He opened the door to his destiny's bed chambers. "Good morning lazy daisy!"
Merlin ducked the pillow hurled at his head. "Okay, not a good morning then. If you knock anything off this tray I'm not going back down for more, that ladle's as deadly as your sword if she decides we've dropped things." He placed the tray on the dining table and approached the bed, this time ready to duck or throw anything back at the Prince. "Food first, then talk, and I do expect some sort of reason for the chicken that isn't going to give me nightmares Sire."
"My head hurts and I don't have to get up. You can't make me."
"I'll fix it as soon as you stop sulking like Gwaine when denied apples, yes, you really do have to, and I absolutely can Arthur. Would you rather I use the cold water method or vanishing the nice warm duvet?"
"I hate you."
"Yes sire. So. Water or duvet?" Merlin grinned maniacally, "I could do both?"
"I'm up you clotpole, no water, not in bed. It makes things… uncomfortably soggy; and takes ages for even an efficient servant to dry."
"You know I could just dry it with magic right?"
"You're going to be insufferable now, aren't you."
"Who me? No, I would never go out of my way just to inflict petty inconveniences on you sire."
"Shirt."
"You missed something sire."
"Hand me my damn shirt please. It's colder than my father's heart without the covers."
"Here. Don't say I'm not good to you." Merlin cast a temporary warming spell over the prince. It would wear off as he acclimatised. The fire he did manually, stiff muscles protesting, but recognising the importance of continuing to do most of his work without magic. Arthur might not understand, but he had his reasons, and sometimes it was nice to be mundane and undertake normal tasks that didn't hold the stakes of Albion.
His friend's muscles loosened as the warmth seeped into them and he caught the tunic and undershirt that Merlin tossed him.
Still grumbling but much less averse to accepting the necessity of rousing and dealing with another stressful day of unofficially ruling Camelot.
"Was last night productive?" Arthur sat down at the table, his own breakfast richer than Merlin's, but the warlock was still working on remembering regular food intake whilst the prince was accustomed to that lifestyle at home. The physician's apprentice in him knew that to try those habits would be ill advised.
Merlin dragged hands down his face groaning, "Yes it was. Gwen got what she wanted, and my guide was able to identify a number of useful things and helped me to avoid several traps; not all of the things that I am required to retrieve should be touched before I am formally authorised to. More important is that I have to identify a particular spell using dark magic down there, from years ago. There are a lot of different branches of magic Arthur, and subtypes. One that all but the most controlled and experienced magic users shy away from is blood magic. I've never used it. No one below a priestess level could do so with any safety. It can be used for something good, such as a parent keeping track of an impaired child, but is one that can be twisted to the very dark. Morgause and Morgana's immortal army was the result of a very specific use of blood magic and powerful artefact of the Old Religion. Safe until we were sent to retrieve it."
"That fucking cup."
"Yes sire, though I suggest you never refer to it that way. It's the Cup of Life. Involved in healing the Questing beat's bite, and Sir Leon. What they did with it was an abomination." Merlin's anger was clear to Arthur in his voice and the set of his shoulders "Morgause tainted something sacred for selfish reasons; for that alone she should have been removed from her position, had Gaius not… Oh gods. I didn't think."
Arthur sighed, "I am trying not to break things right now Merlin and you are not helping. Be clear and unambiguous."
"Gaius defended me against his daughter and I think the injury killed her, it certainly was a severe wound. I was angry about her, didn't hold back much verbally, and he still chose me and Camelot over her, after risking smuggling her out. Not that she's any less of an evil witch, but I'm familiar enough with unwittingly callous comments to know they still hurt when a man's raw."
The Prince frowned pensively. "Are you? I mean that's all some pretty complicated shit, but only he can help you to sort through the mess. I'm the Crown Prince, not God, and having to pick my battles right now because there are fucking hundreds-all of which seem to be spawning mini ones. We don't have much time before I have to be in the council chambers, use it wisely."
Merlin closed his eyes to hide their brightness and swallowed against the ache in his throat that made it hard to form words, use it wisely was sensible, tomorrow was promised to no man.
