So. Long story short, the chapter got too long and had to be cut in two so it doesn't cover everything I promised from the teaser. My apologies friends & readers, you'll get your due next chapter, cross my heart. Without further prevarication, enjoy!
XXXVI. The Ocean Dreams of the Moon
Zero goes straight back to his hotel, collapses on the bed, accidentally breathes in a lungful of Kuran's scent because the bastard's been sleeping on his sheets, panics, packs his bags, and takes an exorbitantly expensive four AM cab all the way to the airport, where he sits on the curb for three hours as his brain screams incoherently and replays Kuran's confession until the terminal opens.
As soon as the automatic doors unlock, Zero rushes to the first open desk, forking over another ridiculous sum to book the next available flight home, and he's soaring over the strait by midmorning. Deprived of the need to focus on practical matters, he presses his forehead against the window and curses his stupid decision to take a daylight flight; the sun's reflection off the clouds is killing his light-sensitive vampire eyes, and he really desperately wants to sleep but knows he can't put off his incipient breakdown anymore.
"What the hell."
An old lady glares at him. Zero slumps down in his seat, and raises the hood of his jacket.
"What the hell," he whispers to himself with heartfelt sincerity. His seatmates give him odd looks, but Zero really doesn't care. Kuran just declared his love for Zero. Kuran. A love confession. Those two things don't have any business near each other. This is some romance novel shit that Zero was not prepared for.
But to be honest, Zero didn't feel completely surprised when it happened. With his Hunter intuition, there's no way his subconscious didn't have some inkling of Kuran's feelings. Zero just buried the revelation deep, because his conscious mind couldn't deal with the impossible evidence. He still has no idea how to reconcile this, how to straighten things to make sense again before he has to go home.
Shit, that's about five hours from now. What is Zero supposed to do?
"Can I get you anything sir?" one of the flight attendants asks with a charming smile.
There is a black speck outside Zero's tiny window. He squints at it, and realizes that it looks rather like a bird. Perhaps a raven.
"Alcohol," he croaks. "The strongest you have. Four or five of them."
The flight attendant stares in alarm. His fellow passengers stare in alarm. Zero feels rather alarmed himself. "Make that six, please."
Praise the Ancestress and vampire metabolism, six drinks over two-and-a-half hours is not enough to keep him plastered for long. He staggers into the terminal sober enough to drive, gets in his borrowed car and nearly has a nervous breakdown at the wheel because the idea of going back to Rosehill terrifies him.
He rejected Kuran. What if Kuran punishes him for it? A cold sweat breaks out on the back of his neck. Zero didn't give Kuran what the vampire wanted, and there's no incentive for his husband to play nice any longer. Kuran could do anything - isolate him, pressure him, manipulate him, fuck around with his head until Zero genuinely believes he's in love.
Overcome by panic, Zero speeds out of the parking lot, hardly even aware of where he's going, consumed by one worsening scenario after the other. When the edge of the town built around Association Headquarters comes into view, his shoulders relax and he shakes off some of the anxiety. Driving the familiar route, his heart slows down, and when Zero knocks on Master Yagari's door, he's almost calm.
Master takes one look at him, still wearing pieces of his Hunter gear and smelling of gunsmoke and ash, and gestures him inside. Zero feels guilty for intruding - his master was clearly asleep - but still feels a measure of calm wash over him as the elder Hunter shuts the door.
"I'm retired from the field and haven't got anything but desk duty tonight," Master Yagari reminds him, his gruff tone allowing no argument. "Now, you feel like talking about whatever brought you here, or would you rather sleep on it and talk this evening?"
Meekly, Zero replies, "Can we talk now?"
Yagari nods. "Come sit down in the living room." His Master rummages around and drops a gun cleaning kit in front of Zero on the scarred coffee table, then produces an excessively large pile of throwing knives and begins to sharpen them.
As Zero begins disassembling Bloody Rose, the sound of steel on a whetstone brings childhood memories to mind - watching his parents maintain their equipment when he was barely old enough to understand what a Hunter was, sharpening training blades for the weaponsmaster side-by-side with Ichiru, Kaito's voice in his ear teasing him for treating his own knives as devotedly as a lover.
His hands know the motions, and Zero's mind begins to drift. Master taught him to clean his weapons any time he uses them - a way of thanking the weapon for lending you its power, acknowledging the strange half-alive way powerful anti-vampire weapons behaved. It's a private post-Hunt ritual, one Zero takes care to keep hidden at Rosehill, knowing that disapproving eyes are everywhere.
Master Yagari doesn't push, but Zero finds the story spilling out anyway, grounded in the familiar routine. When he's finished, the two Hunters sit together languidly finishing their tasks.
