Untold Truths

by Doodle19

Emily has been keeping a secret, several actually. And they're all starting to come out. Wall by wall, the protective shield Emily created for herself comes crumbling down. Secrets have a way of affecting everyone, and this one was no different.

37. A Talk or Two

I do not own Criminal Minds, only the characters I have created in that world.

So, this chapter, I think will create a love-hate reaction. It's both closer to what we all want and not at all there. I debated which way to take it. Wrote it one way, then another, and then decided to go with the original idea so that the stuff I wrote earlier (for a later chapter) will make sense and be as powerful as I feel it to be.

Just remember there will be a major pay off in the end whether there's this grand talk or not… Just… don't shoot me after reading this and there will be gratification…

Also, this chapter is barely edited by me. There will be mistakes. I'm human.

Chapter 37: A Talk or Two

"I have something to say. You have something to say. Let's talk."

"My office?"

"It's a date." She nodded.

After throwing her go bag into her car, Emily met Hotch in his office. It seemed as if their stalemate was meant to continue in silence. Hotch was being weary, unready to make the first move and scare her off again. And Emily was trying to collect her thoughts without sounding demanding and harsh.

"Charlie know we're home?" Hotch asked.

"No, I called Sarah and told her we arrived but asked her not to tell Charlie yet because I had some things to take care of before I got home."

"I see." He didn't know where to start. He knew he had to, knew mostly what he wanted to say, he just wasn't sure where the beginning started, where the middle began, and where the end even happened.

"Let's cut to the chase." Emily fidgeted, but held firm. "I want to and I'm ready to hear what you have to say…." She had no idea how ready he was to hear what she had to say and say all that he had to express. The moments that lead them there weren't all that different for him. Where she had JJ, he had the all-knowing Rossi to guide him.

"Aaron, if you stare at her any more, she's going to say something. She might think you've gone crazy." It wouldn't be the first time one of the Prentiss girls drove him there.

"I'm not staring."

"Are you kidding? You can't even try to deny that. Every time I so much as look in your direction, your eyes are right on her. Glued on her like a kid with candy."

"I'm not staring at her, just… observing." He tried to explain.

"Why do we always have to do this song and dance? Just tell me what's going on. Please don't make me ask."

"It's a possibility… I may have screwed things up with Emily." He conceded.

"How much of a possibility? I swear, the two of you should be labeled chronic fools."

"That's great Rossi. Thank you or your help."

"I'm tired of pussyfooting around the obvious here Aaron. The two of you are so compatible for one another it's almost sickening. If any two team members were meant to break the fraternization rules, it's the two of you. You guys already have a kid together, what's so bad about taking that step? What would it take to knock some sense into the both of you?"

"Rossi I…"

"Aaron, come on. I want you both to be happy and I don't want our team dynamics to change. But you have to see that there's something there that can't be ignored or placated by being with another woman."

"You're right…" He agreed. "Which is what I wanted to tell her."

"What?" Rossi wasn't expecting that. He was ready to give another impromptu talking to.

"Yeah…" He was proud to bring the older man to silence. It was a feat indeed. "We spent Sunday together with the kids and at the end of the night, I planned on telling her I wanted to give us a shot."

"Interesting… And what about Beth? What does she have to say about that?" Bases needed to be covered.

"I'm going to assume, not much. We broke up."

"For Emily?" Rossi wanted to smile, but kept it to himself. Inside, though, he was screaming, "Finally!"

"No…" Oh, who was he kidding? "We weren't working. She was… Great, but she…"

"Wasn't the woman you wanted? Not the right woman for you?"

"Exactly."

"So you broke up with her huh?"

"Yeah. It was time. She was getting possessive and inserting herself in my life with my kids. I was holding onto her to avoid what I really needed to, but wasn't ready to, face."

"I'm proud of you for realizing that. So then what went wrong with Emily?"

"She… Didn't react well."

"Do I need to talk some sense into her now? I swear there's something wrong with the lot of you."

"I was caught up in a moment." He explained. She jumped the gun, but he pulled the trigger.

"Tends to happen often when it comes to her." He thought aloud.

"I know. So… I kissed her… instead of telling her I broke up with Beth and I wanted to build a relationship with her that went beyond colleagues or friends or co-parents." He explained. "We'd still be all of that, but we could be more."

Patting his shoulder, Rossi said, "Good for you." He was thrilled by that. It meant the whispers in the ears and the subtle suggestions worked and the rest was in their hands. He and JJ were free of the job, well that part of it anyway. And then, he recalled what he said. "She didn't react too kindly to it?"

"Not really, no."

Oh Emily… "What did she do?"

He laughed humorlessly and shook his head. "It was like I was poison and she just realized she took a bite of the toxic fruit."

"That bad?"

"Yeah, that bad. It went well at first… really well, but then she snapped. She pushed me away and started freaking out .I couldn't get a word in edgewise to even attempt to explain. Eventually she told me I needed to go and locked me out of her house."

"That sounds like our stubborn girl. Take her off guard and she pushes it all away. Her compartmentalization is as big a curse as it is a gift… For both of you."

"I'm not the one locking things away!"

"Anymore." Rossi corrected. "She still is. She has to."

"Why? Why does she have to?" He asked, genuinely concerned and curious.

"Emily's… She's a complicated one."

"Don't I know it…"

"She… Look at her parents. Look how she grew up and all she has been through. There was a lot of hurt in her life. There were many times she was told to shove it away and keep it private. Now that's all she knows. Very few people have earned the right to see all of Emily, especially the vulnerable side. And once she lets you see it and you hurt her, things get harder. Like it or not, you have hurt her… yet, you share more with her than anyone ever has. Maybe you should think about that. She hurt you. But you hurt her too, maybe more than anyone else. So she's reluctant, and she jumps at the slightest movement to protect herself from perceived danger. See things from her perspective and you'll see how to broach things again… Should that be what you want." Hotch looked like it all sunk in. Rossi was right. He hurt her too and that made her more reluctant to let him in again. He just couldn't be ok with that. "You'll figure it out kid." Rossi offered one last pat on the younger man's shoulder. "In time, you will." He said before walking away. He had work to do that he was actually paid for that came with problems he might actually solve. .

"I want to and I'm ready to hear what you have to say…." She started. "But I need to talk first."

"Ok." He agreed. That gave him more time to really think about how to make her listen.

"First, let's start with the easy stuff… We have annual furlough coming up."

"I know."

"I'd like your permission to take Charlie to visit my mother in France that second week."

"You… you want to take her to Europe?"

"My mother would like to see us… and, god help me, I actually would like to see her too. We're reconnecting."

"That's great… for you…I'm happy for you… But… I won't be able to see her for a week… You'll be across an ocean. What if something happens?"

"If something happens, and that's a big if, we will deal with it. I will deal with it like I have all her life." She said a little defensively. "We can set up a call schedule and do video chats. It's just a week."

"A week is a long time."

"It is, but we need this. I need this."

"I don't really feel like I have a choice here."

"You have a choice. You always do…"

"I don't want you to think I'm doubting your ability to care for her." Because he could see in her eyes that she felt attacked and that wasn't his purpose at all. "I just… We've fallen into a routine. It's hard to break. It'll be hard not to call or see her whenever."

She smiled. "It's a week Aaron… And I actually wanted to know if you had plans the week before that, the first week off…"

He shook his head. "I was just planning on spending time with the kids."

"Well, what about taking Charlie for the week?"

"The whole week?"

