Matt's Guide to Love, Dating, and Marriage
Lesson 35
Double Dates with Other Couples
(A/N: Diabolous Kara, this is for you. Chocolate Crackhead, I just want to clarify that while Mikami did throw Saku Jo against the wall, he also did manage to throw her against the exact section of wall that was padded precisely to her body. Therefore, that would have required excellent throwing skills on his part and excellent...body reformation skills on her part. LOL. Suggestions appreciated as always. Sorry for being tremendously late on this chapter....)
So you or your lover has a friend who just happens to have a lover of their own. Totally normal scenario, right?
That is, of course, until your lover/you decides that it's the best time to get to know you better by getting to know your friends and their partners better. Which may not be the greatest decision of your life. In fact, this decision that you made to get to know your lover better through their friends may be the worst decision of your life, and may potentially land you in jail.
But I mean, if you really do want to throw yourselves to the hypothetical wolves here, then this chapter is completely for you.
The Double Date (noun) - Where your couple and another couple go on a date together.
No, a Double Date does not qualify as a foursome.
And yes, it may just be one of your better ideas not to mention DD's to girls. Because if you do mention Double Dates as DD's, or Double D's, they might just take offense to that and hit you with their purse, causing you to spill scalding hot coffee all over your flesh. And let me tell you, coffee stings like a bitch when you've just woken up and aren't thinking quite coherently.
If you didn't get that reference to Double D's, I will just say it frankly: If you say them to a girl in that way, she will think you are talking about her boobs. And if it's an extremely flat-chested girl or a drag queen or something, they will get EXTREMELY offended and they will think that you are being sarcastic about their clear lack of mammary glands. If, however, it's a prostitute, you may just have gotten off the hook. You also may have just gotten AIDS. Or herpes. Or gonorrhea. Or....syphilis. DUN DUN DUN......
Anyway.
I kinda got off topic there with that whole hypothetical flat-chested/drag queen/prostitute thing. No, I swear I don't have AIDS. I get annual checkups, and I DO NOT have AIDS.
Ahem.
The Double Date may be a nice way to reconnect with your/your lover's friends and their partners, but at the same time, it may also backfire horribly. On a Double Date, you don't want to like, I don't know, act all mushy with your lover and everything, because then the other couple may be pressured into A. Watching something they don't want to see, or B. acting the same way you're acting so that it all looks like it's planned or something.
And if they chose B, they just revealed to you that they responded to peer pressure and were probably one of those kids who got bullied into trying pot in high school. If they chose A...well....it's like watching adult videos when your kid is in the house, you know? Except we're talking from the viewpoint of the kid.
So basically, on a double date, just try to act normal. And while holding hands and stuff is okay, the complete making out is...kinda not.
GOOD EXAMPLE :)
Mello and I went on a Double Date with Light and Misa. I have no idea where L was.
I think Light made the vague statement that L was tied up to a bed somewhere in the SPK headquarters with something shoved up his ass.
But I'm not quite sure. And I don't think I want to be quite sure of that.
Anyway, Light and Misa acted normally, and Mello and I acted normally as well. And all was good.
And normal and Misa...well...don't really mix, you know, so...maybe Light had drugged her or something.
Or had threatened her with divorce if she didn't comply and act like the perfect Japanese wife to his perfect Japanese husband appearance.
Little did Light know...his fly was down.
I didn't tell him.
:D
BAD EXAMPLE :(
Mello and I then went on a Double Date with Light and Mikami the next weekend. This time, I have no idea where either L or Misa were.
I think Light made the vague statement that L was still tied up to a bed somewhere in the SPK headquarters with something shoved up his ass, and he had dropped Misa off at an arcade and given her a roll of quarters.
But whatever.
Well, we went to a nice restaurant, because we figured, oh, okay, we're all mature here, we can totally handle a nice restaurant.
Well, we certainly thought wrong.
Everything was going great until the food arrived.
Mikami saw something that looked suspiciously like a leek in Light's food, and knowing that Light was deathly allergic to leeks, he quickly whipped out his Death Note, politely asked the waiter for his name, and then wrote it down, killing him within a matter of minutes. How the waiter did not realize that the black notebook Mikami pulled out of seemingly nowhere had the title of DEATH NOTE, I really don't know, but...well...he died.
And then Light told Mikami that he was abusing the Death Note, and that that meant he would have to "punish" him when they got home.
I swear I could see Mikami salivating.
Masochist.
PERFECT EXAMPLE :D
Once again, L and Light have made it into the perfect example through sheer willpower.
The main reason that they're in this one is that while L acted completely like Misa and just sat there and stared at the wall, Light...had his fly up.
Seriously.
That's the only reason I can think of that puts them into the perfect example. =.=
Well, you gotta admit, at least now we know that Light didn't have mad sex with L just before coming to the date. Whereas...the Misa example, there could be some...different interpretations of why his fly was down.
Anyway, I must leave to go to the store. Mello is being all cranky again, and I just want to make sure we have enough chocolate in the house to sustain his needs.
Come back next time for more love, dating, and marriage advice!