Okay. 200th reviewer gets to prompt a oneshot.

3 more chapters, dudes!

Also, there is Twilight bashing in this. Mwahaha. ;) No, seriously though.

Disclaimer: Consider yourself disclaimed.

Santana wasn't too horrible a person, she thought. So watching Rory flinch when she opened her mouth to ask him to make sure Brittany drove home safely was pretty weird, especially when he muttered something that sounded like 'she doesn't bite'.

'Listen, Irish dough-face. I need to make sure Britt gets home safely- in three days, it's the five year anniversary of we first met and I want to a dinner and some nice gifts for her.'

Rory nodded, his face growing paler every second.

'So listen up. I need you to convince her to ride on a rainbow with you into the land of farming and cows. Kurt and Blaine will help you plan everything.'

'Wait-' Rory began, but Santana cut him off.

'You and the wonder twins need to plan the most romantic dinner ever for me.'

'Why don't y-you do it yourself?' Rory asked timidly.

'It takes a lot of time and effort to look this good,' Santana smirked, gesturing towards her whole body, 'and honestly, I'm not into all the romance crap. Brittany and the gay, married couple are though. You live with her and quite frankly, I'm sick of looking at your face. It's tiring to look at a virgin for too long. You should find a nice person to take care of that for you. Maybe Quinnie.'

Santana nodded and strutted out of the room.

Oh. My. God.

Rory began banging his head against the wall, groaning every time the sharp pain jolted up his head.

'Why-' bang.

'Me-' bang.

'I'm assuming you because you're you.' Kurt deadpanned, eyeing Rory up and down. 'You'll get a bruise.'

'Santana needs you and me to plan a romantic evening for Brittany.' Rory blurted quickly. 'I don't know where Blaine is but-'

'Blaine's going to be fine.' Kurt dismissed Rory with a wave of his hand. 'Yesterday, he was pretending to be a pirate.'

'A...pirate.'

'He goes puppy like when he's had drugs. Besides, anything's better than having to think about Douchebag McSleazy.' Kurt said, narrowing his eyes slightly.

'You mean Sebasti-'

'Rory, say that name and I will refuse to help you plan this thing for Brittany.'

'And Santana.' Rory added.

'And Santana,' Kurt repeated. 'who wants us to do her dirty work.'

'Yeah.'

'Smart girl,' Kurt nodded, grabbing Rory's arm and spinning them around. 'Her idea of romance is making Lord Tubbington a fishcake. My idea is much better, you know her and Blaine's not as bad at romance as he thinks.'

'But he's loopy on drugs.'

'I know. That's why we use the majority of his ideas.'

'Kurt, they're ideas from Pa- I mean Blaine's drug addled mind.'

'Brittany S Pierce is no ordinary girl. Only a pirate on drugs can fully understand the romance she wants.'

Quinn's eyes narrowed as she watched Kurt and Rory talk about Brittany and Santana's anniversary.

If she was going to be completely frank, she wanted in. Her master plan was this:

1. Find Rory during glee.

2. Convince him (without somehow seducing him. She needed to focus on a personality without her looks being the main focus.)

She hadn't worked out step three. Maybe she could learn on the job.

'Guys, I think this week...'

Mr Schue's voice drifted away. Rory figured it was because he got to the point where he didn't really care. He didn't really know how the main members of the New Directions did it- Mr Schuester's talks about being together just didn't work when you had half the team somehow angry at Rachel.

'Hey,' Quinn smiled, sidling up to Rory inconspicuously. 'How's the homesickness going?'

'It's not as bad as before,' Rory whispered. 'How's the thing with Beth?'

'I'm not crazy anymore.' Quinn answered.

'You can't be sane and be in the New Directions though.'

'I stand corrected.'

Rory grinned as Quinn threw her hands up in mock surrender. There has a quiet, threatening hiss from Rachel, but they ignored it. She was moody. Quinn understood partially. Choosing whether to accept or decline a marriage offer from Finn must be difficult, but Quinn knew which one she would choose.

'So, I heard you and Kurt talking about Brittany and Santana's anniversary.'

Rory nodded.

'You guys need my help. I've been their friend since Santana got a freshman to stop perving on me and I told Brittany the answer to the Math homework. I know what makes them two tick.'

'You really need to talk to Kurt about this.'

'I need your approval.'

'No you don't.' Kurt said, leaning forward. 'You're on board- I was trying to find you today.'

Quinn's eyebrows shot up, eyeing Kurt warily. 'Why?'

'I wanted to talk to you about getting Jesse St. Douche involved in our 'Operation: Stop the Finchel Berryson wedding'.'

'Who's Jesse St. Douche?'

'He's a douche. That's all you need to know.' Kurt said quickly.

'BLAINE!' Brittany shouted, waving at Cooper. Sugar followed her, opening the doors dramatically.

'Jesus, holler.' she said, strutting in. Blaine blinked, swaying slightly. The amount of pink Sugar was wearing was making his brain go fuzzy.

