The resort was quiet as Alice headed towards the room she was occupying tonight, while walking she tried to not look too closely anywhere. This place not only held numerous memories of happy times with Danny but also sad times too, times where she came here to cry on her friends shoulder when they received another phone call from the police to say another lead about Lauren had dried up, times when she felt so useless as a wife and mother that she needed five minutes space and times when she came here just to visit her friend with her husband. One of the most prominent times though was the time she came to stay here all those years ago to film living and loving dangerously. How inadvertently Colin and Alistair had sent her to Danny…..and because of that he was seriously hurt in a coma possibly never to wake up.

As she arrived at her room she halted looking at the door, she didn't know why but she was wondering whether Colin or possibly one of his minions was on the other side waiting to take her back, she was finding it hard to believe that this was all over. She entered and found it empty….well not totally empty, Mandy had been back to Leopards Den and packed her a suitcase of things, it sat on her bed waiting for her….and she had to choke back tears, Mandy was the one person who'd been around for what felt like forever and even now she was still here doing things, even though Alice didn't really deserve her. To be honest Alice didn't know what she would do without her best friend, she was almost as much a part of her as Danny was. Alice opened her case and began pulling the clothes out and sorting them when a soft knock broke her thoughts. Alice ignored it and continued sorting, she didn't want to talk to anyone right now, she just wanted to be alone.

"Hope you're not naked in there mate coz I'm coming in." and Mandy opened the door. Alice craned her head and saw she was carrying a tray with mugs of hot chocolate. Mandy kicked the door closed and placed the tray on the bedside cabinet. She looked at the bed, moved the clothes Alice had sorted onto a chair and dropped down onto the bed. "Thought that might make you feel a little better." and nodded to the drink.

"Sorry Mandy I don't have the time." placed her chocolate down and picked up the black jumper from the pile Mandy had moved.

Mandy ignored this, got up, put her hands on her friends shoulders and sat her down. Handed her a mug and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. "You need to slow down for five minutes! You need this!"

"Danny is at hospital by himself!" she retorted trying to get back up.

Mandy pushed her back down gently. "No he isn't, I have made sure he hasn't been by himself the while time he's been in hospital. Same as the girls too now don't make me put you back down again, I'll do it!" Mandy's eyes glittering with promise.

Alice however was just confused, "Why?" she whispered. "Why do that for him, me?" Alice had felt like she had over processed recently and the smallest details were making no sense, like why Mandy went out of her way to be a good friend.

"What do you mean why?" Mandy laughed. "You're my sister, he's my brother, ok yeah an annoying brother but family non the less, I don't pelt everyone with snowballs you know." and sat beside her friend certain now she wasn't going to run off.

"You would if you could get away with it!" Alice told her.

Mandy once again handed her the drink Alice tried to discard and poured a liberal amount of whiskey in it. "Not much chance of that over here huh?"

Alice stared down into her mug.

"And you'd do the same for me." Mandy told her. "Anyway I'll get you a room closer to your girls tomorrow."

Alice shook her head. "This is fine." chewed her lip. "I um, I never thanked you for being there for them."

Again Mandy waved it off. "The girls are like second daughters to me like my boys are to you so don't mention it." and sipped her drink smiling when the whiskey hit the spot. "I'll let you get to sleep now, I'm down the hall if you need me, anytime, even if its three am."

Alice raised an eyebrow, "Anyone waking you at three am should fear for their life. Anyway I'm going to Danny."

Mandy rubbed her eyes, she knew this would happen. Alice was going to make herself ill making sure Danny was ok. "Ali you need to sleep, you've been through a lot and you need to at least try and let your body recover, if you don't you'll crash!"

"He needs me Mand." the words clipped.

"Yeah and I saw what you were like when you first got back, God I saw you when you in the house, I don't know if it occurs to you but you weren't moving! So you are going to get in bed and sleep!"

Hearing someone else trying to tell her what to do tipped Alice over the precipice she had barely been hanging onto, she had no idea what she was saying when she surged to her feet. "He told me he killed him Mand!" she shouted. "Do you have any idea what that did to me? He said Danny was dead and that everyone thought I had ran off with a lover and he….." emotion clogged her throat. "I can't leave him after that." her voice sounding strangled. "I need to be with him and tell him I love him no matter what!"