"I was telling the truth. I don't love him romantically," Zero says quietly. "I know what it feels like to love someone, and that's not how I feel when I think about Kuran. That's why I had to get away. If I told a vampire that a pureblood confessed his love to me, and I refused him...Well, you know what kind of influence purebloods have. They'd say I was insane at best, ungrateful or cruel at the worst."
"You're not wrong," his master growls, then his voice calms. "Do you want to love him?"
Zero shakes his head helplessly; he doesn't have an answer.
The bloodbond tugs at her; Kaname and Zero are home early.
Yuuki straightens from where she's bent over a stack of paperwork, and frowns. They must have fought again; hours ago Kaname shut his end of their bloodbond so tightly nothing has seeped through.
She sighs and gets up to finish arranging the furniture in her new study, her long overdue personal project that's finally complete. Can't those two get along for five minutes?
Well, no matter. They'll come see her whenever they're unpacked and she can sort out whatever argument caused the spat this time. Maybe the three of them can go out for a midday snack afterwards. She calls the kitchen and cancels her solitary meal, deciding to wait and ask her husbands' opinions before making a restaurant reservation.
Kaname's presence draws closer as Yuuki continues her work. She's rushing to finish quickly, which is why she jumps when Kaname's voice floats from the doorway.
"I have wanted to see you for days."
Yuuki yelps and spins around, freezing at what she sees. Kaname's clothes are crumpled and muddied, and his hair is tangled in elf-knots. His expression has a static quality even if his mouth his smiling. He stares without blinking; his eyes have a horrible dead look in them.
"I have missed you so deeply, my dear," her husband continues, stepping closer. On the surface, Kaname's words seem light, spoken in a soft tone, but underneath his voice is flat, like a poisoned meringue. His hands twitch, desperate, covetous. A muscle in his cheek jumps. He smells like Zero, and sex.
"What happened," Yuuki demands, jumping straight to the worst scenario. "Where is Zero?"
Kaname's shoulder jerks in a shrug, all his elegance stripped. "Somewhere in the Hunter Association's residential district. My familiar could not follow him inside. The warding is nearly as heavy there as it is around headquarters."
Her mouth drops open. "What? Why would he go there? What happened Kaname?"
Her husband's jaw works, but nothing comes out. His eyes flicker around her study, and then he recites what Yuuki doesn't doubt is a word-perfect script of events.
"Kaname," Yuuki says when he is finished, laying a hand across her eyes, "when I said you should confess to him, this is not what I meant."
Then Yuuki's mind - or the part of it Kaname's been training - kicks into overdrive. She considers his appearance, and horror dawns.
Madness is the only unforgivable sin for a pureblood. A broken mind cannot control limitless power. For a man who never lost his composure and never appeared less than perfect, Kaname's rumpled, careless despair looks crazy.
And right now, the Senate is seeking any excuse to destroy Kaname. Yuuki cannot give them the chance, as they did with Shizuka.
She seizes his ragged sleeve. "Kaname, did anyone see you like this?"
"Zero didn't want to see me. Why should anyone else matter?" Kaname responds listlessly.
"Kaname, please," she says, throttling the urgency in her voice. "I love you, and I need you to answer my question. This is important."
As she'd hoped, that gets Kaname to pause and think. He's not blind to her intent, but his broken-hearted apathy means he simply doesn't care.
They are lucky. He stayed out out sight while stalking Zero, and only a pair of maids saw him enter Rosehill. Yuuki grimly exacts a promise from Kaname not to move until she returns, then tracks the pair down, interrogates them to confirm they didn't gossip, and then wipes their memories.
Task completed, she returns to find Kaname brooding at her desk with that heartbreaking, hollow look in his eyes. His mental state terrifies her, and she needs to find somewhere safe, away from the Senate's eyes, to try and figure out what to do - for both her husbands' sakes.
Thanking Kaname's paranoia, she digs out an unregistered burner phone from their emergency cache and dials a familiar number.
"Hello, this is Chairman Cross!"
Yuuki can almost hear the hearts in her guardian's cheerful voice, and feels the urge to cry. "I need a favor. Can you make a big deal about being sick? Just a cold or something, so everyone knows it's not serious."
Cross' voice loses its silly playfulness. "I can. Are you able to tell me why?"
"You'll see. I need you to call me right back on my official phone and convince me you need me to come over right away to nurse you. I'm bringing Kaname."
"And Zero?" Cross asks.
Yuuki's hand tightens on the phone. "I'm still figuring that part out. Can you do it?"
Exactly as she'd asked, Cross calls her back five minutes later, and Yuuki lets herself be talked into a temporary stay until Cross is no longer in danger of death by spring cold. The rest is simple - she calls the inner circle to explain her change of plans and appoint proxies for her responsibilities, then calls the business offices for much the same reasons, and finally she leaves instructions with Steward Inukai to have their luggage packed and delivered later. Only Takuma seems to sense something is wrong, but he knows better than to ask questions.