"You told me no man is worth my tears when Balinor died. That magic could never be trusted at William's pyre. Thanked me for reminding you never trust a sorcerer after you drew your sword on Uther. You killed the woman I loved and were proud of it. I understand accidental hurt Arthur."
Arthur looked stricken. "I did what?" He knew that the idiot was reciting facts because he could actually recall all but one of the events mentioned.
"You were acting to defend Camelot sire. I- Sometimes there are no good choices. Her name was Freya, and she was brave, beautiful; and cursed. I was sure I could break it, we were supposed to leave that night, but I was late that night, just late enough to see you corner her, attack and give her the wound that killed her. I distracted them and she got away, got to me, but it was too late, I couldn't stop the blood; there was nothing I could do to save her. Nothing I would do, my mind was just numb, in shock I think, so I took her in my arms and just ran, as far and as fast as I could. Maybe if I hadn't been in hiding, or if you had known, or Gaius hadn't outed her. So many what if's that I can never allow myself to think of. She's the one I stole Morgana's dress for, and food. That's… That's the dress I sent her to Avalon in. I hope she found her peace there. She died in my arms. It doesn't help the pain, but I think it was less terrible for her than dying alone, or being publicly tortured. She was so afraid here, I wanted her last moments to be somewhere good, clean, I needed to give her that much at least."
Arthur was speechless. If Merlin had killed Guinivere, murdered in cold blood- hell, if Merlin had hurt a terrified Guinivere Arthur would have ended him, and the man in front of him still served him. Was the closest one to him each day, saw the weaknesses and doubts, and didn't abuse them. "I… I don't think I understand you at all; or perhaps I understand more than ever. I know it doesn't help but I am sincerely sorry Merlin, I will endeavour with your help to ensure that what happened to Freya, to you and to Sir Percival, never happens again. It was wrong; I cannot fix the past but I can honour them in this way." There was a pain and compassion in the prince's voice that compelled Merlin to properly meet his eyes and connect.
"I know, Arthur. If I had any doubt of your integrity and desire to change things I wouldn't be at your side. It's not for a lack of offers sire. There have been plenty over the years, though few enough from folk who didn't want to kill you, and that was a problem as you are my friend, and my destiny is to protect you."
"How can you still be near me, even call me 'friend'- especially when I still deny it to people. Not all anymore but…"
"Because I know exactly what carrying the burden of those choices is like, and the terrible cost of a young man's mistakes. How can I avenge her by killing you when some of my own actions have cost innocent lives? I still feel sick with guilt every time I see the damage that can't be made right. I've seen you murder innocents Sire, far too many times, and reluctantly send good men to their deaths, knowing when you gave the command that not all would return to their family. Very rarely are there nice tidy options against a clear big, black, evil one.
I've never intentionally killed someone who wasn't trying to kill you or my family, but that doesn't help the families left behind by my stupidity or inexperience. Holding onto anger destroys people. Look at Uther; at Morgana, at those mothers who tried to kill you when I asked them to walk away. Tell me Arthur, what should I have done?
Revenge was never an option, even if you hadn't been the Once and Future King. Plus, when I did go all vengeance mad on someone before, it left us with no high priestess and apparently an imbalance in the Old religion. Sire, I couldn't then, but now I can sense every life around us, every heartbeat, and though I've never tried it I think I could stop a heart beating. Someone like that who was unable to forgive? Can you even imagine?
I won't try it, I can't." There was a tightness around Merlin's eyes and mouth.
'Don't turn him into a weapon' echoed loudly in his mind even as Arthur's mouth reacted with: "You can do that? Fuck Merlin, why didn't you in battle?"
"So many reasons, like how could I even begin to explain that without magic? Would you really want me to fight every battle for you? You are a warrior Arthur, a great one the victory should be your own, and certain techniques would unbalance things so far unless Morgana stood on the battlefield that it seems wrong. Would you feel right attacking an aggressive child who was sure they could beat you with a wooden sword while you were fully armed and armoured? It's the same. Someone bringing only iron and steel is defenceless against lightning or magical fire, let alone cutting the lifesource. More than anything though Arthur, what if I got it wrong? Or used to much power? Or too little and was slow to intervene, and what if I stopped realising the magnitude of the action by dissociation? Is it easier to kill a man with a word to the executioner and walk away, or with a sword, or with your bare hands in close quarters? You know I'm right Sire; and you have rules, taught to you from birth about the use and exercise of judgement and power. Mine are a lot more… ad hoc. Flexible. They've had to be. The field kept changing, I never had backup unless we were out on patrol or in typical battles. I didn't realise there were enchanted chains until she chained me in the forest for serkets, or that all these creatures existed before Camelot."
