Chapter 35

It had been a week since their last hunt and Dean watched Sam moving around the kitchen in a daze. He didn't say much when he picked him up at the auction house and Dean didn't pry, but since then he seemed distance, melancholy, closing himself off more and not talking much. He had gone to see Kees a couple of times and even that didn't seem to shake the mood he was in. Dean was starting to worry about him and decided it was time to have a brotherly heart to heart to see what was going on in his head. Dean knew that sometime Sam was too intense and critical about things and he dissected them too much, making it way more complicated than it needed to be. He never left anything to chance and researched the hell out of whatever bothered him or he couldn't explain. He was extremely detailed in everything that he did and Dean knew his moods and this wasn't about the job. No, he thought it was more on a personal level having to de with the last hunt.

"C'mon bro, let's go enjoy some sunshine and fresh air, outside." Dean stated grabbing a couple of waters from the fridge and pushed them into Sam's hands before pushing him toward the sliding glass door. He wasn't going to give him a chance to flake out on him with some excuse about things he needed to do.

"Dean! What are you doin'?" Sam complained as Dean manhandled him through the door and held onto his arm until he had him outside and at the lounge chairs.

"Have a seat, we're gonna talk." Dean announced positioning two chairs beside the small table and waited for Sam to sit down before he did.

"You could of asked instead of manhandling me." Sam huffed with a snort, dropping into a lounge chair and sitting the waters on the table.

"Wasn't sure you'd come." Dean shrugged taking the other chair and looking out across the yard. He noticed the kid he paid to cut the grass had been there while they were gone and it looked clean and neat. He looked at the planters sitting at the steps and remembered Everlee had bright colored flowers in them. Maybe that was something he could get Sammy involved in to take his mind off of whatever was bothering him. Dean remained quiet waiting to see if Sam would speak first.

Sam let his eyes wander to the tree line and pushed down the painful memories that wanted to surface. He could tell Dean was doing much better now and was finally beginning to heal, though at times something would trigger a sadness in his eyes that he tried to hide. Movement in the brush along the edge of the yard caught his attention and he watched as a young rabbit moved ever so cautiously from its hiding place to venture to a small patch of clover. It froze for a moment, twitching its nose and looking for danger before beginning to eat the treat. Sam smiled slightly at its cuteness and then brought his attention back when Dean cleared his throat. He cast his eyes down toward the deck, not wanting to look at his brother.

"Sammy, wanna tell me what's going on with you?" Dean asked carefully not wanting to be too accusing and cause him to shut down.

"Nothin''s going on, I'm fine." Sam replied, but his tone of voice betrayed his true feelings.

"Don't start that, you know who you're talking to right? I know you better than anyone and I know something's got you acting moody and out of sorts."

Sam sighed and leaned forward enough to rest his elbows on his thighs and lace his fingers together. Dean was right, ever since they were re-united all those years ago; their eternal bond had only grown stronger where words were not even needed to communicate anymore. At times it was a wonderful gift bestowed on them and other times it was an annoying hindrance. He couldn't get anything by his brother unless he was hurt bad or really sick and couldn't focus his attention on him.

"Do you ever think about what your life would be like if you didn't become a hunter?" Sam asked quietly, biting his lower lip as he waited for Dean to reply. He didn't look at him as he spoke afraid of what he might see.

The question surprised Dean and he studied his brother's profile for a moment and thought about how to answer it. It was a question he had never really thought about since he became a hunter because it felt like that was where he was heading for all those years. It was like the Fates wanted him to be a hunter and allowed him to be the best at it.

"To be honest Sammy, I don't know." Dean started leaning back in the lounge chair as he gave it some more thought. "My life before I met Bobby was one struggle after another. There were some really dark times, but I met and made some very dear friends along the way. Finding out about the supernatural and monsters was an eye opener and the more I learned, the more I wanted to know. It was as if that life was waiting for me in some way, like it was in my blood. It was like I had found my calling, you know, what I was meant to do." Dean paused for a moment sipping some water before continuing. "To be honest, if I hadn't become a hunter I don't think I would of ever found you. Do you have regrets that you came to live with me at Bobby's and became a hunter? Should I have stopped looking for you and let you live your life with your adopted family?" Dean questioned, not sure he wanted to know the answers.

"You should know by now the answers to that Dean. We're brothers, family, and we were meant to be together. I think somehow fate would have brought us together somehow, even if you stopped looking. You know our bond is stronger than any I've seen, even back when I was too young to know what it was, I knew there was something I was missing and it was out there waiting for me and that was you. I know in my heart if my adopted parents had told me about you I would of come looking for you. I would never have felt whole without you in my life. So no, I have no regrets about my decision to be with you or to hunt." Sam explained.

"This is about Jade isn't it?" Dean asked softly.

"Sort of..." Sam mumbled opening his water and sipping on it. "Do you plan on hunting for the rest of your life? Do you ever wanna maybe quit some day and settle down? Maybe find someone and start a family with?"