Kaname is desperate to please her, and Yuuki easily talks him into staying at Cross' house.
Safely hidden in her childhood bedroom, her husband sent to clean up, Yuuki stares at the relics of her human past and tries to figure out how she's supposed to fix this. She can't blame Zero for his feelings, but she also can't abide Kaname's pain.
Stymied, she goes and looks for a clean change of clothes for Kaname. Zero's old clothes won't fit Kaname's broader figure properly, so Yuuki approaches Cross. On the whole, he's been rather restrained about the situation, but Yuuki knows it won't last long.
When she pokes her head in the kitchen, Cross is humming a song thirty years out of date and mixing a suspicious mixture in a glass bowl.
When she asks him about the clothes, Cross frowns. "I keep plenty of cosplay in your size and Zero-kun's, but I don't have anything in Kaname-kun's size." Snapping his fingers, Cross brightens, a suspicious shiny gleam flashing on his glasses. "I have the perfect solution for Kaname-kun, and - " Cross beams in Yuuki's direction - "Yuuki-chan can try a super cute cosplay daddy's been dying to see you wear!"
Yuuki stutters, realizes she has no other clean clothes until her luggage arrives, and gives in.
On his way out, her former guardian pauses, face losing its levity in a rare flash of seriousness. "What else can I do to help you, Yuuki?"
"You've done enough," Yuuki assures him. "The rest we'll need to work out ourselves."
But how? She paces the empty kitchen, then goes back upstairs to find Kaname stepping out of the bath. Heedless of his nakedness, she opens her arms wide, offering a hug.
Kaname goes to her at once, stepping into her embrace and patiently allowing her to squeeze him. Despair and longing are still carved deeply in the lines of his face.
Yuuki counts to twenty and concentrates on breathing evenly so she doesn't cry. "Kaname, I know it hurts, but remember that I love you, okay? Please don't ever doubt that."
"You're so good to me, my dear, beloved wife." His chin droops against her shoulder. "I can feel the madness reaching for me," he tells her lightly. "We all go mad eventually, and for nothing so much as love."
A sob escapes her. "Don't let it reach you. If you went mad, I'd -"
"Shhhh," he soothes, arms wrapping around her. "Fear not. As long as I have you, even the madness of a pureblood's nature will not reach me. Your love holds my despair at bay."
Yuuki quietly rests her cheek against his chest, self-loathing brewing at what she's about to do. But she needs him functional enough to fool the Senate. Raising her head, she looks Kaname in the eye and lies. "Zero told me he didn't love me too. Just because he said that now, doesn't mean it will always be true. If you're patient, Kaname, someday he might fall in love with you. After all, your feelings changed, so why can't his?"
Her husband nods thoughtfully, the wild, obsessive look in his eyes flickering like a candle in high wind. "That is true. Zero is ours, and he cannot be taken from us. I laid him out beneath me and breached his maidenhood myself. No one else will ever know him as we do."
Yuuki makes herself nod along, feeling sick in the pit of her stomach. "We'll give Zero some time to himself, and then I'll call him so we can talk. Okay? So let's go get dressed."
Kaname smiles gently at her, and allows himself to be ushered along.
Zero rings the doorbell to Cross' house, and panics.
Blood and ash, what is he doing? He'd come with a plan - he'd stayed up all day agonizing over what to say - and now every single prepared word has fallen right out of his head, leaving nothing but stupid thoughts bouncing inside his skull.
Maybe he should have stayed the night at Master's too? Given himself more time? Dammit, he's not ready!
Zero's hysteria is cut short as the door opens, and he gapes, words failing him as he staggers back a step.
Yuuki lowers her eyes self-consciously, and dusts the skirt of the white Night Class uniform she's wearing, the scarlet ribbon at her throat a slash of blood. With her hair short again, the evocation of their youth is uncanny.
It makes something unpleasant in Zero's chest tighten. "Yuuki…."
She rolls her eyes. "Cross," she explains, and doesn't need to say anything more.
Zero scowls, and thinks about kicking his former guardian in the face for arranging this, all his hesitation disappearing as he stalks inside.
"He has one for you too," Yuuki warns him as she shuts the door.
Like hell. Zero would go ass naked first. Zero sweeps through the living room and kitchen, but Cross is nowhere to be seen, sensibly hiding from Zero's wrath. Target fled, Zero swings back into the living room, outrage petering out.
Yuuki is watching him, hands flat against her thighs, stance too square and balanced to be anything except a deliberate pose hiding tension.
Seating himself on the couch to show he's not leaving, Zero takes a deep breath, trying to match her calm. "Kaname is here too," he observes, the heavy agitated pressure of a second pureblood aura upstairs weighing on his senses.