Wisdom. Arthur thought, wisdom is why he didn't do it. Even without any training a part of Merlin recognised the dangers; and the same fear that Arthur knew intimately. When the balance of life and death lay in your hands, on the tip of your tongue, at any given moment, it was a responsibility like no other. People weren't always honest, or honourable, and making the wrong decision could be devastating.
"Rules and customs I can teach you. Gwaine and Lord Geoffrey can help with the rules of warfare specifically relating to warlocks and witches as I obviously have no experience in that."
"Uhm.." Merlin rubbed the back of his neck that felt prickly, though not the way of scrying thankfully, merely discomfort of confessing his fears and inaction at times; the inaction seemed as terrible as condemning them himself. It was why he hadn't always hidden from their projected pain. "About customs… and the thing you mentioned last night. I have a starting point now for research; and Gaius has sworn to show me the first of the unmarked mass graves. I have to go with him, It's important. I haven't asked him to take you because I still don't know how much to trust him with after being so taken in and betrayed. You've my word that I will show you as soon as I know. I don't know whether it's the same one Lachlan mention or not. Oh, and the ghost gave me his family's gauntlets and coat. They were in the vaults but aren't magic… yet. He said I'm meant to have one with the crest of my own family, it seems that Balinor made his more personalised."
Arthur sighed, rubbing his temples. "You couldn't just be hiding something simple like an illicit lover or stealing from the royal coffers."
"Never boring, me. It's all part of my charm."
Camelot's prince groaned. "A man can be too charming you know; I am even suspicious of boring George now, thanks to Lord Geoffrey. I trust you to keep your word and show me what I must see. Enchanted chains sound very bad, I think that may be something I should know, Merlin." Arthur was not wearing an expression to be argued with; it was the same one he wore to debrief knights of patrols where men were injured, or the physician about the state of that man.
Merlin sighed, "Look Arthur, there are things that are benefits to you of me being a servant; and there are downsides. One of those is that in court or bringing charges against my 'betters', my word is practically worthless without irrefutable proof. I knew from almost the time she returned to us that Morgana's loyalties had changed. I followed her often when she went to meet Morgause, or spoke to her in other ways, it helped me to protect you, but to accuse the king's daughter of treason and plotting with witches to kill the king and his son? It would have been suicide. More importantly it would have been disbelieved. It's not like that was the first time they tried to kill me. I just got careless and she realised I was following that time. So yes, when they left to begin the attack, I was chained in the woods with chains that tightened every time I used magic or strength to try and escape. The serkets came, and I managed to get rid of some, but not enough and I got stung. Kilgarrah saved me, called him with my last breath and he was thankfully bloody close. I turned up as soon as I had a weapon and enough strength recovered to stand. You of course were a prat and didn't believe me, just shrugged it off, so when I saved Camelot again and fought her and she took credit for it there was nothing I could say."
Arthur looked Merlin over curiously as though checking he was still solid and present. "You should be dead Merlin, no one lives through serket venom."
The warlock sighed deeply, "I'm not saying it was pleasant Arthur, it was even worse than the mortaeus. The pain was indescribable, don't ask me about it, but dragonlords are apparently harder to kill than most men and dragon magic is damn good at speeding up healing for most things." Merlin clenched his fists against remembered agony.
Arthur closed his eyes "I was a fool, I should have seen it. Morgana was different, colder. Darker." There was an emptiness to that which was just wrong.
