Chapter 38 – Begging For Mercy

Back To Jude & Tommy

Jude: "You lean over me, our eyes instantly meet,

I've lost myself all over again, is this the feeling of defeat?

Brushed up against me so close I smelled your cologne,

I heard the beat oh so faint, it's your heart of stone." She sang. She had no idea where that had come from. Those weren't the lyrics she had originally written out. Tommy pulled back when she finished. He sat down on his chair. Jude stopped playing. They looked at each other; neither saying a word until Tommy finally took a deep breath and smiled at her.

Tommy: "We always end up in the same way-one street." He laughed. Jude heard the laugh and saw the smile but what hit her like a rock was the pain she felt behind it. His pain she felt. She wanted to smile just to comfort him but she couldn't. She tried so hard but it just wouldn't form on her lips.

Tommy: "How does it go on? How does it all work out?" he asked. Jude wasn't sure if he meant the song or their what ever it was they had. She looked down on her notebook to find the words but than closed it. The words she had come up with before didn't matter. She had new lyrics in her head.

Jude: "Ooooooooooooo, cuz it's so forbidden,

All these feelings that we keep hidden,

Who made up the rules that tell us it's wrong?

Ooooooooooo how can it be wrong, when our feelings are so strong?

We kiss then forget, move on like it was a mistake,

Slowly dying inside although I know I'm awake." She sang without the guitar. Tommy just watched her, mesmerized by her passion. He knew she had just come up with those words but it might as well have been her best work yet. That's what a true artist did, they spoke their emotions and that was what Jude finally did. She let it all out. He didn't want her dying but he felt the same way. It was as if though he was trapped with a wide open door but yet, he just couldn't walk through it. He cared about this girl. He was confused. He didn't know what it was but he knew something more was there. At least he wasn't in denial any longer.

Jude: "You tell me, Tommy. How does it go on?" she asked him the same question he had asked her. Tommy smiled again and shrugged. He looked like he gave her question some serious thought before he sang.

Tommy: "Pushed myself up in pity just to run and hide,

Then acted like nothings wrong, I let it all subside.

They say we learn from our mistakes but it seems as if we're stuck,

We're running out of time, I'm losing; we're running out of luck.

Tell me it's real, that we don't have to hide anymore,

I build up hope to just land flat on the floor." He sang and Jude's eyes filled with tears she tried hard to hold back. Tommy looked at her, his eyes sad, his body weak. He had no energy inside of him any more and neither did Jude.

Jude: "Lance broke up with me." She whispered. Tommy looked at her.

Tommy: "Why?"

Jude shrugged: "He said our hearts belonged to other people." She said and waited for his response. He gave none. Jude just watched him. He got up and took a seat right next to her.

Tommy: "Got anything else?" he asked pointing to the journal. Jude took it and flipped a page. She found a passage she had written and handed it to Tommy. He pushed it back to her without reading it.

Tommy: "Sing it." He ordered. She looked at him and took her guitar but he had something different in mind.

Tommy: "No, sing it without music. I just wanna hear your voice." He said and closed his eyes. Jude looked at him concerned. Something was up with him and she couldn't quiet put her finger on it. Jude closed her eyes too and began to sing. Her voice had a tone of anger in it. Then the pain came, as if she begged for mercy in a place it didn't exists.

Jude: "No more kisses, moments, passion,

Don't give me false hope, where is your compassion?

Stop this madness, let me heal,

Everything's forbidden that I still feel.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuu, the walls are caving in on us, I'm oh so weak,

Trying to get us out of this one way losing streak.

You are nothing but forbidden,

My feelings will forever have to stay hidden." She ended and opened her eyes to find him looking at her again. Tommy smirked but he didn't say a word. Something inside of him was holding his breath. He felt as though he was suffocating. He jumped to his feet and walked over to the sound board. He then turned around and just looked at Jude. She looked at him and bit her lip. She always bit her lips when she was nervous. She wanted nothing more than to know what was going on in his head. He looked so lost, so hurt. He looked as though he needed help, for the first time. Tommy Quincy was the one in need.

Tommy: "I never thought that this is where I'd end up." He said bitter.

Jude: "Where's that, Tommy?" she asked.

Tommy: "G Major, producing you. Never thought I'd stick around after I fulfilled my favor to Georgia." He said. Jude felt hurt.

Jude: "Then why did you? You could have left. Nothing held you back."

Tommy smiled: "YOU held me back. You're still holding me back." He said as in present tense.

Jude: "Is it so bad being here with me? You can leave any time you want." She spat upset

Tommy: "You still don't get it, Jude. I can't." he said shaking his head. He let his arms drop in defeat. Jude didn't ask why, she didn't want to know the answer. She was afraid to know the truth. Too young to know it, maybe to even understand it.

Jude: "What do you wanna do for your birthday?" she blurted out. Tommy laughed.

Tommy: "I know I don't want that party EJ wants so bad."

Jude: "I already told her that's a no."

Tommy: "Thanks."

Jude: "So what do you want?"

Tommy: "I don't know. Go away somewhere. Away from here, from everyone. Just for a few days, no orders, no deadlines, no demanding artists and no producing." Jude sank her head. That was a low blow. He couldn't really be that tired of her. What had she done to him that made him so cold? So distant?

Jude: "You know that can be arranged."

Tommy: "Not in my world." He said. "Let's get you home." He nodded his head towards the door.

Jude: "I think I'll walk."

