Choices of the Heart

By woundedhearts

"So are you sure?" Harper asked of the blond woman who had shared ten years of her life with her. "Because Janice once you walk out that door there's no turning back."

"Harper you know why I have to do this," she replied while packaging up the last box. "It's for the best and hopefully in the end you'll thank me for what I have done."

"Will I?" Harper asked.

"Please don't do this?" The blond woman replied. "Don't make me feel like the bad guy in all this."

"Why not?" Harper asked as a tear slid down her face. "Why aren't you the bad guy?"

"I didn't intend for it to happen but I did what I thought was right under the circumstances. I didn't mean to hurt you, but sometimes life throws us in directions that we don't anticipate."

"Don't give me that, you made your decision when you walked into that hospital room and you made it without me." Harper quietly stated. "You knew what was going to happen and you knew that it would hurt me, so don't stand there and lie to me and tell me you didn't mean to do something when the end result was obvious."

Janice whirled around and faced her, "Alright fine, but Harper you made a choice too, you didn't follow me and that is all on you. I won't apologize for something that I felt was the right decision." Leaning over she began to pick up the box only to have Harper stop her by pressing down on it.

"You don't understand do you?" As the two women gazed into one another's eyes they searched for some compromise, but there was none to be had. "You ruined what we spent so many years building in a matter of minutes. You didn't care about anything or anyone but you and now I don't even think I know you anymore."

"Funny I was about to say the same thing about you."

Harper turned away looking around at the half empty room and a feeling of a deep loneliness ran through her. In her mind she could almost picture different scenes that they shared together in that small space and she knew those memories would haunt her for a long time to come.

Janice watched from the doorway holding the last of her belongings, she wanted so much to make this all go away but she knew that it was too late, yet she also knew that her decision had been the right one, and gained some solace in that.

"Not that it would make any difference to you now," She confessed. "But, I will always love you."

"Goodbye Janice." Came a small voice filled with heartbreak.

"Goodbye Harper." She replied turning and walking away from the house she had called her home for so long.

Jessica walked toward her twin and helped her carry the last bit of items from a life that was now gone forever, leftovers of a treasure and a love she no longer possessed.

"Janice?"

"Jessica please, not now."

Jessica quietly closed the trunk while Janice turned one last time and saw the figure of a woman in the window, a figure she had known very well.

A woman she had loved with all her heart and a deep longing came over her, she wanted so desperately to hold her and pretend that this didn't happen, but wanting and getting were two different things, so said the woman that according to her lover she helped to kill.

The drive to her sister's house was usually picturesque and beautiful. It always seemed to calm her and soothe her as she gazed up at the trees and the green hillsides that aligned the highway. But today it had no such affect on her; today she was too deep into her own thoughts to ever really be able to enjoy the scenery the way she usually did.

No her thoughts were filled with Harper and the pain she saw in her eyes before she left. She began to wonder what she was doing now, more than likely Alex had already arrived to help her and somehow she was thankful for that.

Alex Russo had always been a big part of their lives and if the truth be told at times she found herself to be a little envious of their friendship, but she knew that in the end Harpers heart had always belonged to her.

Debra Finkle had often said so. A tear slipped down her cheek as she thought of the woman who she regarded as a second mother. She never failed to inform her of that. Harper loved her and wanted to share a life with her, at least until now. But could she really blame her?

"Jan I know what you're thinking?" Jessica told her as she maneuvered around another car. "You need to stop beating yourself up, what you did you did out of love, and it was something Debra wanted."

"She looked so frail and weak toward the end," she sighed. "She just wanted to be free and happy again, those machines were keeping that from being possible."

"Harper why don't you go after her?" Alex told her friend. "You know you want to?"

"I can't, it's done, it's over and I can't change that."

"Look we've been best friends since before we could walk, and as your best friend I am saying this to help you," she stated going over and sitting down next to her on the sofa. "You're an idiot if you let Janice go."

"It's not my decision; she's the one that decided to leave."

"Why do you think that is?"

"What do you mean?" Harper replied giving her friend a quizzical look.

"What happened with Debbie was awful, but she was sick and she wanted someone there that would be able to okay the right decision."

"She had no right, she should have told me, and she should have talked it over with me first." Harper cried.

"And what would you have said?"

"I would have said no, I would've of let her live." She said wiping her eyes.

"Harper she wasn't really living, in fact I don't think she was even in that room anymore, it was a shell, it wasn't her." Alex sympathetically said. "The machines were doing everything for her, there was no life left to live."

"You don't understand,"

"Yes I do, she was your mother and you should have been the one to say yes or no. But Harper your mother knew that you would never let her go, and you needed to, so by giving Jan the final say she knew that it would guarantee the right choice was made."

"It wasn't fair."