Merlin shook his head sadly, "You were a brother glad to have his sister back, even if you didn't know the blood connection yet. That's not foolishness. Just love. It didn't exactly help that you were kept ignorant of magic against your will. Her trust of me was gone because I had to poison her to get Morgause to release the hold over the knights, she made Morgana the vessel. The thing that keeps the spell going. I knew she could save Morgana when I told her which poison, but it was still a gamble that she would care about the woman enough to let go of that bid for power before it was too late."
The Prince looked slightly stunned, of all things he hadn't expected that. "No wonder she spent so much time glaring furiously and smirking at you. Did you know about our real relationship?" There was no hint of the prince's mood in his tone and Merlin cringed, that was Arthur at his most volatile.
"Not then. After she fell- that was my fault; I was trying to stop a prophecy from unfolding. I hadn't learned yet what I have now, anyway, she fell and was unconscious.
Somehow Uther didn't realise I was in the room; Gaius needed the help of a second pair of trained hands, he told Gaius to do anything to save her, including magic. That was the night he told Gaius what she was to him; and the night I heard. Nothing we could have done would help, head injuries are unpredictable and often bad, it was your words, your grief that sent me out that night to demand a solution. An action I'm now ashamed of, and not only because of her actions since. So no. I didn't, but I knew a long time before you did. Gaius was bound to silence on his life. Telling you would be to kill him. Decisions that cost or save lives I really do understand, and never having any other input but Gaius? I didn't always make the right decision. He did his best I think, and so did I but I had one book of spells. The library has odds and ends, but I'd no one to help organise those or make sense of some, so I shied away from the things that look more powerful in case it went wrong. No one who actually still practices the Old religion, though my magic and body still react to it. The magic in me is the magic of Albion, and apparently the goddess, sort of, or the rituals in the centre of the priestesses power wouldn't have worked for me."
"Somehow I doubt he'd have allowed magic to be used to save me. I wonder why. You should have told me. There is so much you should have told me." There was a deep sorrow in the admission and having seen Arthur close to death on too many occasions, Merlin had to agree. He couldn't afford to have Arthur resort to anger and bitterness though, needed him to at least understand it wasn't done to torment him.
"And would you have told Uther? Or acted directly against him while he was at full strength to conceal it? Would I have been shown mercy and banished for services to Camelot? Or would you have acted impulsively in anger, and either burned me or executed me to make an example?"
"I- I don't know." Arthur looked pale, nauseated at the possibilities.
"If you don't then how could I have? If I died nothing would have stood between Morgana and the throne. Or your death. The risk was too high. I care sire. Not just about the regent, or the prince. I care about you Arthur. I couldn't leave you alone. You might turn back into a complete prat for real if I did. Start banishing people for rumours, or screaming at bootlickers, can't have that."
Arthur nodded, feeling like his skin was too tight. "I think that's about all I can take right now and still get through the rest of the day. You have the afternoon after council 'off' for training with Gwaine and beginning to find who your family were, prioritise the training, take your own gauntlets to practice. The reading can wait for tonight, I have to meet with Lord Geoffrey to look over some ancient laws anyway."
"Thanks Arthur. I don't know how to do this properly, and I'm not sure there's any right way, or good way to do it."
"For once you might be right. I think I need to speak to Sir Leon or Sir Lancelot next. Probably Leon. As you said he was revived by that sacred cup, and he seems to consider the city and the further reaches to abide by different rules. Perhaps he has also concluded that certain laws lack honour and justice. I won't know for sure until I speak to him."
"Yes sire. I ask only that you don't tell him who I am. Not yet. Anyone who has stayed with the druids should be handled with care. This is difficult enough with you and Gwaine knowing so much, and Percy knowing some things about us. I trust you sire, I can say it honestly now. I trust you with my life, not my shadow, or Merlin-the-servant's life. All of me. Try and respect that I need a little time to process that, and everything else, before adding more men who know too much. Too many have died for knowing about me already. For it to kill those of the round table… It would break me. Many people have tried already, but none of them understood.
