Hello Everyone.
For starters… MERRY CHRISTMAS. Yeah, I know I am running late today, but its still Christmas here for another hour and fifteen minutes.
I am so sorry that it took me so long to update. I have had some problems in the real world that I needed to deal with before I could finish the chapter. Please forgive me. Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait.
The Normal Stuff: The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out my fave authors and stories… they are awesome. Check out my friends stories too… DID by Dollegirl and No Regrets by RedChevy. Also, come over to the twilighted forums and hang out… we are a very interesting group of people and I am known to leave a teaser or two along the way.
To my sweet reviewers… You made this last chapter the most reviewed chapter so far. Thanks. You are truly awesome and I love you guys. I feel horrible that I haven't had a chance to answer your lovely reviews though. Again, real life has been keeping me down some.
To my lovely ladies over on twilighted… Halo, ECyesplease, Red, Dolle, Who, pwtf, and everyone else… love ya! I must give another shout out to my Red, she is just too awesome. Thanks again for letting me talk out some of my chapter issues and just being a good friend. I love you BB.
Finally, I wanted to let everyone know I am leaving Saturday to visit my friend in Chicago. I am so excited, but that also means that I am not going to be home to work on the next chapter. I will be gone for a week, so that means I will be home after the New Year. So, I will start working on it as soon as I come home, so please give me some time to get back into the swing of things and write it. I promise to have it out as soon as I can. I would give you a hint, but some would hunt me down and drag me home and force me to write it if they knew. So I wish you all a very Happy New Year and I will see you in the New Year.
Now, on with our story…
Chapter 36 Confrontations Song: Halo by Bethany Joy Lenz
Reasoning: I was just thinking about this song a lot lately. I think it says a lot about Bella at times. How she feels she is viewed even. Plus I love the song in general.
Chapter 36: Confrontations
Mid March 2008
When Edward and I loaded up in the truck and went for a drive, I thought it was going to be an ordinary night… one that had us hanging out like old times. Nothing could have prepared me for what was come.
Edward pulled over to the side of the road, and got out of the truck before I could even say anything to him. I watched as he strode out into the field, and I couldn't help but be amazed by his presence in my life. No matter how angry I had been with him for hurting me, especially when he was with Tanya, I still cared about him, just having him in my life made me happy, happier than I had been in a really long time. I never knew that one person could change my life so much.
Getting out of the truck, I walked slowly out to him, my eyes constantly studying him, trying to understand where he was since it was obvious that he wasn't here with me. As soon as I got close enough to reach out and touch him, I heard the thunder roll around us. Looking up I saw the clouds rolling in, and I looked back to him, his eyes staring up to the sky too.
"Edward…" I started.
He turned to look at me, letting me see something, something I had never seen before in my life. His eyes were dark, very mysterious, and flooded with some emotion, one that I had never seen him give me before.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I was just thinking about things that I wish I could do differently."
His words made wonder about what he wanted to change in his life. He always appeared to be so sure of himself, that he was sure of what he needed to do with his life, but hearing that simple phrase made me wonder what part of his life created this deep sadness within him. Never in my life had I heard my friend so sad, so heartbroken. I had to resist the urge to reach out and touch his hand, to comfort him. It wasn't my place to offer such solace, it never would be.
It continued to thunder around us, and I then turned my eyes back to the sky to see the thunderheads were still coming in. The storm that was coming toward Forks was huge, that much was clear.
"Maybe we should start heading home, Edward. Looks like its going to come pouring down here soon."
"We still have a little while, Bells. Let's stay here for a little longer," he answered.
"Okay."
Standing there, I could hear the quietness of our surroundings, and the closeness that we shared, though we weren't even touching. I couldn't really describe though… it was just there.
"Bella… would you dance with me?"
Turning to him, I couldn't help but wonder what brought him to ask that question. He was crazy. We were on the verge of a thunderstorm, and here he was asking me to dance in a field… without music.
"Edward… We don't have any music."
He walked to me and slipped his arms around me. I almost gasped at the closeness and my heart skipping a beat along way.
"I believe you asked me to dance once and I answered with that very response, and we worked it out just fine."
I couldn't help but remember the words that I had spoken to him years before. How could he remember that? It was only an important memory to me. Sighing, I slipped my arms around his neck, laying my head on his strong shoulder as he began to hum. Quickly I realized it was the song that he had just played for me just before we left the garage. The piece was so beautiful, and it stunned me to know he created something so exquisite. I couldn't help but wonder what inspired him to write something like that.
Then a stray drop of rain dripped down on my arm, causing me to shiver slightly. I knew we needed to go, but something inside told me to stay. To stay with him, I wanted nothing more than to stay with him always though I never would have the chance. Old feelings die hard… that's for sure.
"Edward, it's starting to rain," I whispered.
"I know. We'll go soon."
