Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination and Haley Reed.
a/n: Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing the last chapters and the ones before that and I want to welcome all the new followers. So last chapter, we saw Matt and Gabby enjoy their honeymoon in paradise and some foreshadowing where Haley and Adam were concerned. Now it's time to go back to life as we know it for Dawsey and we get to see how Haley is handeling Adam's undercover op. I hope you guys enjoy it.
Haley's POV
Three days. That's how long I hadn't had any news on Adam from Erin or Intelligence for that matter. I had left Voight half a dozen messages and still no call back. On the first night when I was alone in Adam and I's place, I had slept on his side of the bed, his natural body sent mixed with the lingering smell of his aftershave had given me a good night of sleep but as the days went without any news, my body refused to sleep, dark circles making their way to my eyes. I sat up in bed after a second sleepless night and sighed before getting up. My body was exhausted and my mind screaming for some leniancy that would never come. I showered to refresh my appearance before driving to the house for my shift. It was a bright and sunny day so my large shades helped to hide my tormented face. I looked down on my way in, well aware that the Squad table was full and Severide's stare following me inside. I discretely removed my glasses and walked through the common room under some more stares as well as Matt's, trying to ignore them and changing to be ready for shift. After pulling my pants and sitting down, I looked at my phone to see I hadn't missed a call from Erin and proceeded in removing my shirt.
"Hey Reed. Everything ok?" I turned my eyes to the parson talking next to me, Severide leaning against the doorframe.
"Fine. Everything's fine." I picked my shirt up from the bottom of my bag and pulled it over my head, standing up to tuck it in my pants before sitting back down to put my boots on.
"I don't believe you. Want to talk in my office?" Severide and I had a strong friendship from the getgo and although it didn't run as deep as my friendship with Matt did, I knew I could tell him anything.
"Sure." I got up and avoided Herrmann that was walking in and followed Severide to his officer's quarter where I sat down on his bed while he closed his blinds before sitting at his desk and giving me his full attention.
"Have you been sleeping at all?"
"Are you looking for the truth?"
"Well your face wouldn't lie even if you did."
"I slept the first day."
"And nothing since?"
"No. My mind takes me places and when I manage to shut my eyes, I have nightmares."
"You shouldn't be on shift Hales."
"It's better than being home and going stir crazy."
"Matt will want to know that your head's in the game."
"It's in the game." I said mostly to convince myself.
"Is it?"
"I said I was fine Severide." I stood up quickly, leaving his office and slamming the door closed, heading for the bathrooms. I splashed some water over my face and took a few slow breaths before the overhead paging system called us to a building fire. I moved around the house quickly and moving past both Welch and Severide who were putting their turn-out pants on and putting on mine under Matt's stares that i tried to ignore, taking my spot in the back of truck as he closed his door. He turned around in his seat as the truck left 51's garage doors.
"Ready to put a fire out Reed?" I was looking out the window as we drove in the city.
"Every day Lieutenant." I said absentmindedly.
"Let's hope so." I heard him mumble from his spot at the front. We arrived on scene, Squad 3 already there, Boden just jumping out of his SUV. Both Kelly and Matt gave their orders and we masked up before going inside. We did a primary search on the main floor while squad combed the top floor.
"We're all clear chief." Severide's voice resonated in my ears and I looked through one of the larger rooms.
"Chicago Fire Department call out!" I bellowed as I kept low, the smoke getting thicker and visibility become less.
"Herrmann's heading your way Reed."
"Copy that Casey." I called into my radio and kept searching for any victim, still finding no one. I heard some shuffeling coming from behind me and I looked back, figuring it was Herrmann that had made his way to me but it wasn't and just when I turned back around, I stumbled against something on the floor and something ripped through my jacket, scratching at my skin, making me cry out in pain.
"I need some help in here Casey, I think Reed's injured."
"Copy that Herrmann, I'm sending you Cruz, if she's ok, keep looking for the victim. We're clear for the rest of the building.
"You ok kid?" little black spots were dancing in front of my face and I nodded so we went and continued on his search, my breathing becoming ragged as I blinked away some more black spots before everything went black. I regained conciousness as Cruz dragged me outside, pulling my mask out of my face, handing me to Dawson and Shay to be checked out.