"Yes."

"That would be great. I'd love that."

"You can get her that whole week to make up for the week she'll be in France with me."

"I'll take what I can get." He agreed, telling her that it would work for him as long as they set up a schedule for calls and whatnot.

"Now that that's settled, her dance recital's that Saturday…"

"I didn't know that." His brow furrowed. He should've known that. She talked about her dancing all the time. "Why didn't I know that?"

"Because I'm telling you now?" She scrunched her face in an apologetic way. "I'm sorry. It's a little late notice, I know…I'm not used to this… Sharing dates and details… So I forgot to mention it… But, I did get a bunch of tickets for us and Charlie wanted to ask if Jack and the team could come. I don't know how much fun he'd have there, but at least the option's open. We have a tradition. We always dress up and go to that fancy restaurant across the street. She thinks the makeup makes her a grown up so we have to go to a grown up place. I made a reservation for four if you and Jack want to join us."

"I'd like that. I have to check my schedule with Jack or talk with Haley, but I will definitely be there."

"Good. That will make her happy." It would make him happy too, and her; all of them. "Then, after dinner, she can go home with you."

"You sure? I'm not complaining, but don't you want her until Monday?"

"Well…" She started tentatively. "I'll be in Europe by then."

"What?"

"I thought I'd go early, do some travelling on my own."

"And what about Charlie?"

"If you didn't want to take her, I either wouldn't go or I'd take her too."

"And how is she getting to France if you're already there?"

"The plan, as long as you agree," because she didn't want to fight with him, "is that she flies out with JJ, Will, and Henry. But if that makes you uncomfortable, I will make arrangements to come back here to fly with them."

"JJ's going?"

"Yeah, they'll be staying with us at my mother's place."

He sighed. "It really doesn't make sense for you to fly back… It's fine if she flies with JJ. I'm not exactly thrilled that Charlie's going to be so far away from me… but I appreciate that you're including me in this and asking me about my feelings." He heard Rossi in his ear reminding him to see things her way. She was making an effort. It wasn't a hardship to let her do something she technically could do without his say so. Why make trouble when there was no need.

"I want you to be included in everything when it comes to her. Everything you want to be." She told him, but they both knew it wasn't question of what he wanted to be involved in; he wanted to be a part of it all. He had half a mind to invite himself on the trip with them just so he didn't miss out on anything. Suggesting that, though, he knew, was not the way to go about things.

He needed to play Mr. Fix it Man and she was the key to solving their life puzzle. And a complicated puzzle it was. A lot of fixing needed to be done.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking and…" And what? She wanted to tell him so much, to say that she wanted that kiss to mean something and wanted him to feel the same. She wanted to say that he was a factor in whether she took the job offer or not. She wanted to tell him that he couldn't keep toying with her. He couldn't keep making her the other woman she swore never to be. She wanted to tell him all of that and so much more. Instead, she took a safe route. She wasn't telling him what her trip was about. She wasn't telling him that she was heading to London, not France. She wasn't going to mention the job unless she had to and, since she wasn't sure about it, there was no reason. No, there was no real reason for her fragile heart to be exposed. There was no real reason to be the strong person she knew she was… in every aspect of life except for matters of the heart… No, she said none of what she wanted to say, certainly none of what needed to say. Avoidance was a skill and she knew how to expertly maneuver the Hotchner hill. "And…" She had to say something though, and what she went with was a truth of its own. "We've talked about it and we've been putting it off… But we need to tell Morgan and Reid about us… Not us." She quickly restated, "But about Charlie and us… that she's yours… Rossi knows. JJ knows. Garcia found out. They're the only two that don't know and Morgan's going to kick my ass for not telling him right away." She was beginning to ramble… This family of a team she had were the only people who made her nervous enough to do that. Maybe that was what real family was? You love them and want to be the best you for them, so you're terribly worried about disappointing them. Her lies and deceptions were sure to do that. "I don't want to put it off any longer. I just want it all out in the open… And I… I can do it myself. That's not a problem. Or we can do it together. It's up to you… Whatever you want. We can do it before I leave… or when I come back… But I'm thinking that we should say something before so that Morgan will have some time to cool down. He's… He's going to be upset with me and you…"

"I can handle Morgan." He loved when she rambled. It didn't happen all too often, but it was adorable when it did. "I'm not looking forward to it. And, like I said last time we talked about telling them, I'm worried about how he'll react." They both were. "But I can handle it. And the longer we wait the harder it will be. So, we should do it before you go… So, soon."

"I'll set something up with them. Do you want to be there?"

"Umm…" He should be there… He really should, but he knew Morgan's temper. The darker man heard some war stories, he formed some strong opinions about Charlie's "deadbeat" father… He really didn't want to explain to his kids the possible black eye. "Do you want me there?"

"I do, but no…"

"Ok?"

"I think it's best I do it on my own. I can take Reid to that Renaissance Fair he wanted to check out and then get a work out in with Morgan. He might go a little easier with inanimate targets in sight."

"Good idea."

"It's settled…" She said. Fidgeting again, she realized she couldn't ignore the real topic anymore… The kiss… All of what she needed to say, she really didn't say. Mostly, because she was conflicted… and, when it came to him, a cowardly lion. But he had something to say and she could at least hear him out. "Ok, now I'm done. Say what you need to say. You wanted to explain and I owe it to you to listen."

"Alright." He settled in. "I care about you." He started.

"And I care about you too." She responded, afraid of what he could say, afraid to hope and be vulnerable, open to hurt.

"I kissed you."

"Yeah." She scoffed. "You did." And just thinking about it brought about an anger she couldn't quite place. Who was she angry at? Him for doing it or her for allowing it to bother her so much?

"There's something here Emily." He gestured. "Between us."

"There's nothing here Aaron. You said as much."

"I wasn't thinking then… I didn't mean it.

"You're dating someone. What about Beth? Did you forget about her? You kissed me and you're dating someone. We can't ignore that. We can't ignore all that has happened." Emily was getting worked up. Honestly, they both were and both needed to. They had the tendency to keep things locked away and that stood between them and unity. That inevitable blow out of sorts, that combustion had to come. They needed brutal honesty once more. It worked for them, as terrible as it was. Their denial made them a match that could easily be struck at any moment. But they wouldn't always be like that.

"Aaron." A voice interrupted before he could say what he wanted to say.

"Damn it." He hissed. "Yes Chief Strauss."

"Oh," the older woman said as she came further through the door, "Agent Prentiss."

"Ma'am." She nodded politely in greeting.

"I didn't realize you were here too. I saw the light on and wanted to discuss some reports while you were here." Her eyes narrowed as she looked back and forth between the agents suspiciously. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No ma'am." Emily answered quickly and stood. "We were just going over a potential case. But, I think we're done here." She looked to Hotch and let him know that the interruption was the excuse she needed to get out. "I'm going to head home to my daughter. Thanks for the input. See you Monday."

She rushed out before he could even say her name. He knew once Strauss showed up, they were done talking anyway. It wasn't a conversation they should've even had in that building, but they thought it was safe late on a weekend night. "What can I do for you ma'am?"

"I need some detail reports about your takedown. Callie Sotta's lawyer already filed a complaint so I'm getting heat to make sure it was all by the book."

"It was, no question."

"Just have all the reports written and on my desk Monday morning.

"I'll send the team a memo and we'll have everything ready for you."

"Good, thank you."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, I need you to go over these with me. Walk me through them and then I can finally get out of here."

