Nightmares Chapter 37, a harry potter fanfic

Summary: A spell is cast on Harry which creates lots of angst. Draco comes along and creates lots of fluff. Hurrah. Not HBP/DH compliant. Slaaaaaash!

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except the words.

A/N: The relief when you didn't all strike me down in disgust over the last chapter was quite spectacularly huge. We're drawing ever closer to the end now! If you're reading and haven't reviewed yet - why not? D:

Chapter 37

Harry checked himself out of the hospital wing the following day, much to Madam Pomfreys' outrage.

"You still require extensive treatment in order to recover!"

"I don't care," Harry said shortly. "I've got to get out of here."

Now, two days later, sitting in the once-familiar surroundings of the Gryffindor dormitory, a strange emptiness was growing in his stomach. It was late March now, the winter storms subsided and silent frost creeping in spidery trails across the glass of the windows. The castle grounds were crisp and white with ice, every room bitingly cold unless fires burned in the grates around the clock.

Harry had been subjected to endless questioning when he rejoined his classmates for lessons. He told them nothing; Ron and Hermione made up stories of St. Mungos, of an illness Harry did not wish to discuss. Everyone was in the Great Hall now for dinner; but Harry craved the solitude of an empty dormitory. He sat cross-legged on his four-poster, staring blankly down at his hands. He was behind in all of his classes. People stared and whispered more than ever when he walked by. He was still having trouble sleeping.

But worse than all of this was the aching loneliness that dug at his chest with every passing moment. He slept alone now, studied alone, woke up from terrible nightmares with nobody to ease the fear. He hated that he had become so dependent on one person. The physical craving itch for contact with Draco had subsided, but Harry's mind was still always filled with blonde hair and stormy eyes, pale skin and warm, comforting arms. He hated it.

He had not seen Draco at all for three days, and it required getting used to solitude after so many weeks spent in relentless company. Ron and Hermione often sat with him, they took meals together and classes, but Harry crept away to be alone every evening. He sat in the warm cocoon of blankets on his red four-poster, and his thoughts were dark and troubled.

A quiet knock at the dormitory door startled him. He blinked up at the doorway, wondering who on earth would knock before entering. He cleared his throat and called softly.

"Come in."

The latch clicked and Hermione peered around the door.

"Hey."

"Mind if I come in?"

He shook his head, and Hermione came to perch herself on the edge of his bed, eyeing him appraisingly. The curtains were drawn and the room dimly lit with a few flickering candles and the fire burning in the grate.

"Are you okay?" Hermione asked, her voice full of concern. She studied Harry's appearance, his uncombed hair and pale, drawn face. He looked tired and unhappy. He nodded. "Sure? We haven't seen much of you lately, seems like you can't wait to get up here and sit alone by yourself."

Harry smiled slightly. "I'm okay," he said, his voice quiet and hoarse. "Just thinking."

"What about?"

He shrugged. It seemed to be rolling off him in waves; the resentment, the confusion and forlornness. Hermione bit her lip and asked tentatively "Have you spoken to Malfoy lately?"

Harry looked up at her warily. His eyes were huge and circled with deep shadows, his fingers absently playing with the scarlet bed sheets.

"Saw him just before I left the hospital wing."

"He came to see you?"

"No. I went to see him."

"And what happened?"

Harry sighed. "Nothing. Nothing happened… or ever will happen. He made his feelings perfectly clear."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked. She felt she could not quite understand this side to Harry - the curse was lifted, Malfoy was imprisoned. There had been a moment after he woke up when it seemed everything would go back to normal, Harry would recover and they could put the entire horrible mess behind them. Now… he seemed to have slipped back into the same hopelessness, the defeated aura clinging to him as he hid something from her and Ron that she could not quite grasp.

"He wants to go back to how things were before."

"Before…?"

"Before the truce. We called a temporary truce to get through the past few weeks… and now he wants to go back to normal." Harry swallowed, looking up at her dejectedly. "He wants to forget any of this ever happened."

"And that's bad?" Hermione asked gently.

Harry raised a hand and rubbed at his eyes like a tired child. Hermiones' heart went out to him.

"It's not bad that he wants to forget what happened," Harry mumbled. "I do too. I just…" he sighed. "I didn't think that he'd want to forget me, too."

Hermione stared at him. A faint blush rose onto the dark haired boys cheeks, barely visible in the dimly lit room. He averted his eyes, staring fixedly down at his hands as he continued to trace small meaningless patterns across the duvet.

"Oh," she exclaimed softly, surprised. "But - the spell, I thought… you mean even with the curse broken, you still…?" she stared at the downtrodden boy beside her, his face cast in shadows. "You still want to be around him?"