The words barely escaped his lips when the heavens opened up and the rain fell in thunderous streams. My hair started to cling to my face, and I pulled myself closer to his strong body, trying to keep the rain from beating down on me.
He suddenly pulled back some, his hand gently touching my face, lifting my chin so I was almost looking at him. He never released his grip on my waist, but used his other hand to push away some of the hair that had fallen in my face.
When I looked into his eyes, I could have sworn that there was desire in them. That he wanted me, but that couldn't be true, he wanted to be my friend… that's what he told me all those years ago. With his free hand still touching my face, I watched him. Without me realizing it for a moment, I had released one of my arms from around his neck and brought my hand down to touch his face… I could feel the slight stubble as I brushed it gently along his jaw.
He moved his thumb over many of my features, caressing them gently. When he finally ran his hand across my jaw line, I felt my body reacting, leaning into his touch.
Lightning continued to crack around us, but I couldn't bring myself to care. The only thing that mattered was what was going on in this moment, with this man that had been such a huge part of my life.
When he tightened his grip on waist, I should have been afraid, but I wasn't. His eyes were focused completely on me, and I felt his hand start to weave into my wet hair, starting to pull me closer to him. My hands had now locked themselves in place, one at his neck, one at his waist. I didn't know what was happening, but I couldn't move away from it nor did I want to try.
In a swift movement, he brought his lips to mine. At first I was shocked, I didn't know what to do. He moved his lips slowly, in a teasing motion over mine. Then, suddenly, my mind clicked everything into place. Edward was kissing me and it felt good.
I knew it was wrong within moments of its start, but my body wanted this, craved this man's kisses more than anything in the world. It wasn't like any kiss I'd ever had… not that I was really experienced in kissing in the first place. Something about this kiss, made me relax, and I began to kiss him back. I never wanted this to stop, this was my teenage dream come true. This man, the one I wanted so badly, now was doing something I never thought he would do.
He kept pulling me closer, not allowing any distance between us, not that I wanted the distance. His kisses became fiercer and more passionate as the seconds ticked by, but suddenly he pulled back, both of us gasping for air.
His eyes sparkled, I was sure, because the lightning flashed and I saw them. As soon as his lips left mine though, my first thought was of Jake. Oh my God… I just kissed a man that wasn't my fiancé… and I liked it, and wanted nothing more than to kiss him again.
He grabbed my hand and dragged me back to the truck, throwing open the door for me and then shutting it behind me before I had to a chance to close it myself. When he got inside the truck, he wouldn't look at me as he started the engine and threw it into drive.
We drove in silence, but my heart was pounding within my chest. I could still feel the warmth and tingle of his lips on mine, and my mind couldn't rationalize how his touch made my body shiver, not even Jake could make me feel that way. Jake's kisses weren't like that. I mean, they were nice, but they never made me feel like I was going to melt into nothingness. Edward's kiss though, made me want to more than kiss, more than I had ever given to a man in my life.
Mostly, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his mind right now. Edward's concentration appeared to be on the road and nothing else, but I knew him better than that. He was deep in thought about what had just happened. What made him do that? What made him kiss me like that? Maybe he thought I was someone else or something… he wouldn't want to kiss me like that. I was just Bella, plain… ordinary Bella.
Edward pulled into the driveway at my house and turned the key to kill the engine. The rain was still coming down in streams as he got out and quickly came over to open my door. Grabbing my hand he took me up to the house, both of us dripping wet from the rain. Pulling my keys from my pocket, I opened the door and went inside, Edward followed me after I had reached the other side of the living room.
The door shut, and I turned to see him staring down at the floor, water dripping from his disheveled hair. I wanted to cross the room and touch his face, like he had touched mine, but it was wrong. He wasn't mine to comfort. I was engaged, even though I wanted nothing more than to see what this meant… I couldn't.
I had made a commitment to Jacob, and I cared about him. I already felt horrible for kissing Edward, as good as it was, it wasn't right for me to want it again. In a way, I felt that I had been unfaithful. I might have not had sex with him, but I was taught by Charlie and Renee that you have to be faithful to your husband, even though he wasn't technically my husband yet.
"Bella…"
Turning to look at him, I saw the regret in his eyes. Studying his expression, I didn't know what to expect to come from him. This was new and uncharted ground.
"I'm sorry. I got caught up in this moment and I let myself go somewhere that I shouldn't have."
Pausing, I tried to process what he was saying… every word cutting me to my soul. He was saying it was mistake to kiss me. It hurt so much, I wanted nothing more than to die. It shouldn't have been affecting me so much, but it was. He wasn't meant for me and I was promised to Jacob. So why did hurt?
"I'm going to go," he said as he grabbed the door knob.
"Edward, don't go," I begged.
He smiled at me before he opened the door and he was gone in a flash. I ran to the window to see him get in the truck and he was gone within seconds.