Yuuki inclines her head, picking her words carefully, voice free of blame. "You told him you didn't want to see him until you got back to Rosehill, so he's staying in my room while we talk."
Guilt spikes in his gut. Zero shakes his head. "This is between the two of us. Can you go get him?"
As soon as the words leave his mouth, a door slams, and Kuran is there, seeming to appear from air.
Witnessing the feverish hunger in Kuran's eyes, Zero almost overlooks the black Day Class uniform the pureblood wears. But his shock can't disguise the obsessive way Kuran stares at him, or the other cracks in his husband's impassive, controlled manner - the muscle jumping in his neck, how his body strains toward Zero, barely held in check.
"May I touch you? Please," Kuran says softly.
Bared to Zero's senses is the desperate, pleading undertone beneath his husband's request. The alarm Zero feels is akin to watching someone teeter on the edge of a cliff, and he yields without a thought.
Kuran is on his knees at Zero's feet in a heartbeat, hands petting Zero's thighs as he spreads them, before diving between Zero's legs and pressing his face against the crotch of Zero's trousers, breathing in great mouthfuls of their joined scent.
"You didn't wash," Kuran rasps, relief poorly hidden. "Your cunt still smells of me. Of our sex."
He is afraid you are leaving him, Zero's intuition whispers. The Hunter has to close his eyes as guilt savages his insides. "Of course I wouldn't wash away your smell. I want everyone to know the alphas I have chosen."
Zero settles his hands softly in Kuran's damp, windblown hair. "I haven't changed my mind about that. I'm not going anywhere. I just needed some time."
Kuran slumps into the cup of Zero's thighs as Zero begins smoothing his hair. Zero takes care not to jar him so the alpha can keep drawing in Zero's intimate scent.
Offering silent support, Yuuki kneels down beside Kuran, hooking her arms around their husband's waist so he's sandwiched between her body and Zero's.
Some of the fevered tension in Kuran's body seeps away, though his eyes remain wild and guarded. "Why would you still desire that? Given your lack of feelings for me."
Zero allows himself time to think, working the tangles out of the dark strands, before he feels confident enough to answer. "I don't love you romantically. I've gone back over my memories and I'm certain of that."
Kuran flinches, lifting his head and pulling away.
Zero hurriedly continues, "But I still care about you, Kaname. I care deeply about what happens to you. I want you to be happy and I want to protect you. When you took us to your birthplace - that cemented those feelings for me. You trusted us with your secrets, with the parts of yourself you don't let other people see. I want to guard those parts of you and keep them safe for your sake."
Kuran is looking up at him with open surprise and soft vulnerability on his face. Zero's heart twists. "You're not an inscrutable mystery anymore, and I can't turn away and pretend I don't understand why you act the way you do, even if I find it reprehensible."
"And," Zero continues relentlessly, shame curling in his belly, "I want to apologize to you. I was unnecessarily abrupt when I rejected your feelings. That was cruel of me. I could have handled that better and let you down more gently. I'm sorry that I hurt you."
Kuran laughs bitterly, shaking his head in Zero's lap. "I have hurt you far worse. You said nothing untrue."
"You have hurt me." Zero doesn't try denying it. "But that still doesn't excuse me for treating you that way."
"Is my love so terrible?" Kaname asks, and oh, the pain beneath those words.
"People don't choose who they love, or who they don't love. We know that pretty well by now," Zero reminds him. He'd never meant to love Yuuki the way he did. He'd tried to dedicate himself to revenge alone. But his heart couldn't help reaching out to her anyway. And Kuran, it seems, has found himself unwillingly attached to Zero.
Another bitter laugh, and Kuran raises his head, a dark shadow in his eyes as he looks up at Zero. "Is my love without hope? Could you come to love me?"
Zero almost lies, but at the last moment he shakes his head. "The current me is incapable of loving you."
Kuran jerks, then snaps to his feet, shrugging Yuuki away and beginning to pace. The same dark shadow twists his face as he says, in a voice like black velvet, "Care to elaborate, my Consort?"
Adrenaline spiking, Zero rises as well, Hunter senses perceiving the threat. "I can, yes."
Zero watches the pureblood out of the corner of his eye, feeling the flow of the room, setting himself adrift on it, allowing his instincts to rise. He speaks the words as they come. "The fault lies in the foundation of our relationship. I cannot love someone I do not completely trust."
"Trust?" Kuran tastes the word, hands tucked behind his back. "You trusted me well enough last night during our game."
"I do trust you - most of the time," Zero agrees. "I trust you with Yuuki. I trust you with my body. I trust you when we work toward a common goal. My conscious mind, seeing your behavior toward me in the last half-year, understands that your intentions toward me have changed. The problem is my subconscious."
