-Link

I forgot where I was. I forgot when in time I was, as well. I was too busy going through my mind, trying to remember things. I knew Zelda never said it, but so what? I didn't need her to say it. I could feel it. At least I thought I felt it. Was I so blind in my own feelings that I totally missed hers? It would be very easy to believe that she was lying to me. Zelda was always lying to me.

But it was a conversation with Mary that made me think differently during one of our many fights.

"I know you don't love me, Link."

"What gave you that idea!? Of course I do!"

"You've never said it before!" I had been married to her for about ten years now and she was right. I never actually told her I loved her. I would answer her when she said it to me, but not actually say the words. It was because I knew I didn't. I didn't even realize I was avoiding the phrase. I didn't say it because I didn't feel it.

And Zelda had never said it either.

In the back of my mind, I knew she was lying. Of course she would lie, trying to patch things up as I purposely tried to fuck them up. That was logical.

It seemed logical, but then again it was easy to make the things you want to be true, seem logical. I also hadn't realized my fears, until they were ripped from deep within me and forced in front of my face.

I, of course, had thought about it before. What if Zelda didn't return my feelings? Basically, falling in love with her again, over and over, of course that thought bubbled up in the beginning, and then I would come to the conclusion it just didn't matter. I'd save the country for her anyway, and after all that, who wouldn't fall in love with me? I guess I was always pretty confident in myself. I didn't give up easily, and if you'd never gave up, eventually you'd win. Well, as long as you still had the opportunity to try again. That's how I would used to think of it anyway. It's what kept me trying, even after I died, or Zelda got married to someone else, or I was unable to return to the country. There was always next time. I had somehow convinced myself that next time might be different. Maybe next time, I'd get the girl.

It was weird how such an empty promise had kept me going. The stupid carrot was never going to get any closer. Just like the Goddesses wanted.

When you're young, you're told to do the right thing. You do it because you still think the world holds justice, and if you are good, good things happen to you. When you realize it's a lie, you do it for the sake of good. You feel good about yourself because you suddenly have purpose. You're suddenly special.

I didn't really care for being special, and I just about had it with being good. I always had thought I wanted to save the country so my loved ones would have a safe place to live, but all of them had died, and eventually, people became faceless members of society to me. I didn't want to love them, I didn't want to know them. It hurt when they were gone. Maybe that was the real reason why I didn't connect with Mary. I wouldn't let myself, even if we could have been so perfect with each other.

The only thing I could fight for was Zelda. She was the only thing that would linger, that would stay. It really shouldn't matter how Zelda thought about me. I still would have fought for her.

But I was growing weak, tired. I didn't know how much longer I could keep going. My morality was slipping. I was growing more selfish, more angry, with each passing lifetime. I wasn't a god. I wasn't created to be the Hero. I was picked, and maybe Zelda was right. Maybe a new Hero did need to be chosen. I was too weak.

I had needed her to love me back, and that was a flaw that would defeat me. Like evolution, the weaker organisms died off and were replaced with new. I had been the strong one for too long. Maybe my time was coming to an end.

And then I knew that was the answer. That was why all this was happening. The Goddesses were trying to tell me I had gotten too old. They let me live my last life when there was no need of me. They wouldn't want me to fail at a dire time. They had Zelda erase her feelings for me, for that was what was keeping me alive. I was being put down like an old dog.

For all I knew, maybe it was the same with Zelda, and that's why she was having such a problem conceiving an heir. Maybe her mortal life was meant to die, so she could return a goddess and choose a new hero.

The more I thought about it, the more the holes all seemed to patch themselves up. What the Goddesses gave me to survive, would also end me. I was mortal anyway. It was going to happen. This way the Goddesses had control on just how. I was always controlled. I couldn't even choose when I wanted to die.

Death.

I was happy to die.

Was I?

I had always died for a purpose before. This would be the first time I would die because I had no purpose. The first time, and the last.

I tried to be okay with that. I was always okay with it. But I couldn't help the feeling of my insides turning into liquid and draining away from my body in utter dread. I wasn't proud of 80 percent of the time I was alive. All I could seem to remember now were all my mistakes. How I could have been quicker, smarter, stronger. I always seemed to stop the evil at the last second, only after so many people had already died, after wasting all those other lives.

I didn't want to think about that, so I tried to think of other things I could be proud of, but memories of the people I loved and knowing they were all dead didn't help either. I went back even further, to childhood memories. I was always picked on as a kid. I would have to hold in my tears until I was alone and I could let them out. I never had parents to cry to.

I had Zelda, but she didn't love me.

I realized that was all I really wanted to do. I wanted to cry my heart out in someone else's arms, preferably Zelda's. I never was able to do that with anyone before. That was all I wanted to do now. If I was given the opportunity to choose what I wanted my last thing to be, I wanted to cry like that. I was so pathetic.

I was purposeless, just like I was as a child. At least a child's purpose is to be adored by his parents. Fuck that. I was always intruding on the kindness of others just to survive as a kid.

I felt so empty. I had to remind myself that I wouldn't feel this much after I was dead. That was the only comforting thought I had.

My vision started to blur and I looked at the torch, wondering if it was going out. The torch was fine. Something dropped down to the ground. I bent my head to look, my vision becoming even worse. More tears fell out of my eyes and plopped to the floor.

I stared at them kinda baffled. Not that I could really see anyway. My vision was a mess. I opened my mouth, filling my lungs with air and looked up so that it was harder for them to fall.

I didn't know how much time I spent in that cell. I couldn't tell when night or day came. I shut me inside myself, shuffling through memories like pictographs. The Mage came down a few more times, but I easily ignored him. He only repeated the things I already knew anyway. There were no more signs of Zelda.

The first thing that was able to break me out of my thoughts was a loud, shrill, almost familiar voice.

"LET GO OF ME! LET ME SEE MY OWN HUSBAND! WHERE IS HE?!" The torch light revealed flaming red hair that I should have instantly recognized, but didn't. She glared down at me, her face beat red before huffing in some much needed oxygen. "What the hell were you thinking!?"

I stared at her for a moment, slowly remembering who she was. I turned my gaze away. She was just another person for me to disappoint.

"Do you know what I first thought when they brought Epona home without you?! It took them two whole days before they even told me that you were alive, and another three days for me to be able to see you!" Had it been that long? "What are we going to do!? They're scheduling your execution date!"

"Go away, Mary," I finally said. It was the first time I had spoken in a while and it kind of hurt to do it.

"Link, you fucking look at me." She leaned up against the bars, managing to get one slender arm in between them to reach for me, but I was too far away. "We're going to get you out of this. The Queen told me she could get you out of this."

I said nothing.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to step away from the bars," the guard beside her informed.

"You shut the hell up," she turned to me. "Link you're not going to give up on me. You're not going to give up on your family. Lana's waiting for you back home. You're not going to put her through this!"

I wasn't going to put her through this. I didn't want Lana to have to see me again. Not this sorry excuse for a father. When I looked up, my gaze finally meeting Mary's, I saw her actually step back. I didn't even say anything. I didn't need to. She knew already how too far gone I was. She had always seen it coming.

Even though she had seen it coming, I knew there would have been no way to have Mary understand. No one could have understood. No one had ever lived as long as I had, except for Zelda, yet she wasn't anything like me either. I was alone, but I always had been. I accepted it.

I waited, and eventually, the guard led my crying wife out of the dungeon.

beta by Illusore