Walking back toward the couch, I collapsed to the floor and sobbed. I knew it wasn't meant for me, and that I was already spoken for, but it still hurt. I didn't know why I was crying for him, but I was. It was Edward, and I was fool to keep letting him get in enough to hurt me again, and again. He was still the man that I loved long ago, and it still hurt. Maybe Jacob was right… maybe it was too much for me to have Edward in my life.
Two Weeks Later… April 2008
Two weeks had passed since Edward played the piano for me and kissed me in the rain, and now it almost seemed like a distant memory. During that time, Edward hadn't been around as much and though I didn't question it, I still missed him. He called everyday, always right before I would go upstairs to get into bed. We would talk about everything that we did in a day, and he got in a habit of humming that song to me. There was something about it that made me feel safe and loved.
I never questioned Edward about the kiss we shared, I knew there was no point. He wouldn't talk about it even if I wanted to. He must have been embarrassed that he even kissed me. I wasn't his type, and I knew that, he was ashamed to have kissed me all.
When he did come over, it was normally with Jasper and Emmett in tow. They liked my house a little more for watching TV, why I wasn't exactly sure, but it made me happy to see them all the time. Most of the time, I would sit and work on my story or curl up in a chair with a book, it was still nice to have them around.
Alice and Rosalie had been working almost twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week in preparations for both the wedding and engagement party. I had been trying to talk them out of the engagement party, but they wouldn't hear it. They said I deserved to have a party and have all of Jake's and my friends there to celebrate our upcoming wedding that was fast approaching.
Jake and Kat were going to be flying in soon for the party, and that made me feel sort of uncomfortable. This was going to be the first time I had seen Jake since leaving for Forks, and I had a lot of guilt going through me about the whole kiss with Edward, something that had been haunting my dreams a lot lately.
So, sitting on my porch, I saw when Jake and Kat were pulling into the driveway. I jumped up and ran into Jake's open arms, but my guilt sat in the back of my mind, though I did a good job of hiding it from him. It was wonderful to be back in the arms of the man that loved me, but knowing what I had done, made it hard for me to be near him. My acting skills were becoming really useful lately.
"Hello, beautiful," he whispered. "I missed you."
"I missed you too, Jake."
Kat was standing behind Jake and could see through my carefully made façade just by looking into my eyes. She knew something was wrong, but wouldn't ask now. She would wait till she could jump me and catch me off guard when Jake wasn't around.
I clung to Jake for a moment, trying to remember why I was marrying him. He was good to me, cared about me, wanted me to be happy, was honest, and truly a genuine person… the perfect person to marry. He would be a wonderful and caring husband to me, and that was what I wanted, at least I thought so.
When he released me, Kat pulled me into a hug.
"We'll talk later," she whispered into my ear.
Pulling back, I nodded to her. Helping them unload their luggage, Jake carried his stuff up to my room, while I followed Kat into my parents' old room. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I watched her start to unfold some of her things, not speaking to me yet. How do you tell someone that you cheated on your fiancé… not in the physical aspects of actually having sex, but I still kissed Edward, and on some level I still wanted to? Damn, I was just too moral about stuff.
There was a knock at the door, and Jake leaned into the room.
"I just got a call from my dad, so I need to run over to La Push. I'll be back in a couple hours okay?"
"Yeah, be careful."
Stepping in, he kissed me on the cheek, before he shut the door. Kat didn't say anything until she heard the front door open and shut behind him.
"What's going on with you? You aren't acting like yourself," Kat's voice sounded confused.
"You don't want to know," I replied.
Throwing herself down on the bed, she turned to look at me.
"What happened?"
"How do you know something happened?" I couldn't help but ask.
"I can read you like a book, Bella, and I would guess it has something to do with your best friend too."
Sighing, I covered my face with my hands. Why does she have to know me so well?
"Bella…"
"If I told you what happened, you wouldn't believe me."
"Try me."
Sighing, I told her everything, told her about the piano playing, the thunderstorm and the kiss that had rocked my life to the very core. Her eyes were soft during the whole explanation, I knew she wouldn't have one of those 'I told you so' attitudes, but it was still hard to tell her this thing that I had kept hidden from everyone, including Alice and Rosalie, which was a very challenging thing.
"So, he leaned in and kissed you huh?"
I nodded, still feeling all the shame that had built up within me.
"I never thought he would get up enough courage to do that."
My eyes went wide at her response and she began to chuckle as she looked at me, shaking her head. Honestly, I really didn't know why she found it so funny.
"Don't laugh at me. This is horrible."
"Bella, are you blind?" She asked.
"Uh… I guess I am because I have no idea what you are talking about."
"Bella, he cares about you. More than he will actually admit to himself or you. He felt bad for kissing you not because he didn't want to kiss you, but because you are engaged to someone else. Duh."
I hated it when she got like that, all knowing and sarcastic. Rolling my eyes, I turned away from her.
"You must be delusional, because Edward told me that he didn't think of me that way. Need I remind you of the whole breakdown back in college?"
