Trigger warnings - depression, mentions of suicide, and self-harm.

"What the actual hell, Rocky?"

"I'm going after him."

"I should-"

"Let Austin go," Riker says stonily. "You and I need to have a little talk."

Austin jumps to his feet and rushes out of the room, leaving me to drop my head and stare down at my lap. Rydel's gone too, so it's just Riker, Lucas, and me. I don't want to see the disappointment in either of their eyes. It's better not to look.

I fucked up. I realized it as soon as the words were out of my mouth, not a second earlier. Once I started I couldn't stop. The words just came, just kept coming and coming, until everything I had been holding back was out in the open.

I never wanted Ratliff to find out about that. I never wanted him to know why I'm so strongly against medication. It took me a long time to accept the changes it brought forth in him, and I thought once I did, this would all be over. I just needed to get over myself and that'd be it. I didn't realize the debate over medication would come back to ruin my life all over again.

"I'll give you guys some privacy," Lucas says. "Raven's talking to Rydel in the next room, I'm going to join them. Come get me if you need anything."

Riker waits until he's gone before he starts to speak, thankfully, because he's not holding back at all. "What the actual fuck, Rocky? What the hell was that? The meds ruined him? You better have a good fucking reason for that because you and I both goddamn well know Ratliff's meds are the only thing keeping him from going off the deep end."

I shake my head, still not looking up. "I…It just slipped out. I started talking and couldn't stop. I don't…you have no idea how sorry I am, Rik, please, you have to believe me. I didn't mean that. I didn't mean any of it. I was just angry, and in the heat of the moment, I-"

"You blurt out what's really on your mind when you're angry," Riker reminds me. "Because you're too pissed to have any kinda self control. So don't give me that bull about how you didn't mean it. You did."

I sigh. "I just…I remember what he used to be like, Rik. Before the meds. He used to be louder and more sarcastic…his personality just used to shine through so much clearer. The meds dulled all of it. They took everything, his quirks, his eccentricities…it's just hard to get used to when I know what he used to be like."

Riker rolls his eyes. "Depressed, suicidal, and cutting too fucking deep? Yeah, me too."

"C'mon Rik, you know that's not what I-"

He cuts me off again with a glare. "Not what you meant? You'd rather have him be his old self, but at what cost, Rocky? His personality may be "dulled", but at least we don't have to worry about him offing himself every time we leave him alone! He was suffering so much without the medication, Rocky. He was in so much pain. I shouldn't have to tell you that. Pull your head out of your fucking ass and put him first, for once. He's finally stable, and now with this stupid stunt, you've got him self-conscious as fuck and not wanting to even take his meds because he knows you hate him on them."

"Excuse me? When the fuck did I say I hated him?" I'm so fucking pissed. I've had to practice the art of self-restraint for so long, and when I slip up once, it all blows up in my face. I didn't mean to say it. It was an accident. It's not like I killed someone, but with the way Riker's acting, I may as well have.

"You didn't have to," Riker replies. "That's what he got from all this." He stands and gives me the look, the one laced with utter disappointment, the one that makes him look so much like our mom. It's like a punch to the stomach. "I don't know how you're gonna fix this, Rocky. You've really done it this time."

"Ratliff, wait up!"

I don't think I've ever run this fast in my life. I need to get to Ratliff before he does something he'll regret. He took off and he's really upset, the worst combination. They're counting on me to keep him from doing something drastic. Rydel's talking to Raven and Riker's chewing Rocky out; it's all up to me.

When I finally catch up to him, I find him sitting against a tree a few blocks from Sonic Boom, specifically the same tree I met Riker under. This is bringing back a ton of memories for me, but that's not important right now. That's not what I need to be focusing on.

"Go the fuck away," Ratliff growls, burying his head in his arms. He has his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. His eyes, what I saw of them, are red and bloodshot and there are tears streaking his cheeks. It breaks my heart.

"Ratliff, listen." I sit down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder, expecting him to flinch away. He doesn't. I smile, moving my arm to wrap around his shoulders. "Rocky didn't mean that. He was just frustrated. He loves you, Ell. He didn't mean any of it."

"He thinks I'm ruined," Ratliff wails. When he looks up at me, more tears trail down his cheeks. "I don't blame him. He's right. The meds ruined me, I'm ruined, I don't even know why you guys waste your time with me."

It's right now, at this very moment, that a part of me hates Rocky. I've never hated any of my siblings before, but Rocky's gone too far. Ratliff needs medication to keep stable. It's not a matter of using it for convenience. Without it, his mental health would plummet too far for any of us to get through to him. Ryland was unmedicated and that was what led him so far down to rock bottom, where he eventually killed himself. Does Rocky really want Ratliff to end up that way too?

"Come here," I whisper, my voice breaking. I don't know why I'm so emotional. Seeing Ratliff in such a broken state has me on the verge of tears. I love him so much. I can't imagine life without him. There's this overwhelming urge to protect him. I don't know where it came from but I don't mind it at all.

Ratliff lays his head on my chest and I wrap my arms around his torso, hugging tightly and letting my chin rest on his head. "Never say that again, you hear? You're not ruined. You've never been ruined. You will never be ruined. Rocky doesn't know what the hell he's talking about."

"You didn't know us before," Ratliff mumbles. "How would you know? You only know the ruined version of me."

Every time he says that word I hate Rocky the tiniest bit more. How dare he? How dare he make Ratliff so insecure about the one thing keeping him stable? The semblance of normalcy he had is now gone because he'll remember that stupid word for the rest of his life. And what if he stops taking the meds? Then what?

"I just know," I reply. "I know the meds didn't ruin you, and I know they won't ruin me either."

Ratliff lifts his head and looks at me in surprise. "You…you decided to take anti-depressants?"

I nod. "Yeah. I'm done feeling like shit all the time. If there's something I can do to help myself, I want to do it. And if they work anything like yours do, I'll be feeling a helluva lot better really soon."

Thoughts? Do you see Rocky's point? And what did you think of Austin's decision? This chapter was on the shorter side, but I needed to cut it where I did. Next chapter, Rocky hits a breaking point in the aftermath of all of this, which leads to some really bad decisions.

Additionally, something I want to mention. I have more time now, but the reason the updates for this story are still slow is kinda because I don't want to finish it. I'm way too attached to these characters and I don't want to see it end. I've been tossing ideas around in my head for a while, and I was wondering how you guys would feel about a fourth story. It would be set in the future, around ten years later, and would kinda be more of a happy story. Mental health would still play a huge role, but this would center more around their daily lives with their jobs and stuff. Thoughts on that?

Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed.