A New World Full of Strangers
Disclaimer: All the characters in the story are the property of Stephanie Meyer. I have borrowed them for my entertainment and (hopefully) your reading pleasure. I make no profit from their use.
Chapter 37: Perspective
I'm drowning my sorrows in my usual cup of coffee at the diner when my favorite lifeguard comes up behind me. It seems like every time I have a problem, she is there to listen.
"Hey, Jake," says Aurora. "Why the long face?"
"Oh, I don't know," I say. "It's kind of just been a long week. You know? And my friends Bella, Edward, and Renesmee are out for the day. Usually we hang out together on Saturdays."
"Oh, that's right, they are all at the surprise birthday party for Renesmee at Celine Bouchard's house," she says.
"What surprise birthday party?" I ask. "I knew that Renesmee had a play date with Celine after ballet, and Edward and Bella were taking in a movie with some of their friends at the high school. I didn't hear about a birthday party."
"That's because it was a surprise," she says. "Of course the biggest surprise was that Sylvie didn't spill the beans herself. But I do know that it was a big secret. The only reason that I mentioned it was that it already started."
"So if it was such a big secret then how did you know about it, Aurora?" asks Mary.
"One of the kids that I babysit for now, Terah Stone, was invited," she says. "She was so excited that she could hardly sleep last night. It's the first party that she's been invited to since they moved up here."
"Poor kids," says old Joe. "Lost their Mom in a traffic accident and then their Dad moves them up here to get away from the memories. But the kids are all torn up about it. How did you end up babysitting for them?"
"Dr. Cullen asked me, who else?" she says. "The oldest girl, Maggie, came to school all upset and Bella found out all about it. Apparently a neighbor had discovered that the Dad was leaving the kids home alone all night to work the graveyard shift.
Maggie was scared social services would take them away. The social workers did take them in to the office. But all that happened was that the Dad had to promise to get a babysitter whenever he worked overnight like that."
"So you're the babysitter?" asks Joe. "That figures. You always were a good girl Aurora."
"I know what it's like to be without a Mom," she shrugs. "That's why Dr. Cullen thought of me. The money is good and it doesn't interfere with school or my job at the hospital because all I really have to do I sleep in the house and get the kids ready for school. And these kids are very wellbehaved. That was all they needed. Someone over the age of twenty-one to stay overnight with them."
"Like I said," says Joe. "You're a good girl. It's time that some of the young men around here noticed that too."
He looks over at me significantly and Aurora turns bright red.
"I don't have time to date," she says. "Especially if I want to stay on track to get my practical nursing certificate by the end of this year. Besides, if you want to know about a really special girl, it's Renesmee."
Immediately, my ears prick up. So I'm not the only one who thinks that she's special.
"That's true," says Mary. "My granddaughter told me about what she did up at the school this week."
"Well, Terah was one of the two little girls that she got in trouble for talking to," says Aurora. "That poor little girl thinks that Renesmee is one of God's own angels come down from heaven to watch over her."
"Yeah," I say. "She told me all about it. I think that it's pretty unfair that she got detention for trying to be nice. But she just said that she was wrong to talk and served it. Her guidance counselor would have gotten her out of it."
"Old Beauclair needs to retire," says Joe. "I mean, it's one thing to be a tough teacher and hold the line on discipline. But come on. You got to be a little flexible sometimes. After all, the poor kid has never been to school before."
"Well, from what I heard," says Mary. "She thought that it was all to more to give her detention. She said that it would help reinforce the rules."
A pair of dancers comes in, dressed in shorts over their tights and wearing heavy sweatshirts. Their hair is still swept up into the kind of tight buns that Renesmee now wears to class. They are talking excitedly about something.
"Hey girls!" calls Mary. "I heard that they were casting the roles for The Nutcracker today. Did you get anything good?"
"I got Mother Ginger," says one of the girls.
"I'm leading the Arabian dancers," says the other. "But the big news is who got Clara."
"Who got her?" asks Aurora.
"A new girl who didn't even try out," answers the first girl. "But when Madame announced the role, all the twelves were clapping. Apparently, even though she's new, she's very popular, cute little girl too. You know, she has these long chestnut curls when her hair is down. She has a kind of funny French name, Renesmee. Her father is Dr. Cullen."
"Wow!" says Aurora. "That's awesome! And she never danced before?"
