a/n For an explanation of why the names have so suddenly changed, please read the authors notes in "Kryptonite: Rocket Man".
Just to jog your memory, however, Alexia is the new Frances, Dylan is the new Stephanie, Maddie is now known as Michelle, and the others you don't really need to know.
Chapter 38 – Slow Descent
"Are you totally sure?"
"Yes,"
"Positive?"
"Yes,"
"... definitely?"
"Alexia," Tara growled, "I don't have any twos. Go-fragging-Fish,"
The Asian girl laughed, leaning over the pile of cards to ruffle her best friend's blonde mess of curls.
"Getting a bit touchy there, Tara darlin'?"
The snarl from the cerulean-eyed girl was enough of a response.
.1.1.
I fancy Tara Belle Amelia Creighton-Ward.
I like Tara Belle Amelia Creighton-Ward.
I love Tara Belle Amelia Creighton-Ward.
I'm in love with Tara Belle Amelia Creighton-Ward.
Alan groaned, pressing a pillow into his face as he collapsed onto his bed.
When did it happen?
Okay, no he somewhat knew when it happened. It was more of a "why did this happen" situation.
Of all the possible sadomasochistic things to happen to him, he had to go and fall in love with his best friend who had little beyond platonic feelings for him.
Alan groaned again.
Somewhere up there, God was having a great laugh at his expense. He was probably pointing and laughing too.
Alan decided, at this point, he hated life.
Which was okay, because he was fairly sure life hated him too.
.1.1.
Tara was alone.
Not in the emo, teenage angst sense sense of "I'm so alone, nobody understands me but my livejournal, I'm just going to go and listen to Hawthorne Heights and cut myself" way, but just alone as in, physically, no one else was around.
In other words, the literal sense of the word "alone".
Though, considering what she was about to do, it could probably have been taken in the first sense.
Tara sat in her room (still alone), more specifically on her bed, and leaned over to the bedside table, opening the top draw and removing a small pill bottle.
The girl promised herself, as she had many times before, that this would be the last time.
As she swore that well known vow, she popped open the bottle, and tipped two white capsules onto her flattened palm.
'I won't do it again. I just need this one more time, and then I'll stop. Just one more time,'
It was almost a mantra – a mantra that sidled down its well worn path in Tara's memory.
She lifted one to her mouth, slid it between parted lips, and tilted her head back, swallowing.
Then, she lifted the other.
It was this picture that Charlie Bourne walked in on.
"Hey Tars. The front door was unlocked so I..." he trailed off, his face registering the look of horrified guilt on Tara's features.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing," the girl tucked the pill into her jean pockets and stuffed the bottle under her pillow, "Nothing at all,"
Charlie didn't believe her for a moment.
"Tara, if it was nothing, you wouldn't be so skittish," his eyes narrowed and he held out a palm, "Show me,"
"God, Charlie, you're my boyfriend, not my mother. I don't have to show you anything,"
"Tara, just show me whatever you were taking,"
"No. And you have no right to demand for me to do so,"
Charlie's shoulders slumped.
"Okay. I'm sorry. Ready to head out?"
Tara took a few deep breaths, calming down, before she nodded.
"I've just got to run to the bathroom," she uncurled her legs in a distinctly feline manner, and leapt to her feet, padding past the dirty blonde haired boy.
Charlie waited until he heard the door shut, before he moved to Tara's bed, threw back the pillow and took the bottle.
He didn't understand much on the bottle, but four words glared out at him from the label:
For treatment of Depression.
Charlie sank onto the blonde's bed, staring at the amber container in his hands.
Depression.
He didn't even know.
.1.1.
Tara knew something was wrong the moment she returned from the bathroom and saw her boyfriend seated on her bed.
The sad eyes he gave her were also a dead giveaway.
"What?" she asked, feeling her defences start to rise up, "What's wrong?"
"Tara," Charlie's voice was soft, as though he was trying to be soothing, "I didn't know you were depressed,"
The girl laughed, eyebrows raised.
"Depressed? I'm not," she scoffed, "Where the hell did you get that idea from?"
Charlie held out the bottle of pills, and Tara's stomach sank.
Her defences came roaring back, full force, and demanded she lash out.
"You went through my things?" she snarled, "How dare you!"
"Tara, you don't need to lie to me anymore! It's okay! I'll help you in any way I can!"
"Get out," she pointed to the door, "You unbelievable bastard, I can't believe you went through my things!"
"Because I'm worried about you! I want to know what's going on with you! You wouldn't tell me about those pills, and... damnit Tara, I needed to know!"
"No, you didn't!" the blonde hissed, "You didn't need to know a thing. And don't try to tell me that. You're doing it because you want to control me!" angry tears welled in bright cobalt eyes, "I can't believe you!"
"Tara, please," he pleaded, "Don't be mad. I didn't do it out of control or spite. I just wanted to know,"
"Did you ever think you'd have been better off not knowing?"