Zero extends a palm toward Kuran. "Deep down, I am afraid. I am afraid that if I trust you, you will hurt me. It's reflex to flinch away from a known source of pain. That expectation has been beaten into my body from the time we have first known one another."
Kuran's face goes dead white, and he sways, bracing himself against the arm of the couch.
"You may have hated me, but you have always trusted me, Kaname. I was your pawn, Yuuki's faithful knight. You knew I would never willingly hurt Yuuki, and I was not supposed to pose any threat to your plans."
The Hunter shakes his head. "My perspective could not be more different. You had Yuuki, and you tormented me anyway. You made sure my reliance on your blood was as bitter as possible. You reminded me as often as you could what a monster I was. Those memories are like a callus in my heart, a dead place with no feeling. That is why I cannot escape my doubts now."
Zero continues inexorably, knowing that no matter how much the words hurt to pry away from his fear, he must say them. "All this time I've held myself back from you. I've built walls of detachment in my mind to keep you out, turned my face away when I understood I felt affection toward you. Do you know that I still think of you as 'Kuran' in my head?"
The pureblood's face is a rictus of agony. The couch arm is a shredded ruin.
A small, ugly part of Zero feels vindicated. "I've never allowed you into my deepest heart. My doubts are always whispering in the back of my mind. 'I can't rely on any of this,' they say. Feelings change. People fall out of love with each other. Better to protect myself and be prepared when your heart changes too, and we go back to the way we were before."
"I cannot," Kuran whispers hoarsely, sliding to the floor. "Humans might, but I cannot stop loving you. Purebloods never let go. I mourn a woman ten thousand years dead. How can I do less for you?"
Zero shakes his head. "I told you. My fear is not rational. The root of our relationship is hate, and our foundation is built on distrust. Once trust is broken, how can it be fixed?"
Kuran is bent over, shoulders hunched, fingers knotted in the carpet. Zero can feel the horror emanating from him.
It brings him no pleasure. Zero just feels tired. "I think we should step back from our sexual relationship for a while."
Yuuki stirs from her frozen heap on the floor, both hands covering her mouth. "Zero…"
"Not forever," he assures her. "I'm not trying to go back on my word. And I'm not trying to punish anyone. I just need things to be less complicated while we figure out where we go from here."
"As you wish," Kuran says tonelessly. His dark hair hides his expression, and his bowed head does not look up.
"Thank you." Zero crosses over to the doorway, then looks back at the scene of devastation he's caused. Neither of them have moved, and Yuuki is visibly trying not to cry. This is his fault. He's failed again, ruined whatever was good between them. They should never have loved him.
"I'm sorry," Zero says, and flees.
The keening in his mind won't stop. Monstrous shapes form in the darkness behind his eyes. Sleep is unthinkable, rest unreachable, peace untouchable as a star. "I must have him," Kaname groans. "He cannot leave me."
He is pushed against a soft chest, and a beloved voice shushes him. "He isn't leaving us. Don't give in to despair, Kaname. If you love him, then you can't give up."
No, she is right. He cannot let go, cannot abandon his love. "Mine. Always mine."
The voice falters. "Yes, yours. Zero can be yours. But you need to pull yourself together. You can't win him this way."
Yes...much can be done to alter a mislead mind, if one has the resources and no qualms against using them. Eventually his love will come to understand...
As though sensing the direction of his thoughts, he is taken by the shoulders and shaken roughly. "It has to be honest, Kaname. No plots, no manipulations. If Zero loves you because of a lie, he will eventually find out. And then he will be beyond your reach, forever. You don't want that to happen, do you?"
He shakes his head, rocking back and forth. No! No! He cannot lose him!
"Then use your head. Be patient. Practice self-control. Live in hope, for however long it takes. Can you do that for me?"
Yes. "Yes," Kaname whispers, feeling the fog of despair lift from his bones a little. He can try.
"We'll stay until you're better. Then we can go home, and you can see Zero. You can try winning him over again," Yuuki promises.
Kaname clings to that promise, allows it to become his purpose, drawing him back up into the land of the living.
The next week is excruciating for all of them.
The three of them dance gingerly around each other pretending everything is fine, trying to keep up appearances for ever-watchful vampire eyes. They keep their daily routines, sleep in the same bed, make the same public gestures - but their interactions are stilted, perfunctory performances. Their kisses and touches lack something essential, and a sharp enough eye will see the rents.
Yuuki, Ancestress bless her, holds the whole sham together, keeping Kuran focussed and managing his emotional state. The one time Zero took her aside, bracing himself for rebuke, she didn't try to convince him he was wrong, or that he should recant. She still hasn't shouted at Zero, even though he deserves it. Zero almost wishes she would, because the guilt is eating him alive.