"She's a natural," replies the second girl. "I help with her pre-pointe class and she is very graceful. She pays attention to her technique and details. Madame loves her because she is so disciplined. It's funny that all the girls like her so much. She's kind of a shy kid. And you would think that they would all be mad because she got the best part. Celine is very protective of her."
"We were just talking about Renesmee," says Mary. "She's the one that got detention from Mme. Beauclair for talking on the lunch line. But all she was doing was inviting the two little girls in the class who were on the outside of the group to join in with the rest of them."
"I'm surprised the detention stuck," answers one if the girls. "I mean Mrs. Miller would usually bail the kid out in that situation."
"My little brother was talking about it and he said that she didn't want to cause any fuss. She was wrong for talking and she would take her punishment," says the other girl.
"How does everyone know about all of this stuff?" I ask. "I mean, it's not like Whitehorse is a tiny town."
"It may not be tiny," answers Aurora. "But it's close-knit. We take care of each other. The Cullens are new in town so everyone is watching them, especially since all the kids are adopted or foster kids. Some folks were worried that they would be trouble.
"But Dr. Cullen is the nicest and best doctor we've ever had and Esme is doing a lot to help the local businesses. The kids have all been nice and polite and now Bella and Renesmee have reached out to help other kids. I think it's because they know what it's like to have a rough life, especially Bella."
"She is kind of private about that," I say with a hint of warning in my voice, looking over at Mary and Joe.
"I know," she says. "And she never has shared the details with me. I think that everyone assumes that she's had it rough because the others are so protective of her, especially Edward and Alice. The older ones are a little more standoffish."
"Well, Rosalie and Jasper have it rough too," I say. "I think that it's really hard for them to be foster kids. At least if you're adopted you know that you can stay with the family."
"True," says Aurora thoughtfully. "How is school going for you?"
"It's great!" I reply. "I always liked to work with my hands. And now I'm learning about computers too. Some machinery has computers running various parts so you have to hook up a laptop to diagnose problems. It's the same with cars."
"Yeah," says old Joe. "I remember the days when you could drive down the street on a Saturday afternoon and half a dozen kids would be out there under their cars working on them. Those were the days! You could fix just about everything that you wanted to if you were handy enough. These days you don't even roll down your own windows anymore."
"I know," I said. "I rebuilt the bike. And back home I rebuilt a 1986 Rabbit when I was a kid. And I used to keep my Dad's 1957 Chevy truck running."
"Where the hell did you find one of those?" asks Mary. "The Rabbit that is. They stopped making them ages ago. And the truck probably belongs in a museum."
"Out on the Rez we had a lot of older vehicles," I say. "We basically drive them until they fall off their wheels."
"You people should get yourselves a casino or something," comments Joe. "I hear you make a lot of money doing that."
"Maybe you can make a lot of money," I answer, thinking of all of my father's arguments against it. "But the social costs are pretty high. And we have a small amount of land to begin with. Why would we want to give up any more of that?"
"I can see the point of that," adds Aurora. "Besides there are higher social costs for all of the communities around the reservation. There's more crime and poverty. And most of the jobs the casinos create aren't so great anyway. A lot of them are minimum wage. I think that they are right to keep them out."
"Still," says Joe. "They could improve their schools and all that with the money they bring in."
"Well," I say. "I have the whole afternoon to myself and I would rather not spend it talking about tribal politics. Here, Mare, keep the change."
I toss a twenty on the counter. I'm grateful for the new information I have. It isn't too hard for me to figure out why I wasn't told about the surprise party. They all know too well that I don't keep secrets from Renesmee very well. Aurora walks out with me.
"Do you have any plans for this afternoon?" she asks casually.
"Nothing specific," I say. "I thought that I would find a spot along the river and go contemplate life for a while."
"Do you mind if I come with you?" she asks a little hesitantly. "I don't have anything to do with my free afternoon either. I know a little spot just outside of town that has a great view of the mountains. I promise I won't bother you. I like to get out of town and think about things too. Sometimes it feels a little crowded in here."
"Sure," I say as I open the doors of the truck with my key fob.
"This is a great truck," she says as she buckles up. "It was certainly nice of Dr. Cullen to lend it to you."
"Dr. Cullen is a great guy," I say. "I feel like my Dad doesn't understand me at all. But Dr. Cullen, he just accepts me for who I am. It's like having a second father. Only this father doesn't judge me."
"I think that it's always easier to understand young people when they're not your own kids," she replies. "You don't have as large a stake in the outcome."
