't going to happen again.
"Let's talk about it some other time," she finally said, though she had no intention of it. Nevertheless it would placate him for now. She began bundling the sheets and pillowcases, watching him as he rounded the bed towards her.
"We should talk about it," he agreed, brushing his hand over her lower back before reaching for the door knob.
He opened the door and then stood back, letting her through first, ever the gentleman. They shared one last kiss at the top of the stairs, his hand on her shoulder as he drew it out a little longer, not wanting to go back to reality. As the sound of Judith crying grew even louder Carrie pulled away, swiftly kissing him on the cheek before descending the stairs. They briefly parted ways, she heading into the laundry to put her sheets into the washing machine, Rick heading into the kitchen to tend to his daughter.
"Guess who didn't want to stop playing hide and seek with Olivia?" Michonne greeted him, explaining Judith's crying.
Pleased to see that Carol didn't have any laundry in progress, Carrie stuffed the sheets into the washing machine and then added some detergent, clearly remembering a time when she had no idea how to complete such a simple task. Doing laundry was been a life skill not imparted upon her during childhood or her adult life, the extra zeros in her bank account making the skill unnecessary. The first time she had ever used a washing machine was on the Georgia supply run, when they'd stopped at the underground bunker to scavenge supplies and lay low for the night. Somehow the task had fallen to her, and she was ever so grateful to Aaron for not mocking her when she asked for help. As the machine spurred to life and began filling with water Carrie smiled to herself in satisfaction, pleased that she confidently knew how to operate a machine.
When she came out into the living area she had to smile, her heart warming as she compared the life she used to live to the one she had now. The world had gone, her parents and ex in-laws were surely dead, and she'd been left with nothing but the expensive clothes and jewellery she had on…but she had so much more now. Money could not buy the people who had become the family she had now, money could not buy the familial rapport that had developed so easily amongst them. Michonne and Rick talked as they bustled around the kitchen, completely unaware of how content and happy they seemed in one another's company. It was a feeling Carrie too had developed with her new group, one she considered her family now, but it was always nice to see it being played out among the others too.
"She's not been herself for a few hours now," Michonne remarked, gesturing to Judith who had her head resting against Rick's chest. In her hands she was shaking a small bottle of baby formula, readying it for Judith's impending nap.
"In what way?"
"I think she's coming down with that stomach flu. She's been grumpy, wouldn't eat her lunch…she was only happy when Olivia played with her. Otherwise, she was Miss Crabby."
Rick nodded, sharing a brief smile with Carrie as she came into the living area. Moments later he gently pressed his hand to Judith's lower stomach, kissing her on the crown of the head as he did so. "Did she poop for you?"
"No."
"She didn't poop this morning. Either she's constipated, or she's getting ready to unleash some diaper gravy."
Carrie groaned, her stomach turning at this crude joke. "Rick, that's gross," she scolded him.
He just shrugged without concern, lifting Judith up and then pulling back the edge of her diaper to check inside. Leaving her be he started rubbing her back as she whimpered, more tears springing from her eyes as she sucked her thumb.
"On that note, I'm heading out," Carrie declared, giving Rick a pointed look to remind him that she was going to the Infirmary.
"Oh, wait," Michonne said hastily, following her to the door where she was collecting her Ruger. "I'm sorry, but I think Olivia and I messed up the Inventory spreadsheet."
Narrowing her eyes at her, Carrie felt her hackles raising. "I hope for your sake that you're mistaken."
"We moved some rows and columns to make room for something else, and then all the graphs and charts in the other sheet went a bit…funny."
Carrie gasped. "No, not my charts," she moaned. "You don't know how to use a spreadsheet?"
"I studied Modern Art in college. That doesn't require intimate knowledge of spreadsheets."
"You better pray I can fix this," she warned, though she relented a little following her explanation. Slipping her Ruger into the holster on her left leg she closed the door, catching a glimpse of Rick's amused expression as she went. "You owe me cocktails. Tomorrow night."
"Deal."
"Carrie," Rick called out to her, hastening to join catch her before she left. She waited for him out on the porch, looking at Judith in sympathy. The moment Rick stopped rubbing her back she started whining again, her lower lip beginning to tremble. "You're going to see Pete?" he asked quietly, waiting until Michonne had gone back into the kitchen.
"Yeah."
"Wait for me," he requested. "I'll put her down for her nap, and I'll come with you."
She considered his offer for a moment, appreciating his willingness to go with her, that they both take responsibility for securing contraception, but she shook her head. "I don't think that would be a good idea. You being there would just make things more awkward."
"Yeah, but…" he started, hesitating. "I feel like I ought to come with you."
She shook her head again. "I can handle Pete," she assured him. "Besides, you should to stay in with Judy. Michonne needs to get some sleep before she has the night shift on watch."