"Things change though, Bells. You both have grown up a lot since then. Things have happened to both of you. Have you ever considered that?"
No, and I wasn't going to. As much as my body wanted Edward, I knew he wasn't healthy for me. He didn't love me that much I was sure of. Jake loved me and I wanted the stable life that Edward couldn't provide for me but Jacob could. Our worlds were miles apart, though I wished it wasn't true. I couldn't go back to being that girl in Forks, I had a career and a life that Edward wasn't a part of.
"It doesn't matter, Kat. We have picked our paths, we have to live with them now."
"You don't believe that Bella," she stated.
Turning to look into her sad eyes, I was confused by her remark. I did believe what I was saying to be true. How could she not know that? At least I thought I was being truthful.
"I do. Jake is my future. Edward is my friend and is in my past. It's just the way that things have to be. Edward will find someone someday."
She stood and walked toward the door, but paused just as she opened it. Turning back to me, her eyes looked deeply into mine.
"The reason you want Jake is because you are scared. You're afraid to feel something that is real. Jake may love you Bella, but you don't love him. You are settling for someone that doesn't give you those butterflies like Edward does, or makes you laugh, or can put you in your place when you need to be brought down a peg or two. Damn, Bella… Your heart has always belonged to Edward, and it always will. Only when you realize that will you be happy and your life will be less complicated. I wish I could force you into realizing this, but I can't. You have to figure it out and I guess it will only happen in time."
She shut the door behind her as she left the room, leaving me sitting there alone. All her comments burned deep within my soul, but it didn't matter… it wasn't true. I loved Jake, didn't I? Of course I did. I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't. She was just saying things to confuse me. No, she wouldn't do that. She cares too much about me and my happiness. So why were all my thoughts still flooded with the bronze haired man with the emerald eyes?
The Night of the Engagement Party
I was lying face down on my bed when Alice and Rosalie entered the room. Both were as bubbly as ever… me, I just wanted to die. The urge to hide was ever present in my life, mostly because I wanted to avoid being the center of attention at all costs, though I knew it would be tough to avoid it since I was going to be the bride at a wedding in three weeks.
"Come on, Bella. You have to get ready," chirped Alice.
"Bite me," I mumbled into my pillow.
"Bella!" cried Rosalie.
Rolling over, I saw both their shocked expressions. I knew they meant well, but the thought of this party made my engagement real. It wasn't that my engagement hadn't been real before now, it just made it more concrete since they were planning a party to celebrate it. The whole situation made me feel weird, especially since I knew I was supposed to be happy. I was happy to a point, but something told me that I wasn't as happy as I was supposed to be under the current circumstances.
"I'm sorry. I just don't like this kind of stuff. This is what you both love, me… not so much," I said waving my hands around being kind of dramatic.
"Oh, Bella. You will love it. We didn't plan anything too fancy, since neither you or Jake is too extravagant. It's simple but classy," explained Alice as she sat down at my desk.
Rolling my eyes, I couldn't help but still be worried. I knew my friends, and nothing was simple and classy. Everything ended up too fancy and complicated.
"Get in the shower. We have lots to do before we head over to Mom's," started Rosalie as she pulled me from the bed and pushed me out the door.
Shutting the bathroom door, I groaned as I leaned my back up against it. As more time passed, the more worried about this wedding I became, mostly because I felt guilty for kissing Edward. I knew he was the one that kissed me, but it still made me feel bad.
I showered quickly and pulled on my fuzzy robe, since I knew Alice and Rose were waiting outside to primp me for the party that I wanted to avoid like the plague. When I got back to my bedroom, they had a variety of hair products along with tons of makeup spread around the room and my desk chair rolled out into the center. Sighing, I sat down, closing my eyes with hopes of pushing my worries from my mind.
I could hear my friends talking to me as they made me over for the party, but I didn't care really about what they were saying. I had other things on my mind, one being I had to figure out a way to keep my best friend and fiancé from killing one another. He never said anything about it, but I knew that Jake was still furious on some level that Edward was going to be in the wedding, no matter how small the role. Edward was just acting funny as well. The closer the wedding got the more on edge he became. The one time that Edward and Jake saw each other was when he dropped off some samples for the engagement party for Alice and if looks could kill, Jake would have had Edward dead and buried as soon as he stepped on the front porch.
"Bella… are you listening to me."
Opening my eyes, Alice's expression glowed with anger.
"Sorry. Thinking."
"You need to stop over thinking things. You are getting married and you should be happy. Jake's a great guy and he will make you a very good husband."
Rosalie didn't say anything, but I could see her rolling her eyes at Alice's comments. I wasn't sure why she was rolling her eyes, but who knew with Rosalie.
"I'm just worried that Jake and Edward won't play nice with one another," I said with a sigh.
"My brother will be on the best behavior, Bells. I promise. I'll talk to him. I'll actually call him on the way back to Mom and Dad's. Okay?"