Tommy: "Don't be stupid, Jude. It's late."

Jude: "No Tommy really, I'll walk." She said determined. The last thing she wanted was to be a bother to him. Tommy looked at her and saw she was serious about this. He walked over to her, kissed her cheek gently, something he had never done before, and walked out. Jude just stood there. Just when she thought she had him all figured out, he'd proof her wrong.

Back To Tommy

Tommy arrived in his empty apartment and took a seat on the couch. He leaned over to the CD player and put in Jude's first album. It was still his favorite. He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes as she began to sing "It could be you." He smirked listening to the lyrics he knew by heart. How simple everything had been then. She had a tiny crush on him while he had his eyes on Sadie. He had ignored how Jude had felt for him. He didn't anything by it. Girls had crushes on him all the time. He had no idea it would turn into something that it was now. His house phone rang, once, twice. He thought of not answering it but then decided to. It could have been Jude, maybe something had happened.

Tommy: "Hello?" he said worn out as he sat back down and lowered the music.

Sadie: "Hey Tom. I tried calling you before."

Tommy: "Sadie. I just got home from work." he said letting his head rest against the back of his couch.

Sadie: "Late night at the studio?" she asked trying to make conversation.

Tommy: "Yeah. How's New York?" he asked just to be supportive.

Sadie: "Oh my God. It's unbelievable. I started class today. My first business class."

Tommy: "I thought your major was design." He said kind of out of it.

Sadie: "It is but I decided to minor in design and major in business. That way I can get a business degree and open up my own fashion studio." She spoke sounding all excited. Tommy was happy for her. At least everything was working out for one person he cared about.

Sadie: "Listen Tom, we need to talk." She said her tone dying down. Tommy closed his eyes. His head was hurting.

Tommy: "About what?"

Sadie: "Us, is it just me or are we not working out?" she asked sarcastically trying to lighten up the mood.

Tommy: "I don't know, Sades." He said exhausted rubbing his temples.

Sadie: "I mean we don't see each other any more. And we barely speak on the phone. Maybe it's for the best if we break up?" she asked. It was true, they never spoke any more. Sadie wanted to desperately hear that she was wrong and that they would find a way for things, for them but she knew, deep down, it was a far-fetched dream.

Tommy: "You're right." He just said. Sadie stayed quiet for a minute. She couldn't believe that was all it took. Almost half a year down the drain on a guy who didn't appreciate her one bit. A guy she loved her whole life. A guy she believed she'd spend the rest of her life with.

Sadie: "Ok, I guess we're done. Bye, Tom." She said and hung up. Tommy threw the phone on the couch and took a deep breath. He was a single man. Any other red-blooded male would have been kissing the ground Sadie walked on but not Tommy Quincy. He had never cared that much about any one. He still didn't. Woman came to him, he'd never have to kiss or beg. The sound of Jude's voice filled his apartment again and he turned the CD player off. It burned to hear her voice. A pain he always had to put himself through to feel alive. Once again, he reached for the phone and dialed Jude's number. One ring, two rings, three, four, five.

Jude: "Hello, you've reached Jude Harrison. I'm guessing you know what to do after this part." She said beeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Tommy sighed.

Tommy: "Hey Jude, it's me Tommy. Give me a call when you get home. Just wanted to make sure you got there Ok." He said and pressed the end button.

Back To Jude (Jude's POV)

So I know what you're thinking: "Are you crazy walking home alone at night?" And no, would be the answer to your question. I mean Ok, I'm a 17-year-old, unprotected girl but the studio is really not that far from my house. Ok, I'm lying but I needed to clear my head. Besides, it's a pretty safe neighborhood. We only had a robbery, ONCE the whole time I lived here and that's a pretty long time. Pretty good, huh? Back to clearing my head, how do you do such a task? Wow did that just come out of my mouth? I think Liam is rubbing off on me with his proper language use. So I'm walking down the street, cars passing by me, couples walking. Good thing I left my guitar at the studio. I did not want to carry that heavy thing all the way home. My phone vibes and its Quincy. Of course. But I don't answer. I'm supposed to be clearing my head, remember? Clearing it from him. He's always the cause of all the fog up there.

What's been going on with him lately? He's so weird. I know there's the thing with his Dad and I feel really bad for him but he's been weird before he found out. I tried to help. He's so distant one minute and than the next he wants to jump my bones. Bad Jude, you did not just say that. I couldn't figure him out if my life depended on it. Which it might as well. I mean if I don't make good music then my career goes down the toilet and my life with it. See music is my life, in case you haven't notices. And in order for me to create good music I need my muse. Sad as it is to admit, Tommy is my muse. Go figure, I don't even like the guy most of the time. Oh I can see my house so I speed up a little. I'm pretty tired; it's been a long day. Now I have to worry about getting Tommy something for his birthday. Damn him, he's always the cause of my problems. Vibrating again, oh just a reminder: new voice mail………why am I not surprised? I bet you anything it's from Tommy. Yep, I'm right. It's too late to call him back now. Good time to teach Quincy a lesson. Maybe next time he'll call me back when I panic and leave him desperate messages.

Unlocking the door, the house is empty again. Why am I not surprised? Mom's out of town on business, again. She's been gone a lot lately. I think she's trying to get over the divorce by overworking herself. Jude's alone, again. Lock the door. Good girl, see I can manage on my own. Damn it's already 11:54. I'll never get up in the morning. Sleep Jude, NOW. Lights off.