Still Rick seemed unsatisfied, uncomfortable with the notion that she would be going to see Pete on her own. Was it because he didn't trust Pete, or because he was determined to share the responsibility of contraception? Either way it didn't matter to her, for she had no qualms about either.
"You should stay in with Judy," she insisted, touching her hand to his arm. She wanted to lean in and kiss him, for the touch of their lips to serve as reassurance, but out on the porch they were in full view. They could take no risks in having rumours start spreading before they could tell Carl.
"Okay," he agreed, albeit reluctantly. "If that's what you want."
"It is."
"You'll be home soon, then?"
"Yes. Straight there and back."
"Good," he nodded, sighing in exasperation as he was forced to start bouncing Judith a little. "Carl should be home about four thirty. By the time he cleans up it'll be five o'clock…we'll all be home, together."
Carrie didn't say anything at first, unsure of how to reply. "Okay," she finally said, though she wasn't holding her breath that the conversation would actually go ahead.
Rick seemed to pick up on her thoughts, recognising that she wasn't holding her breath, but he didn't say anything more. As Judith gave a particularly unhappy whine that was followed by a burst of tears he was forced to turn his attention back to her, and he reluctantly farewelled Carrie and let her go to the Infirmary alone. Hoping to get it all over and done with she walked quickly as she made her way to the Infirmary, though at the last minute she diverted her course. Barbara and her son Conner were departing by the front door, a large dressing on his lower leg indicating that he had hurt himself. Though she knew she didn't have to hide the fact she was visiting the Infirmary, Carrie felt a sudden bout of nerves at the thought that Barbara might see her. She had no qualms about asking for emergency contraception, it wasn't something she was ashamed of, but that didn't mean she wanted Barbara to see her going there. She would have no context for Carrie's visit there, but she was somewhat of a gossip.
Instead she went to the Pantry first, needing to double check exactly what had happened to the charts in her spreadsheet. Olivia didn't seem to be around, and so Carrie let herself into the Pantry for the first time in weeks, but what she found there took her by surprise. Admittedly it had been a while since her last visit, for following the deaths of Aidan and Noah she hadn't been concerning herself with supply runs, but she was shocked to see the state of the shelves. The supply run to Georgia had made them abundant in food supplies, and since then the empty spots on the shelves were immediately filled by their excess stock in the other garage…but today there were empty spots, blank spaces on the shelves. Given it was her main role Olivia typically had blank spaces filled quite quickly, but not today. Was she just taking a day off? Was she like so many others not feeling her best today? Or was there nothing left of their excess supplies to restock the shelves?
Her worry growing, Carrie concerned herself only with what she could learn immediately. She took the laptop from Olivia's desk and slipped it into a bag, leaving her a note that indicated it's whereabouts. It wasn't unusual for her to take the laptop and work on things at home, particularly given Olivia's tendency to keep track of things by hand. While Olivia kept written notes, Carrie transcribed them into the spreadsheet, turning the data into graphs and charts before making future projections about how long things would last. This was what she would concern herself with today. She didn't have the key to the garage where they kept the excess supplies, but she could read the Inventory record and see exactly what was going on.
Slinging the bag over her shoulder she departed the Pantry, her mind racing through the number of possibilities that would explain the blank spaces on the shelves. It was possible that Olivia was just tightening the ration schedule, that by putting less on the shelves she was discouraging residents from asking for more. Trying to put it out of her mind, Carrie made her way to the Infirmary now, reassured when she saw Barbara and Conner heading home. Though Pete was particularly unpleasant right now, he was playing the only card he had left in his deck…the fact that he was a doctor. For the moment at least, Pete was going out of his way to prove how much he was needed in the community, to win favour with people like Deanna so that he could eventually worm his way back into Jessie's life.
It was Eric and Gordon who she found on watch outside the Infirmary, a necessary precaution to ensure that Pete was behaving himself, and that Ron wasn't caught trying to sneak in beer for him. If he was determined enough Pete could easily sneak past his guard, for the Infirmary of course had more than one exit, but with a clear view of Jessie's house and the streets, the lone guard was sufficient. It was at night which they were most concerned about him, necessitating that they lock him into the main bedroom and release him the following morning. It was difficult enough covering two watch stations for the night shift, let alone another night shift guarding Pete. For now the measures were working, and despite the sensitive nature of why she was visiting the Infirmary, Carrie knew that Eric wasn't a gossip, and nor would he try to eavesdrop.
Pausing to make some small talk with them, Carrie subtly evaluated Gordon, hoping that he was settling into Alexandria well. She'd heard about his difficult first night, about how Rick had been forced to postpone his interview until the following morning because he was in such shock. Being in his early sixties and living on the road had taken its toll on him, and he was gratefully employing the use of a walking cane while he recovered, and he looked a damn sight better than when he had first arrived. In just a few days his gaunt face had recovered a little volume, his hair cut and beard shaved…despite the physical changes, Carrie understood all too well how far he had to go before he properly integrated into life in Alexandria.
