Aw, I do update quickly, and a lot of you were spot on with your predictions! I'm not a terrible person, and that was really the only way it could pan out without me totally ruining my characters! Anyway, the cliffie worked, and I got a ton of reviews, but keep them coming! I'm 20 away from 700, which would be awesome!

I had walked in on two people, very blond people, in the throes of some very graphic sex. The woman was bent over the bed, and the man was pounding away, relentlessly, his hands twisted in her hair. They hadn't even noticed me, and I choked back a gasp, when I realized that the woman was Hilda. Sounds of sex were in the air, and I had never heard a more disgusting symphony. Then I looked at the hair of the man, who was pounding away, since I couldn't see his face and my heart broke when I saw that it was the same colour as mine. I slammed the door, walked down the steps part way, and sat in tears, my head in my hands. How could I have been so stupid, misreading someone so terribly. I had believed Eric when he said he wasn't interested in her. How could I have believed that. She was a model, tall and thin. I looked down at my ever expanding waistline. What the hell was I going to do now? I'd totally fucked my life up.

I cried for a minute, grateful that no one came by to ask what was wrong. Then I got angry. How could he have bullshitted me after all we'd been through? I'd cared for his child, I'd moved here for him, I'd agreed to this ridiculous second marriage ceremony to make his mother happy. I was having his child for Christ's sake. I wasn't some ridiculous woman that was going to put up with this. Not on my second wedding day, not on any day. I wasn't going to let this slide. I was going to confront him, and make him regret the day he'd ever interfered in my life, that day back in Osaka, and then possibly murder him. I stomped back up the stairs, fists clenched, but then when my hand was on the doorknob, I was stopped by a familiar voice.

"Lover? I've been looking all over for you." I turned around to see Eric standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking impossibly handsome in a tux. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I turned around and walked back down the stairs, my hands on my hips. "Where were you?"

"I had to drive home and get some underwear. I remembered that I was wearing a rented tux, so I couldn't very well go commando. What's wrong?" I walked into his arms, and he buried his face in my very elaborate updo, holding me tight. "You look amazing. I'll try to look surprised when you walk down the isle." Eric had decided to rent a tux, under immense pressure from his mother. He and his father both owned tuxes, but she thought they should match from some bizarre reason. One again, I really hoped she was enjoying this.

"I went up to see you in your room, and I thought..."

"What?"

"That you were up there with Hilda."

He buried his head a little deeper. "That's why I was looking for you."

"What?" I pulled away.

"It wasn't me Lover. I wasn't upstairs, remember?" He raised an eyebrow. "What I wanted to tell you is that Jason hooked up with her last night. Pam told me a little while ago, and I wanted to tell you, so you wouldn't be shocked to see her here. She came with him." He rolled his eyes. "I don't know how she didn't possibly get the idea that her invitation was rescinded, after everything, but I guess she's a bit thick."

"God, I don't know what I was thinking. It was the hair colour. Jason has the same hair colour too, and I just looked for a second. His is much shorter than yours though." I smacked myself on the forehead. "And you are like 8 inches taller than him. There's no way you could possibly achieve that position with that low bed, without looking like you were doing the wheelbarrow. I should have known it wasn't you. She was bent over the bed, and..."

"And there's that thing, where I would never have sex with Hilda." He smirked, his eyes twinkling.

"Ah yea, I guess there's that too. Fucking Jason."

"Yep, that's what she was doing." He grinned. "Him and half of Oslo probably. Anders must be rolling over in his grave. He hasn't even been dead a month. Anyway, I'm sorry for the moments of grief that caused you, and I'm sorry my mother is driving you batty, believe me, she's driving me batty too. You seem to be unable to have a wedding without complete and utter insanity surrounding it. Last time it was Bill, and this time, this? I promise, we'll never get married again." He winked at me, his hands, still in mine.

"Promise?" I wiped some residual tears from my eyes. Pregnancy had certainly made me a bit bonkers.

