Thorns
The Marauders' Era
Chapter 38: With Bated Breath
October 1981
"Mummy look at the sky! Isn't it pretty?" Suri pushed her long black hair out of her eyes, turning her head to face all the way up to the grey October skies, broken by streaks of blue.
"It is lovely," Tessa agreed. "I'm glad it stopped raining for the moment. Suri, did you pick out your pumpkin?"
"Yeah, this one!" Suri slapped a large orange pumpkin by her booted feet. She smiled at her mom and put her hand through Tessa's. "When's Daddy coming home? I haven't seen him in eleventy days!"
"Eleventy," Tessa laughed. "How long is eleventy, darling?"
With her free hand, Suri counted, "One, two, three, four, five…I don't know, a very long time!"
"He's been away for three days, darling," Tessa reminded her daughter, smoothing down her thick hair. "But it really does feel like eleventy. Don't you worry, love, Daddy will be home very soon."
"Good, because I need help carving this big pumpkin!"
"And I can't help," Tessa mocked hurt feelings.
"No, Mummy," Suri sighed, her face very serious. "Daddy helps carve the pumpkin, and me and you decorate the cookies to send to baby Harry."
"Oh, two very important jobs, I see." Tessa laughed, delighted that Suri took Halloween so seriously.
Tessa looked around at the other wizarding families in the pumpkin patch as they milled around for pumpkins. She had seen the Weasley family earlier, Molly and Arthur Weasley expertly wrangled their children than ran wild through the field. Looking back down at the large pumpkin, Tessa reached into her robes and drew out her wand.
"Wingardium Leviosa," she murmured, and the pumpkin levitated. Though she and Sirius were apt at nonverbal spells, they had begun saying the spells around Suri and having her repeat them, training the girl to say the old words.
"Wingardium leviosa," Suri repeated, perfectly annunciating the incantation. "Wow, it's a big pumpkin!"
"You picked a good one," Tessa confirmed as she began to walk and direct the pumpkin toward the seller's stand. "Now, let's hurry along now before the rain starts up again."
X
"Suri will you close the shutters, darling? I don't want the rain getting in."
"Okay!" Suri hurried over to the window in the kitchen and jumped on the stepping stool before hoisting herself up onto the kitchen counter to reach the shutters. Quickly she pulled them shut and latched them before jumping off the counter, grinning widely.
"You are getting so big," Tessa said, as she mixed the frosting in her bowl, creating a glittery orange color.
"I know," Suri said. "Soon I'll be as big as you!"
"I do hope so, Suri." Tessa smiled at her chubby-cheeked daughter—as Suri got older Tessa became more aware that Suri's body type was more Rosier than Black or Maeve. For the men in the Rosier family, it meant average height and stocky; for the women it meant shorter and curvy. Tessa worried her lip, Suri would be beautiful no matter what, and she just hoped the girl would do all right when she entered puberty.
"What else can I do?"
"Oh," Tessa looked around at the table. "How about you take these two bowls of frosting to the table, and I'll bring over the cookies?"
"Okay!" Suri hurried over and Tessa handed her the glittery orange frosting as well as a dark black frosting, and watched as Suri carefully walked them to the dining table and pulled herself into a chair.
Tessa moved the sugar cookies she had baked earlier from the cooling rack onto a large platter, ready to be decorated. She laughed when she joined Suri at the dining table, seeing her daughter stick a finger-full of frosting into her mouth.
"Suri, there won't be enough for the cookies," Tessa laughed, setting the cookies down and sitting next to her daughter.
"Yeah there is! Look!"
"You're so much like your father, except his only sweet tooth is for chocolate cauldron cakes."
"Yummy."
"You will be brushing your teeth extra well tonight, little one."
Suri ignored Tessa as she reached for a cookie and began slathering orange glittery frosting on it. "I'm making this one for Daddy!"
Tessa watched her daughter quietly, noting the way she stuck her tongue out slightly as she concentrated. Her eyes travelled down to the crystal pendant that swung down to Suri's belly button. The pendant swung with each of Suri's movements, the silvery substance within catching in the light. Tessa's heart skipped a beat and she pressed a hand over her mouth, how many more days would she get these sweet moments?
"Mummy, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, love, just thinking. Can you pass a cookie this way, please?"
There was a sound from the front room—like the locked door being tested.
"Suri stay here." Tessa jumped up from her seat, her wand instantly out. In one fluid motion, Tessa waved her wand in circle, and all the lights in the room were off.
"Mummy," Suri whimpered, getting out of her seat.
"Hush, love. Stay put." Suri obeyed, and Tessa glanced back at her once before moving to the front room. The doorknob wiggled again and Tessa raised her wand just as the door started to open.