I nodded, and went back to my thoughts, hoping that maybe I could still calm myself before the party.
"We're done," chirped Rose.
Opening my eyes again, I was shocked. My eyes appeared to be a deeper shade of chocolate and my lips were traced with a pearly pink shade of lipstick. Rosalie had pulled my hair up into an elegant clip of gold, my hair draping down in long curls.
"You look beautiful," squealed Alice. "Now, put this on."
In her hands was a silk evening dress the most brilliant shade of blue I had ever seen. I knew my eyes must have looked wide with disbelief when I saw it. I couldn't wear something like that. It wasn't my style or taste.
"Don't you even say it won't look beautiful on you. This dress is perfect for you, I should know, I picked it out," chuckled Alice.
She pushed the dress into my hands and pulled Rosalie out of the room. Dropping my robe to the floor, I slipped the dress around my body and turned to look at myself in the mirror. Alice was right, it was beautiful, but not something I really felt too comfortable wearing. It had very thin straps and a deep neckline that was lined with small blue crystals. I knew Jake would love it though. He was always telling me how beautiful I was and that I should be wearing clothes that show off how I look, but I couldn't. I would always be that girl that wore the baggy jeans and hoodie sweatshirts.
The door clicked open from behind me and I knew it was my friends, checking to see if I was still dressed in my robe. Turning to look at them, they smiled at me. Rosalie came forward and helped smooth out the dress, her eyes studying me closely.
"Alice, I'll finish getting Bella ready, you need to get home and get ready too. Plus you still need to call Edward," Rosalie's voice sounded very strange while she spoke.
"Okay… see you in a bit, Bella."
Alice bound down the stairs, and shut the door behind her as my attention turned to Rosalie. I knew what Rose had done… she wanted to talk to me and figured that I wouldn't talk to her about anything if Alice was around. I really don't know how Alice didn't see it honestly, Rose wasn't being really secretive about it.
"Are you okay, Bella?"
"I'm not sure."
We both walked over and had a seat on my bed. I couldn't tell her I was still thinking about a kiss that didn't mean anything.
"Bella, are you sure you want to marry Jake?"
I was a taken aback by the question. I couldn't afford to think about it for too long, or it would give off the impression that I didn't want to marry Jake so I reacted immediately.
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I answered my mind full of guilt.
"Your eyes tell me otherwise."
"It's nothing, Rose."
"Bella, you can tell me anything. You know that right?"
"Of course, Rose. It's just…"
I paused before I spoke, not wanting to reveal too much about what was really going on inside my mind.
"It feels like too much is happening now. Overload I guess."
"That's understandable, your life is getting ready to change forever, and you will have more responsibilities being a wife, and maybe a mom someday."
The thought of being a mother terrified me some. Maybe because it wasn't a role that I had given much thought to, up to this point. Even the role of wife scared me some. I knew that my life would be completely different when I married Jake and there would be new expectations, but I figured that I would be able to handle whatever was thrown my way.
"You're right about that," I mumbled.
Standing up she walked over to my jewelry box and pulled out a pair of diamond earrings, and a matching pendant. I had never seen them before.
"It's a present from me and Emmett. No reason. Just because we love you so much and are happy you are home right now. Oh… and these are the shoes for that dress," she said as she pointed to a pair of stiletto heals that were located by my closet door.
She helped me with the necklace and I put in the earrings before I walked over for the shoes. When I stood after putting them on, I said a silent prayer hoping that I wouldn't fall or make a fool out of myself at my own engagement party. Rosalie smiled brightly to me as she helped me walk out of my room and down the stairs.
"I've got to go Bella, I have to get ready too. I'll see you at the party. Jake will be meeting you there right?" Asked Rosalie.
"Yeah."
Jake had left early in the morning. He had some things to take care of with his friends in La Push. Plus, he had to show many of his friends how to get to the Cullens house, since it was in a pretty remote part of the area. Everyone else knew the way. Kat was out running a couple of errands and should be back soon. We would ride together to the party.
"You really do look beautiful, Bella. He is going to love you in that dress."
"Yeah, Jake is going to love it."
"No, Bella… Edward."
She smiled, and shut the door behind her as she left me standing in the middle of my living room. What was she talking about???
I began to pace back and forth, thinking about what she said. Her comments weren't putting my mind ease at all and were making me more nervous than I actually was before I started to get ready. Looking up at the clock, I saw it was slightly after four, and that the party would be starting around five thirty. Kat had to be getting back soon.
No quicker than I had thought her name, she came in the front door, her hands full of shopping bags.
"Hello there 'Alice'."
"Not funny, Bella. I had to find something to wear to this party, plus I had to pick up a couple of other things."