"I don't know about that," I say. "I mean, Carlisle is like that with all of his sons."
"And his daughters?" she asks.
"They are Esme's job," I say with a grin. "But I think that they talk about them all the time. And let's face it, except for Edward and Renesmee who really don't have any memories of their own parents, they are used to dealing with kids from difficult families."
"Yeah," she says uncertainly. "That makes sense."
We drive along the Al-Can outside of town until she shows me a turn off. We drive for another mile or so down, a gravel road and then we hit the end.
"It's not far from here," she says, as we get out.
We walk long in companionable silence until we hit a grouping of rocks near the river. It's kind of an outcropping so you can take a long view if the river going west and then across at the mountains. It is very quiet except for the sound of the rushing water. Aurora heads immediately over to a spot and sits down.
"Is that your favorite rock?" I ask.
"One of them," she replies. "I like to come out here and consider my life in all of its facets. The view gives me the perspective to realize that the whole world isn't just the city of Whitehorse."
"Why do you need perspective?" I ask.
"Well, I think that everyone does really," she answers. "My days are very busy between school, my job at the hospital, helping my aunt and grandmother at the store, and now babysitting for the Stone kids. Sometimes I feel like I'm carrying around everyone else's problems. I feel like I'm losing myself."
"I know how that feels," I say.
We sit in silence together for several minutes. She isn't inclined to talk about herself and neither am I. She closes her eyes for a few minutes and just lets the breeze blow back her glorious hair. Despite the list of things that she has on her plate; she looks tranquil and at peace with herself. I envy her that.
"How did you lose your parents?" I ask finally.
"My mom died up north in the village where we lived," she says. "There was a scarlet fever epidemic and no one there to take care of the sick people. And it's really difficult for medical assistance to get through in the winter."
"Is that why you want to be a nurse?" I ask her.
She nods.
"Where is your father?" I ask. "I hope you don't mind all my questions. It's just that I'm curious."
"I don't mind," she replies. "But I'm going to want to hear a little about you in exchange. My dad still lives there. But he does a lot of hunting and fishing. He lives a traditional life style. After Mom died, he sent me to live with Grandma Lily and Aunt Tabitha. He thought that it was better that I be raised in the city, you know, to get a good education, have more opportunities."
"Do you miss him? I ask.
"Not as much as I used to," she answers. "But he was never home a lot anyway when Mom was alive. It's hard to make a living up there. I miss the village more. It was like everyone there was family. I've been living down here in Whitehorse for thirteen years now, but I still think of it as home."
"How old are you?"
"I just turned twenty-one," she says. "How old are you?"
"I'm twenty-three," I say. "I know what you mean about the Rez being home. That's how I still think of La Push."
She looks thoughtful.
"We don't think of the village as a reservation," she comments. "I mean we have our hunting and fishing lands, but we don't think of ourselves as penned in."
"Well, things are different where I'm from," I reply. "We are constantly fighting to hang onto every acre of land that we can. It's difficult. The white men are always thinking up ways to grab little slivers here and there. It really sucks."
"I can imagine," she says sympathetically. "I guess the Canadians don't want our land up here in the middle of nowhere. Unless of course they find oil or some mineral deposits. But we do have good treaties with the Canadian government. A lot of Canadians are concerned about the environment and they know that we are good stewards of the land."
"Do you have any plans for when you graduate?" I ask.
"I'm going back to the village to work in the clinic," she says. "I will have more skills than anyone there now. My grandma and aunt are bugging me to go to school down in BC to become a nurse practitioner or even a doctor. But I want to get back and start to work now."
"But if you look at things in the long term," I say. "Wouldn't it be better to go back with more skills? You could probably do a lot more to treat people if you were a doctor or something."
"That's what Aunt Tabitha says," she answers with a grin. "So you're a long term person too?"
"That's what Sam says," I say.
"Who is Sam?" she asks.
I have to think through my answer carefully.
"Well, my father is the chief through our ancestors of the tribe," I say. "He expects me to stay in La Push for the rest of my life and take care if the tribe so that I can become chief one day like him. Sam is the next in line after me. He is descended from the second line of potential chiefs. My buddy Quil is the third in line.
"Before I left, I stopped in to see Sam and he was trying to figure out some border thing, but all the legal stuff was too hard for him to understand. He's like me. He never went to college. So I told him that. The tribe should pay for one of our really smart kids to go to law school. He said he never even thought of that."