"Promise. Now you better find some way to clean up your makeup, before Mom interrogates you about why you were crying, unless of course, you want to tell her what's going on in there." Elsie would love that. She'd already been put off when Jason told her the story about taking a break from his baby momma because she said it might not be his. Her exact words to me later had been, "At least my son knows when he's fathered a child." Which was true, I guess, but only because Pam didn't exactly like what men had to offer, except for Eric's, which I could I could hardly argue with. It was pretty fantastic.

I realized that was I standing there, silent, with Eric looking at me. "How long until the ceremony?" I recovered, trying not to think about what Eric had to offer under that tux.

"About an hour."

"I have a better idea." I raised an eyebrow and pulled him up the stairs and into the small bathroom and locked the door. " The hell with the makeup. Let's practice our kiss."

He picked me up and set me on the counter, and he growled his response. "That's the best suggestion I've heard all day." Our lips met, and it was pure, unadulterated chemistry. There was no urgency, no expectation to do anything but kiss and kiss, my arms around his neck, his around my waist. That is, until we were interrupted by a loud banging on the door.

"Sookie, are you in there? Elsie wants to make sure you're ready."

"Its not time yet though." I kept my head titled on Eric's, our foreheads touching, our eyes locked. If I had thought I could get us both out of our respective outfits, and then back into them,I would have fucked him right there on the floor. Pregnancy was really wreaking havoc on my emotions, I'd experienced sadness, fury, joy, and horniness all in the span of about 10 minutes. The honeymoon suite we'd booked was sounding better and better. Maybe I could talk him into skipping all of this and going there right now instead.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. She's looking for Eric too, so if he's in there, you better both come out, before she comes up and you ruin her perfect wedding." Amelia laughed at the last part.

We sheepishly emerged from the bathroom and Amelia looked at me, wide eyed. "Sookie, your makeup is ruined. Elsie is going to shit."

"Can you help me fix it? Please Ames?" I put on my best pout.

"Fine. Eric, you go downstairs and distract her for ten minutes. Do a little dance, whatever it takes." Eric gave me one last peck and ran down the stairs. Amelia followed him and got my makeup bag and met me back up in the bathroom. "What the fuck happened to your face? I'm going to have to retie your dress in the back too, you're practically busting out of it. By the way, were your boobs always this huge?"

I laughed. "Long story on the makeup, short story on the boobs. I'm pregnant Amelia."

Her eyes went wide, first in shock, and then a smile came over her face. "That's great Sook. I'm guessing you haven't told grandma yet. I should have known when you weren't boozing the other night." She wrapped her arms around me, and then got out the lip liner.

"Nope, let's get this over with first, and then we'll tell her." I'd been so wrapped up in this whole wedding bit, that I forgot that people would actually be happy for us. We were married and of an acceptable age to have kids. Why wouldn't people be happy?

"So why were you crying?"

"I walked in on Jason and some slut that Pam slept with and who wanted Eric for the past ten years having sex, and because I am a bumbling, emotional mess, I assumed it was Eric, because we all have the same colour. It wasn't him, of course, he ran home to get underwear, and he would never sleep with her, and I was so relieved that I suggested that we come up and practice our kiss, and here we were."

Amelia started laughing. "You've had an eventful morning."

"You're telling me."

"There, you look presentable again." I turned and looked in the mirror.

"Thanks Ames. I owe you one."

"Happy to help. Now lets take you downstairs before Elsie comes up looking for you, because you know that's not going to be good."

"Deal."

We went downstairs, our arms linked, and ran right into Hilda and Jason.

"Oh, hey Sook. You know Hilda?"

"Yes, we've met." I glared at her, not giving a shit what she thought. Jason and I would talk about this later, and it was not going to go well for Jason. Not only had he had me thinking that my husband was not only cheating on me, but with the sluttiest slut I knew, but I'd had to witness him giving it to the sluttiest slut. The noises were the worst. It was traumatizing. That was not a position I had ever wanted to see my brother in, let alone in my husband's childhood room, that Elise had already started calling Jake's room for when he got older and stayed over.