Mandy got up and wrapped Alice in a hug. "See, didn't I tell you all those years ago how hard you fell. Even now, almost fifteen years later its still this strong."

Alice buried her face in Mandy's shoulder. "I couldn't do anything Mandy, he had a camera on me all the time and if I refused he threatened to hurt the girls."

Mandy patted her back. "It's alright now, you're safe, he can't hurt you anymore."

"And Danny? What of him? I can't lose him Mandy, I can't, I won't cope!"

"Danny will wake up in his own time. The man had no idea of sticking to a schedule, remember all those holidays we all used to take? You used to tell him the flight was due two hours before take off so he wouldn't miss it. He will be fine, don't worry!"

"This isn't as simple as booking anther flight, what if I lose him Mandy? What if he never wakes up? I haven't had enough time with him yet, this isn't fair!"

And that it what was truly frightening for Mandy! She had known that somehow Alice would make it home but Danny not waking up? That was unthinkable because Alice would likely never recover. She would sink into a depression going over and over every time she left to make a film, or theatre or publicity bemoaning the lost time. They'd all lose Alice more effectively than Colin could ever do by locking her away, Danny was part of her now, without Danny there was no Alice. Alice had always loved too hard, no man had ever broke her before but Danny could and he didn't even have to try! "If anything bad happens, and I sat if because Danny always promised to never leave you, then you have your girls and they will need you more than ever, he's their dad too! And they will need their mother more than ever. I'm always here too Alice, we'll get through it somehow ok?"

Alice sat back down, closed her eyes and calmed her breathing thoughts of her girls bringing her right back down to the ground, still she couldn't escape the black thoughts which were plaguing her. Thoughts that said she should have ignored all the things she wanted and been content with everything she had, her life the way it had been hadn't been all that bad. "I knew I was being selfish you know." she finally admitted to Mandy, this secret one even Danny didn't know. She had carried this too long and now it refused to be kept inside.

Mandy's face twisted in confusion. "What?"

"I had a job I loved and I was financially secure by my mid twenties I had no debt and my own house, I had no worries, lots of friends and yet I still wasn't happy."

Mandy crossed her arms. "I wouldn't characterise it as exactly like that Ali, and you talk about worries? To me you had more than most!"

"How many people would have loved to be in my position?" she asked standing up again.

"Would they like the psychos and the users too? The people who stay around when you're big and drift away when you're not! You only wanted what millions of other people have, what everyone has the opportunity to have. A spouse who loves them and kids as crazy as their mother, how on earth can you call that selfish?"

"Yeah and because I'm Alice Collins.." she spat the name like it was contaminated "My child was kidnapped and tortured for more than half of her life and her father is in hospital and may die. How is that fair to them? That a decision I made before even meeting him and having them has had such a bad impact on them? I didn't marry Danny for him to be hurt and I definitely didn't have my kids for that either!"

"That isn't on you Alice, that is on the people who did the things to them. You are allowed to be who you are and do what you want without fear that someone will target you!"

"So that would have happened had I just been a vet then?" Alice challenged.

Mandy clenched her jaw, "It might…."

"Don't bullshit me Mandy!" Alice raged. "You know…."

"This Colin is someone from our past! Not someone who knew you on film, it might have happened so don't lay this on the fact that you're an actress!" Mandy starting to get angry that Alice was feeling sorry for herself.

"This is easy for you to say! You don't understand, you're allowed a normal life! Your kids aren't followed around by people trying to get a photograph, you can walk around in a street without people pointing, I can't even eat a meal without someone coming over and trying to get a picture! You can't turn it off! YOU'RE SAFE! You don't have to live like this or see what I see…."

Mandy's heart was pounding with anger? She didn't have to live with it? She didn't have to see it… "I FOUND HIM!" she shouted over Alice's rambling.

Alice was quiet at the rage she heard on her friends voice.

"You think I don't understand!" Mandy hissed. "I found Danny!" she repeated. "Try NOT understanding that! I have seen it first hand! He's my family Alice, my brother!"

Alice's eyes widened, Mandy always stayed quiet when she ranted like this, letting her get it out of her system. She looked at her friend and saw the trauma in her eyes and finally had an inkling of what she herself went through. Mandy carried on though.

