Snooky…again…for the third time…faces the music…Oy.
"Don't we get a list of prosecution witnesses?" I yelled out as Riker handed
Judge Stone a sheet of paper. "What is this? A kangaroo court?"
"Could be, ma'am, could be," Harry muttered as he glanced at Riker's list.
"We've already had an ostrich…last time we had bunnies. What's a few
marsupials?"
"Cute little furry things with pockets," Bull rubbed his hands together.
'Wallabees." Roz told him. "They're the small ones."
"This is totally inappropriate," my counsel in training interrupted. I nodded
in support. "My client wishes to make a statement? Please?" he whined.
"Go ahead, but make it quick." Harry gave me the floor, which I took.
Nervously, I faced the court. "I would like to make a motion to release Sgt.
Moffit!" I was aware of Canadian Hogan Fan's rescue attempt, but just in case
that failed, I wanted to cover all the bases.
"On what grounds?" Harry asked.
"Yes!" Hochstetter shouted. "The woman deserves to be drawn and quartered for
what she did. Messing around with a villain."
"Hochstetter. Shut up." Stone banged his gavel. "Prison is one thing, but
there will no medieval torture here."
I cleared my throat. "Um, on the grounds that she was just being nice, and
trying to humorously explain the use of the same actor to play different
characters, like you, Commander Riker! And like Mr. Data!"
The people in courtroom swiveled and glanced at the Star Trek contingent
seated with the spectators! As The authors cheered, I took a deep breath.
Harry leaned over and looked at me. "Explain Miss Snooky, if you please."
"Gladly." I have Riker an evil grin, as he fidgeted in his seat.
"On more than one episode, in more than one series, Commander Riker's actor
played his duplicate. This duplicate came about due to a transporter accident,
but they were not the same person, since from that moment on, they had
different experiences. On more than one occasion, and on more than one series,
the actor playing Mr. Data played not only Mr. Data, but his brother Lore, and
their creator Dr. Soong, as well as an ancestor of Dr. Soong. Counselor Troi's
mother, was also a computer voice, as well as Nurse Chapel in the original
series." I could out of the corner of my eye, see the prosecution table
furiously typing away on their laptops, probably in IMDB. "Of course, you all
know of the Night Court connection with Mr. Data. Ahem. Many actors in Hogan's
Heroes also appeared in MASH. That connection was used in an older story by
another writer who has yet to be put on trial. I wonder why? And in a
well-known novel, the connection between the actor that played Spock's father
and a regular on another TV show from the 1960's was developed in a
time-travel plot." That revelation quieted everyone down.
"It did?" Harry asked me. "What was the novel? I probably have it on my shelf.
I collect all of them, but I haven't had the time to read them."
"Ishmael!" I answered.
Riker sprung up. "This is meaningless. We were prosecuting Sgt. Moffitt based
on what she did, and based on the fact that her well-meaning but harmful
attempt to humorously explain the Hogan's Heroes casting department's laziness
is immaterial. Except for the use of the producer's wife in multiple roles,
which could be forgiven, these other duplicate roles were not developed due to
laziness, but were a direct result of the plot development."
Harry thought for a moment. "I'm afraid the commander makes a good point.
Better than yours. Sorry, objection and motion denied! Miss Snooky sit down.
Commander, your first witness."
Charles patted my hand. "It was a gallant effort."
'Yeah," I sniffed. "And I thought all that up in a few minutes without even
using the computer."