"Let's see what you have."

As Hotch spent the last few hours of daylight at the office, Emily headed home. Parked in the driveway, she sat there for a moment. She needed to breathe. She knew she was a coward, but she was damaged, maybe even broken. When it came to Hotch, she rather live with the secret hope and just cope with what is than be toyed with. She felt so un put-together when it came to him. His feelings for her fluctuated like a rapid cycling bipolar. One minute he was pushing her away and the next, they found themselves tangled. She could live with the comfortable, more than friends, but friends relationship they had. Sure, it was confusing at times and it worked her mental abilities to keep it together, but it worked for them. It allowed their daughter to have her functional dysfunction of a family and it allowed her to be around him, even if not quite in the way she wished. But it worked as well as anything could.

But he kissed her. He kissed her and that wall broke and then… it seemed like he wanted more. If Strauss hadn't interrupted, it looked like that was where the conversation was going. And she wanted to hear it. So, so badly she wanted to hear that, because that was what she really wanted… him. But she didn't want him to change his mind. He couldn't say it and not mean it. So when the exit came, she took her cue.

If that made her a coward, then so what? Someone needed to keep them afloat.

Right?

"Keep telling yourself that Prentiss." She told her reflection. "Get it together and get in there."

When Hotch called that night, and he did, Emil pulled a very immature move. She had Charlie answer the phone. She saw his name on the caller ID and was quick to pass the phone. "Charlie, it's daddy."

"Yay!" She squealed and ran over to take it. "Hi Daddy! Are you home now too?" She asked. "Cool… yeah… Uh huh… I had lots of fun… Will had to work so Sarah took us to the park and people from school were there so we played with them too." Emily listened to the one side of the conversation.

"I hear there's a dance recital coming up."

"Yeah! I get to wear a pretty costume and dance with all my friends."

"I can't wait to see it."

"You're coming?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it."

"Henry's going to come too. Is Jack?"

"Hopefully. I'm going to try to have him there too."

"Cool!"

"I missed you while we were away."

"I did too. You and mommy need to stop so I don't miss you so much."

He felt saddened by that. Another child was hurt by his job constantly taking him away. Problem was, both he and Emily would be lost without it. "I'm sorry that we travel so much."

"That's ok. You have to catch the bad guys! Are you coming over?"

"I wish I could, but not tonight."

"Tomorrow?"

"Maybe. I'd really like that."

"Me too."

"Ok sweetheart. It's getting late and I know it's bedtime, so you better go get ready."

"Alright…"

"I love you Charlie. Goodnight."

"Love you too daddy."

"Is mommy around?"

"Uh huh, right here." She went to Emily. "Mommy, for you."

"Oh…" Great. "Thanks." Before putting the phone to her ear, she spoke to Charlie. "Go brush your teeth."

"'Kay."

"Hello." Emily greeted Hotch.

"Hi Emily. We need to finish our talk."

"Do we really?"

"Yes. I didn't say anything I needed to say."

"I don't understand what else there is to say."

"You'd be surprised. And you'd actually know if you'd sit down and listen without interrupting. I need you to hear me out."

She sighed. "I know."

"We can't put this off either. There's no Beth anymore. You are not and never were the other woman."

"Hotch… come on…"

"No Emily. Hear me."

"I hear you. But… I don't know what to make of it. I… I don't want to be the reason you break up with someone or miss out on something… I can't."

"Emily we were…"

"I have to go Hotch. Charlie's waiting."

"Emily…"

"Just give me a moment to breathe Aaron."

"Fine." He huffed. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight."

"Night."

Both were frustrated, and rightfully so. Emily was upset with herself. She knew she was running, and not in the way she normally was. This time, she was truly running away from what scared her instead of running to it. She was terrified, and angry with herself because of it. Aaron had to wonder if he wasted too much time. He did what he did so he could know for sure what he wanted. But he was sure now and it might've been too late. And that was on him. He scared her off, pushed her away, and roped her in all in the same foul swoop. But it wasn't over. He'd give her the second to get her bearings straight, but then he'd get it all out there and show his hand. She had the courage to do it first, and he folded before he gave himself the chance to see the cards. Denial did that to him, but he hoped she didn't do the same. He knew how she felt and hoped she still felt the way she did, but it was time she knew the truth about how he felt too.

If only she could let herself hear it.

He'd force her to if he really needed to because he knew this wasn't her. He knew that they had this crazy ability to make each other act out of character. Maybe that was what made them so right for each other. They may not work out, but there was so much feeling there, so much ignored and repressed feeling, that it drove them mad. And they had to at least try their hand…

But, until she was in a situation where she had to face him, she wasn't going to dwell on it too much. It was officially Charlie time. The remainder of her weekend was all about her daughter. If Charlie was awake, that was what her mind was on… mostly. Her skills were wearing down and she couldn't push it into a compartment. Things with him, if she was honest, were never really neatly packed. Instead, they were scattered just below the surface ready to pop out when she wanted them buried the most. He seemed to have the same problem, though he was never as good at it as she was.

When Monday rolled around, Emily didn't make plans to avoid him, but that did seem to be her subconscious move. He wasn't going to say anything. They said from the beginning their personal lives didn't exist at work. They could talk Charlie and have brief conversations, but that was the extent of it. As of late, they seemed to be ignoring that rule. And they were almost caught in a conversation about a not yet existing romantic relationship… by Strauss no less. They couldn't chance it any more.

So neither was going to bring it up there, but that didn't stop the awkward feelings they were having. It was like a high school crush where everything felt so big and momentous, but they were the only ones seeing it that way. Thankfully, the only ones that could notice were the ones looking for something, looking for changes.

By Wednesday, both profilers were being cornered by their friends. "What happened to that talk you were supposed to have?" Rossi asked him. "You two may be able to hide whatever's going on from the Reid, the socially unaware, and Morgan who even if he noticed you acting all squirrely isn't going to question it… But I know to look for it."

"We did talk…"

"And?"

"And then Strauss interrupted."

"The office Aaron! You chose to talk here?" Stunad! His angry Italian was flaring.

"I know… We were already here. I had work to get done. It was convenient."

"Well, convenient doesn't always equate to best."

The conversation flowed much like that for the girls too. "You're avoiding him."

"Not intentionally."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"You said you were going to hear him out. When I asked if you talked, you said you did."

"We did… just… not completely."

"Not completely?"

"I had the intention of hearing him out. Whatever he had to say, I genuinely wanted to hear."

"But?"

"But then Strauss interrupted and I saw that as an out I didn't even know I wanted." She spoke quickly.

"Emily!"

"I know Jayje…"

"There's something wrong with you!"

"That's… Yeah, I can't argue with that. I'm sure there's a lot wrong with me."

"You're running from him."

"No!" She shook her head. "Ok, yes, but not on purpose. I want to hear him out, but I keep convincing myself not to."

"Why?"

"Because… because I'm a big freaking idiot."

"No you're not…"

"I am. We keep having to talk. Do you know how annoying that is? It's just one talk after another without any progress. We talk and things change, but then we regress again." Maybe that spoke more about what they should do than any words could. Clearly there was a reason they always ended back where they began… they loved each other…

JJ wanted to laugh. "Emily, people talk. Communication's important."

"Yeah… and so is action. Problem is we're either talking about hurting each other or actually hurting each other. And I don't want to be hurt again."

"Wow."

"What?"

"You're afraid and, this is the first time I've actually seen you run from what you're afraid of."

"I'm not running…"

"You are."

"No. I can't run from him. I'm just. I'm running from what he could say. Whatever it is, good or bad, it can change us. We've been ok. We get to this place where everything seems good, you know? And then, then something inevitably changes things. Like a kiss… or a spontaneous declaration of unrequited feelings… and then suddenly they're not so unrequited."

"You're confused." She surmised.

"Of course I'm confused." Emily stated. "We evidently care about each other. That's not the issue. But is it really more? Should it be this much work just to be in an ok place?"

"Em… the best things in life are worth fighting for." JJ's head bobbed toward the opening school doors. "You'd fight to make her happy, wouldn't you?"

"Is that even a question?"

"So, fight for yourself too. She's happy when you're happy. And as long as you ignore what's between you and him, you're not happy."

"I'm happy." She lied. She was happy, but she wasn't at the same time.

"No, you're sad and scared. It's ok. Honestly, it's nice to be on the opposite end of this. You even seem stronger for it, if possible. But, don't do it to yourself. Hear him out completely, say your peace. Do what you need to do. Because it's eating at you. You're not being yourself."

"I know… I know what I want. But even if he wants the same… I don't know that we can make it."

"Don't know until you try."

"You're just a barrel of sayings today, huh?"

She pushed her friend playfully. "Come on Em. The kids are waiting."

"Thanks for telling me what's what."

"Oh yeah, anytime. This is fun. No wonder you like to be so put together. What happened?"

"Funny." The two peeled away from the car they were leaning on and went to take their kids home. They were off in time for pick up and it thrilled them. The girl talk helped too.

The guy talk wasn't so bad either.

"You two are going to give me an ulcer."

"Well Dave, it's not my fault she doesn't want to hear it. Maybe she doesn't feel the same anymore."

They were the reason he was greying. The whole group of them from the eccentric tech to the stony leader. They were his crazy, mind boggling, mess of a family. "Are you stupid?!"

"Uh… no?"

"I'm this close to locking the both of you in a supply closet just to keep you both from fleeing each other. You'll end up one of three ways."

"And what are those?"

"Fighting, talking, or naked."

"Dave."

"The only reason you two are so dysfunctional is because at any given time one of you is running from the feelings for the other. Doyle and her being hurt brought many things to the forefront. And with that came the feelings that were denied for so long. You can't lie to me Aaron. When you knew her working for her mother, something was sparked."

"I was in a committed relationship."

"Yeah? And what's your point."

"My point is clearly we know why none of your marriages worked out."

"Nice… What I meant is that something was sparked. Being in a committed relationship doesn't mean you don't feel anything else. It means not acting on it and not looking for it. You didn't look for her. But she came anyway. And when the opportunity to be with her presented itself to you and you were available, whether conscious or not, you took it. You both did, and now you're both playing musical feelings. One of you is up while the other is down. You're dating other people and then you're not." His hands gestured wildly. "You have a kid together. You're making a family. When it comes to feelings, you both refuse to be in the same place at the same time. Stop looking for excuses. Stop being afraid of what could happen and go for it. Just the two of you, no third party relationships… Figure it out because I'm not joking about locking you in a room together." He promised. "Now, my date awaits me. Get it together."

He didn't know if he should be thankful for that conversation or just confused. How did others know so much more about what he was feeling before he even did? Was he right though? Were they both just flip flopping because they were afraid? Neither of their romantic pasts worked out very well. She was never married. He was divorced. She left behind a string of broken hearts. He had only ever, truly, been with one woman. And then, there was his short lived, but enlightening, interlude with Beth.

They both came to the realization that they made each other functional and dysfunctional at the same time. When they were on the same page, as rare as that was when it came to anything but the kids, they were amazing. But when they weren't, it was like they had to schedule their lives. They had to set times to meet and talk because spontaneity always led to more. And more led to trouble. But why was it trouble? Why couldn't they just give into it?

Were they too damaged? Too thick headed and blind? Maybe they were just too skilled at denying feelings. That was definitely part of it. But it didn't have to be. They were both determined not to let it be. But, they were still waiting for the right time. And right times were hard to come by.

Though they knew it would happen eventually, they wanted it to happen naturally. Going with the flow, they continued on without broaching the topic. Calls at night were normal. Work was normal. They were normal. But, they would talk. It would happen and things would change.

Thursday, Emily cemented plans with Reid and Morgan. "Reid, have plans Friday night?" The team all agreed they wanted to come to Charlie's recital so it left a small window of time to get things done.

"No?"

"How about going with me to the Ren Faire?"

"You're going?" He asked with an enthusiasm that only he could express over that.

"Yup and I've got an extra ticket with your name on it."

"You want me to come?"

"Yeah Reid. It's been a while since it was just the two of us. It's time we had some fun again."

"Oh… ok. Cool. I'm in. I can pull out my authentic medieval garb and brush up on the appropriate lingo for the time period."

"Sometimes Reid, you take all the fun out of being a nerd."

"I don't mean to."

"I know you don't Spence. I'm just teasing. We'll have fun."

"Have fun doing what?" Morgan asked as he walked into work that morning.

"Oh Emily and I are going to the Renaissance Faire. Did you know…" He went off on his tangent until the other agents couldn't take it anymore and gracefully made an exit for coffee.

"So you're going out with the genius, you and Hotch seem all chummy, JJ practically lives with you, Garcia gets girls' night, and I wouldn't be surprised if Charlie started calling Rossi Grandpa. What am I chopped liver?"

"Very good looking chopped liver."

"Oh you know I'm delicious. Too bad you're not getting any."

"Aww, someone's jealous."

"No way… But seriously, I haven't had any time with either Prentiss princess. What's up with that? Are you avoiding me?" Not trying to…

"No, of course not."

"Then what?"

"Well, I was actually hoping you would want to spend some time with me this weekend too."

"I don't know. Might be too busy." He teased.

"Come on. I wanted to spend some time with you… talk to you… You know you're going to miss not seeing this face for two whole weeks."

"Yeah I am. What did you want to do?"

"We could hit the gym. I can kick your ass."

"Oh you're on. Name the time and place. I'll be there to show you who's boss."

"Alright. I'll let you know when."

"Ok. Let's get to work before someone comes looking."

By the end of the week, everything was set and ready to go. Plane tickets were booked, travel documents ready and waiting, mother talked to and itinerary made, and speeches for Morgan and Reid prepared. She was ready… almost. There still seemed like a mountain of things to get done and face. But she'd do them all.

"So, I'm going to go out with Reid Friday and talk to him after the faire." Emily told Hotch during their nightly chat. Charlie had just fallen asleep as Hotch and Emily told her a story.

"And Morgan?"

"Derek and I are going to do an early workout Saturday. I thought it best to do it before we're all together and they hear her call you daddy."

"Definitely. No more finding out by surprise. That has happened too many times already."

"I know. So, Charlie's going to be with her dance class from 7 until 10. They like to have a moral meeting or something and they hand out trophies for the older girls and Charlie gets her 2 year trophy this time. It's fun for the kids and she's excited. Then I'm going to meet her there. They have an hour dress rehearsal and I have to drop off the costume. Parents are the only ones allowed there so if you want to come, you're more than welcome."

"Em, slow down."

"Right, sorry. I still have a list of things to get done before I leave and… I never left the country without her." She said sadly. That was a reality she had yet to face. Charlie never really travelled without her either, just with Clyde and they didn't end up going nearly as far as she had hoped at the time.