I don't fight because I like it. I don't fight for superiority, or out of jealousy, or ambition. I fight to protect others; and in a few cases, for love- oh don't look so horrified you prat! Tell me you don't love Leon, or Gwen, or Lance. Even Gwaine on occasion. Hel, as mixed up as your feelings are towards king Uther, you still love your father. Thought not. Gwen might actually kill me if I ever did try anything serious." Merlin winked cheekily. He'd never told Arthur he was flexible, and until the last few days Arthur had never confirmed that he knew, though he had suspected that was the case. That it didn't seem to bother him was a pleasant surprise after the prince had internalised the king's other prejudices and professed hatred so thoroughly.
"Of course. You're right. I actually prefer that attitude among knights to the ones who fight for their own pride, or to satisfy a parent's expectation. I won't tell Leon more about Camelot and magic than he is ready for, and no more about you than you are ready for." He rolled his eyes. "The last thing I need in this epic mess is a spooked warlock on top of everything else; or to lose a friend. I need all the allies I can get. You've never wavered and it seems that you have had many good reasons to abandon me. Or your cause."
"The thing about destiny, Arthur, is that you can never quite escape it, no matter what you do. Every time you think you've found one she finds a way to redirect you back, and she doesn't like taking chances. She's always coming for us, whichever path we take between the events that must occur. I've tried to run. The distraction is always removed. It's more than time we both tried a new approach. Trusting each other is a good place to begin I suppose."
"It's a bit late to turn back now Merlin."
"There's that. Are you going to get dressed some time today? If not the council is going to be really awkward. Training could get dicey too."
"Thank you Merlin. Just fantastically helpful. I might be doing so if my manservant had more interest in turning up to anything on time and organising dull things like clothing."
"It's on the bed Arthur, which even you would see, clotpole, if you turned around and focused on your surroundings inside for a minute- and I was on time today despite having four jobs instead of the two I officially have." Arthur cringed slightly as he realised he'd prodded Merlin into full scolding, hands on hips mode; he did wonder if that was a habit of Hunith's the way he'd picked up the Gaius eyebrow,
"Sorry Merlin. Distracted."
The servant-warlock grunted "Yeah. I know the feeling. Just make sure they don't start thinking that you have some kind of severe mental defect too. If they decide it's a Pendragon trait we'll have much bigger problems than we do today."
"Hmm, not a mistake I intend to make." Arthur moved to cooperate with their usual morning ritual of dressing for court or training. "Will you be showing anyone this recently inherited Dragonlord garb of yours?"
Merlin chuckled, "Since I can count on one hand the number of people who know I'm a Dragonlord that would be a no; unless you and Gwaine want to see it. Lord Geoffrey isn't someone I'd discuss the merits of fashion with, unless it was ceremonial and complicated I doubt he has any interest in it, and if I showed Gaius I'd have to explain how I got it and why."
"I'm interested. Maybe it matches one of the crests I hadn't seen before. Is there anyone else at the round table you think might understand?"
Merlin narrowed his eyes, wondering what Arthur had worked out. "Well, Sirs Percival and Lancelot have travelled outside of Camelot's border sire, and Percy's family might have told stories. Lance is a good option, but I think he should see first that you also know and have accepted magic. At least in some of its forms. I'll speak to him Arthur, if you deal with Leon. Perhaps he could remain behind after your council meeting to speak to us together."
"As long as it doesn't make you miss your own training, idiot."
"As tempting as that is sire, I'd hate to have to do the first one again. Gwaine seems less merciful than you with that. I think he might be trying to kill me slowly."
Arthur laughed then, "Don't be such a girl Merlin. Gwaine wants to keep you alive. I'd happily torture you myself but someone would notice, and the time is not yet right for that."
"Thank the gods for small mercies Speaking of time sire, there isn't enough of it. I would like to arrange for the proper laundresses to handle your general laundry, and the stable boys to ready and groom the horses- except maybe Llamrei. I'd suggest a chambermaid, but that would just make me worry about what they could be doing; planting, information they could gather. Your rooms are off limits until I can properly ward and protect them, but that would be noticeably magic if someone did try to hurt you."
Arthur shrugged into his jacket and sighed. "I certainly can't have you even less focused than you are. Have you ever tried using lists Merlin? Handy things, usually written down."
Merlin looked puzzled, "Yeeees. For collecting plants and avoiding drugging the wrong people."