"No it wasn't, but life isn't always fair, and you needed to find a way to come to terms with the fact that your mother was ready to go." Alex said as Harper got up and gazed out the window. "I'm not trying to hurt you, but you need to realize that you have to let her go, it's been six months what do you think she would say if she were here right now. She would say go after her, she would say don't let her get away."

"You don't know that for sure, and I don't want to talk about this anymore." She stated. "I need a nap; I'm going upstairs I'll be down in an hour."

"Okay, I'll order some lunch." She replied trying her best to help. "Chinese?"

"Yah that'll be okay," The other woman called as she headed up the stairs.

Alex sat and waited before she reached behind her and pulled out her wand. She knew that the supernatural wasn't something you messed around with, but her friend was hurting and the only person she knew that could help her was her mother, besides, when had she ever stuck to the rulebook.

My friend is in pain and slowly dying bring back the one who can get her smiling. Within the next moment a familiar figure appeared with a smirk on her face.

"Well Alex I see you're up to your old tricks." Debra told the young woman and then gazed up at the staircase. "I think for this too work I better wait until she's asleep."

"I'm sorry I thought you might be able to help, I just hope she doesn't freak out to badly?"

"Why would she freak out, the ghost of her dead mother has come for a visit, how would that be freaky?" Debra laughed and Alex saw the familiar pink in her cheeks.

"Wow, if I must say you look good."

"Yes, apparently death agrees with me." Debra replied with a wink earning a chuckle by the young woman standing next to her.

"She hasn't been taking your passing well," the dark haired girl stated.

Although Alex may not say it very often but her friend meant the world to her, in many respects she had become more than a friend, she was her sister.

"I know, I've been watching her," Debra sighed. "She's always been so full of life so filled with smiles, and the last few months it hasn't been that way, Jan could tell that and she blamed herself for it and so that is why she left."

"I think you're right," she replied gazing over at a picture of the two on the mantel in happier times.

"She's asleep now," Debra stated. "I think I better go and have a talk with my baby girl."

Harper lay in bed lost to the waking world as unsettling thoughts formed in her unconscious mind. These scenes disguised as dreams played havoc with her heart and soon she found herself on an out of control emotional rollercoaster.

Unable to get off she held on with all her might, her hands turning white from the extreme grip she had on the safety bar in front of her. Terrified screams threatened to rip through her but when she opened her mouth no sound would come.

As the cart seemed to go faster a fear engulfed her like no other. The fear of her impending demise, and she had no choice but to succumb to its grasp. And in that final moment she called out for the first person that entered her mind. Repeating Janice's name over and over as the tears and a hollow ache began to take shape she thought she heard a faint voice call out to her.

Harper, Harper it's me instantly she was alert as a faint white light appeared in the distance and a sense of overwhelming peace came over her.

Covering her eyes to give them a chance to adjust she smiled when she recognized the person coming toward her.

In the next moment she flew into her mother's arms, feeling safe and comforted. The rollercoaster was long gone, and she was filled with an overpowering sense that she was gliding on a cloud. Pulling back just a bit she studied her mother's face afraid to blink for fear that she might disappear.

"Mom how?" Harper's mind tried to wrap itself around what was going on. "Where are we?"

She looked around and noticed they were indeed standing on a cloud surrounded by rainbows and moonbeams. Her mother's radiant light surrounding her in a heavenly magical glow while she wore her trademark infectious smile.

"How have you been sweet pea?" Harper smiled at the familiar childhood nickname. "I've been okay."

Her mother gave her the usual I know when you're lying look and asked again. Her daughter laughed and they walked over to a bench and sat down. Instantly tall trees and green hillsides surrounded them, as they watched a playground appear before them she blinked her eyes to make sure see wasn't dreaming.

To Harper's amazement it was the park that her mother used to always take her too when she was little, in fact if she didn't know any better she would swear that this was indeed the same park and the two little girls playing in the sandbox were she and Alex when they were young.

Debra watched her daughter in amusement as confusion filled her mind; waiting for the question she knew would come.

"Mom, is that me…I mean is she me?" Harper wasn't sure what she was seeing or saying for that matter. "This can't be real."

"Harper you are a smart girl with a very clever mind, but don't over analyze everything, something's just are," she stated putting a comforting arm around her daughters shoulders. "You just have to believe, open your eyes to the possibilities."

"I remember this place; I used to love coming here."

"I know I would bring you here every Sunday," The older woman smiled as she looked on in remembrance.

Harper watched herself walk over to the swing set and prepare to take hold of an empty seat. When suddenly a girl pushed her off, little Harper was not amused and stood up to tell her so when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't let her bother you; she's been acting like that all day."

Harper smiled as the little blond girl helped her up, "I know she's like that all the time, thanks." She said happily when she was finally on her feet again.