"He saved my life," Harry whispered.

"What do you feel for him?"

Harry looked up at her, her expression one of startled astonishment. Silence grew around them, the fire crackling merrily and sending warmth into the cold dormitory. Harry thought of the blonde haired boy, what he might be doing now, of everything they had shared with each other. He thought of Dracos' lips against his and felt his face flush.

"I don't know."

"But you were under the spell - he wasn't, and he still kissed you! Surely that proves…?"

"You weren't there, Hermione. You didn't see him." Harry's mind was pulled back to that moment in the Slytherin dormitory for the thousandth time, and he felt a tight coldness squeeze at his heart. "He doesn't want anything to do with me."

"But -"

Harry sighed, shaking his head. "I see it from his point of view," he mumbled. "Why would he want to be any near me? I put him through hell, I put his father in prison. He should hate me."

"You're really falling for him?"

The question startled him, and the answer came tumbling to the forefront of his mind before he could stop it. He cast his thoughts back to that strange moment before the darkness had taken him, those few eternal seconds that he still was not sure were dream or reality. When Draco had held him and kissed him and begged him not to give in.

"Just hold on, okay?" Draco blinking back tears, his voice breaking, desperate.

"Why?"

"Because I need you."

"Why?"

"Because… I -"

Harry shook his head. It could not have happened, Draco would never cut him off and abandon him if he had really been about to say what Harry thought came next. He wished he knew for certain the end of that sentence. He wished he knew for definite it was only a dream.

"It doesn't matter," he said quietly. "It's over either way."

Hermione gazed at him sadly. Her best friend, her beloved Harry. She hated that he had been through so much torment. And now this… had he really fallen for his arch-enemy? She would murder Draco Malfoy for breaking Harrys' heart.

"Have you tried talking to him?"

Harry shook his head. "He doesn't want to talk."

"He probably just doesn't know what to say. You know what Malfoy's like Harry - you shouldn't just give up, especially when it's making you this unhappy. If you really do… care about him - which by the way is completely bizarre -" she smiled, and Harry let out a soft, reluctant laugh. "- then you ought to try and sort this out. But… give it a bit of time first, okay? You're still recovering." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "Maybe all of this will fade if you just give it time."

Harry smiled wanly. "I'm kinda tired," he said hoarsely.

"Right - I've got to go anyway," Hermione replied. She patted him consoling on the arm before getting to her feet. "Get some rest, Harry."

He nodded, and watched her make her way out of the dormitory, the door clicking quietly shut behind her. He sighed and rolled over onto his side, curling into the bed sheets, feeling a slight twinge in his chest as he did so. The knife wound had been deep and intensely magical, and Madam Pomfrey had not been able to heal it completely, though Harry had not told anybody that. Another scar to add to the collection. He stared into the crackling fire, watching the bright flames flicker and dance, casting distorted shadows across the dusky room. Hermione was wrong, he knew.

Whatever had caused Draco to momentarily care about him had just been a side-effect of the curse. Maybe Lucius had accidentally created a two-way attachment when he only wanted Harry to depend on Draco. He didn't know. But it was over, that was certain. Draco had been so blank with him, so uncaring. It made his chest ache to think of it. He curled himself into a tight ball and closed his eyes, ignoring the immediate tingle of fear that sparked into life in his head at the thought of prowling shadows creeping through the unwatched darkness.

Harry lay still, waiting for sleep to take him. He banished all thoughts of soft hair and grey eyes, and the feel of a warm embrace. That was in the past now. The curse was gone, and so was Draco. Harry had lost him. He was going to have to forget about him, too.

A/N: Review thankies to Dezra (you leave Draco alone - he's damaged!) TheGirlWithCheeseInHerPocket (No, I'm not that mean! And… you fell over? xD) Eizoku, Wafflansypus, evildictionarynina, Nagini Potter (awww I'm so glad you liked it) meghan7474 (cue more warm fuzzies :]) ClayCelloFire, globalfaerie, SwarmOfFanGirls, cyiusblack, dobeisme (thank you so much for your review, while I do of course adore all the squeeing that reviewers do it's nice to get some feedback on grammar and stuff too) GothicBlackRose, xXxDecemberxXxRainxXx, XxEmoHuggingDotXx, Suguri Takeuchi-chan, eleventy7, Cheesemobile, Caldonya, Chelsea (thank you for your review, I love that you stayed up all night to read it!) and Lady Sakura. I do solemnly swear that this fic will be done and dusted by January 18th at the very latest - because I'm going travelling and can't be updating from the other side of the world. Loveage!