Zero doesn't know what to do. This is his first relationship, and no one except Yuuki has ever seriously confessed their love to him. Even his intuition cannot offer an easy solution - he can perceive the wreckage in minute detail, but the remedy is too complex. Nonetheless, Zero believes he was not wrong to tell the truth. Lying to Kaname would have been both cruel and unethical, dishonest in the extreme.
But Zero is afraid his honesty has broken any peace that could exist between them. He curses his traitorous heart, because wouldn't all of this be fixed if he could just give Kuran and Yuuki what they wanted? He isn't trying to punish anyone, but he doesn't know if staying away from Kuran will cause more agony or diminish it. He waits for some sign, but Kuran simply repeats the same old romantic gestures with increasing desperation.
The pureblood's behavior is beginning to frighten both Zero and Yuuki. Kuran has never quite recovered from Zero's rejection. There are - to put it politely - lapses in his control, episodes of instability - and sooner or later Yuuki won't be able to explain why Kuran has suddenly entered seclusion.
Without falsely accepting Kuran's love, Zero doesn't know how to help. He forbids himself from leaving Rosehill as punishment, even to ride his mares - two of whom are newly in foal - only allowing himself an escape when he visits Shoshana.
Her improving health is the one piece of continual good news. Able to leave her bed for increasing periods of time, Shoshana's condition seems to have reached a balance. Her midwife believes she may even be able to attend the next Jeweled Court at the end of April if the elder omega wishes.
Zero would rather consign the whole affair to the frozen circles of hell, but sadly does not have the option. The tea group omegas have made it clear his missed cycle and infertility will invite open rebellion.
"I suppose it's time I acted like your mentor. And I owe you an apology. Come, we will discuss the Court," Shoshana says as though reading his mind.
Zero's surprise must show in his face, because Shoshana laughs, a low rough noise. "You wear a particular pained expression when you think of those jackals."
"You don't owe me anything," Zero tells her, pulling up a chair beside her daybed.
"I hope you will say so in time," she replies cryptically. "I have been selfish at the least."
That makes Zero stop and stare. She meets his gaze, dark eyes giving nothing away, then looks away. "I know more secrets and scandals of the Jeweled Court than anyone living. I would hate for that knowledge to pass away with me when it can be put to good use."
Eyebrows nearly climbing to his hairline, Zero chokes. Shoshana is offering to share the entire Court's dirty laundry so he can blackmail any troublemakers.
Zero loves messing with nobles almost as much as he loves taunting purebloods. A grin breaks over his face, and he mock solemnly places a hand over his heart. "I promise not to waste it."
"Good," she murmurs, a matching gleam in her own eye.
"Do you think you'll go to the inner circle meeting today?" Yuuki ventures, glancing over at Kaname. He's sprawled on a settee wearing the same shirt he wore yesterday, confirming her guess that he hasn't slept.
Her husband gestures vaguely, staring off into the distance with burning eyes as he broods. The movement isn't quite crisp - he's on the edge of one of his melancholic episodes, and Kaname is always erratic when he's trapped in the grip of his broken heart.
It's painful to see him this way. But his melancholy is still saner than his pureblooded hunger, the times when Kaname paces and paces, fighting the urge to twist Zero into obedience, the bloodbond crying out with unsatisfied appetite, his craving that cannot be quenched left to fester and turn on itself until he burns with it.
"Please try and come. We can't lower our defenses when the Senate investigation is being so persistent," Yuuki reminds him, trying one last time to reach him.
"How I envy you, Yuuki." The strength of Kaname's voice shocks through the silence like an arrow leaving the bow. Yuuki stiffens, freezing as his wandering attention targets her.
"He sleeps right beside me, but he may as well be a thousand miles distant. You have him, all of him, and the way he looks at you...If I did not love you more than the stars and the moon, more than my own soul, I would kill you for that - for possessing the one thing I desire."
Under that wild gaze, Yuuki doesn't flinch. She is a pureblood too, and jealous of her loves. She bares her teeth, her beast rising in her breast. "If he doesn't love you, it's because of your own actions."
Kaname recoils, fever turning inward as his eyes light on empty air. His hands go slack, drifting to his thighs. Falling into reverie, he seems to forget she is there as the tide of his mood changes and he takes refuge in waking dreams.
Yuuki turns away, swallowing down the guilt and fear. The inner circle should know that Kaname will not be joining them today.
Kaname's alpha is very displeased. His instincts have been quiet for months, glorying in the attainment of everything his alpha has ever wanted - exclusive sexual access to the most beautiful, deadly omega it's ever seen, and being accepted as that omega's potential mate. Now his achievement is undone, the alpha is sour with sexual frustration, and Kaname is being stung with irritating, terrible ideas for making amends during his dwindling lucid periods.
Such as now.
Bring him something shiny, the alpha prods at him, completely ignoring the diagrams and figures Kaname is meant to be focussing on. Really shiny. And big.