Suddenly they heard laughing and directed their attention back to the other girl. Apparently she was having some trouble because the seat would move each time Gigi went to make a grab for it.

Frustrated and refusing to let herself be made a fool of she made one last grab for the swing and immediately regretted it as she ended up falling face first in the dirt. She ran to her mother crying while all the other kids continued to point and laugh.

"Win one for Alex," Harper laughed as she watched her little friend smirk while a very angry and young looking Theresa was scolding her.

"Yes, she was always a spirited one," Debra laughed.

"Yes, she was and still is..." Harper added as her gaze returned back to the two little girls standing by the swing set, her words trailing off.

Debra sat and watched as her daughter walked over to the two and listened to them talk for a minute. There was something very familiar about the little girl, but for some reason Harper couldn't place it.

She watched a few more minutes while the two girls laughed still discussing the strange incident at the swing set, when they heard Harper's name being called.

"Harper come on time to go eat, we're heading over to the sub shop for a sandwich." Debra called to her daughter.

"Okay mom," young Harper replied turning to her new friend. "Well I guess I'll see yah later."

"Yes I guess so," the little girl smiled as she waved and turned away. "Cheerio for now."

Harpers mind went into shock mode as the two little girls separated and then she heard a very distinct name in the distance. "Janice let's go we need to be back for an early supper, please take a hold of your sister?" The voice faded into the distant past and she turned to her mother and smiled in awe.

"We met before college?" Harper asked in wonder. "I didn't remember that, wow."

"What can I say, except fate has quite a sense of humor," Debra smiled as they again sat down on the bench, this time surrounded by the big fluffy clouds she'd first arrived too.

"Why mom?" she asked as a well-known ache began to creep in.

"Sweetheart, I love you and I know how hard it was for you to come to terms that one day I may not be around," Debra paused. "You never wanted to talk about it and you never gave any indication that under certain circumstances you'd be able to fulfill my wishes."

"I know and I'm sorry, it's just not an easy thing to think about," She replied.

"I know, and I understand, but I was able to talk about these things with Janice and in many ways it was comforting to me," Her mother told her.

"I know, and I'm glad for that because you were able to have a little piece of mind."

"But…" Debra waited.

"But, I'm your daughter and I wasn't even allowed to make such an important decision. I felt useless and betrayed almost as if you didn't trust me, but at the same time I felt like I had let you down somehow because you didn't feel like you could come to me."

"Harper I love you and there is nothing and no one more important to me than you are," She stated clearing her thought. "But you have to realize that kind of burden is a tough one to have to deal with. It's a rough decision and one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, having to choose wither to end a life or not is not an easy choice to make especially when that life belongs to someone you love."

"I know, and I don't honestly think I could have authorized them to take that final step."

"Exactly but I wanted them too and Janice knew this," she told her daughter. "This wasn't a decision she made lightly it took her several weeks to finally say yes, but she did because she knew it would make me happy and it would keep you from having to deal with this yourself. She loved you and she knew how badly this would have torn you up inside. Don't blame her for doing something I asked of her, she did it out of love for you."

"It's funny while I was riding that roller coaster from hell…um I mean heck," Harper corrected herself as she gazed around waiting for a lightning bolt to strike and making her mother chuckle in spite of the seriousness of the conversation. "When I thought I was going to die, she's the first person I thought about, the first name I cried out too,"

"I know; I heard you." She stated with compassion. "Honey, sometimes you have to think about the good times to overcome the bad, and you have to let go of the past so you can have a future."

"What are you trying to say?" Harper smirked.

"Don't let her get away," she answered. "Remember the moment you fell in love with her."

Harper replayed their relationship over in her mind, and recalled exactly when she had first fallen in love with the tall blond beauty. Boston College's freshman orientation, Janice walked into the room looking as lost and nervous as she herself had felt. Not to mention the fact that she had created quite a stir when she dropped the stack of books in her hand, and spilled her mocha latte all over the floor causing her to slip.

Harper had walked over to help her up and something clicked between them, and she found herself getting lost in those eyes…and slipping on her coffee as well, she often wondered what a sight they must have made sitting there on the floor laughing like two crazy women, but she didn't care because she somehow felt her insecurities melt away and soon was happy to hear they would be sharing a dorm room and a friendship that eventually bloomed into so much more.

When she thought about her one word came to mind…wonderful, and suddenly the thought of never seeing her again scared the hell out of her. No that just won't do her heart belonged to Janice and she wasn't ready to have it handed back.

"So now that you have decided," the older woman smiled at her daughter. "What are you planning to do?"

"I'm going to plead and beg and cry and pray that she forgives me, and if she does, I'm going to bring her home," Harper smiled.

"That's my girl."

Harper sat down and a melancholy feeling came over her as she took her mother's hands in hers. "I miss you so much; my life isn't the same without you." She sighed biting back a tear.