"I know. Take a breath."

"I'm breathing."

"Good. I wanted to say thank you."

"For what?"

"For trusting me to have her for a week all to myself."

"She's our daughter Hotch. I trust you with her no matter what."

"I know, but it wasn't always that way. And I want to thank you for talking to Reid and Morgan."

"It's better that way."

"I don't disagree. I just wish it wasn't all falling on your shoulders."

"It's my penance. It's a problem of my own creating."

"We made this problem. We could've told them right away."

"I love them Hotch, but we couldn't. We needed to figure it out for ourselves first and, for the most part, we did. So now it's way beyond time to fill them in. We waited longer than we had to and now it needs to just get done with limited damage."

"Are you sure you don't want me to be there? I don't want you taking all the flack."

"I'm sure. If there's flack, I can take it." He really needed her to not be able to "take" so much. Maybe then she'd rely on him and let him help her more.

"I know you can. That doesn't mean you have to."

"Yeah, it does. I'll be ok. I can take care of myself. And it's not like they're going to hurt me."

"Not physically."

"It'll be fine Hotch. It has to be."

"I'm sure you're right."

"Thanks." No one ever got tired of hearing that.

"I…" What did he say? Did he try talking to her then? Didn't he want to talk in person? Should he just do it anyway?

"What is it?" Emily asked after he paused.

"I guess I should let you go huh? Let you cross some stuff off your to do list."

"I don't have a to-do list." Embarrassed, she hid the small notepad like he could see.

"For some reason, I don't believe that."

"I don't."

"You do. And I love that about you; one of the many things I love about you." Love? She was blushing. He was hoping she didn't get scared away by his slip.

"Thanks Aaron." She said, not wanting to leave a lingering silence. "I… uh… I do have a lot to do though, so I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Goodnight Emily."

"Goodnight Aaron."

She released a heavy breath as did he, both asking themselves a variant of what the hell was that. He was one sentence away from just coming right out and saying he loved her, something he didn't think either of them were ready for, something he didn't truly admit to himself. Sure, they loved each other. The whole team loved each other. But the two of them, while they could possibly see it happening, were not at that point yet. Maybe the rules of dating had changed, but he figured they should at least be dating before he blurted "I love you." Was he trying to freak her out?

The problem with the two was that they were finally facing their feelings. That was the good news. The bad news was that since the rejection, Emily was incessantly trying to suppress them. She knew she couldn't deny them, but she could make them less, so to speak. She convinced herself it was for the best and that she'd just get her heart broken anyway. But now, he was facing it and all he wanted was to tell her he wanted them to be all they could be, to wake up and openly look forward to being with her…

He wanted her.

She wanted him.

They were idiots not to just go for it.

But life is a complicated mess of complications and they were the biggest web there was. Something always seemed to be in the way. Usually, it was their own insecurities and emotions holding them back.

Patience was necessary for the observer, but they'd get there. And it would be worth it. Until then, they both had things to take care of before that penultimate moment. But it was coming, and they knew that. They were preparing for it.

Emily put her list away, too confused and tired to worry about it. Not much of a last minute person, she realized that was what some of it would have to be. Saturday night she'd be all alone and could finish everything before her early flight. She was uncomfortable not being prepared for the trip. It was harder than normal because she had to make sure there was enough packed for Charlie to stay with Hotch and then a carry on and luggage for her flight. Another list needed to be made for Hotch so he knew what he needed to repack for Charlie later on.

"Ugh." She was frustrated. Too much feeling… Too much to do.

And morning came too quickly. "Mommy." Charlie woke her up before the alarm.

"What's the matter baby?"

"Why are you sleeping in your clothes?" She looked down at herself. Yeah, she definitely didn't change into her pajamas last night.

"Ugh… I forgot to change."

"That's silly."

"It is, very silly. Why are you not sleeping?"

"You were dreaming loudly."

"I was." She said curiously. "What did I say?"

Shrugging she answered, "You were grumbling a lot and you said love you."

"Hmm… Anything else?"

"I don't know. I was sleeping."

"You should still be sleeping. Give me a kiss and go back to bed ok?"

"Where are you going to go?"

"I'm going to get ready to the day and make us a super special breakfast."

"Mmm." She mumbled as her eyes shuttered with sleep. "Chocolate."

"Sure." She whispered. "There'll be chocolate."

"Oh-kay…" Smiling, Emily took a moment to watch her girl. She was going to miss her so much that week without her… so, so much.

She was even going to miss making breakfast in the morning. Travelling for work didn't feel quite the same. This was a pleasure trip… there was more guilt in the separation. No, she said to herself. She didn't need to feel guilty. Her daughter needed time with her father and she needed some time for herself to think and breathe and just be. It had been nearly a decade since she had that chance. Who knew when it would happen again?

No guilt, she used her early wake up wisely, spending the extra time to finish up her packing and whatnot. A few chores and tasks taken off her list, she moved on to feeding her kid.

"Charlie, breakfast!" Emily called.

"Yum!" The girl squealed as she saw the table.

"Eat up. I'll be right back." Emily quickly ran up the stairs, pulled all she'd need for her night with Reid out and laid it on her bed. Grabbing the last of the files she needed to hand in before vacation started, Emily returned.

She soaked up every last minute with her daughter on any given day, but more so then since she knew she'd be without for a while. "Why are you staring mommy? It's weird."

"Because you're gorgeous kid." Emily peppered her with kisses.

"Stop it!" She giggled. "You're getting germies all over me."

"I am?"

"Uh huh."

"Ok, ok, I'll stop." Emily pulled away. "Go get your stuff. It's time to go."

The day was an easy one. Even if a case came in, unless it was a consult, it was passed up to another team. They, mostly, just spent the day together talking and, occasionally, working on the few files they had. Emily finalized plans, or rather went over everything again, with JJ and handed off the plane tickets. Charlie would be hanging out at her house while she was with Reid, so she made a note to discuss it once more later that night.

When they day was up, her real day started. "You want me to pick you up after I drop Charlie off?" She asked Reid. "Or do you want to meet me there?"

"I'll meet you. My place is out of the way."

"Ok. See you tonight."

"And me tomorrow, right Princess?"

"And you tomorrow Morgan so I can kick your butt and show you how a real woman works."

"Oh I see it every day." He joked.

"Nice Morgan." She picked up her bag and did one quick sweep of her desk to make sure she had everything shed need. "I better go. See you tonight Reid. Bright and early Morgan. Be ready."

"Bye Princess."

"See you Emily."

Before heading to the elevators she turned in the opposite direction. One last stop… one of her last few stops. "I was wondering if you'd grace me with your presence."

"Of course I would. You know I can't live without some Garcia time."

"Could've fooled me." She pouted. "I feel like persona non grata. I think I've been replaced."

"Never. There's no one out there quite like you."

"That's true."

"It is."

"So what can I do for you girl wonder?"

"Still coming to Charlie's recital?

"You betchya! Got to spend some time with my mini E and E the first before you start jet setting with Blondie and leave me all to my lonesome."

"Aww, PG… You know I'd take you too. But I'm actually trying to work on my relationship with my mother. And, don't take this the wrong way because I love you and wouldn't change a single thing about you…"

"I'm sensing a but… I'm not liking a but…"

"But my mother is my mother… And she's…"

"A Nazi?"

"So to speak."

"I met her. I get it. She's nice, but very proper. No offense taken. I'm just too awesome for her."

"That you are my friend. And as much as I'd like to watch her go insane."