She talked with them for a minute or so before politely excusing herself to go inside. Seeing that the blind on the Infirmary's front door was raised she opened the door and let herself in, knowing that it indicated that no other patients were being seen to. Bracing herself to make her request she called out to Pete, and then found him sitting in the Lazy Boy armchair by the window. She could see the flash of annoyance on his face when he saw her, but he quickly recovered and then put on his usual professional manner. It surprised her to see how easily he could do that, and his demeanour reminded her of how charming he had been the very first time she'd been to see him upon her arrival in Alexandria. She supposed that he was well trained in bed side manner and professionalism, but it was still startling to see how quickly his demeanour changed.
"Carrie," he greeted her warmly, setting aside the laptop he had been using as he got up to meet her. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, I'm okay," she replied, closing the door behind herself and coming on properly. "I err…I just need an emergency contraceptive." She smiled nervously, feeling more awkward to ask for that than she had expected.
To her surprise, Pete raised his eyebrows and folded his arms, casually leaning against his desk as he looked at her. "Really?"
"Yeah…you know, Plan B, Next Step."
"I know the brands," he nodded.
There was a long silence, and Carrie felt her heart beat began to quicken a little. This was more uncomfortable than she had expected, and she started to wish she had allowed Rick to come with her after all. But as she looked at Pete and waited for him to say something, she slowly realised that her request for contraception was not what was causing her to feel uncomfortable…it was Pete.
"So, what happened?" he asked. His tone was nothing other than polite, but this did not ease Carrie's discomfort. When she didn't answer quickly enough, Pete answered for her. "Did you get caught up in the heat of the moment? You forget the condom?"
"Actually, it broke."
He let out a low whistle and then nodded. "When?"
It was a fair question for him to ask, and so she answered it. "Twenty minutes ago."
"Wow," he said, sounding inappropriately impressed. "A late nooner? Good for him."
There was no doubt he was referring to Rick, and that he was simultaneously belittling her. Feeling herself beginning to feel a little off put she cleared her throat and then stood her ground, unwilling to let Pete bully her. She squared her shoulders and then stood up straight, never breaking eye contact. Never in her life had she let a man bully her like this, she wasn't going to start now.
She cleared her throat expectantly. "Is there a problem?"
"No, of course not," he shook his head. "So, broken condom, huh? Was it all in one piece? Nothing left inside?"
"It was in one piece, we checked."
"And your partner definitely ejaculated during intercourse?"
Carrie grit her teeth, knowing that Pete was trying to get a rise out of her…she'd been wrong. Rick was definitely justified in his mistrust of the community's doctor. "Yes," she answered.
Pete smiled. "Good for him," he remarked, continuing before Carrie could even comprehend what he had said. "When was the first day of your last period?"
Still gritting her teeth, Carrie refused to let him bother her. "About four weeks ago."
"And your expecting your next to start…"
"Any day now."
"Are you taking any medications at the moment?"
"You're my doctor, you know that I'm not."
"Just being thorough," he smiled. "You never know, you could be seeing two doctors."
Turning away from her he went to his book shelf and removed a tall, thin book. He began flicking through it, and though he stopped at a few pages Carrie could tell he wasn't reading. This was a performance, it was just for show…he was toying with her. Not letting him get to her she tried to wait patiently, but when a minute passed in silence she cleared her throat again.
"Sorry," he apologised politely, beginning to speak as he closed the book and returned it to the shelf. "To be honest, Carrie, I think you'll be fine."
"Sorry?"
"You haven't menstruated regularly for well over a year now, and you're not in the peak fertility stage of your cycle. Your chances of an unplanned pregnancy are quite low."
"Quite low is not good enough for me," she said solidly, crossing her arms over her chest. "I want emergency contraception. Please."
"You don't need it," he insisted, giving her that charmingly sweet smile as he walked past her. To her absolute disbelief, he headed into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Want one?" he asked, holding up the coffee pot.
"No. I want what I came for. Plan B, Next Step, Ell-"
"You can list all the brand names you can think of, but it won't change a thing," Pete told her, taking a sip of his coffee with a long groan.
"I don-"
"We don't have any."
This remark almost rendered her speechless, and she looked at him in surprise. It took a few moments for her brain to catch up, to get past the horrifying news that they didn't have what she needed. "That's not true," she rebuked him. "We have plenty."
"No, we-"
"We have plenty," she repeated, raising her voice and coming forward now. "I brought in half of them myself!"
Pete nodded. "Yeah, you did. But they're no good."
"Bull shit! They're all within their use by date, and they were all sealed."
"I don't know what to tell you?" he shrugged apologetically, taking his coffee and resuming his seat in the armchair. "We don't have anything I can give you, not even the generic brands."