"Try branching out in their usage. I will agree to the proposed changes if you pursue a solution to our shortage of physicians."
"Isil- a Druid elder is considering those who might be suited to it. If there are any youths who have lost parents there may be a likely lad, or lass among them, anyone of age to apprentice in a family business without family might be glad of a skill."
"Good, but let's see if you can't get someone who can be around it without feeling threatened first, I don't want someone like that getting caught up in Gaius and Uther's mess. You can bring them in later when you've ab extra hand who is genuinely useful to keep them focused. Perhaps Guinivere could find out what's being done with the youths right now; an abundance of disgruntled and disowned young people do not make for a smooth running kingdom."
"The biggest problem there is that those from Camelot won't be willing to use magic. It terrifies them and we are watched as they wait for it to corrupt us."
"True, but they are going to have to learn to accept it, aren't they Emrys."
Arthur could see the beginnings of panic in his servant. Warlock. Whatever. As exasperating as it was, given that the man could face down beasts without so much as a shield, and didn't hesitate to face the undead, Arthur did understand the feeling of being thrown unprepared into a situation. It would take more than a few days to untrain Merlin's hind-brain from a lifetime of fear and suspicion. Always watching, always hiding. Expecting to die at a friend's command; that still plagued Arthur, knowing Merlin had chosen to stay with every expectation of death. He certainly hadn't known about being 'hard to kill' until he tested it.
"Breathe, Merlin. I'm not telling you to show people, but try to get used to the idea a little bit before you accidentally out yourself with reactions, never mind your alarmingly public displays. Nervous doesn't suit you as well as the cocky idiot look."
Shaking himself the warlock nodded. Putting away his anxiety. "You really think Leon can deal with this sire?"
"Merlin. Do you trust Leon?"
"Yes. In almost all things, those knights are like my brothers… just not like you."
His answer warmed something in Arthur's chest and the prince cleared his throat, "Do you trust my judgement then?"
"I…" Merlin closed his eyes, "Yes Arthur."
"I've known Leon all my life Merlin, he's a knight to the bone, his opinions may not line up with his past actions, and he has given me cause to believe that his feelings on magic and it's practitioners have changed. Either way I do need to know his feelings on this matter. Sir Leon is my first knight, and the most experienced of the Round Table, he is very close and could be a vital strength and support, or a fatal weakness if neglected, and dear God do we have enough vulnerabilities to address already. I don't need to overlook another one for the sake of ego and friendship. I suspect that this choice of course will cost me many current allies and so called friends, but I cannot both have Emrys, Lord of the druids and Last Dragonlord at my side and execute sorcerers for the use of clean magic. It hardly makes sense to kill a man for drawing a bath, let alone for healing a man without a cost to others."
Merlin flinched, he hated discussing the balance corrections. "That- the cost? It is known as the balance sire. The balance is innate to this world, it existed before anything, is neutral, but there has been a huge disruption in Albion, your birth, and the Purge, the extinction of entire races of magical creatures, it created a- a debt of sorts. It can be fixed, but only if we fix it, and fuck knows why. The balance isn't evil. It doesn't seek vengeance. From what I can gather it seeks towards absolute justice, but has no sentience of it's own. Theoretically any lives traded that way would be randomly chosen, based on proximity and connection to the one who struck the deal. I can decide. Choose. The book said I shouldn't be able to do that. The balance itself isn't something to fear Sire. Might be wise to acknowledge its existence from time to time now that you are aware of it."
"I'll think on it Merlin; I have even fewer resources than you do and years more of calculated misinformation and obfuscation. We were left open to conquest. People died simply for fostered ignorance." Merlin bit his tongue thinking of the thousands who died in the fires and slaughter of the Purge.
The Prince saw him bridling anyway, "You know what I mean Idiot. This isn't even my Court yet, and someone is trying to bring it down, no one has spoken up or tried to give any hints before. Morgana will not wait to be ready to attack to find a way of getting information, one way or another. If he'd lived my uncle could have helped but he didn't and very little remains of his entourage."
"Wait- go back to the entourage, did anyone survive?"