"Stupe—"
"Holy shit, Tess, it's me!"
"Sirius?" Tessa lowered her wand as Sirius stepped through the door. Tessa's eyes flicked down once and noticed he had his wand out too.
"Daddy?" Suri peeked her head around the corner.
"Little princess," Sirius greeted and knelt down as Suri ran into his arms. She giggled when he swooped her up, and kissed her cheek.
Tessa put her wand on the front table, and did the same for Sirius. "My God, Sirius, three days!"
"I know," Sirius murmured as he put Suri down and pulled Tessa into a hug. "I was with Remus and then—"
"Uncle Moon!"
"Yes, sweetie," Sirius gave her a tight smile. His stormy grey eyes looked for Tessa.
"We'll talk later," Tessa promised, giving his hand a squeeze, and Sirius nodded. "For now, you need to see the cookies your daughter has decorated and the pumpkin she picked out."
"Daddy come see!" Suri took Sirius's hand and led him through the house.
"Now that, little lady Padfoot, is a pumpkin!" Sirius exclaimed from the other room, and Tessa smiled, in spite of herself. She began to follow after their voices, then she paused looking at her and Sirius's wands side by side on the table in the front room. Reaching out her hand, Tessa grabbed them, double-checked the lock, and went to find her family.
"Daddy! That cookie is for baby Harry!" Suri protested angrily as Sirius bit into a heavily frosted cookie.
"I need my strength for pumpkin carving!"
"She gets her sugar habits from you, Sirius."
"And her beautiful hair, Princess, she gets that from me too." Sirius winked and Tessa rolled her eyes, earning a loud, barking laugh from him.
"Daddy, so this is what I want for the pumpkin…" Suri tapped on Sirius's arm, pulling his attention back to the most important things at hand. Tessa joined her family at the table, watching as Suri gave Sirius a very detailed description of what the pumpkin had to look like.
As Tessa watched on, she smiled when Sirius played into Suri's determination, his grey eyes carefully watching and he murmured in agreement at the right time—and in that moment, Tessa felt a pang in her heart at just how much she loved him. She also noticed when Suri went on longer tangents, for mere seconds, Sirius's eyes were haunted as stress would age his face momentarily.
"Alright!" Sirius rubbed his hands together when Suri was done talking. "I think I'm ready to carve a pumpkin! Let me get the tools—"
Tessa rose first and touched Sirius's arm. "Don't worry," she said, giving his arm a squeeze. "I got your back, I'll get them."
Sirius grabbed Tessa's hand before she walked away and brought it to his lips. "This is why you're my best girl," he said.
X
Later that night, Tessa and Sirius worked together to tuck Suri in snuggly.
"There you go," said Sirius as he finished the final tuck, "snug as a beetle among the mandrakes." Suri giggled in response.
Tessa sat on the edge of Suri's bed and leaned over to touch the crystal vial that Suri wore to bed. "I like this on you better," Tessa smiled, before she let it fall against her daughter's chest. Maybe it was the swirling of memories within the vial, but when Suri wore the vial, it looked and felt different—it felt heavier to the touch and seemed to shimmer from within whereas on Tessa it was light and only shined with it was caught in the light.
"I'll never take it off, I promise," Suri said, holding the vial in her hands. As if to prove a point she tucked it into her nightgown and patted it once for safekeeping.
"I know you won't let me down," Tessa laughed lightly before she leaned over and kissed Suri's forehead. "Good night, love."
"Don't let me down either, Mummy," Suri said, stifling a yawn as Sirius kissed her too and she snuggled deep into her pillows?
"Don't let me down," asked Sirius as he softly closed Suri's door behind him as he and Tessa headed downstairs.
"Yeah," Tessa chuckled, "I think she heard one of us say it to each other, and ever since then she's been saying it."
"I don't know if that's morbid or not," said Sirius as he poured himself a half glass of firewhisky.
"I think everything about the time she's growing in is morbid," said Tessa, running her hands through her long chestnut colored hair before she gestured to the elaborately carved pumpkin and sugar cookies. "I'm doing everything I can to make sure she gets a normal childhood—as normal as a childhood can be with sugar cookies in the afternoon and watching her parents and her parents friends duel for their lives at night." Tessa breathed out a sigh before hopping up to sit on the "Sirius, what aren't you telling me?"
Sirius poured himself another half glass and hopped up on the kitchen table beside Tessa. "Your ability to see through people is scary sometimes, you know that, Princess?"
Tessa smiled, but remained silent, watching with her deep blue eyes as Sirius drained his glass and put it beside him.