"You want mommy to love you."

"Something like that. But next trip, you're so on it."

"Let's make it somewhere warm… a beach with great Wi-Fi preferably."

"I'll do my best."

"And I'll need some extra girl time with Juju B and my edible gumdrop."

"You got it." She reached into her pocket. "Here. This is your ticket for tomorrow. I'll save us all seats, but try to be there on time if you can. Some of the other parents get really annoyed when people show up after it starts."

"What kind of place are you sending her to? Do I need to find a better dance school with nicer parents? I'll run background checks."

"I love you for offering, but it's a really good place… and I had some checks run when I had problems with a few of them."

"You had problems… Wait… Have you been cheating on me? Do you have another hacker on the side?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Emily smiled and headed for the door.

"I would." The blonde followed. "I would like to know."

With a backwards wave, Emily simply said, "See you tomorrow Garcia."

"Not cool Em, not cool."

Cool or not, it gave her a much needed laugh as the nerves about the impending talks were getting to her. She put everything off and it just made it more work for her in the present. There wasn't much time to dwell on it though. As soon as she got home there was immediately something to do. Charlie helped her, though, making it a bit more fun.

"Why do you need so much clothes?"

"I'm going to be away for a while."

"Can't you just wash them?"

"Sometimes, but I still need to have a few choices."

"Where are all my clothes?

"Am I going to be gone with you as long?"

"Well, you're going to be spending some time with your dad first."

"Without you?"

"We talked about this Charlie Bear."

"But I'm going to miss you."

"I know." Emily whispered as she pushed everything aside and pulled Charlie into her chest. "But we'll talk every single day and do our video chats just like when I'm on a case."

"Can't I just come with you? You can carry me in your suitcase. I'll fit. And I'll be good, I promise."

"Oh…" She cooed. "You're always so good Charlie Bear, and I hate being away from you for even a second. But you like spending time with daddy. And you'll see Jack." She explained. "Then JJ's going to take you on a cool airplane and we'll be together again."

"But that's a loooong time." She embellished. "Like a million years."

"Not even close. You'll have so much fun you won't even miss me."

"Nuh uh! I'll miss you lots and lots."

"Me too."

"Not even close. You'll have so much fun you won't even miss me."

"Nuh uh! I'll miss you lots and lots."

"Me too." She squeezed a little tighter. "But we're going to have so much fun."

"And I get to see grandma right?!"

"You will see grandma."

"And climb the tower?"

"Uh… sure… We can see the Eiffel Tower."

"And climb it?"

"We can definitely climb the stairs."

"Not the outside?"

"Umm… no. Sorry Charlie."

"Al-right."

"Can you do me a favor?" Emily asked her.

"What?"

"Can you go into your room and get all your dance stuff?"

"But you already did it."

"I got it out. Can you bring it in here?"

"Ok."

Charlie left allowing Emily just enough time to change and get ready for her time with Reid, but it also left her mind open for thinking. It was no doubt she was going to have fun with Reid. But there was no telling how the conversation was going to go afterward. And Morgan… he was unpredictable. Angry, she knew that for sure, but what else would he be? What kind of anger would it be?

Those were some of the thoughts she had, and she was worried. Her life didn't seem to have a whole lot of middle ground. Things tended to start at one spectrum extreme or the other and it took a lot of work to get to that neutral center. She just wanted it to go well.

"Mom!" Charlie yelled. "You're not listening!"

"I'm sorry. When did you get back in here?"

"Forever ago. You were 'noring me."

"I didn't mean to. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About how much I'm going to miss my little monster and how excited I am to see you dance tomorrow."

"I'm going to be so awesome."

"Yeah you are."

"Do you have to go tonight? Can't you stay with me?"

"Well, Spencer's probably already there waiting for me."

"He can come over. He can sleep in your bed. We can have a sleepover like when Derek did."

"You don't forget anything, do you?"

"Nope."

"I do need to go Charlie, but I promise that if I get home early enough, we can cuddle on the couch with some ice cream."

"Ok!" She smiled. "You should leave now so you can come home early."

"Glad you're so quick to get rid of me now. Get your shoes on and we'll go."

Emily's nervous energy must've been pretty transparent because JJ picked up on it right away.
Why do you look like you're about to pee your pants? You're only seeing Reid." She was quick to divulge the deeper reason for their friend time as they aptly called it. "Good for you. It's past time."

"I know." Anxiously, she left the Jareau house after her best friend offered her some words of wisdom and wished her good luck.

She was going to need it.

When she got there, she found Reid hunched over a booth correcting the poor lady running it on the historical accuracy of the garb she was selling. "Leave the poor girl alone Spence."

"Emily?! You scared me."

"Sorry. Hi." She greeted with a quick hug.

"Hi." Why did it feel like an award first date encounter? They knew each other for years and it was not a date at all… well, a friend date.

"Where to first?"

"I'll follow you milady." As in the old days, he made a hand gesture accompanied with a bow.

"Thank you kind sir."

They had a good time, both admitting they really missed their nerdy alone time catching up on literature and things only they could fully enjoy. Gluttonous, they splurged on a food booth or two and hit up a couple souvenir stands. Charlie wouldn't forgive her if she didn't bring something home. And while she was out, she might as well grab something for Henry and Jack too.

"So, want to go to that really sketchy food truck with the amazing baklava and eat 'til our heart's content. If you don't give me one statistic of the likelihood of food poisoning or possible bacterium, I'll even throw in hot chocolate. My treat."

"Not one statistic?"

"Resist the urge."

Reid agreed, but it would be tough for him.

"I bought this for Charlie." Reid handed her a small bag.

"Oh Spence… that's sweet. You didn't have to."

"I know."

"When did you even have a chance to grab this?"

"You ran to the bathroom."

"What is it?"

"Look." Emily opened it up and saw a small package, not really true to the era, but nonetheless, very Reid appropriate. A little book of Renaissance magic and magician's tools.

"You're trying to turn my little angel into a nerdling."

"I thought that was a given… She's your daughter."

"Hey. True, but hey." She playfully nudged him.

"So… As much as I'm enjoying this. We haven't had the chance to do this in a long time… You've been biting your nails all night…"

"Stupid bad habits." She muttered.

"Is there something the matter?"

"No… nothing's wrong." Reid would've accepted that and Emily wanted to leave well enough alone, but that wasn't her. She rarely let fear stop her and now wasn't the time to start. "But as much as this was about spending time with you, there is something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What is it?"

"It's about Charlie…" And so it began.

Emily had to admit, telling him was a relief, a little less luggage for her to bring on her trip. His reaction was also very Reid, which was both comforting and disconcerting at the same time. The things he said weren't… they weren't what she was expecting. They weren't not what she was expecting either, if that made any sense. He took it well, she supposed. It could've gone better too. Really, he got to her. It wasn't so much his reaction as what he said. Not intentionally on his part, his words really affected her. They got her mind racing again, going against all the things she'd been trying to convince herself to do and making her realize her life and choices impacted so many others.

Great… Just what she needed.

JJ was a little concerned when Emily went to get Charlie, sure to ask if she was ok. "Yeah," she responded, "Just thinking about some things…"

"It went ok?"

"It did, yeah." Emily brushed off the rest handing the blonde a shirt and book for Henry that she picked up.

"That's adorable. He'll love it. Thanks."

"See you tomorrow."

"You will and then you can tell me all about what went down with Reid and how things go with Morgan."

"You got it." She wasn't avoiding anymore.