"What happened in there?" Matt was mad and I could hear it in his voice.
"No idea. I heard shuffling behind me and I thought it was Herrmann but it wasn't and something must have been sticking out."
"You must have lost a lot of blood, you're looking pale." Shay pointed the obvious.
"I think I passed out."
"You think?" Matt growled, making me flinch at the sound of his voice.
"I'm fine Matt."
"Is that what your definition of fine is?" He screamed, everyone looking in our direction to see what was going on.
"Can we not do this in front of everyone?"
"Do you really think that no one has noticed the state you're in?" He demanded but didn't give me time to answer. "Let's pack it up." He called to 81 and everyone packed the gear and left, Shay and Gabby taking me to Chicago Med to get checked out. Dr Halstead assured me I was good enough to go back on shift but to make sure that I ate properly at lunch and to take it easy in between calls. The girls parked the ambo in its place and the three of us walked back in.
"Reed, my office." Matt called from the head of the table, standing up and heading towards his quarters as I followed right behind, everyone's gaze following me until I disapeared. Matt was waiting for me and I went in, staying in a standing position while he closed his door and sat down.
"Haley, talk to me." He was considerably less angry at me than on scene but I wasn't sure what exactly he wanted from me. I looked at him and searched his face for a sign but it didn't give anything away.
"I can't sleep." I simply said.
"How many days?"
"Two." My body didn't want to hold it's own weight anymore so I sat down on his cot and sighed.
"When is the last time you heard from Erin?" He knew me more than sometimes I knew myself. It was either that or he could just read between the lines.
"Three days." I leaned my elbows against my knees and held my head between my hands.
"Did you try calling Voight?"
"Don't you think I haven't tried that already? I called and texted Erin more times than I can count and I've left Voight a bunch of messages and still no word from them. I don't even know if he's alive Matt."
"You just need to have faith. What did Med say?"
"A lot of rest and to take it easy between shifts."
"Why don't you try taking a nap, if there's anything, I'll wake you up."
"I'll just go lie down, sleep won't come though." I stood up and left his office, heading for my cot, lying down and placing a blanket over my body.
Matt's POV
I watched Haley leave my office, completely and uterly exhausted. She walked to her cot and simply lied down, placing the blanket over her head. A few minutes later, Kelly walked to my office and came in, closing the door behind him.
"Have you talkled to her? What did she say?"
"Same thing as she told you this morning. She looks like death Sev."
"That's normal, she hadn't slept in two days.
"She can't come out on calls, not in the state she's in."
"I know, have you talked to Boden?"
"No, not yet. I wanted to hear the story from her first." The both of us turned when we heard knocking on my door, the very man we were talking about standing there on the other side of the glass door before Kelly opened it.
"Can I see the two of you in my office?" We nodded and walked out just in time to witness Haley twisting and moaning, her body overcomed by what I assumed was a very bad dream. I ran to her and shook hr lightly to try to wake her up but that didn't work.
"Adam, nooooo." She sat up abruptly, panting and holding onto my shirt for dear life. She looked up at me with blood shot eyes and tears surfacing but never falling.
"In my office." All three of us looked Boden's way and nodded. I gave Haley a few minutes to compose herself before we all made our way to Boden's office, Severide the last one in, closing the door behind us. I sat down on the chairs with Haley and Severide stood, waiting for Boden to start talking.
"Can someone tell me what's going on here?" He didn't sound mad but he sounded like a man who needed some answers. Both Severide and I looked at Haley because it wasn't our story to tell.
"It's all my fault. Adam is undercover and I haven't been having news in a few days and I haven't been able to sleep without having nightnares."
"Like the one you just had?"
"Yes. Every time I close my eyes chief."
"You know what that means right?"
"I can't go back home chief. It's worst when I'm there."
"I won't send you home Reed but it would be dangerous to send you out there. Not just for everyone else on truck but also for yourself."
"What are you saying chief?"
"I am keeping you in house, no going out on calls with us."
"I'll go nuts here alone."