She climbed the stairs and left me standing alone. I could hear her moving around upstairs, going from the bathroom back to her room, and back again. Less than thirty minutes later, she was coming down the stairs dressed in a simple pant suit, her hair in a tight bun. Her eyes sparkled under the light makeup she wore. She never knew it but she was a simple beauty.
"Ready?" She asked as she picked up the keys to my rental.
"I guess," I sighed.
Locking the door behind us, we got in the car. Due to the fact that I was wearing the death traps I figured it would be safer to let Kat drive, so she slowly slipped the car into reverse and began to drive toward the Cullens house. She was singing along with some random song on the radio while she drove, I just sat in silence, trying to mentally prepare myself for what was going to be happening around me.
Kat drove a little faster than I would have, and we arrived as Emmett and Rosalie were getting out of their Jeep. Rosalie had her hair up in a clip, and was wearing a pink evening dress. Emmett was well dressed too, so I knew that Rose picked out his clothes. I couldn't help but chuckle.
Walking toward the porch, I looked up at the house, and I was surprised to see Edward pacing back and forth in his room. It made me wonder what was on his mind. What was making him so worried or nervous?
My hand barely touched the door knob when Alice pulled it open, bouncing up and down and pulling me into the house. My eyes roamed the room seeing what she had done to the house in preparations for the many guests that would soon be arriving. The rooms were filled with white linens, soft light, and a table with some of the fanciest foods I had ever seen in my life.
Alice was talking non-stop as she pulled me through the house, passing by Esme and Carlisle who were already seated in the living room on the couch. I smiled shyly as they waved to me as Alice continued to talk.
"Bella?"
Turning to look at her, she glared at me.
"Stop worrying. It's going to be fine."
"Okay, Alice."
Sighing, I continued walking through the house in search of my friend, but to my surprise he was nowhere to be found. I could hear people arriving and Alice and Rosalie were playing the role of hostess very well. As I walked around the house, I kept wondering what was plaguing my friend, but until I found him, I wouldn't know.
"Hello, my darling."
I felt a strong pair of arms snaking themselves around me. Looking down at the arms, I knew who it was. Turning slightly, I saw the look of pure love in Jacob's eyes. Smiling, I leaned up against his strong body for a moment.
"When did you get here?" I asked.
"A few moments ago. Alice is talking to my dad, Quil, and Embry at the moment. Everyone else will be here later."
"Hmm. I just hope we can survive this tonight. I would rather be at home with a book or having all my teeth pulled with no drugs," I sighed.
Jake chuckled at my response, pulling me closer to him. He finally released me to entwine his fingers with mine, and led me back toward the front of the house. We then started to help Alice and Rosalie with greeting the guests. I didn't know many of Jake's friends very well, but they seemed to be very charming. I squealed with joy when I saw Angela coming through the door, on the arm of a man that I recognized as Ben from high school. She was one of my favorite people outside of the Cullens and Hales that I talked to. We talked about old times for a moment, and kept going on and on about how sad it was that we had lost touch. A promise was made that we wouldn't let it happen again.
When we were sure that all the guests had arrived, Jake and I began to circulate among them, talking about everything. I talked about my upcoming book's release, about my mother, who was unable to come to the party but would be here for the wedding and about Jake. As I talked, I noticed Edward leaning up against a wall on the other side of the room. His eyes were locked on me, and there was no denying that. Excusing myself, I tried to make my way to him, but he quickly moved and by the time I reached the last place that I had seen him I realized he was gone. Where did he go?
As I circulated around the house, I kept being stopped for a few moments here and there in my search to find Edward. I would politely move on as soon as I could in hopes of finally finding him. It was when I neared the entrance to Carlisle's office that I heard his voice, along with another voice that really didn't need to be there.
"I know what you are doing."
"I don't have any clue what you are talking about, Jake."
"The hell you don't. I see the way that you look at her. You think I am blind?!"
The door was partially cracked open, and I peaked inside to see them standing in front of each other, Jake's eyes flooded with rage.
"Jake you are getting upset about something that isn't really there."
"You love her. I see it. Everyone sees it. Only Bella is blind to that fact."
Edward turned away from him, looking at the back wall of the study. Turning around again, I noticed Edward's eyes. I had never seen him look so cold at anyone before.
"I want Bella to be happy. If it's with you, so be it, Jacob Black. But I warn you, if you ever hurt her, break her heart, I will personally make your life miserable. Do I make myself clear?"
Jake stepped forward, as close as possible to my friend, daggers blazing from his eyes.
"If I could do it, I would take every memory, every feeling that Bella ever had for you away. You hurt her, and I want nothing more than to destroy you, but I can't. It would hurt Bella too much and she would never forgive me for doing anything to you."
He was right. He couldn't do anything to Edward without me either getting angry or going into a crying fit. What he didn't know was that this confrontation was making me furious. Who asked him to do this to Edward? He had no right to.
"Well, Jacob, you are going to have to deal with the disappointment that you can't do that, aren't you?"