Stunned that he would even try pulling this shit on her, she watched as he simply reclined his chair and pulled his laptop into his lap, fumbling around with the cord on his head phones. He was being completely nonchalant about the fact he was trying to refuse her medical treatment that she needed, that she had the right to…how the hell did he think he'd get away with it? Had the separation from Jessie rendered him completely stupid?
"So what do you have for me?" she challenged, curious as to his answer.
Pete sighed, rubbing his forehead as though she was a significant bother. "If you absolutely insist on intervention…I could give you a copper intrauterine device. That can be used as an emergency contraceptive. I can get you legs up right away if you want."
"No," she replied. There was no way in hell he was touching her, doctor or not. "What else?"
Shrugging unconcerned, Pete put his headphones on and looked at her. "Well, unless you want a back yard abortion in a few weeks, there's not a lot I can do for you."
Despite her attempt to not let him get to her Carrie stood paralysed in disbelief, not knowing what to do now…had he really just said that to her? She didn't know what to say, what to do, what to think…she was stunned. With no regard for what he had just said to her Pete tapped a few keys on his laptop and then settled back into the armchair, resuming the movie he had been watching upon her arrival. As though she wasn't even there Pete paid her no attention as he watched the movie, not even looking up when she began to leave.
A rush of emotions hit her hard, and she just managed to keep her expression plain until she'd passed Eric and Gordon and then reached the street. Trying not to look as though she was fleeing, she bowed her head as she walked home, trying to steady her breaths as she tried to think about what she'd tell Rick. He was going to lose it when she told him the things Pete had said to her, his refusal to give her contraception, the horrific suggestion he had just made. Pete had no idea what hellfire was about to rain down on him, for she knew already that Rick would not let this go, that he'd be furious. Rick was right, he ought to have gone with her.
She slowed to a stop as she reached the intersection, her muddled thoughts beginning to align. Suddenly it all made sense, it was crystal clear. Pete wasn't dumb enough to treat her so poorly and expect to get away with it. He had no expectation of getting away with it…he was trying to pick a fight. By treating Rick's girlfriend like shit, he was provoking him into a righteous response. As this became clear to her Carrie whirled around and looked back to the Infirmary, not at all surprised to see that Pete had abandoned his computer and was now out on the deck that overlooked the lake. He stood there leaning against the railing, drinking his coffee without a care in the world. In a bold move, he actually gave her a friendly wave before he took a sip from his mug.
She understood now. What Rick had told her about Pete's grudge wasn't an exaggeration, it wasn't him being overprotective of his children. Pete was on a personal vendetta, one that started well over a month ago with the Wolf that had died. It had been Rick's call that he not be saved, and Pete's reaction had been an aggressive confrontation, one which Rick refused to stand down to. Since then he'd threatened to expose the truth about Carrie and Judith to Carl, and the guns he had stolen? If Pete wanted guns so badly he could have stolen them from the armoury, he had the code after all. But instead he took the risk of stealing them from Rick, of manipulating his son into helping him…it was a personal attack, and so was the way he had just treated Carrie.
Trying to figure out what to do, she hesitated in the middle of the street, still looking at Pete. Now that he had upset her he was expecting her to go to Rick, to get him involved, and that had been her first thought. But with understanding came determination…Pete was trying to get at Rick. He wanted Rick involved, he wanted another opportunity to fuck with him, but she wasn't going to let that happen. She wouldn't play into his hands, she wouldn't let him get at Rick.
She had to handle this herself…Rick could not be involved.
Knowing exactly what she needed to do, Carrie turned on her heel and marched back towards the Infirmary, enjoying the way Pete watched her in surprise. He hadn't been expecting this, that much she knew. By the time she reached the Infirmary he was there opening the front door, but she strode right past, returning the polite wave he had given her moments ago. The confused look on his face quickly turned to worry, and she saw the moment he realised his plan was backfiring, that she wasn't going to Rick for help, but someone else.
Resolved in her decision, Carrie forced herself to keep her emotions in check, reassuring herself that she was handling this. Pete was trying to use her to fuck with Rick? He was going to regret that very soon.
Being familiar enough with those who lived there, for Carrie was friends with everyone in some shape or form, she let herself into the shared townhouse, smiling and greeting those who were in the living room. She cast her eyes around for one person in particular, but when she didn't find them she went upstairs in search of them, knowing she'd likely find them reading War and Peace for the hundredth time. The bedroom door was open, but she knocked on it politely to get the attention of the person sitting on the bed…she was right, they were reading War and Peace.
"Denise? I need your help with something."
A/N - How great was that 7x01! It's been four days and still my head is all over the place! My mind is abuzz with awesome storylines, and I simply cannot wait for the rest of the season. Hope you guys loved it too!