"That's why you'll be in charge of cooking for everyone and cleaning out the house, otherwise, I need you to at least try to rest."
"Yes chief." She was defeated as chief's verdict came down but then again, it could have been worst. She stood up and left the office, leaving chief and I to look at each other and I sighed.
"I've never seen her like that chief." I was worried about her this time.
"Has she tried getting a hold of Voight or anyone at the district?"
"Erin Lindsay was supposed to call her with updates but she hasn't gotten one in three days and Voight won't take her messages."
"Maybe if I try." Boden picked up the phone and dialed Voight's number.
"Sargent Voight, it's chief Boden. Give me a call back at the firehouse when you get this, I need some help with something." He left a message and hung up his phone.
"This isn't a good sign."
"I know. Keep an eye on her when we're in."
"Will do chief." I stood up and exited his office, going in search of Haley. I looked in the shower and bathroom stalls, the back of the building and the gym without any luck. Maybe the girls knew something so I walked up to their table in the common room. "Have you girls seen Haley?"
"I haven't seen her since she went to see Boden but did you try the truck? She sits in there sometimes when something is bothering her." Shay said. I made my way through the common room and the apparatus floor and headed towards truck 81. If no one had seen her since the office, she must have gone through the back and around the building to go unnoticed. I opened the side door and there she was. She was sitting in her usual spot, her head in her hands and as soon as she heard the doors, she looked straight at me.
"Hey Hales." She said nothing and placed her head in her hands again so I hopped in and closed the doors behind me, sitting next to her and letting her talk when she felt like it.
"I can't do this Matt."
"Can't do what?"
"My body's tired, my brain is making me hear things and my heart is hurting. Is that what it's supposed to feel like?"
"You mean love?" She nodded and then put her head on my shoulder. "Yeah."
"I just wished someone would update me, any kind of update."
"Boden tried to call Voight too. He didn't pick up either if that makes you feel better." I took her hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Not really." She chuckled.
"It'll work itself out. You know he's careful."
"I know."
"So here's where you come to think?" I changed the subject to keep her mind off of Adam's undercover op.
"Yeah, I can actually hear myself think in here." I watched her lean her head against the seat.
"How come I don't know about that and Shay does?"
"She caught me once." She admitted. "Alright. Enough about me. How was Hawaii?"
"It was amazing. Thanks for that by the way."
"I like seing you happy Matt." She smiled a genuine smile for the first time today.
"You will be too, I promise."
"I just want him safe Matt. This wait is killing me. That'll teach me for falling in love with a cop." She sighed.
"But he makes you happy." I gave her a gentle elbow push.
"Thank god he does." She chuckled.
"Alright. Let's get you through this undercover op in one piece. You too tired for a round in the gym with the bag after lunch? Blow some steam off?"
"That sounds great."
"Come on, let's get out of here and go steal Mouche's remote." I was really trying to keep it light and hopefully we'd get an update on Ruzek soon.
"As if he'll ever get off that couch." She pushed me out of the truck with a laugh and I wrapped my arm around her shoulder as we went back inside. We were both surprised when Mouche's spot was vacant on the couch and we made quick of filling it up before he returned, the both of us laughing it off. I was happy to hear her laugh, even if it was just for a little bit.
Gabby was cooking her grandmother's secret mac and cheese recipe and I turned around and smiled at her, a smile she returned with a wink, a look of happiness about Haley's change of demeanour. After everyone ate lunch and cleared everything, Haley went to change up in the locker room and I did the same in my office before we went into the small gym in the firehouse.
"You ready to give the bag a beating?" She huffed in response and put on some soft wrappings around her hands before she started pounding on it. She hit without stopping for about half an hour, her body panting and in need of water. Severide came walking in with a bottle at the right moment.
"How's the pounding going?" He handed her the bottle that she uncapped and took a large swig of.
"Just be lucky you're not the one holding the bag." Matt chuckled, earning an eye roll from Haley and a candid laugh from Kelly.
"Are you up for the challange lieutenant." She challanged him out right to come take my spot.
"I'm ready. Boden wants to see you in his office anyways. Something about a missing report?"
"Alright, I'll go see him. Just makes sure she bows off as much steam as possible.