"I'm so happy to be here, at your wedding, and to meet a new friend." She grinned at Jason, who grinned right back. Jesus, did he not learn anything from the whole Crystal thing? He'd really stick his dick in anyone. I rolled my eyes at Amelia as Hilda straightened her tube dress and pulled her bra up.

"Yea, well, good for you. Anyway, we have things to do. Jason, I'll see you in a bit. You still want to walk me down the isle?"

"Yea sure Sook." Jason looked like it was nothing and Hilda looked impressed at his gesture. I was glad that it had been Sam at my real wedding.

Amelia and I continued our way downstairs. "Boy, what a slut. I bet she has a tramp stamp or two."

"Tell me about it. She actually threw herself at Eric at her husband's wake, while I was in the bathroom puking. I could kill the both of them, but then that might postpone the wedding and I couldn't stand to drag that on for a minute longer than I have to."

"Classy. So pregnancy is that fun eh?" Amelia grinned widely. I was glad she knew.

"Oh yea. You'll notice there's hardly any meat on the menu today. It makes me puke, which is actually nice because I can avoid it. It was much worse when morning made me puke."

"Great. Something to look forward to, in the far, far future."

"That's what I thought too, but here I am." I squeezed her arm. "I'm really happy and all, but it was most unplanned."

"At least you are in a good spot to have an unplanned pregnancy. You aren't sixteen anymore, and you are married, well in America, and soon in Norway." She nodded at me and laughed. "The adventures of Sookie Stackhouse. At least no one could argue your life is boring."

"Sookie Northman. We did the paperwork last week."

"Fine, whatever."

Just then, I was made aware that we were not alone. Elsie came up behind us, clearing her throat. It turned out she'd been there for a while. "Sookie, you're pregnant? Is it true? I knew those weren't your boobs." Shit shit shit. She must have overheard Amelia.

I stood there, my mouth open, for what seemed like three hours, but was more like five minutes, trying to formulate an answer. "We didn't want to throw a damper on the wedding." That was the first thing that came out. "Amelia, can you go find Eric. Now?" That excuse wasn't going to fly, and after walking in on what I had, I didn't think I was strong enough to deal with her on my own.

"Sure Sook." She ran off, leaving me there, to face the wrath of Elise Northman, who was, at the moment, the scariest woman alive.

"How long have you known?" I mulled it over in my head. Was it better to tell her that we just found out, or to say we were waiting until we were sure everything was all right? I don't think you did that with parents, and I was sure Elsie wouldn't either. After a couple of minutes of awkward silence, I was once again saved by my white knight, who came up behind me and grabbed my hand.

"Mom, we will talk about this in two days. Not today, not tomorrow, but the next day." Eric was deflecting, and I couldn't have loved him anymore than at that very moment. "We had our reasons, but today, we are just going to do this, and not go into any baby talk. One thing at a time." He squeezed my hand.

Elsie opened her mouth to protest, but the look on Eric's face made her clamp her mouth shut. "You two are not supposed to see each other before the wedding."

"I think we can forgo that little tradition, seeing that we're already married." He was really giving it to her. His expression didn't change.

Once again, she opened her mouth to protest, but instead just stomped off. "You are going to hear about that in two days. If she hadn't been so stunned about the pregnancy, me think the lady would have protested a bit more." Amelia laughed, coming out from behind the doorway.

"I'm glad I didn't have to pull the 'Dad knew' card, but I would have." Eric winked at me.

"Your Dad knew? Since when?"

"Since he stopped by one morning a couple of weeks ago and overheard you singing to the toilet. He straight out asked, and I had to tell him. He left before you came out of the bathroom, and both of us swore never to talk about it again."

"You could have told me?"

"I didn't want to upset you, and force you to live in the fear I've been living in for weeks, that Mom would find out." He grinned. "I guess the jig is up."

"And we did so well, another 45 minutes and we would have made it past the wedding." I knew the next few hours were not going to fun for anyone.