Ill-advised as they are, the alpha's complaints are better than the dark moods his monstrous pureblood nature torments him with. They overwhelm him for hours and leave him clawing for a foothold in reality. He can feel one lurking in his temples now, a black fugue where sanity will be as whispy as a cloud, and fantasy bleeds into hallucination. It is difficult to care. The wound is bloody and ugly and infected, a refrain of lovemelovemewhynotwhynot.
Those are the times when Kaname's demons tempt him, conjure delusions before his eyes - the splendid curve of Zero's waist under Kaname's hands, ernest affection in his lilac eyes, his pink lips smiling and curving around around that forbidden word, love. All those things which he desires become real in those moments, only to be snatched away like smoke. The yearning, the wailing greed - ah, that alone could drive him mad.
And in his weakness it seems such a small thing, such a small price he could pay to have Zero - all Kaname would need to do is give in and break his resolve to Yuuki. He could make Zero love him, and Zero would believe it was his own idea with the right manipulation, the right cruelty, the right pressures. It worked with Yuuki, and she's forgiven him.
Sensing Kaname's mental state through their bloodbond, Yuuki sensibly brings the business meeting to a close. Kaname lets her, consumed under the tide of his aching emptiness and apathy. He scrounges up enough poise to see their allies off, but he knows his performance is ever so slightly off.
Maybe if we dump mate's enemies at his feet and kill them very dead, our pretty omega will let us mount him again?
The alpha would grovel and pile pretty things at Zero's feet for his forgiveness. Kaname is very close to giving in.
"You shouldn't get careless just because they're human," Yuuki remarks, shutting the boardroom door behind her, leaving the two of them alone in the room.
Kaname looks at his wife, her concern projected in every line of her body, and experiences a fierce surge of total and complete love. Unable to put adequate words to his feelings, the pureblood embraces his wife, wrapping her smaller body - shorter even in three inch heels - within his arms.
She returns the hug just as fiercely, hiding her face in his suit jacket. "You need to talk to him."
Drinking in her scent, Kaname shakes his head. "What good would it do? His rejection stems from deep scars - scars that words alone cannot heal."
"Well it couldn't hurt," she retorts, frustration making her words sharp. She squeezes him in apology, and they fall silent.
The warmth of her body is pleasant, and moves Kaname's mind in less innocent directions. Denied its usual hit of omega pheromones, his body's lust is set to a hair-trigger.
Yuuki wiggles against him, picking up on his change in mood. "I'm not the only one who misses regular sex, am I?"
Heat spikes in his groin. "No," Kaname rumbles, voice deepening. "Shall we help one another out?"
"I'd love to, but here's not a very good place," she replies, glancing around the sparse boardroom, nothing but four walls, a long table and chairs.
Kaname tsks, going down on his knees and sending a suggestive look up at his wife. "I'm sure we can come up with something suitable."
Her eyes darken, and she moistens her lips, unconsciously shifting her stance wider.
Running his hands up her stocking-clad thighs, Kaname sets out to enjoy himself.
He's too desperate to draw this out, so with only the briefest brush of his fingers against the silk to tease her, he rolls down her hose and untucks her from the special panties she wears to smooth any telltale bulges.
Kaname pauses - just for the briefest moment - to breathe her in, then takes her in the warmth of his mouth, opening his jaw and loosening his throat to accept the thick weight of her on his tongue. Her groans, the taste of her all he can think of, and forces himself further using nothing but his grip on her thighs and the muscles in his throat.
Her thighs shake and tremble, and she melts backward against the conference table. Breathing shallowly, Yuuki covers her mouth with one hand and fists Kaname's hair with the other, hips twitching forward.
Pulling back off her cock, Kaname steals a quick breath before diving in again, lifting her impressive length to the side and licking at her cunt underneath. Not the nectar his alpha desires with its punch of addictive omega pheromones, but irresistible to Kaname all the same. He lavishes her cunt with his tongue, coaxing it wetter and lapping up any stray drops, her muffled groans driving him just as much as the unsatisfied heat between his legs.
Kaname's teasing licks finally goad his wife into action. Yuuki yanks his head up, smearing his cheek with her fluids as she jerks his face toward her cock. Kaname gladly goes back to suckling her shaft, enthusiasm and experience and his exquisitely skilled tongue shoving her over the edge into orgasm in hardly any time at all.
The satisfaction as she fills his mouth is enough to tamp down the urgency of his own lust. Kaname swallows, and licks Yuuki clean, putting her clothes to rights with a thoroughness born of practice.
"What about…?" his wife squeaks, still flatteringly flushed, orgasm-useless fingers pawing at his belt.
Shaking his head, Kaname demurs, giving himself a sharp squeeze. "Later perhaps." Pleasing Yuuki leaves him buoyant and full of glorious clarity, the black cloud of his looming mood chased off. He will save her indulgence for when he may need another fleeting reprieve.