'Fairy,' he mumbled. 'Nice.'

'Still on meds, I see. At least you're still glittery.'

'Sunshine,' Blaine murmured. His head nodded lazily.

'Can I make you ice cream?' Brittany asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet. The sheer amount of energy the duo brought into the room sent Blaine reeling.

'Will...will you put tiny pieces...of edi-edible glitter on them?' Blaine stuttered.

'Yeah!' Brittany agreed brightly, dancing out of the room.

'You,' Sugar began, 'are not dead and you can sing. My dad hired Breadstix for Valentines and you-' she pointed at Blaine- 'need to perform.'

Blaine blinked. Why was the pink, feather boa fairy in his room talking about breadsticks?

'No cats.' Rory frowned, shaking his head. 'I have enough of cats everyday. I'm pretty sure Lord Tubbington hates me.'

'He does,' Quinn re-affirmed, 'he hates everyone apart from Santana but even then, it's iffy.'

'Iffy?' Kurt arched an eyebrow.

'From what I hear, Lord Tubbington is a cockblocker.'

'Not surprised.' Kurt immediately replied, immersing himself back into the plans for the night.

'What about something including balloons?' Rory asked.

'Brittany's going to get distracted by the helium and Santana will end up sucking the helium in.' Kurt answered, not looking up from the stack of papers.

'Fill it with air, then.' Rory suggested.

'No,' Quinn shook her head, 'I think Brittany said she was allergic to rubber, or latex.'

'That...that doesn't make sense.' Kurt said.

'Well, no, but it's Brittany.'

Santana huffed, stalking up to Rory angrily. Her ponytail bobbed with each step, her eyes narrowing.

'Hey, Potato boy.' she called. Rory turned around wearily, taking a small step back. 'How's the plan for me getting my mack on going?'

'Swimmingly,' Rory whispered. He was still terrified of Santana. Who wasn't?

'Satan, I would suggest taking three steps back if you want McKinley to know you're definitely out of the closet.' Kurt snapped, walking past the frighteningly close duo.

Oh yeah. Kurt Hummel definitely wasn't scared of Santana.

'Bite me.' Santana shot at Kurt.

'Isn't Brittany doing that?' he retaliated angrily.

The hallway fell silent, as if the whole corridor was eavesdropping on the conversation. Kurt looked around, glaring at every single person.

'Well?' he asked, arching an eyebrow.

The corridor began bustling again, with everyone cautiously choosing their words.

To: Kurt

The Brittana mack-fest starts tomorrow, doe-face. I need plans and I needs them now. -S

To: Santana

I could be with Blaine at the moment and I'm too busy planning how you can celebrate your anniversary, which begs the question why the hell don't you do this yourself? -K

To: Kurt

Busy. -S

To: Santana

I doubt it. You're evidently got time to terrify Rory, make out with Brittany and make fun of everyone in Glee. How have you not got the time? -K

To: Kurt

I don't do well with romance and that kinda crap. Why are you planning my anniversary? -S

To: Santana

Blaine's hanging out with the Warblers. Finn's doing whatever with Rachel and I have no better way to spend my time. -K

To: Kurt

That sucks. He's hanging out with Meerkat? -S

To: Santana

No; Sebastian knows what would happen if he goes within thirty metres of Blaine. -K

To: Kurt

What? -S

To: Santana

My Dad's sorta what you call a congressman and the sai swords come out. -K

To: Kurt

You've really grown up. Send me a video of you kicking the crap out of the Smooth Rodent- or let me join in. -S

Kurt ran up to the pink figure, pushing several people out of the way.

'Move,' he shouted, 'move! Cattle alert!'

There were several shut ups and don't touch me's, but Kurt ended up relatively unharmed.

'Sugar!' Kurt bellowed. 'I need you!'

Sugar turned around, beaming at the sight of Kurt. 'Your boyfriend isn't dead, you know. I threatened Sebastian several times.'

'Did you tell him frequently that you were better than him?'

'Aspergers.' Sugar said, the duo sharing a secret smile.

'I need your help.'

'I figured, you were pushing people. Either that, or you've become my first proper fangirl. If so, you need to know that I won't do autographs.'

'No, I really need your help. What are you doing for Valentines?'

'Since my dad can't buy Ireland, he's hiring Breadstix for the day. Sugar's Love Shack. It's going to be awesome.'

Kurt smiled. 'Sweetie, I don't think anyone could just buy Ireland.'

'But if anyone should, it would be me because I'm awesome.'

'Good to know. I need to ask a favour.'

Quinn sighed as Brittany babbled about the Cheerios beside her. After listening to the first few words- 'So, Coach says she won't blast me out a cannon,'- she quickly tuned out.

'-so then Rory said that he'll buy me three boxes of Lucky Charms for me and Lord Tubbington-'

Quinn bit her lip; it was so hard to resist the urge to correct Brittany's grammar. Santana would kill her.

