Chapter 36

EJ had lied earlier that day, when he had claimed that he was late for a meeting. Sami had gotten ready after his departure from the apartment and commuted to Mythic without once worrying about being late. In fact she was early. Sami arrived to the meeting nearly ten minutes before EJ did. If Sami hadn't know better, she would have said that the office she was directed to, couldn't possibly belong to EJ Wells. It was the same room she had been in years ago but everything in it had changed. The colours were darker and somewhat menacing as were the old and massive furniture. There were no signs of EJs second career as a reckless racer nor was there anything else remotely personal displayed. The only good thing about this impersonal room was, that it made it easy for Sami to hide in plain sight. She sat in one of the huge chairs in front of EJs desk and waited.

She heard the door open and close followed by hasty steps. Sami didn't feel as giddy or excited as she had thought she would feel. She smiled a sad little smile as she watched EJ walk around his desk and sit down never noticing her. Sami found herself pondering EJs last words to her before he had walked out of her apartment. I can't, he had said. What couldn't EJ do? Sami waited and watched as EJ finally raised his eyes high enough to catch her gaze. His eyes were filled with deep, raw pain and overwhelming sadness. Sami wanted to stand up, walk around the table and embrace him. But she didn't. Sami was too afraid of scaring EJ into running away again. She feared that, if he would turn his back on her one more time, he might not come back.

"Samantha?" Finally the tenderness had returned in his voice as he uttered her name as a question. At last after so many months and countless lonely nights, EJ had spoken her name with a caress. There was the only proof Sami needed to reinforce her trust in their love.

"Yes, I'm here", she whispered, "This is not a dream." Sami saw him gulp, turn his face to the papers he had in front of him and change. His posture became tense and his expression forced, only the pain in his gaze remained. EJ tried to smile:

"So that's why Thornton refused to give me your name. The consultant! Brilliant, bloody brilliant Samantha. And I feared you might have lost your edge."

"EJ don't!" Sami stopped him and fell back to silence. She glanced at her folded hands on her lap. She whispered again:

"Don't pretend, please. I don't want that."

"But isn't that why you came here, for banter and games? To trick me and to-"

"To seduce you? Yes, that's why I arranged this meeting but it's not why I'm here now." They leered at one another. EJ didn't want to believe her, but Samantha seemed sincere.

"Why are you here now?" he voiced the question lingering between them.

"I love you. You love me. I hurt you. Those are the facts. You have been running away from me, giving your wounds time to heal and you've tried to move on. You tried. We are still connected in this life. And as you yourself once said: It hurts to fight that connection."

"Samantha, I don't understand what is it that you want from me?" EJ stopped her before she could go on. It was like he was afraid to hear her next words.

"You promised me your forgiveness before you turned your back and walked out of my life. I want to know have you, have you truly forgiven me?" Her eyes were begging but her tone was calm and restrained. His expression softened slightly.

"I have."

"Then what exactly is holding you back?"

It was like the time had stopped still. Everything that they had been through together flashed in front of Sami's eyes. It was like a small death. She knew that she had lost him.

"Samantha", he said with a deep sigh.

"Do you love her more than you love me?" Sami asked fighting back the tears.

"No", EJ stood up and moved to face Sami. He sat on the corner of his table and reached to take Sami's hand in his:

"You are, always have been and always will be, my first choice." Sami looked up in his eyes.

"Then why are you still with her and not with me?", a small salty drop made it's escape down Sami's face, "Is it the trust? You don't trust in me enough? Because if it is, I will do anything to-" Her words were cut short when his brow was arched.

"I'm not making that deal with you again", he just said a corner of his mouth twitching. Sami wanted to slap him and she did. She jumped up from her seat and punched him in his arm. EJ pulled her near him, only inches away from his strong chest to stop her from further assaulting him. Sami didn't even realize she had been holding her breath before she tried to speak. EJ brushed the tear from her cheek with his finger and then took tasted the transferred salt with his lips. Sami leaned slightly forward and waited. Nothing happened. She snorted impatiently, grabbed his pink tie and pulled him into a scalding hot kiss. His lips melted hers and the salt tickled her senses. The temperature kept rising as Sami leaned closer against his body. His hands burned their marks on her back while she ran her hands through his hair. Sami had missed this. She had missed this feeling of everything else fading away when EJ touched her. They had to stop to breath and as their lips parted she heard him sigh. Sami knew what the next words would be.

"I can't", EJ whispered in her ear, still holding her in his arms. Sami wanted to beg him to continue the kiss. She wanted to ignore his words and let the passion they shared convince him. Sami wanted to scream out her frustration and she wanted to him to take back those words. Instead she leaned back just enough to catch his gaze again and said:

"Tell me."

"I can't", he repeated with an apology in his eyes. He loosened his grip and started to move away from her but Sami stopped him.

"Tell me", she demanded with a new kind of determination in her voice. EJ brushed her hair away from her laid his hand against the side of her neck. He quickly mouthed something and pulled her back into a quick kiss. Sami was eloquently danced back to her seat and left alone as EJ escaped to the other side of the table. He cleared his throat and spoke:

"About this assignment of yours-" Sami watched his lips move without hearing a word he said. She felt alone and deserted. She felt the words he had silently said echoing in her head: I'm sorry.