"He fell…yes Alice FELL through the surgery door unable to stand head covered in his own blood, so much it was dripping on the floor! The only way I knew his face from the back of his head was the buttons on his shirt which too was full of blood! You know what he said when I got there, all he could say was about you! YOU! He said you were gone, I mean here he is on the ground, I'm the only thing holding up, he probably doesn't even recognise me and he was more worried about YOU!" Mandy pushed her with her hand. "And now you stand there complaining about how you are going to go on without him? How about being strong for him?"

Mandy palmed her head in her hand, obscuring her face, breathing hard.

Alice said nothing, this time she went to Mandy and hugged her. Mandy didn't do outburts, she was more demonstrative, like with the snow balls, than vocal so for her to go off like this she must have been at the end of her tether for a long time.

"Alice I'm so sorry." Mandy murmured. "I shouldn't have said that, you've been through a lot recently, ignore me, I'm stressed out."

"You're my friend, the only one brave enough to even think about talking to me like that never mind pushing me!"

"Yeah, coz anyone else talking to you like that would be beheaded, if you cut my head off I'd keep talking." trying to joke but sounding miserable. "Plus I didn't push you….did I?"

Alice nodded,

Mandy made a face. "Sorry again."

"No, you're right." Alice told her. "I do need to stop obsessing about things beyond my control." ran her hand through her hair. "You found him then?" she enquired knowing Mandy needed this.

"We don't need to talk about it, go to him."

Alice shook her head. "You found him?"

Mandy knowing Alice wouldn't be deterred nodded. "You hadn't been in touch." she laughed without humour. "You know I actually thought things couldn't get any worse, I thought we'd get there and find you and Danny having some time alone working out how to explain everything to the girls. Then I passed the fence….." she shook her head. " I knew as soon as I drove past it something was wrong, it was too quiet. Then you and Lauren were gone and Danny was injured and….."

"What?" Alice coaxed.

"I had to carry a gun Alice and act like I wasn't terrified of it. Act like I could shoot someone. Then with the girls I had to stop them from doing things we would have done at their age just to get you back, they were trying to help and I had to act like I didn't want them to do this stuff even though I did, then watching Emma mess with their heads and being unable help or even to stop it….I missed my calling, I'm a better actor than you!"

Alice laughed softly. "Tell you what next film I'm in I'll get you a part. When all this is settled we'll have a proper talk, cry, break stuff, yell at each other, whatever we need to ok?"

"What, you me and a bottle of tequila?" Mandy asked.

"I'll bring the booze you bring the glasses." Alice promised. "But right now I have places to be. I need to do this Mand!"

Mandy nodded slowly, "I still wish you'd sleep."

"I'll be fine." Alice assured.

"Too tough for your own good, that's your problem." Mandy hugged her and Alice found herself strangely clinging to her. All too soon they parted and Mandy left her, the feeling of being alone hit Alice immediately and she didn't like it, she was starting to feel vulnerable so she picked up a towel and went to shower.

After finishing the shower and changing into a black halter neck jumper with her trademark skinny jeans she studied herself, most specifically her left hand. Something was missing, something some may consider small but Alice felt the loss, her wedding band and engagement ring were gone, Colin had taken them and had probably thrown them away like they were rubbish…..how dare he! The skin where they should be was paler than the rest of her hand and she stared at it, like her will could make the rings reappear, she had only ever taken them off before when she was playing a role in one of her films. She shook her head to dislodge the tears which were welling, chasing away the sadness and decided to go home and pick up Danny a few things. She exited the room and after checked on her girls one final time. Both were asleep, although Lily had climbed into Laurens bed with her, Alice kissed them both one final time then left the resort, collecting keys for one of Mandy's cars on the way out.

She arrived at Leopards Den in no time the moon shining high above her, as she sat in her car surveying the house it occurred to her that the old place looked different. Even at night when temperatures dropped it still felt colder than usual, like the house knew what happened and held an imprint. Never before had this house evoked such a feeling from her, and Alice didn't like it at all. Ignoring the feeling she climbed from the car and walked up the steps, the first thing she did when she reached the veranda was tear off the yellow tape which proclaimed the house a crime scene throwing it on the floor. The knob on the door was cold and when Alice tried to turn it she found it was locked. Damn! She hadn't thought of that possibility, she and Danny very rarely locked their doors, then again they had never really had a reason to in the past.