'-but you don't put Sugar in cakes and stuff, you put sugar cubes in and Rory and me-'

Rory and I, Quinn chanted internally, Rory and I.

She sighed, before pulling out her phone with the occasional 'mm' and 'yeah' to reassure Brittany she was listening to her. Her fingers punched a familiar number.

The phone rang several times, before Blaine picked up.

'Q-Quinn! The Sugar fairy h-has come!'

Oh damn, Quinn groaned mentally, I forgot he's high on medication.

'Kurt and I-'

Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, he can still use correct grammar.

'-were about to call y-you! Kurt was just wondering if you could come over and I need another eye-patch. Because I'm a pirate. Rawr.'

Quinn rolled her eyes at the all-too familiar huff in the background. There was a brief 'Avast ye mermaid' from the phone, and then Kurt began to speak.

'Blaine just so delightfully managed to get a cold in the same week as having a rock salt slushie in the eye, which means double the medication, which means double the pirate. Come over?'

'Already done. Brittany's driving me crazy.'

'-besides, what has a horse ever done to Rachel? It's not as if it kinda went up to her and started-'

'Britt,' Quinn interrupted. 'I need to go. Kurt and I need to do something important.'

'Okay!' she chirped brightly, standing up and brushing imaginary lint off her red Cheerios skirt. She bounced away, humming the latest Ke$ha song to herself.

If it was that easy to get Brittany to go, Quinn mused, why did it take me so long to figure that out?

Santana strutted into the room, her head held high.

She frowned when she recognised the room; Breadstix? What a lame idea for her anniversary. She could've thought this up whilst sleeping, if she wasn't too busy jerk-

'Sanny!' Brittany burst into the room, hugging Santana fiercely. 'Did you think this up?'

'Duh,' Santana lied evenly. 'No-one else but me-'

Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba Sithi uhm ingonyama!

Santana whipped her head around out of shock, her eyes glazing over slightly at the projected sight of the familiar red sun rising above the ground.

'The Lion King?' Brittany asked.

'Y-Yeah,' Santana stuttered, 'all my idea.'

Brittany squealed. Santana smirked, settling into a comfortable position. She was so going to get laid that night.

'And you're sure this will work?' Quinn inquired once again.

'Quinn, Kurt's really smart; if anyone's going to pull this off, it would be him.'

'And add you to the equation and Rory's knowledge of Brittany's...personal habits, this'll be undefeatable.' Kurt added. Quinn half smiled, half frowned.

'Come on. Put on the first movie you have in.' she ordered, pointing her finger at the TV. Kurt crawled forwards, switching on the TV. The first few notes of Twilight's theme tune played, before Kurt hastily switched off the TV, shuddering.

'Twilight?'

'Rachel loves Edward as she thinks Edward is like Finn, Mercedes thinks Jasper looks like Sam and I zone out and enjoy my popcorn.'

'No idea what you're talking about.' Rory muttered.

'It's plotless.' Quinn summarised.

'Sparkling vampires.'

'Not as good as Harry Potter.'

'Never.'

Rory nodded, smiling as Quinn and Kurt continued to point out the problems with the Twilight series.

To: Quinn

Oh Q, you are dead.

To: Santana

No idea what you're talking about.

To: Quinn

Yeah, you do. You got my girl hyper, sad and not hungry.

To: Santana

It sounds like you're advertising anorexia, S.

To: Quinn

Let me rephrase that. She's not hungry for some hot, Latina ass.

To: Santana

Why? I thought you two went at it like rasdfghjuyujhgf

To: Quinn

Rasdfghjkl?

To: Santana

Santana, this is Kurt. Shut up. The best part is yet to come.

To: Quinn

Why are balloons falling down from the sky?

To: Quinn

Seriously, Q.

To: Quinn

They're...they're popping. You know Brittany doesn't like popping.

To Quinn

Q...

To: Quinn, Kurt, Irish Kid

I. WILL. CUT. YOU. YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE THE BALLOONS FILLED WITH HELIUM, DIDN'T YOU?

To: Santana

So don't ask us to plan your anniversary again. I didn't ask you to plan my anniversary with Blaine, did I?

To: Blaine

It worked! :)

To: Kurt

Never been so proud of my ninja boyfriend before. And Santana promised to never ask for your help with Brittany again?

To: Blaine

Yep. She's even admitted she had the time to plan it- she just couldn't be bothered.

Santana strutted into Glee, frowning at the sight of Mike, Tina and Blaine standing, with Blaine blearily rubbing his eyes.

'What's up, Asians?' she asked sarcastically.

'Brittany.' Mike answered. 'She's currently hysterical over Lord Tubbington. Apparently, he's giving birth or something.'

'I knew it.' Santana said breezily. 'He was either a girl and someone skimped on the making of his dic-' She stopped when she realised that Brittany, Brittany, was helping a cat give birth.

Oh god.

Yeah...I added the last part for humor. I'll probably continue it next chapter too, if you want.