"No, Tara," she sniffed, furiously wiping away her tears.
"Well, maybe you should have. Now get out,"
"Tara, please," Charlie stood before her, gripping her chin and forcing her to face him, "I wanted to know because I care about you. Because I love you,"
She didn't bother to wipe up her tears this time, but just stood, hugging herself while the teardrops cascaded down her cheeks in rivulets.
"Please, Tara, talk to me,"
"I can't," her voice came out in a hoarse whisper, "I... I can't,"
"Try, Tars," he led her to her bed, making her sit, "I'll listen,"
She shook her head, blonde falling over her face.
"No, I can't. I'm... not ready,"
Charlie sucked in a breath, before letting it out in a long, slow sigh.
"Then I'll wait," he finally replied, brushing the hair from before Tara's bright eyes, "As long as you need, I'll wait until you're ready to talk,"
She nodded, hugging her knees to her chest, before finally her tears shuddered to a halt.
The two sat in silence, until Tara plucked a tissue from the bedside table and wiped at her eyes.
Then, as though pretending nothing had happened, Tara and Charlie left, the pill bottle set on Tara's bedside table, left behind but not forgotten.
Already, something had changed between these two.
Charlie burned to know Tara's secret so shameful she denied it and hid it, while Tara dreaded telling him.
Nobody knew about the addiction. She'd been so cautious in the past – she was so stupid to have believed he'd dropped it…! – and there were few she'd even entertained the idea of telling the tale to in its entirety.
Truth be known, there was only one she thought might be able to help her, but she couldn't bring herself to share it, knowing the disappointment she'd see in his cornflower blue eyes.
And if she couldn't bring herself to tell Alan, then how could she tell Charlie?
.1.1.
Tara avoided Charlie for the next few days, fearful of him raising the issue again. Soon enough, it was Saturday night, and Dylan and Alexia were determined to go out and party like it was 2009 (or however the expression went).
"No thanks, guys, I think I might just stay at home,"
"Suit yourself," Alexia shrugged, "You sure you're not sick?"
"I'm fine," the blonde assured them, "Just tired,"
"Tired," Dylan supplied, or """Tired""?"
"Dylan Connelly, I'm entirely sure I don't like whatever you're implying!" the auburn haired girl laughed, ruffling Tara's blonde hair, held in a sloppy ponytail.
"I'm implying nothing your mind isn't going to pick up on, pervert,"
"Dirty old man,"
"Love you too, Tara,"
"Lecher,"
"Children," Alexia leaned against the sofa, "Quite finished?"
"Scankface," Tara shot. Dylan grinned.
"Butthead,"
The two bickering girls began giggling, before Alexia rolled her eyes and shoved Dylan out the door.
"We'll be back later, dearheart," she called over her shoulder, "No wild fornication,"
"Oh, fornicate off!" the blonde shouted just as the door shut.
Tara sighed and sank into the sofa, switching on the television and absentmindedly flicking through the channels.
She wasn't going to think about Charlie, about the pills, about anything.
Not tonight.
She settled on the trashiest movie she could find and leaned into lounge pillows, losing herself in the fantastical world of the illusory.
No Charlie.
No pills.
Nothing.
Not tonight.
a/n Again, some of you would be aware that I've been in the process of re-writing the earlier chapters of Kryptonite to make some of the present and upcoming revelations make more sense.
In these rewrites, I've decided to add more back story to flesh the fiction out a bit more, I've changed some details so that things will be less OOC in the context of the story (think Alan and Tin-tin's breakup), and I've changed character names for various reasons which I can't be bothered to outline now.
Mainly because I need to go and finish studying for my Latin Extension Higher School Certificate Exam on Wednesday.
So, in closing, I just want to do the following:
1. Thank all my wonderful reviewers who've stuck through and are still here. I know I say this a lot, but after Wednesday, I plan to have more regular updates. I'm so close to the end now, I just want to get this story finished. I'm feeling more motivated, having re-written so many of the earlier chapters, so here's hoping I can get it done.
2. Let you all know about my oneshot based on the Kryptonite Thunderbirds universe – Rocket Man. It's got some cutesy Denial!Tara, Amused!Alan action in it, so yeah. Also, the notes in there will make this whole situation make more sense. I think.
... maybe.
3. Ask you to check up the story regularly – particularly the earlier chapters. If there's a title change of the chapter, it's been rewritten, and it would be prudent to go back and re-read the chapter just to make what's coming up make more sense. At this point, I've re-written up to chapter 9, and am in the process of going through Chapter 10. So yeah. Hopefully the narrative will make more sense now, and there will be fewer plotholes. And irrationalities. Like Tara suddenly gaining super strength to move a beam. (man, sometimes I wonder what I was on 3 years ago. Or was it 4 years ago?
Hell. It was a long time anyway.
So, hopefully I'll catch you all soon,
xx The Flame Faerie