It was another restless night for the profiler. After spending the evening cuddled with her baby, a scoop of ice cream each… yes, she deserved the second dessert… She needed it. And, chances were, Morgan was going to work her hard the next morning. She was looking forward to getting it over with. Morning came and she was up at the crack of down. All the bags were packed. Everything Charlie needed for travel and her week with Aaron were in the trunk. Her bags were in resting in the foyer ready and waiting for the car service to get her later.

Gym clothes on, Charlie's dance stuff ready, and breakfast done, she woke Charlie. "Remember to have fun today ok?"

"Ok. I'm going to be so good. No mistakes!"

"But even if you do, that's ok. I'll still be proud and you'll still be awesome."

"I'm always awesome."

"You are." She bent down. "Now kisses before you go with your class."

Charlie slobbered on her cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Now time for Morgan, she sighed. She knew he'd be accepting. That wasn't what worried her. It was Morgan. He loved her and she loved him. They were close… But this could divide them, push them apart like her secrets already seemed to.

But she didn't want to go in with that attitude. That would just turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, she went into the gym, head held high, attempting to ease her mind. Mind over matter, she chanted. All would be ok. "Ready to get an ass whooping Princess?" Morgan greeted her.

"Confident are we Hot Shot?" Their banter was so natural and effortless.

"I can take you."

"You haven't yet." She added with a wink.

"I've been going easy on you."

"Keep telling yourself that." She linked her arm in his and started walking toward the mat area.

"Come on Princess, you're wounding my pride."

"I'll take it easier on you."

"Easier?!"

"A girl's got to have her skills."

"Oh… Oh now you're on." He teased. "Let's warm up."

They got into a rhythm, throwing some practice moves and working with the bag. It never hurt to learn a few new moves. But the point, other than to hang with Morgan and keep heart healthy, was to talk. "There's something we need to talk about Derek."

"Uh oh. Am I in trouble?" He joked.

"It's not a joke Derek."

"Alright." His smile faltered. "What's going on?"

"I want you to hear me out ok? Without jumping to conclusions or making rash judgments."

"What's this about?"

"It has to do with me… and Charlie…"

"I'm listening,"

Unfortunately, she decided on the worst possible second to say what needed to be said and really drop the bomb… That would cause friction later… And the way things went down was enough to end their session early, neither thrilled with how things went. There'd be a mess to clean up when she returned, but it was her mess…

Yay her…

Emily took her time showering and getting ready, skillfully and strategically placing her make-up. Satisfied, she went to the performance center to meet with Charlie and grab some early seats. Hotch tried calling her, but she was still at the gym with Morgan, so he sent her a follow up text. Just wanted you to know can't be there early for the dress rehearsal. Picking up Jack now. See you there. Want to hear how things went.

She was ok with that. The nosy parents didn't need to start with the looks again trying to figure out who he was and what he was doing there before, not so coyly, trying to meddle their way into conversation. Most of them were just too fake for her. Not all, but most…

After wishing Charlie luck one last time and seeing her off to the closed doors backstage, Emily headed to the lobby. Everyone arrived on time, twenty minutes before the show like she suggested. After the round of greetings with the team and kids, Emily and Hotch migrated aside. "Here, I bought this for Jack." She pulled out a bag. "I got one for Charlie and Henry too. Thought they were so cute."

"Thanks. We can give it to him at dinner." Hotch accepted the bag and looked at her. "How did it go?"

She should've known he'd be no nonsense, right to the chase. "It was… hard, as expected and… it went…" She did her patented lip thing. "Reid was easier than Morgan."

Examining her closer, he said, "Your lip is bleeding." His voice was rough. "What happened?"

"Oh… What? It is?" Her hand moved to swipe at her lip. She thought it stopped, and she thought she covered it up.

"Did he hit you?" Hotch whispered angrily, trying to keep his voice down as not to draw the team's attention. "Did he do this to you?!"

"Hotch… It's no big deal." She tried to reason. And it wasn't… her own fault really. Bad timing…

"Did he do this? Answer me."

"It's… He… Yes… No… Really, it's nothing." No matter what she said, he was going to be angry. It wasn't what it looked like, and even saying that looked bad…

"He did, didn't he?" He wrapped his hand around her arm to keep her from bolting. "What happened?"

"Can we not talk about this here?" She shielded her face from the prying eyes of the team and the everyday look-e-loos. "We have enough of our business out there. And this isn't a big deal."

"Then why are you hiding it?"

"Because it looks like a big deal and requires explaining. But today's about Charlie."

"He hit you in the face."

"No… No, it wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like? Please tell me."

"It was an accident. I'll explain later. Right now, I need to run to the bathroom and then we need to get to our seats." She stopped herself. "And don't say anything or do something stupid. Leave him alone."

"Fine." He huffed.

And the rest of the event was spent in this awkward tension and glares. The seating arrangement, though meant to help, did little for them. It was like a tragic symbol of her life. Morgan was on one end next to Garcia, constantly looking to the brunette pair, to her with guilt, to him with anger. Hotch held steady on the other end sandwiched between Rossi and Jack. He too had a face, his trademark frown turned into a narrow eyes stare aimed directly at Morgan. And Emily sat uncomfortable in the center of it all, just trying to focus on her daughter as JJ squeezed her hand. The tension was palpable. There was no way the blonde would be oblivious to it, so she offered what comfort she could.

Poor Emily was desperately trying not to think, to just watch the kids all prancing around and enjoy their rendition of dance, but, for the most part, it only worked when Charlie was on. Otherwise, she kept thinking about what Morgan and Reid said.

So much had happened with all of them, to all of them, and between all of them…

Was she causing them more trouble?

Was the trouble worth it?

How would the two ways her next actions could go affect them all?

She couldn't wait to escape it all, at least physically, for a little while. Mentally, she was stuck with it though. There's no escaping your own mind. A round of applause pulled her to her feet to join in as the dancers took their bows. Garcia presented the excited, tutu wearing ballerina with a bouquet of flowers bigger than she was giving the child such innocent delight.

The smiles were plastered on everyone's faces even if they weren't all feeling it. Morgan was avoiding Hotch and vice versa. Rossi kept offering her a comforting look as JJ did that mothering thing she did so well. The kids were… well kids and they didn't sense anything. But the adults realized it was time to head out before things came to blows. The talks were actually perfect timing because it gave everyone time away from each other to think and do whatever they needed to resolve their feelings.

Dinner with Hotch and the kids was nice. They did discuss what happened to some degree, but not enough for his liking. Too bad, she thought. She told him enough not to be completely upset with Morgan, but the rest would have to wait. "We can talk fully and completely when I check in with you after my flight."

He had no choice but to accept that… Accept that it was another talk she would be postponing.

But, she wasn't running completely. After a heartfelt and sad goodbye with Charlie, Emily practically had to force Hotch to remove the girl from her because she couldn't do it herself. She waved to Jack and shared a quick word with Hotch reminding him of the list and final details.

"I'm going to start crying." She told him. "I need to go… Just take care of her and we'll talk soon ok?"

"Ok, have a safe flight."

"Thanks." She nearly ran. For a vacation she was supposed to be heading to, she wasn't as happy as she should've been. And that wasn't ok.

She couldn't leave the country without at least attempting to deal with the last bit of luggage she left behind. Morgan and Reid's words played heavily on her mind. What they both said though so different from each other, was also so similar. It sent the same message. And it completely rebuilt her resolve. She didn't know what to do anymore. That fear that was beginning to lessen was suddenly back in full force.