Severide's POV
"Alright. It's just you and me. Give me all you've got." She drank another swig of water and placed it down before she started to punch again. The point of this was to make her evacuate as much emotions by pounding into a punching bag so her body would be tired enough to sleep a good night. For another fourty five minutes to an hour, she pounded her frustration and worry out until she decided that she had had enough, her body heaving and asking for a little leniancy.
"Go freshen up, we'll go walk around the house." She breathed heavily for a little bit before she nodded and walked out and towards the bathrooms and I left as well, going in search of Matt, who I found still in Boden's office.
"How'd it go?" Boden questionned me as I closed the door.
"I think we'll have tired her out, maybe get a few hours of solid sleep."
"Fine. If she manages to sleep enough and look better by night fall and we still have no call, she'll be able to resume her position on truck for the rest of shift."
"That's good. She'll be happy." Matt smiled, happy that our plan was possibly working in our favour. I walked back out and headed to the locker room where I found her leaning down and tying her shoes.
"I'm ready."
"Let's go then." she stood up and we left through the apparatus floor and around the corner."
"Did Voight call Boden back?"
"I haven't seen Boden since going in to find you in the gym." I lied through my teeth.
"Liar. I saw you go in there when I came out of the bathrooms."
"No news just yet." By the time we went back inside, we had walked twice around the firehouse. Haley excused herself and walked towards the back of the bunk area, hopefully to sleep it off a little bit and maybe feel better.
Haley's POV
I walked in the back to grab my toileteries before heading for the showers for a real shower and not just to splash some cold water on my face before going on that walk with Kelly. I let the warm water wash over my muscles, also clearing my mind a bit. I toweled my hair dry and changed into a new cfd shirt and a pair of old track pants I keep at the bottom of my locker to train in the gym before heading straight to my bunk to lie down and hopefully get some real rest. I barely felt my head hit the pillow that I felt the sleep world come and take me to it.
When I woke up next, the night had fallen and when I looked around myself, the cots were empty. The house must have gotten a call of two but when I looked at my watch, I realized that about ten hours had passed since I came to lie down. My body was obviously so exhausted that it demanded some rest. I got up and headed to the common room where the lights were off but the tv on, no doubt both Herrmann and Mouch responsable for it. I turned the lights on over the stove and looked through the fridge to find anything edible that I could heat up. I found a plate with my name on it. with a note saying Hope you're hungry - Matt Just that thought made me smile a bit and I picked it up and removed the foil cover, placing it in the micro-wave. I walked back to the couch and sat down, enjoying the food in the dark, putting the tv on the news hoping to see something about PD. The boys came walking back in while I was cleaning my dishes.
"Hey, you're awake." Shay smiled and came to give me a hug. "How are feeling?" She held me at arms length, looking me over, making me smile.
"Much better thanks Shay."
"Can I see you in my office Haley." Boden walked past me and I simply followed him where he closed the door and let me take a seat in front of his desk, himself taking a seat across from me in the second chair in his office. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm better chief. I think I slept ten hours."
"Do you feel better enough to resume your position on truck?"
"Yes sir." I smiled, happy about this small bit of news.
"Go get some more rest until next call." I stood up from the chair and was about to leave when I turned around again.
"Chief, I was wondering, have you gotten any kind of news from Voight?"
"Sorry, I'm getting the silent treatment too."
"Thanks chief." He nodded once and I left him, heading to the bunk area for some more rest, I was still tired. Dark surrounded me as I walked through the hall and saw Matt's light on so I made my way to his office where I found him hunched over the incident report for their latest call. "Tough call?" I leaned against his doorframe, my hands crossed over my chest.
"No, just two in a row. How are you feeling?" He turned in his chair and looked directly at me.
"Much better."
"So good news it is?" He smiled at me.
"So you know about that huh?" I grinned. "Yeah, I'm back on truck for the remainder of shift." I just wished Erin would update me already."
"Have faith, I'm sure he's ok."
"Good thoughts, got it. I'll go back to bed and rest in case we get a call."
""I'll come with you to the district when shift let's off in the morning if you don't get any news by then."