Edward then turned and began to walk toward the door, causing me to back up and duck into Emmett's old room. I held my breath as he passed not wanting him to know that I had been so close and that I might have over heard their conversation. His footsteps were loud against the floor, and I finally breathed a sigh of relief after I knew he was far away from the door. Jake passed by the door soon after though, heading back toward the party and likely looking for me.
Not long after they left, I slipped from the room and headed back toward the party. Trying to act as if I hadn't heard the argument between my fiancé and best friend wasn't something that I could easily do. I was beyond furious, but I had to appear happy and completely at ease. Everyone wanted to talk to me, and I wanted nothing more than to melt into the walls and not be seen.
"Hey babe."
Turning around, I looked into the smiling face of Jacob. I wanted to drag him out of the room and tear him a new one, but I knew it wasn't the time or place for it, so I had to compose myself to keep myself from killing him on the spot.
"Hey," I said, my voice dripping with my annoyance.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing. Just let it go right now."
"Okay. Alice was looking for you. She's getting ready to serve the food and she wants to propose a toast before we eat."
Alice and her formal ways… why???
"Alright, I'll be there in a minute. Let me get myself together."
"Okay, babe. See you in there."
Turning he left me standing there and I wanted to scream to the heavens. He was acting like nothing had happened in Carlisle's study and it was infuriating knowing what he did and I couldn't do anything about it.
I mentally calmed myself some before I stepped back into the dining room, which was serving as the central location of the party. Jake was standing near Alice talking quietly as I walked forward. Jake turned to smile at me as I approached, Alice caught my obvious mood change just by looking at me even though I appeared completely at ease.
Jake wrapped his arm around my waist as soon as I got close enough to him that he could reach me. I wanted to push him away but it would look a little odd having the bride pushing away her groom.
"Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention?"
Everyone turned to see Alice standing just slightly in front of us, a glass of wine in hand.
"I want to propose a toast to my best friend, Bella and to her future husband, Jacob. I wish you many years of happiness and all the joys that marriage will bring to your life. To Jacob and Bella…"
The crowd toasted our happiness, but it was when I saw Edward's glare and his glass still full that I knew that there was definitely something wrong. Looking to Jake, I saw a smug smile that I knew was being directed back to Edward. Turning my eyes back to my friend, he was looking at me, watching me closely. Almost like he was trying to figure out what was going through my mind at this moment.
He finally turned and walked out of the room, and I tried to follow him again, but was stopped by future father-in-law asking me questions about the wedding ceremony. When I got away I went outside looking for him and I saw that he was nowhere in sight. I sat myself down on the front steps, and settled my face in my hands. This was supposed to be a happy moment, but it was more like pure hell.
The party went on for another couple of hours, and I ended up greeting more people than I actually knew, and when the final person left I was hoping that Edward would surface at last so I could talk to him, but he never did. I asked Emmett and Jasper where he was and they said that they saw him leave the party hours ago. Knowing he left me there made me sad.
Jake kissed my cheek before he went to his car to take his father back to La Push. I knew I was being cold to him, but I wasn't really sure what else I could do. I couldn't pretend that I didn't see him picking a fight with Edward.
Kat was watching me closely as I walked toward the car, and got inside. She didn't speak a word to me though. She knew me well enough to know it wasn't the time to ask me about it. I had to figure out what to do before I could talk to her about what was going on inside my mind. So when we got back to the house, I went inside and up to my room. Striping off my dress, I pulled on a t-shirt and pajama pants and slipped myself into bed, closing my eyes hoping to shut out my worries, but I knew it was pointless.
Not long after I got in bed, I heard the door open and Jake come inside. I pretended to be asleep as I heard him pulling off his clothes and felt the bed shift as he climbed in beside me. I felt him wrap a warm arm around my waist and a sigh as he started to try to fall asleep. I remained still, trying to keep up my illusion of slumber.
I don't know how long I laid there, but I knew I wanted to sleep. I wanted these feelings gone. I had so much guilt over kissing Edward, and now my fiancé threatens my friend, and I still feel guilty. It was becoming more than I could handle. It wasn't like I could ever tell Jake that Edward kissed me. He would try to murder him, and I wasn't sure if I could deal with my fiancé being put away for murder or missing my friend if he accomplished his mission. Sad as it was, I would probably miss Edward more… probably because I had been his friend for so long.
It was around four in the morning when I so worn out that I finally felt myself start to drift off into a slumbering state. The last thought I had was of that moment in the rain… when I felt Edward's lips press up against mine.
The Morning After the Engagement Party
I only slept for a couple of hours before I woke up, with no hopes of going back to sleep. Jake still had a tight grip around my waist, and I gently pried his hands away from me, and slipped from the bed. Shutting the door behind me, I looked to see the bedroom door to where Kat was sleeping was still shut, meaning she was still asleep.
