I could have spent another month debating this ending and where to put commas but I finally said to hell with it. Enjoy the final chapter.

Chapter 38

"So where should we hypothetically go?" a stumbling voice asks in a darkened room.

"Well, the world is as they say 'our oyster.' Where would you like to go?" another voice replies.

Newton's room is dark and half packed. They could pack more tomorrow or the next day. There had been a very hands off approach to them ever since they had gotten released from medical. They could stay or go and nobody was going to interfere with that decision.

A day or so ago they had sat in the lab that had been the latest iteration of a temporary home. The lab was always more home than the rooms they barely slept in. But it was still a temporary space, no amount of chalk or equipment could make that sterile space a home.

In the end it was never really theirs. No matter how much it felt like it was.

Newt had been staring at the concrete walls on his side of the lab in a state of solem quiet for several minutes. He had been more prone to quiet ever since waking up.

After the moment passed he turned to Hermann who was standing in front of his wall of mathematics, equally inactive, equally thoughtful;

"I think we should leave, Hermann,"

Hermann didn't even look at him he simply sighed and said, "I agree."

They had told everybody, but nobody was saying goodbye just yet. There was no rush, and so over the following weeks they packed their lives away one box at a time.

No discussion of where they would go had ever really been discussed until now.

Lying on Newton's bed, so close their foreheads were almost touching.

"We could go to Berlin, be near family?" Newton guesses and Hermann makes a dismissive sound.

"You know full well I don't get along with most of my family and neither do you. We work best from a distance. We could go to Cambridge?"

"Massachusetts?"

"England, you imbecile,"

Newt snorts.

"I think I would do really badly in England dude. Remember your initial reaction to me? Now picture it happening on repeat with the population of an entire country."

"They aren't all like me,"

"We could go to Australia,"

"Why in heavens would we go to Australia?"

"I don't know dude, kangaroos are cool."

Hermann sighs.

"New Zealand then?"

"Why—oh gutte gott this is because of Lord of the Rings isn't it?"

"The greatest thing cinema has ever produced...don't talk to me about the Hobbit or the Silmarillion movies. They never happened." Newt exclaims in excitable, stuttering syllables.

Hermann lets out a breath like a laugh. After a moment he reaches over to stroke Newton's hair. They are mere inches apart and Hermann hasn't let go of his smile yet.

"We have time to decide."

And it's true.

In the coming weeks they will choose their destination and finish their packing, the neat and regimented boxes side by side with the haphazard containers that have to be taped shut. They will say goodbye to everybody. Tendo will only grin and say 'good riddance.' Raleigh will shake their hands. Hercules will rest a hand on their shoulders like the father he used to be and say 'Good luck.' Mako will have a tight hug reserved for Hermann as well as a respectful bow and good wishes for Newton. Caitlin will stand beside Gia, a hand jammed in her pocket and the other raised in a lazy farewell.

Everyone will stand there and watch as their cab drives away.

They will watch the remnants of their found family recede into the distance as new possibilities open up before them.

For now they lie on this bed together, Hermann strokes Newton's hair.

"I don't want to forget any of this Hermann. I never want to forget again. I will remember everything." Newton says like a resolution, like a promise.

"Everything?" Hermann whispers, thinking of the kaiju, of the drifts, of the screaming in agony, seizures and speech therapy he already hates.

He thinks of the dead. The Kaidonovskys and the Wei triplets. He thinks of Raleigh's brother Yancey, he thinks of the young Chuck Hansen he used to see loitering in the halls outside the Jaeger Bay. He thinks of Stacker, a solid and stolid leader through ten years of hell.

He thinks of poetry and panic attacks. He thinks of the nightmares that plague them both. He thinks of all the memories that aren't his and all the ones that are.

"Everything," Newton repeats.

"That is an awful lot," Hermann murmurs and Newton hesitates. He teeters in the edge of the words tripping from his lips.

"I don't think I can forget some of it...even if I wanted too." he whispers and Hermann scoots a little closer and nods.

"I remember them..." Newton pauses,

"All of them. I remember what it felt like to know them. I remember what it felt like to die-" he cuts himself off as Hermann rests a hand on his cheek.

"I know" Hermann murmurs and Newton looks at him with ghost filled eyes.

"A creature can't fight it's own nature." he says in broken syllables.

"I know," Hermann says to him and the ghosts in his eyes.

"I know."

And he did know because Hermann carries his own ghosts in his eyes and in his bones. They share ghosts between them like they share everything else.

They're both so haunted.

The future of a life after an apocalypse looks as difficult as one might expect.

There are the ghosts and the past and the nightmares. There's the pain in the present, the fights and the gentle words to fix it afterwards. There are new sights and new opportunities. Choices and chances. A map of the path and the mistakes they will make on it.

The future looks full and terrifying but they have somebody to share it with.

And that's something worth remembering

The End

Notes:

I was tempted to put something really stupid like 'The Beginning' but I'm not that far up my own ass.

For this chapter the title comes from previously mentioned "All My Days" by Alexi Murdoch. Along with that song I highly recommend How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful by Florence + The Machine for musical backdrop while reading.

So what is there to say. It's been just shy of a year writing this. It's the first time I've finished a long story and I've learned a lot doing it. And I swear to god if I didn't have you guys telling me how much you were enjoying it I might have given up on this a few times. Your feedback has been a constant pleasure while writing this, from the long reviews to the straight up keysmashing.

I can safely say I am proud of a lot of this and I'm a little sad to be done with it