Arthur grimaced and looked nauseous, "Two. I'm not sure I'd have wanted to. They returned yesterday whilst you were gone, Gaius gave them strong draughts and did what he could, I have to interview them again when they wake. Whoever they are someone sick took out their frustrations."
Merlin ran fingers through dark hair, "Arthur, Morgana and Morgause do not leave accidental survivors from attacks, if they are alive they are free for a reason. You might have your leaks right there, do not let them leave, or catch wind of our activities. Drug them again if possible, and guard them. I have to work out-"
"Merlin they took a man's thumbs, the men are hardly going to help their torturer."
Merlin rolled his eyes at the simplistic statement.
"Hmm, really? You can't think of any other cases where people helped their oppressors?" It was easy for the prat to forget just how new he was to not being someone who actively hunted and executed innocents, however misinformed he was.
It was not easy for Merlin to forget, and he still had nightmares of the Prince changing his mind, this time knowing to bind Merlin with proper cuffs and chains. "Seriously though Arthur, you don't know if there's a hostage, whether they are being controlled, whether they are just plain terrified enough to report back or if they are assassins."
Arthur rolled his eyes, "Merlin, if they are spies you can feed them false information and know who her eyes are. If we execute them she'll send more and we won't. Father used to spy on us both growing up and I always hated it. Morgana even more. It's one of the reasons I resisted having a permanent manservant, too easy to manipulate- or buy."
"You thought I was safe?" Merlin snorted.
The Prince shrugged, "You were not a bootlicker. That was novel in itself. You had no one here Uther could use against you without harming himself, no apparent ambition to be the top servant, and father found you irritating enough not to try and talk to. I found you insolent, annoying, and unlikely to report my movements to the king, the least efficient servant at your actual job but most tolerable to be around, and quite enjoyed the fact that keeping you on irritated father. I can fire you at will and it's fine." Merlin scowled, "In theory he could, despite you being part of my household; but because he awarded you the position publicly as a reward, to remove you would be to confess an error of judgement. Something the king cannot do. It rankled that he couldn't use you as a means to control me. Now that was worth putting up with terrible personal service for." Arthur grinned, recalling the sour look on Uther's face on so many occasions.
His friend glared at him, recalling the many times he'd had that look directed at him and wondered if he'd been discovered. "Well it's nice to know I have some appreciated talents."
Arthur rolled his eyes, "Yes, yes, you are terribly treated, and life is unfair. I need something better than guards on a door. They can't exactly follow people around all day without being noticed, ah hel, I need to take a leaf from Uther's book this once. If they are active in this castle so we have Uther's spies, and Morgana's to deal with, then I'm bloody well going to have my own network to counter them."
Merlin leaned back, with his arms folded, thinking. "How do you feel about servants Sire, and ghosts. Servants are excellent and we know secrets about fucking everyone, you are literally trained not to see us, and ghosts do have the advantage of not being visible to most and not having to sleep."
Arthur glared at the man, "Servants yes, if properly vetted, you always knew when something was wrong, and Guinivere sometimes helped or handled things for Morgana. I can't tell you how deeply uncomfortable I am about using trapped spirits as spies, both due to their being dead, and because it feels like cheating if they physically can't be seen."
"Morgana has the Sight, and will be scrying, you'll be at a disadvantage if you don't."
Arthur groaned. "God I hate this. Why is nothing simple anymore?"
The servant couldn't quite keep the note of bitterness from his answering laugh, "My lament since I entered Camelot, Sire. I grew up in the home you saw, without a bed, this was not what I envisioned for my life."
Arthur looked at his curiously, "Do you regret it? Coming to Camelot?"
Merlin frowned, that was a very loaded question. "I don't think there was ever a choice, I'd have been sent here one way or another; this way didn't cost lives. I have many regrets Arthur, how things were done, choices and decisions that backfired, but coming to Camelot is not one of them. Nor is defending you; even before you considered me a friend, because honestly, when we met you were a total prat, and I'd never so much as seen a castle. You- the knights of Camelot were the scary monsters in my bedtime stories. They were frightening, I was taught to always run in the opposite direction and never stop running until my legs could not carry me. As a child, Leon was my biggest bad guy, even more than the raiders we knew. Perhaps if I hadn't ended up forced into such close proximity I would not have had it challenged and learned that each conflict and encounter has two sides. No. I don't regret coming to Camelot. I just wish it had been in more Peaceful times."