Going down the stairs, I jumped the squeaky step, and crossed the living room to reach the kitchen. I clicked on the coffee maker, and pulled out a chair, slumping down in it. The silence echoed throughout the house, and let me go back to repeating the events of the party again and again.
When the coffee was made, I poured a cup and settled down again. By then, I could hear Kat rummaging around upstairs, and it was only a matter of time before she was downstairs to drink coffee with me. So when I heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs, I assumed it was Kat.
"Hey Babe."
Turning, I saw Jake leaning up against the wall between the living room and kitchen, dressed only in a pair of shorts. I looked at him for only a second before I turned away, focusing my attention on my cup of coffee.
"What's wrong?" He asked, walking into the room, circling the table to see my face.
I kept my face down, concentrating on the wood grains of the table, grinding my teeth to keep myself from screaming.
"Bella… talk to me."
My eyes snapped up to meet his, and I knew I couldn't keep it inside anymore.
"I can not believe you," I growled.
"What are you talking about?"
"I know what you did last night, and I am not happy about it either."
"Bella you need to let me know what you are talking about because you aren't making any sense."
"I heard what you said to Edward last night. You had no right to say anything to him."
"So you were spying on me then?" He grumbled.
"No, but when you walk past a room and you hear two people that you know and do not like one another, you would be curious to know what they would want to say to each other."
"He needed to hear that, Bella. I'm your fiancé, and I am not going to stand by and let him think that he can take you away from me."
"Edward doesn't feel that way about me, Jake. I am engaged to you, and I am marrying you. Why would you start something that isn't necessary?"
He stiffened as he stood there looking at me, his eyes burning with anger.
"Bella you are blind if you don't see it. You would be jealous too if you saw another woman watching me the way he watches you, obviously wanting more than friendship."
Rolling my eyes, I took another sip from my coffee, trying to calm myself down internally, since I didn't want to say something that I would come to regret.
"Jake, you shouldn't have said anything that is the point I am trying to make. Edward is my friend, and I can handle him."
"I am not going to stand by and let him hurt you again," he yelled.
"It's not your place to do that. I don't say anything about your friends, and I would appreciate if you did the same thing with my friends."
"Maybe you like it then…"
My eyes snapped back to his again.
"How dare you? Edward has been my friend since I was nine, I lost him over something stupid, and I don't intend on losing him again because you are jealous," I screamed.
By now, Kat was downstairs watching us yell at one another.
"HEY!" She screamed.
Both of us turned to see her standing there, her arms crossed across her chest.
"Both of you need to chill out. Jake, you need to stay away from Edward. Bella, you need to remember that Jake loves you and only wants what is best for you. You guys can't be fighting about stupid stuff like this."
Somewhere deep inside me, I knew she was right, but it didn't make that feeling of rage leave me. Jake wasn't letting his anger go either. He never would. He would always see Edward as a threat, no matter how many times I tell him that Edward doesn't want me that way or that I am committed to our relationship, he will still be threatened by Edward.
"I need to get ready to go. I've got a plane to catch in a couple of hours," he grumbled as he left the room.
He marched from the room and up the stairs, leaving Kat standing just a few feet away from me. I closed my eyes tightly trying to push away all the thoughts that were running through my mind.
"Bella, what were you thinking?"
"I wasn't," I sighed.
"This isn't a time to start fighting with Jake. You are getting married in less than three weeks. You should be happy, not screaming and yelling at each other."
"I know, but…"
"No buts. You need to keep in mind that you are marrying Jake, and that you need to be somewhat sensitive to his feelings about Edward, but he needs to remember that you care about Edward too."
Kat was always talking me down from my fits of rage, and I was thankful for her.
"Thanks, Kat."
"I love you, Bella. You just need to figure out what you want before its too late," she said with a smile.
"Love you too."
"I promise to talk to Jake on the plane on the way home too. Just don't let him go back for three weeks with bad blood between you two, okay?"
"Okay."
She smiled and went back upstairs to finish packing. When I saw that I had finished my coffee, I set the mug in the sink, before I headed up the stairs to my bedroom.
Pushing the door open, I saw Jake was already dressed and was now throwing stuff into his suitcase. Pausing in the doorway, I looked at him. He looked up at me and stopped the moment he noticed me standing there.
"I'm sorry, Bella. You were right, but you have to know it's hard to share you with someone that I know that thinks of you more than just a friend."
"You have to trust me, Jake. I am marrying you," I said.
"I do, Bells. I really do."
He crossed the room, and wrapped his arms around me. I leaned into his touch for a moment. Trying to relax, and when I looked up I was surprised. It wasn't his dark eyes that I saw, but the brilliant emerald ones of my friend.
I shook my head and looked again, and it was Jake again.
"Bella… you okay?"
"Yeah, Jake. I'm fine."
I hugged him close and felt guilty again. I couldn't get Edward out of my head, even when I was with the man that I was supposed to be marrying in a few weeks. What's wrong with me?