Sam saw Dean stiffen by his questions and knew that was a touchy subject for him. He knew Everlee was still too fresh in his mind and maybe he shouldn't of asked the question, but he was curious.

"I can't answer that 'cause I don't know. I found the woman of my dreams and lost her. I don't know if I'll ever find love like that again..." he said sighing softly as he gazed out toward where he had gone into the forest that day. "I'm very good at hunting, probably one of the best hunters out there. It would be wrong of me not to help the people who can't protect themselves." he said looking over at Sam. "You know Sammy if you ever want to stop hunting that's fine with me. You've got the smarts; if you wanted to go to college I wouldn't stop you or be mad at you for doing it. I don't want you to hunt because you think you have to. If you wanted to stop...That's okay with me. Sammy just 'cause I'm doing it doesn't mean you have to too; I hope you know that."

Sam finally looked over at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes and knew he meant every word of it. Sam smiled with fondness as warm feelings invaded his thoughts at his brother's words. He remembered Dean trying to stop him from training in the first place when he came to live with him and Bobby, but he wouldn't let him.

"You know I can't let you go out there on your own. Who would have your back? I wouldn't trust anyone else besides me to do that job and you know it." Sam said earnestly. "I'll always be there for you bro, you'll never be alone. I guess spending that time with Jade just sort of made me think about things is all." he said picking at the label on the water bottle. "And you're right, we are good at what we do and we've saved a lot of lives too. I guess I got too wrapped up in it is all, but I'm good now...But who knows...Maybe some day, if I find what you found with Ev I might rethink things."

"Whatever you need bro, I'll always have your back in any decisions you make; I hope you know that."

"Always." Sam nodded holding out a fist to bump with Dean's and then they both fell silent, relaxing and taking in the warmth of the day. A breeze blew in from the forest and cooled their damp skin.

"Who's turn is it to fix dinner?" Dean mumbled as he closed his eyes and turned his face to the sun.

"Your's dude."

"Damn..."

spn

The table was set and Dean was fixing plates for them when Sam wandered into the room. He had gone to the bathroom and washed his face and hands to get the sweat off them.

"Good timing, sit." Dean ordered as he put plates at two settings. "You haven't ate much since we've been back so I want you to clean your plate."

"Yes Mom." Sam said sarcastically, taking a seat and looking down at his plate to see what Dean had fixed.

He saw baked chicken, broccoli, rice, and a roll, with a piece of pie on a smaller plate for dessert. He twitched a smile seeing Dean at least tried to cook healthy more for him than for himself. "Looks good Dean."

"You know it is dude." Dean said proudly as he sat drinks down beside the plates and took a seat too. "Dig in 'fore it gets cold." he urged taking a knife to cut up his chicken and take a bit. He nodded to himself it was just like he liked it and continued to eat.

Sam cut a piece of chicken and ate it, thinking it was juicy and tender. He sampled the other things and nodded his approval to Dean. He never ceased to surprise him at adept he had become in the kitchen, since he didn't have that growing up. There was no one there to show him how to cook or clean or do laundry or be a kid and this made him sad.

"You did good bro."

"Of course." he beamed.

spn

"I'll get the dishes done, you want coffee?" Sam asked gathering the dirty dishes and taking them to the sink.

"Don't think so, think I'll read a bit and turn in early tonight." Dean said wiping his mouth and standing up.

"I'm gonna check online and see if there's anything that might be a case for us."

"Alright, but if you wanna take a few more days of downtime that's okay with me."

"I'm good." Sam offered as he ran water to wash the dishes. He glanced up to watch Dean disappear around the corner and went back to cleaning up. It didn't take long since it was only the two of them and he was lucky Dean didn't mess up a lot of pots and pans when he cooked. Once he had the dishes done and put away and the kitchen cleaned, Sam moved to the living room and made himself comfortable in an oversized chair. He picked up his laptop and turned it on so he could go online to first check his email and then check the search engines he used to find cases for them. He found several emails from Danny and read them so he could reply. He wanted some advice on a term paper and about a girl he liked in one of his classes. Sam was surprised he hadn't asked Dean for female advice and quickly composed an email back to him. They needed to plan a trip out to see them soon and made a mental note of that.

Once he was done, he pulled up the search engines and began to browse through articles looking for the unusual, strange and unexplainable. He found a legal pad and jotted down some notes on several of the articles he read so Dean could look at them and see what he thought. He worked on this for nearly an hour before grunting and getting up to stretch. Deciding he had worked enough on the laptop, Sam shut it down and headed down the hall, slowing to look into Dean's bedroom to see him asleep with a book lying by his side where it had fallen. He stepped in and moved the book to the nightstand, glancing at the title before laying it down and switched off his lamp before heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Once he was finished, Sam headed for his bedroom. He turned on the bedside lamp and found his sleep clothes to change into. This was the first night since they'd been back that Sam felt sleepy and thought he could actually sleep tonight. He crawled under the covers and settled down, letting his mind calm and his body relax so sleep could slowly overtake him and he drifted on a cloud of nothingness that carried him away to Never Land.

A/N: Thank you for reading my story and review if you can. NC