"I miss you too but we'll see one another again one day, and I'll always be with you, right in here." Debra expressed holding her hand against her daughter's heart. "I love you sweet pea, and remember that I'm not the only one."

"You're talking about Janice and Alex?"

"Among others, but yes." Debby hugged her daughter close to her and whispered a soft goodbye before leaving a gentle kiss on her cheek.

The next moment she was wide-awake lying safely back on her bed. Laughing she jumped up and raised down stairs only to hear Alex saying goodbye to someone, but before she could find out who her friend met her at the foot of the steps.

"So are you ready?"

"For what?"

"Duh, to bring Janice home," Alex rolled her eyes.

"How did you know…?"

"I have my ways, "she replied making Harper wonder but before she could ask Alex pulled her to her side and waved her wand over them.

Jessica pulled up into the drive with Janice sitting beside her looking miserable. She'd know how hard everything was for her in the last few months but she thought the relationship could with stand it, if any relationship could.

"Jan how about we head inside and relax for a bit before we finish taking in the rest of the things. I can make some dinner and we can talk," she suggested.

Janice turned toward her twin and vaguely nodded, "That's fine." She replied as they headed on inside.

"I think I'll head upstairs and change."

"Cup of tea and some sugar cookies before dinner?" Jessica asked knowing that combination always had a way of soothing her sister's nerves.

"Yes let me just change and I'll head back down."

"Sure," Jessica replied and headed into the kitchen.

Upstairs Janice walked into her room and jumped when she noticed Harper sitting on the bed.

"I'm sorry baby I didn't mean to scare you," she said when she realized she had startled her.

"Harper how did you get…." She began but was interrupted when they heard a shriek coming from downstairs. "Let me guess, Alex?" Janice asked shaking her head and trying not to laugh.

"She does know how to use a wand," Harper said making them both laugh.

"Janice…"

"Harper I…"

"No please let me finish and then if you want me to leave I will and you won't have to see me ever again." Harper said taking a hold of the other woman's hands and leading her over to sit next to her.

"When I came home that night after everything was finished at the hospital, I was in such a dark place. I felt like my whole life had been destroyed and a stop watch had been clicked in the one second it took to separate that cord from its outlet." She said quietly trying to keep herself from crying. "When the doctor called the time of death on the clock that's when everything hit me all at once, and I needed someone to blame someone that I could hate for everything that had happened in the past year. Janice I hate myself for saying this, but I hated my mother and I hated you."

"I don't want to hear this anymore," Janice got up and Harper wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her back toward her holding the blond woman while she sat in her lap.

"Please I need you to listen to me," Harper said placing a gentle kiss on her shoulder and then leaned her chin on it. "I couldn't do it, I tried, you don't know how badly I tried, but I know the only person I could blame was me, because I knew what my mother wanted and I refused to do it. Too have to make that decision on my own would have been gut wrenching and in the end I would have been responsible for ending her life and I didn't want that burden, and I hated myself because the only person I could think about was me. In her last hours I was thinking about me, how I would feel, how I would deal with the consequences. I never once thought about what she wanted I thought only of myself."

Janice turned in her arms and hugged her close to her with tears streaming down their faces, "Harper please, you loved your mother dearly and there was nothing you could do in that hospital room to change the ending. Her time had come and you're right it wasn't fair and it wasn't easy, but it wasn't anyone's fault. You can't blame yourself, it was sad yes, but it was something that just…was."

Leaning their foreheads against one another's, both women sat silently lost in their own thoughts. Janice tenderly kissed Harper and smiled when she closed her eyes and sighed.

"I love you and I did what I did because I knew you'd end up hating yourself. I couldn't let that happen, I refused to stay and watch your love for me fade. I couldn't live with myself knowing I was responsible for seeing that light in you; the one I love so much, flicker and die.

"Janice I made a mistake, I was an idiot to let you go and I know that now. You're my heartbeat and without you I seize to be, baby you're my strength and my weakness. You are everything to me and I ruined our relationship by not telling you that more often." Harper lightly brushed her fingertips across her lover's cheek as she continued. "I need you, I'm not me without you, please come home and let me make this up to you. Give me the chance to show you how much you mean to me every day for the rest of our lives."

Janice smiled through her tears and tenderly pressed her lips against Harpers, while nodding her head in agreement. "Harper let's go home."

"I was just about to say the same thing," she replied leaning in for another kiss.

THE END

AN: The pairing for this story was…

Harper Finkle from Wizards of Waverly Place Alex Russo's best friend and confidant, who often finds herself involved in several magical hi-jinx. She is played by Jennifer Stone.

Janice Ellis from Suite Life of Zack and Cody who appeared in several episodes with her twin sister Jessica were played by real life twins Milly Rosso (Janice) and Becky Rosso (Jessica).