"I don't know if I would have either," she admits. "When I see a problem I want to fix it as quickly as possible, usually by myself. So I guess that I am more like Sam."
"You're like Sam in another way," I say. "You put your tribe first. I'm afraid that I'm not very good at that. That's why I'm hanging out with the Cullens again."
"If you don't want to be chief someday," she asks. "What do you want to do?"
"I honestly don't know," I say. "I mean, my classes at the college are going real well, and I love my job. When he encouraged me to go to the technical college, Carlisle told me that it would never hurt to have a trade under my belt, especially one that could get me a job anywhere.
"I guess that you could say that about my career goal too," she says. "But I know where I want to go. As much as I love my family and all my friends here in a Whitehorse, I still belong to my people in the north. It's a very different life, a much simpler life. That's why my mom took to it so well."
"She didn't go there just because she loved your father?" I ask.
"Well, that was a huge part of it," she says. "But if she couldn't stand living hand to mouth on the outer edges of civilization, the marriage wouldn't have lasted long. It wouldn't have mattered how much they loved each other. I'm pretty sure that Grandma Lily wasn't too happy with her choice, but she didn't try to stop her. She knew that she had to lead her own life."
"Maybe Grandma Lily will talk to my dad," I grumble. "He's being impossible about everything."
"Well, at your age, he can't force you to stay there," she says. "And it's not like you're living a wicked life of drinking, gambling, and women. He should be proud of you for getting yourself a better education."
"He will be," I say. "But only if I come home."
"Does his approval mean so much to you?" she asks.
"Well, I guess that it's about more than just his approval," I reply. "I guess that I feel a pull toward the land too. Kind of like you do, only you have a plan for when you go back. You're all about improving the lives of your people. I just don't really know what I would do if I went back. And something keeps pulling me towards the outside world."
"Do you know what it is?" she asks.
Renesmee, I think to myself as I stare out at the water. But there's no way that I can explain imprinting to Aurora without also telling her that I am a werewolf. And I know that if I tell her about that, she will think that I am crazy and my feelings for Renesmee are creepy. She's such a practical and down-to-earth girl that I don't think that she's ready for that. I decide to turn the subject back to her.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" I ask.
"No," she says. "I really don't have time. I wasn't kidding back at the diner. And besides, I wouldn't want to get involved with someone who might not want to go back to the village with me. Most First Nations people move out of the villages, not back to them. When they get a taste of the white man's world, they don't want to go back."
"It's the same with Native Americans in the US," I say. "But what would happen if you fell in love with a white man?"
She laughs.
"I don't see that happening," she says. "I'm set on my course and I can't see a white man wanting to move out to the bush no matter how much he loved me. That's just not the way it works."
"How what works?" I ask.
"The mixed-race marriages thing," she says. "It seems like it's easier for the natives to fit in with the white culture than vice versa. Not that it is easy for either one. There have been a lot more mixed-race between whites, blacks, Asians, and Hispanics recently, but a lot of times 'the other' ends up absorbed into the white culture."
"My Dad calls is assimilation," I grimace. "But that's not when he's calling it cultural suicide."
Aurora sighs.
"It's happening all over the world," she says sadly. "All the lovely varieties of smaller native cultures are being subsumed by the dominant culture. It's sad because I think that a lot if humanity's richness is being lost. But that's not my fight."
"What is your fight?" I ask.
"Illness, disease, malnutrition, ignorance of proper health habits," she says. "I can't fix the whole world, so I'm going to settle for making my own small piece of it better."
"I have to admire your focus and strength," I say. "You're a good woman and you're not afraid to stand up for what you believe in."
She blushes and looks away.
"Well, Jacob," she says. "You're a good man. And I hope that you find what you are looking for too."
We shift back into an easy silence. I contemplate the beautiful young woman next to me. I wonder if I didn't feel the pull of Renesmee if she could be more than a friend to me. But then I realize that she is as tied to her own land and people as I am to mine. But it's nice to know that I have found someone who understands what I am talking about.
I regret that I can't tell her the whole truth about myself, but if I do, I know that I will lose the first good, new friend that I've made in a while. She's a great person and I don't have to be afraid that she will want more from me than I can give. She's a real sweet girl and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.
Author's note: I'm sorry that I can't update more frequently, but I am very busy at my job. I try to really polish the chapters before I post them. I hope that you will think that they are worth the wait.