"Thanks Matt." I turned around and left him to his report, always grateful to have him as my best friend. I lied back down on my cot, arms behind my head, not as tired as I thought.
"Having trouble sleeping kid?" Herrmann's voice pulled me out of my empty thoughts and I looked his way. I hadn't really noticed that his light was on and that he was reading.
"Clearly I'm not the only one." I chuckled. He moved aside on his cot and patted the spot next to him. I got up and headed his way, sitting next to him.
"Still no news from Ruzek?"
"Not a word."
"It's ok to be worried and scared."
"I know but it shouldn't affect my ability to be on the job and do what I do best Christopher."
"That takes time Haley and we're all behind you when things get tough, and when they're going great."
"Thanks." I smiled at him. Christopher Herrmann always knew exactly what to say to make someone feel better.
"Speaking of going great, how is it with Adam?"
"When I'm not fearing for his life, it's going great actually. He said to me before he left that the reason he took this op was because he imagined what it would have been if it had happened to us. He said that he wants it all with me."
"What about you? You want it all?"
"As much as it hurts when he's not there, yeah." I leaned my head against the wall and smiled.
"That's great." He patted my leg just as the overhead paging system went off.
Ambulance 61, Truck 81, Squad 3, Engine 51, Battallion chief 25, multiple vehicles accident on the highway
"That's up kid, let's go." We got up as everyone was woken up by their light slumber and we headed to our respective vehicles.
"Welcome back Reed." Matt laughed as we got dressed up in our gear.
"Thanks lieutenant." We all got in and Cruz drove us away towards the accident site. Once we got there, it was worst that what we expected. Multiple vehicles was an understatement. There was an 18 wheeler dipped on its side and at least ten to fifteen cars that had smashed into each other. everyone looked to chief for instructions.
"Dawson, you're in charge of triage and call for some back up."
"On it chief." Gabby started walking towards the cars while Squad got their instruction to get the driver of the semi out and Truck was in charge and pulling out anyone who was stuck in their cars. It took Squad more than an hour to make sure that the driver was out and no dangerous chemicals was spilled to other cars.
When the driver was transported away and everything was good on that front, Squad came to help us get more people out.
"Casey, I need some help here." I yelled from where I was peering into a minivan.
"What do you got?"
"Three young children. The mother looks like she has a gash on her forehead but I'm not sure, there's so much blood. I can't get the doors opened."
"Otis! I need the jaws of life." Matt called to Ortis that was closest to him. "Dawson, I need you guys over here. We're at the very end of the crash." He called into his radio.
Otis and Cruz started working on one side of the van while I tried poppint the other side open with my halligan bar. "Anything yet?" I grunted as I failed once again to open the door from my side.
"We're working on it. Keep trying." It took us more than another hour to get them out of the van. We ended up having to cut the top of it off to get them out safely. All three kids were treated for minor injuries while the mother was taken to Lakeshore to treat the gash to her head, the kids being taken to her in another ambo. Once everyone was gone and safe, we packed back our things and headed back to 51.
The sun was slowly rising above the horizon as we drove through the Chicago streets. Now that I was back home again for half of the past year, I never understood why I had left it in the first place. My mind took me to all the happy things that had happened to me since being back and I smiled, life was good. Cruz parked 81 in its spot right behind Squad 3 and everyone hopped out. We were removing our gears and slipping back in our shoes before we slowly started walking back to the common room, laughing at something that Otis had done. I stopped in my tracks when I heard my phone ring in my pocket. I pulled it and pressed on the answer button, not recognizing the calling number. "Haley Reed." I said into the receiver.
Three words. Three words is all it took to tip my whole world upside down. I suddenly felt my fingers go numb and the last thing I remember is everyone looking at me and my phone making the drop to the floor, shattering in pieces, my body falling to its knees as it it.
a/n: Ok so I might have had this cliffhanger dancing around in my brain for the past month or so so please don't hate me. Even though i know nothing about it, I'm trying to show the kinds of hardships that you go through by being a cop's spouce so I hope it looks like it's something that could happen.
Please take a few minutes to leave a review, I can't wait to find out what you guys thought of this chapter - Sarra