Yet, she fled the airport and ended up there, knocking on his door to deal with that. Everything had to be dealt with before she could make any next move. It hit her, she was knocking on the door of a house with two small sleeping children in the middle of the night… or really early in the morning. What was she doing? She was about to leave when the door swung open.

"Emily? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be boarding your plane?"

"I moved my flight. I have a little time."

"Ok." He felt no need to question it more than that. "I'm glad. Come in."

"Thanks…" She was timid, so unlike her. "So, any good plans this week?"

He'd play her game. "I don't know. I keep trying to come up with more fun things for us to do, but I'm pretty sure my bag of tricks has been emptied."

"Our life is pretty mundane, but it's also pretty perfect. We do normal things. It's not about the grand gestures. Sure, we'll do little day trips, go to the aquarium or that children's amusement park, but it's the normal things that make our life so great. We sit around and color or watch TV together. Not everything has to be big to be right. So don't go crazy. Just keep it normal."

"I will. Thanks… But… our plans… that's not why you're here."

Shaking her head, she responded, "No, it's not."

"Well, I'm glad you saved me from having to invite myself onto your trip just so we could talk. We needed to do this before you go."

"I know, that's why I'm here."

"I want to say so much to you but I don't think you'll really hear it." He told her as he escorted her inside. The kids were asleep, the house was quiet, and the sun was barely up.

"And I don't know you'll really mean it."

"We can be amazing Emily."

"Hotch… Aaron… I'm a mess…. You're a mess… Were both messes. Getting into this. That's just a disaster in the making."

"We don't know that."

"I do know that… Everything about us has always been bad timing. When I said how I felt you said you didn't feel the same."

"I was with someone then… I couldn't admit it."

"Right… you were with someone…" Way to remind her…

"Listen to me Emily. Beth and I, we're over. I broke up with her before I kissed you, not after…"

"Why? Why would you do that? You said you were happy with her."

"I was happy with her… As happy as I could be. But it wasn't right. I knew that. I had to end it because if I'm always thinking about you, I'm clearly not thinking of her. It wasn't working. I couldn't keep lying to myself. And I went in with the intentions of telling you just that, but you never gave me the chance."

"So what? You lose one relationship and suddenly I'm what you want?" It came off angry, and maybe she was, but really, she was just trying to rationalize in her head. It was like he was telling her what she wanted to hear, but not when she wanted to hear it. It didn't feel true. It didn't feel like it was supposed to.

"Emily…"

"Hotch please…" She begged. "I can't hear you say anymore. I know I said I was ready to listen before, but I'm not. I'm not avoiding… Not anymore. I know how I feel. I just… I need you to really consider what you want to say… Because… Because I have… There are feelings and you keep… I keep… Please, just really take the time to think this over before you say anything else."

"But Emily…"

"Please…" She was retreating. He saw it. Anything he could say, any romantic gesture or proclamation he could make would just be read as another attack. Her shield was up and armed.

"I need you to hear me this time. I gave you some space, but no more…" He told her. Even knowing there was a good chance she'd block it out and deflect it, he had to hope that she'd eventually hear it, that even if she didn't fully accept what he said them that it would hit her as she sat on the plane or lounged at the Louvre.

"And I need you to think about it. If you tell me what you know I want to hear… I'll believe you and you'll break me if you change your mind."

"I'm not changing my mind."

"My heart is in shambles. It's in a million little pieces being tethered together with tape and glue, barely strong enough for me to lock in a box and hope it heals." She sighed. "You do that… You pull it out of that box and shatter it a little more every time I see you."

"Emily I want this."

"Yeah… You said that." She looked into his eyes. "Now you say that. But not that long ago you were perfectly happy with someone else. You were telling me that the time we spent together was nothing more than friendship and you pushed me away. I accepted that… Then the cycle began again and we kissed… again. My heart can't take it anymore. Aaron, I want you to be happy, but I want to be happy too. If you don't want me, then fine. I'll find a way to be ok with that again and we'll find a way to make this really work for our daughter, but this has to stop. And if you do want me, fine, great, even better. Then we can try this. But you need to be sure. There's no changing your mind. You can't keep playing this never ending game of tug and pull and admitting things to each other… admitting feelings… that's going to open a can of worms for us personally, but professionally too. We have to think about that. Take some time. Figure things out. Really think things through. I have some thinking of my own I need to do."

"I don't need time. I'm sure about what I want."

"And I'm not sure you are."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that… I'm saying I hope you have a really good week with our daughter. JJ will be here Saturday night to pick her up and she's going to be flying with them to France. When the week is up, we'll be back and I'll have made a decision about my place in this team and hopefully you'll have what's in your heart all ironed out." She stood abruptly, walked over to him, and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you when I get back. We'll talk then; a real talk."

And she left, Hotch sitting there on his couch at a loss.

What just happened?

So, more to come on all those conversations. I wanted to leave a little to go with next chapter. There's a flow people. Trust. I promise the next few chapters are not to be missed. (Which was why I've been torturing you with the lack of real adult, needed conversations… call it a delay of gratification if you will. It's good for the spirit sometimes)

Also, I put it on my other stories and I'll do it here too. My friend suggested I give you all my twitter name. It's MDwrites19 Feel free to stop by and say hello or remind me to update because I'm taking an astronomically long time.

Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors.

Thank you everyone who has added this story to alerts or favorites and to those of you who have given feedback. Opinions are much appreciated; feedback, input, whatever. Constructive criticism also welcomed. I hope you enjoy. Until next time…

Lktwh13 I know! Next chapter there will be more of the talky talks… and the one after that… not to be missed. And France, I mean hell yeah, I wish I was going! You think Hotch will make a transcontinental appearance? I don't know… Hmm… Thanks for reading!

justicegrl Does this count for a delay? Sorry if it does. There's reason to my madness. They are two idiots huh? They make me pull my hair too… Maybe I should do something about that

inheritancedrottningu Thank you! Hope you enjoy this one too.

Guest Thanks. Enjoy the update.

carrie I hurried as best as my mind and fingers would let me! Lol Enjoy the update. Hope you like it.

123a456e Thank you! I will do my best to update again ASAP. Hope this long one can tide you over until then.

rmpcmfan An ah-ha moment has been had. I think they admit they like each other, just not the depth of said like and they're not allowing themselves to hear the other say it to them… Idiots I tell you! You're going to like the next few chapters.

HPforever-after Let's not get to custody battles just yet…. Things will be happening before that's even remotely in the cards (if ever). It's a hard offer to pass up though, especially when times are tough at home for her and the team…

renruta Thank you. I'm proud to say I kept my 4.0 intact. And now I'm being lazy and forgetting all I learned. Enjoy the update.

smilin steph I love her too! I was too nervous to do more than say hi, but I did get to meet her. And it was amazing. She's incredibly sweet.

SouthunLady It always makes me happy to make others happy. =) Especially with my writing… Emily is a stubborn one. I think they all are in their own ways. I like the opening up and close JJ/Em friendship. I love Clyde, but I don't think he will or can rescind the offer. It's out there now. But, she doesn't have to take it… It really should be her choice, not one her meddling friends make for her… Just remember, I'm writing this so you know how it'll turn out, don't you? Like a little… THE TALK isn't really the talk… think series of small talks that lead to big moment.

CSIcorrespondent TAH is the best. And meeting her was great. Thanks. Enjoy this new one.