Exhaling heavily she made the trek down to the surgery to get the spare keys, proud of the fact that she was able to do this and not ignore it like she thought she would have to. To be honest she had thought she would never be able to step foot in that building again after what had happened but no, she could do this... but as she came to the door and reached for the handle she found her hand hesitating in mid air. Lauren and Danny had been both seriously hurt in there, the evidence of that would no doubt still be there! She looked back to the truck and knew that she could drive back to Mara and get the spare keys for her house from Mandy, she didn't have to go in there and see the proof of the pain her husband and child had to endure, she could call someone and get it cleaned and never know…..she had that choice now….or did she? She had to face so many things recently and maybe this was another one, maybe this was Gods way of making sure she was strong, maybe he was testing her to see how far she could go before she snapped. Ignoring things didn't mean they didn't happen, the reality of it was it did and if her family had to go through that then maybe she had to do this….so steeling her spine she walked in…..and found the place as pristine as ever, nothing out of place looking like nothing bad had ever happened here. Alice wanted to crumple to her knees and cry, "Oh Mand." she breathed. Mandy once again proving what a top friend she was. Alice owed her far more than just a simple bottle of tequila, as tears welled she again chased them away and walked into the office. Her heart plummeted when she saw a broken and bloodied Lauren on the floor, she blinked and the image was gone. Alice shivered though, it had been unnerving in its intensity.

Her shoulders slumped as doubts plagued her. Would she ever feel the same way again? Her once peaceful haven was again full of unhappy memories. While that thought ran circles in her mind she opened a cupboard and took out a set of keys, she saw something stuffed in the back. When she pulled it out she found it was an old shirt of Danny's. It felt soft against her skin and she pressed it against her face to inhale the scent, it took her back to better time. It smelled so normal, so safe that this time a few stray tears escaped from the banks she had built to hold them. He should still be here with her. None of this should have happened to them! Were they really such bad people that they deserved all this torment that they had to endure over and over again. After pressing her face into the soft cotton of his shirt once more she folded it up to take with her barely resisting the urge to wear it.

She walked back up to the house with purpose, this time ignoring the crime scene tape opened the lock and entered her home. The house looked no different to any other time she had came in, well except for the phone table which stood askew, courtesy of her final showdown with Emma, where Emma had proved once again that she had been five steps ahead leaving both her and Danny woefully inadequate. Had it not been for Colin Lauren would be dead right now, so in a way she felt a certain kind of gratitude…..but at the same time he was the one who hurt Danny so much so she hated him….she hated the man who saved her daughters life….she felt a headache beginning to form as the thoughts circled going round and round. They were killing her!

She entered her bedroom trying to escape the pain walking immediately to her wardrobe to gather some clothes for Danny as she opened the wardrobe it struck her how normal all this was, shouldn't the home be a mess? And things all topsy turvy, how can everything feel so normal when her life felt like it was coming apart at the seams. Shaking her head she gathered what toiletries he may need…..not that he had any use for them right now, but that wasn't the point, then she went to leave. As she turned the light off a shaft of moonlight spilled through the crack in the curtains and fell on the dresser making something shimmer and gleam. Her interest piqued she walked over and picked the item up, it was the necklace Danny bought her just before all this rubbish began. She turned it and reread the inscription although she already knew what it said, 'All our love forever, Lily, Lauren. Danny.' Alice swallowed hard, "All our love forever…..forever….. Our forever was supposed to be longer than this!" she whispered into the dark night. Sighing she bowed her head and put her necklace on, it was scary, it was like sometimes he knew, the most innocent of items brought her comfort…..and maybe soon things would be all she'd have left of him. The pain in her chest at this point was almost crippling and she had to remind herself to breathe. "Stop thinking like this Alice!" she ordered herself, " He's still here!" and with that thought she left taking her pain, her memories and her guilt with her. One thing she knew for sure though as she climbed into the car staring at the house in the dark, that if she lost Danny then she would NEVER step foot on this land again!

A/N Alice hospital next chapter, dw you find out dannys fate soon!
Sorry for being off the radar for so long but I lost the file with all my writing in including written chapters, ideas for future stories and all the rest of it! i was gutted! But I found it phew! on another note had ideas for another 3 fics so must get these ones finished AND believe it or not i have some opp att written and will be uploading soon, that one I have almost finished writing so keep a look out 2moz :D