Arthur nodded, every conversation with Merlin seemed to leave him with both greater understanding and yet more questions than before. "Fuck. I meant to leave already, I never used to be so easily distracted. Your bad timing is contagious Merlin."
"Oi! Don't make me sound like some horrible disease you prat… and you totally did, seriously the first shapely blonde or shiny weapon and you were lost."
"I'll make you sound however I like, idiot, just try not to attract attention. I'll arrange a guard detail for the two 'escaped attendants'."
"Thank you sire."
Merlin felt a small burden eased, a feeling that increased at the next concession, "And you can have your ghost spies. Or insanity. Whichever."
"Oh no, Eileen thinks Gwaine is crazy."
Arthur nodded his approval,"Sensible girl. That doesn't mean that you are not. In fact it would explain a lot if insane people are drawn together."
Merlin, who had watched the Camelot knights and family for years, actually thought the idea had merit, but it wouldn't do to give the prat the satisfaction. "Yes Sire, we're exactly like birds." His servant drawled.
"Merlin?"
"Yes Arthur?"
"You are literally named after a fucking bird. After you have done the things on your list I want you to try and find something to drink that wakes people up, and is palatable. Better than mint tea, but with the opposite effect of wine."
Merlin snorted, as if he had time for that kind of nonsense, "I will put it on the list of things that I will never have time for but agree with on principle."
"I'll give you a day off." The prince said seriously.
"This is not a priority Arthur."
"Two days off, consecutive days even."
Merlin sighed, rolling his eyes, "I'll see what I can do Arthur."
"Three if it helps hangovers."
"I already agreed you clotpole. Fine. Three days off and I find you some mystical anti-wine drink for mornings! If and only if you stop fucking nagging me."
"Wow. Someone's touchy. You know there are things to help that." Arthur smirked.
"Yeah. One of them's for entitled prat's to shut up. I guess I'm overdue an unnecessary quest anyway. Usually Gwaine's my go-to for those but we can't both leave; Lancelot isn't likely to humour us on this one."
"Sir Lancelot would do most things if you just asked nicely Merlin."
"No, he do most things if you asked nicely. He'd demand an explanation from me first and refuse to help until he believed it was at least marginally important. Then ask how I could simultaneously be ridiculously brave and such an idiot. I'm never sure whether it's meant to be kind or scolding."
"Trying to keep you alive; what a terrible friend." Arthur raised a brow at his warlock. "I wondered…" The man looked almost nervous, if Arthur ever got nervous, "Does Lancelot know about you?"
Merlin bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair, expression twisting, "He caught me doing magic, but to save lives. He knows some. He doesn't know as much as you do now, and I completely panicked then; I wasn't always careful. I'd never actually told anyone before you and Gwaine. Even Gaius was an accident."
"Of course he was. You seriously thought you'd just live with the man and he wouldn't notice?"
Merlin shrugged. "Hadn't really thought about it, plus seeing the city was pretty overwhelming in itself. The prince just stared at his friend in appalled disbelief, "Hadn't really…? Of course you hadn't. How you are still alive really is a mystery Merlin."
The warlock shifted uncomfortably, "Just lucky I guess."
Arthur wasn't buying the look, but he also wasn't about to question it further, he had too much to think on already. "Armoury, now." He ordered. "I need to get some training in with the knights before we hold Court and make sure Father doesn't- is appropriately attended."
There would be time for reading after that if they were careful and didn't waste time, and as much as he might tease Merlin, when it really mattered he wasn't at all bad, and mercifully had stopped giving Arthur such terrible excuses. Falling into step easily they both walked quickly, Merlin almost knocked off balance when Percy clapped him amiably on the shoulder and Arthur sniggered, the clotpole; leaving Merlin wondering how to get even with Arthur without him noticing when the Prince knew he had magic. That was one downside he had failed to consider and cursed. Maybe Gwaine and Percy would help with that if he asked them nicely.