Tugging his waistcoat straight, he allows their breathing to settle, and hearts to slow, willing down his erection.
Yuuki hums in thought as they ruminate in comfortable silence. "Kaname. I think I have an idea."
Yuuki looks down at Zero, seated naked on his pile of duvets and furs in front of their usual mirror, and hopes she's doing the right thing. "Are you sure this is okay?"
Stoic expression not changing a hair, Zero nods. His ribs rise and fall in an easy in-out rhythm, but when he glances toward the door Kaname is waiting behind, the whites of his eyes show. He's spooked, and trying not to show it, but he isn't fearful enough that Yuuki feels the need to pull the plug.
When Yuuki suggested bringing Kaname into their usual sessions, Zero had agreed almost at once. Yuuki suspects it was mostly out of guilt, and probably duty as well, but she hopes at least a tiny part of their Consort wanted Kaname here for his honest support. Even as Zero slowly becomes more comfortable with his body, there are lines that Yuuki's support alone cannot help him cross.
"Remember that you can stop this at any time, and if you don't want Kaname to come again, that's your right, and you don't need a reason," Yuuki tells him, palm on the door handle of her suite.
With one last glance at Zero, who draws his limbs close to his body but doesn't otherwise respond, Yuuki cracks open the door, confirms Kaname is alone in the outer room, and ushers him quickly inside her bedroom.
As Kaname strips off his clothes, Yuuki goes down on her knees beside Zero, judging his tension from a few quick rubs on his back.
Tonight her role is to keep Zero comfortable and safe, and she takes that responsibility seriously. Bringing Kaname in absolutely must not undo Zero's progress, and if Zero shows any sign of regressing she'll throw Kaname out at once.
Zero uncurls a little at her touch, and his limbs loosen when she strokes down his spine again. But once Kaname enters within sight of the mirror, pale skin bared and flawless, some of the uncertainty creeps back in.
"We're okay. You're doing well," Yuuki reminds him, cupping his cheek and turning his gaze to watch her instead. "Can you show Kaname how far you've come?"
A light of pride enters his eyes, and Zero dips his hand, the tips of his fingers resting in the crease of thigh and groin, still resolutely not brushing any part of his female genitals but so much closer than when they started.
"That's my brave, sweet boy," Kaname praises, folding his legs underneath him and settling beside Yuuki. "Can I hold you as we sit?"
"Yes, if you want," Zero replies with the slight uncertainty that's underlain all their interactions since Cross' house.
"I want nothing more," Kaname assures him, nosing their Consort's throat, and whisks Zero into his arms, grasp neither loose nor constraining.
Zero leans back, out of habit resting his weight against his partner, and Kaname's expression turns delighted.
"I meant it, you know," Zero mutters stubbornly, chin touching his chest. "I really do care about you. Just not the way you want."
Time for Yuuki's surprise. She leans in and pats Kaname's shoulder. "I forgot the most important part when I told you about your job, Kaname. I use this time to work on my list of 'one thousand reasons I love Zero'. Since you're here now, you need your own list. And I'm not letting you steal my work, so go on." She makes a shooing motion. Springing this on Kaname is for his own good. If Kaname had time to think he'd come up with something polished and poetic, but Zero needs rough honesty more.
Zero seems rather bemused, and for the first time he has a smile hiding in the creases of his eyes.
Kaname watches the picture the three of them make in the mirror, resting his chin on Zero's shoulder. "Well, I hate to disappoint. Let me see…"
Don't screw this up, she urges him mentally.
"I think the first thing I admired about you, even before I loved you, was the way you held firm to your principles. I could not break you, and that is an exceptionally rare trait." Kaname holds Zero's gaze in the mirror, affectionately nudging Zero's temple with his cheek. "Your pureblood Ancestor was very similar."
"When you feel ready, will you tell me more about her?" Zero ventures.
"Whatever you wish," Kaname promises, arms tightening around Zero's waist. "You know, I never meant to fall in love with you - I fought against it with everything I had. I think when I realized how you were kind even to your enemies, how little you enjoyed hurting anyone, my animosity began to fail."
And so it goes for another half hour. Yuuki feels like rubbing her hands together and laughing madly. She doesn't imagine that she's solved any of their problems - nothing between Zero and Kaname is ever that easy. But a stepping stone, a starting point..perhaps she can give them that.
I take full responsibility for any broken hearts. Please accept this complimentary pack of tissues and my condolences.
Shoshana is referring to her deal with Kaname and Yuuki. She has not told Zero that his alphas are searching for a way to extend his life. She relies on the Kurans for protection from the Senate, and as much as she likes Zero she isn't going to disobey their implied wish for discretion.
Next chapter: 'As your Nature Demands', for real this time. We finally get to the spring court!