"I haven't heard from Wormtail or Moony in weeks, and I've been looking for them. I don't like that I can't find them."
"Last I heard, Moony was scouting and Peter—don't give me that look, Sirius. You know I keep tabs on Remus. I have to. He's Suri's Godfather for Merlin's sake!"
"Tess, you said you'd—"
"I haven't seen him, I kept my promise, Sirius. When you ask me to make a promise, I keep it." Tessa's eyes were ablaze with anger. With a heavy sigh she controlled her tempter, arguing with Sirius was not the goal right now.
"Did you find either of them?"
"No," said Sirius, recognizing Tessa's peacekeeping tone that he attempted to match. "And I don't like it."
"Sirius, I think you need to change who the Potters' secret-keeper is. It should be you, it always should have been you."
"But You-Know-Who would have known immediately—"
"So?" I reached out and turned Sirius's head so he faced me. His eyes, his deep, impenetrable grey eyes searched my face, as if he was looking for an answer—and I could tell he was as tired and frightened as I was. "You're still a better choice and you know you would be able to sleep at night knowing you kept the secret."
"I sleep now."
"But not well. Sirius, I share a bed with you and I know how often you get up to pace." Tessa sighed when Sirius touched the hand she had on his face. "Sirius, if you won't be secret-keeper then I will. I'd rather die than see anything happen to Lily and James and Harry."
"And you think I wouldn't?"
"No, I know you would. I just know you made a bad call—you aren't thinking straight, and you're putting your faith in the wrong people—"
Sirius jumped from the kitchen counter and began to pace, running his hands through his long black hair irritably as he weighed the options.
"Sirius. Have I ever been wrong about a person?" Tessa tried to appeal to his logic. Finally Sirius stopped pacing and eyed Tessa warily.
"Alright," he said. He breathed out heavily. "Alright. I'll ask Dumbledore if he can help make the change happen after I track down Peter."
"We."
"We?"
"You'd be absolutely daft if you think I'm letting you do this alone. Sirius. From day one and until we're off of God's green earth, I'm with you."
"What about Suri," Sirius's voice was quiet, almost fearful, as if frightened to believe it would happen.
"She'll stay with my mum," Tessa smiled. She carefully stepped from the table and crossed the kitchen over to Sirius. She smiled when he put his hands on her lower back, touching the bare skin that showed between the gap of her shirt and jeans. "Suri loves being with her, and it'll be like a holiday for her."
Sirius searched Tessa's face for a minute before he finally nodded. "Alright," he said. "Halloween is in three days. We'll get Suri to Amalia tomorrow and we'll start our search."
"I love you," Tessa murmured, pressing her forehead against Sirius's.
"I love you too," said Sirius, and he put his lips to hers.
X
"You've got your jumper? The one with the bells?"
"Yes, Mum," Suri rolled her eyes and Tessa laughed. "You're going to be an incredibly force to reckon with when you're a teenager, you know that right?"
"Be good for Granna," Sirius said, lifting Suri up and kissing her soundly on the cheek.
"Always," Suri giggled when her father put her down. She then ran to hug her mother. "Love you, Mummy!"
"I love you too, Suri Ariel Rosier-Black—more than life itself."
Finally, at Kings Cross, Amalia held on to Suri's hand as Tessa and Sirius offered brave smiles for their little girl and for Amalia.
"Make sure Suri doesn't eat too many sweets because she's a Rosier and it goes straight to our, well, we have to work it off," said Tessa, her eyes wide with anxiety. "And make sure she brushes her teeth before bed and washes behind her ears. Oh, when she has trouble sleeping she likes to be sung to…The Beatles preferably and—"
"I know how to babysit," Amalia laughed, though it was forced laughter. She knew that Sirius and Tessa were going to look for Peter Pettigrew to protect the Potters. "Besides, this is only a holiday, right? You'll be back in no time."
"Right. Give us a week," said Sirius, wrapping a steady arm around Tessa. "We'll be back and she'll eat all the sweets she wants no matter where they go."
Suri smiled at her Mom and Dad and Tessa did her very best to etch her sweet face into her memory.
"Don't let us down, Mummy, Daddy, okay? Right, Granna?"
"Your Mum and Dad are some of the most stubborn and bravest people you'll ever know, of course they won't let us down."
"THE TRAIN BOUND FOR VIENNA IS LEAGING IN FIVE MINUTES," a voice over the intercom stated, causing Tessa to jump.
"That's you two," Tessa smiled. "Love you, Mum. Have a good holiday."
"Be safe," said Amalia. She looked at Sirius and Tessa, and her bright blue eyes filled with tears. She shook her head, brushing off the tears and guided Suri to the train.
Tessa and Sirius watched as Amalia and Suri boarded and found a window seat close to where Tessa and Sirius stood watching. "We'll see them again," said Sirius, his voice unwavering and so full of hope. "We'll all be together in a week, you'll see."
Suri leaned out the window as the train started to move and waved to her parents. "Bye, Mummy! Bye Daddy! I love you!"
"Bye, love," Tessa said, starting to walk quickly and jog with the train. As the train started to pick up speed, Tessa ran as far as she could with the train until it was out of sight. She was barely aware of Sirius pulling her into his arms, brushing away her tears and murmuring to her that they would see her again.
Tessa knew—she always knew.
They wouldn't.
X
"It really is odd, Peter can't be found."
"Sirius," Tessa groaned and rolled over, pulling the sheet cover tightly over her bare body. "Can you please not mention that rat in our bed after we…" Tessa scowled and her scowled deepened when Sirius looked at her and barked a loud laugh.
"After we had a good romp?"
"Stop!"
"What? Don't mention his name after we had a good shag?"
"You're being terribly annoying."
"Made love?"
"Sirius!" Tessa pushed Sirius away as he laughed again and pulled her close against him and buried his head against her neck, kissing her until she laughed.
"After all this time, and all the things we've done, you still manage to be shy about sex?"
"Only when you starting talking about horrid subjects," Tessa answered, though she knew Sirius could see the way her cheeks had flushed. Instead, she rolled her eyes as she sat up and took the sheet with her. "I'm taking a shower."
Sirius chuckled as he rolled over and propped his head on his arm, watching her walk to the bathroom. "You, Princess," Sirius said, and something in her tone made Tessa stop and turn to him. "You have not changed since the day we met."
"Neither have you, you arrogant toad," Tessa stuck out her tongue, though she smiled. Her smile only faltered when Sirius continued to watch her, his grey eyes were bottomless.
"I mean it, Tess. You haven't changed. You are still wonderfully beautiful, arrogant, and the purest thing I've ever had the chance to love."
Without warning, a lump formed in Tessa's throat as Sirius considered to stare at her, his gaze unwavering. Sure, they had just spent the past hour in bed after saying goodbye to Suri, and he had seen her naked body countless amounts of times, but the way he looked at her now made her feel as though she were completely bare in front of him—more than she had ever been.
"I still stand by what I say," Tessa said, a small smile jumped to her lips. "You're still an arrogant toad, but surprisingly, you've given me the best adventure of all."
"I love you too," Sirius called after her, spunk in his voice, as she turned her back.
With the water running and cascading down her back, Tessa cried quietly in the shower.
X
"Sirius?" After her shower, she found him in the living room, pouring over a map.
Sirius, bare chested, and dressed only in black jeans ran his hands through his shoulder-length hair and looked up at Tessa, worry etched across his face.
Tentatively, Tessa sat beside him, putting her head against his shoulder when he put his arm around her. She felt him kiss her head and breathe in her lavender and honey scent—the one who loved so much.
"So," Tessa said, sitting up and running her hands through her hair, "what's the plan?"
"I need to find Peter," said Sirius. "And make myself secret-keeper."
"Then what are you looking at the map for? We know where he lives."
"I'm looking at more than just the UK, love."
For the first time, Tessa actually looked at the map. It was a map of all of Europe, and Sirius had put a small dot over Vienna.
"We'll see her again, Sirius," said Tessa, her heart catching at the small dot on the parchment map. "And I wait with bated breath for these halls, between you and her, to be much too loud again."
The smallest of smiles touched Sirius's lips as he looked at Tessa. For a moment, he drunk in the sight of her chestnut colored hair and her deep blue, heavy-lidded blue eyes. Since the start of the war, it was always loud in Sirius's head as thousands of thoughts raced through his mind and paranoia kept him on edge. But it was in these moments, when he held Tessa—in spite of their endless arguments—or spent time with Suri, the noise seemed to stop.
"With bated breath," Sirius laughed, teasing Tessa's quixotic speech, and he kissed her before she had room to argue.
Author's Note:
I am incredibly sorry it has taken me so long to post, I suppose that is because THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST CHAPTER. With that, I have been avoiding posting because Thorns has been one of my favorite stories to write.
I am STILL taking questions for this story! So PM me, or send them in a review-you can ask more than one! The plan is to put them all in one document as an FAQ at the end of this story (coming soon...). So, if you have questions about the writing process, my take on Sirius, anything about Tessa, anything about me-ask away!
:)
Your reviews are love. I thank you all for following along on this journey with Tess and Sirius.
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