Thirty-six
Padmé spent the rest of the afternoon wrapping the mountain of presents that she had purchased for the twins. She knew it was frivolous to do so, that they were simply going to open them all up in a fraction of the time it took her to wrap them. But she didn't care; the joy that opening the gifts would bring Luke and Leia far outweighed any other considerations.
Padmé didn't see Vader for the rest of the afternoon, and for that she was grateful. It seemed that they were incapable of getting along for more than a short time, and it made for a very stressful situation. She remembered that she and Anakin had occasionally had disagreements, for both of them had always been very strong willed. But somehow, this was different. Somehow there was an undercurrent of bitterness and resentment that made their rows far more volatile, far more hurtful. And while Padmé had come to realize that it wasn't Vader who had deprived her of ten years with the twins, she still blamed him for the upheaval in her life. But he wasn't the only one responsible; Palpatine was the true mastermind behind it all. He'd used Anakin all his life, and in the end, had stolen his very soul in return for an empty promise of power. And yet he serves him still, she thought, scarcely able to believe it. A feeling of cold fear suddenly washed over Padmé as she thought of Luke and Leia. Did the emperor know of their existence? Surely he must; Sola knew, and so must the whole galaxy by now. So what were his intentions? What were Vader's? The thought that Vader would turn her precious twins into Siths made Padmé's blood run cold. She knew that both Luke and Leia were very strong with the Force, just like their father. Was it Palpatine's intention to destroy them as he had destroyed their father? Was that the reason he'd allowed Vader to keep them in his life? The more she pondered this, the angrier she got. So when Captain Kassel appeared, Padmé confronted him.
"Where is Lord Vader?" she demanded.
Kassel was taken aback by Padmé's vehemence, as well as the fact that she was inquiring after her husband, something she had not done since she'd come to live in his home.
"He had meetings all day," Kassel told her. "And then he was going to pick up the twins. He has another meeting tonight as well," he told her. "Is there something I can help you with, Milady?"
"No," she replied. "Thank you Captain. This is something I need to discuss with him personally."
"I'm not sure how long he'll be home today, to tell you the truth," Kassel told her. "He's got a pretty busy day."
"I see," Padmé replied. "I suppose maybe I should make an appointment," she quipped.
Kassel smiled. "Not a bad idea," he said. "It would ensure you get a chance to talk to him uninterrupted."
Padmé nodded. "Thank you Captain," she said. "I'll keep that in mind."
Veslack Academy – later that day
Vader glanced at the chrono in the speeder, wondering if he should have asked Kassel to pick up Luke and Leia. As much as he hated meetings, he hated being late even more. All he needed was for one crony to make a casual remark to the emperor about his tardiness for things to become even more complicated in his life. He still had not decided what he would tell Palpatine about Padmé, how the emperor would react to learning that Vader's wife was now living with him and their children. He will no doubt be pleased by how much my wife hates me, he reflected darkly. Perhaps that alone will appease him.
"Hi Dad!"
Vader looked over to see his twins coming towards him, a tall man he didn't recognize accompanying him. He got out of the speeder to wait for them. Vader frowned, sensing the man's nervousness at once. Who is this? He wondered, noting how young and fit the man was. It brought to mind how he had once looked, handsome and strong. Padmé would find me repulsive, now, he thought in frustration. She'd be right to.
"Dad, this is Mr. Wagar," Leia said, indicating the young man beside them. "Mr. Wagar, our father, Lord Darth Vader."
"It's good to meet you, sir," Wagar said, extending a hand to Vader.
Vader shook the man's hand, squeezing it a little tighter than he normally would. "Wagar," he said, remembering what his children had told him about him.
"I don't want to hold you up," Wagar said, flexing his hand after Vader had released it, "but I just wanted to let you know how awesome Luke did today in the pool. The lessons he's been getting have really helped a lot."
Vader nodded. "I understand Miss Kinsky is an excellent teacher," he replied, watching the young man for his reaction.
Wagar smiled. "Oh yeah," he said. "She's a special lady all right. I can't believe she just up and left," he added sadly. "I'm sure gonna miss her."
Vader had to fight back the urge to choke the man where he stood and simply nodded in response. "Come, Luke and Leia," he said, turning to his children. "I have a meeting to get to."
Luke and Leia climbed into the speeder and waved to Mr. Wagar as Vader sped away.
"So that is the infamous Mr. Wagar," Vader remarked as he directed the speeder homeward.
"He wanted to meet you, Dad," Luke said. "Sorry."
"No, it's all right," Vader replied. "It's good to have a face to put with the name."
"He's kind of a duffus, isn't he?" Leia asked.
Vader nodded. "Very much so," he replied, causing the twins to giggle. "I'm glad your mother won't be having any more dealings with that man," he added.
"So is she," Luke piped up.
Vader smiled under his mask as they sped towards home.
"Aren't you coming in?" Leia asked when Vader remained in the speeder once they'd reached home.
"No," Vader told her. "I have a meeting to attend."
"When will you be home?" Luke asked.
"Not until very late," Vader replied. At first he'd been annoyed by constantly having to account for his whereabouts to his children; but he'd soon come to realize that it was part of their own insecurities, and a demonstration of their love for him. So now he simply accepted it, and was patient with their questions.
"Have a good meeting, Dad," Leia said, as she gave her father a kiss on the mask, another simple yet strange ritual it had taken Vader some time to get used to.
"That is highly unlikely, young one," Vader remarked. "But thank you anyway."
Leia and Luke waved him off and then headed for the lift, eager to see their mother and tell her all the news of the day. Upon reaching the third level, the twins ran off of the lift and straight to their mother's room. However, she wasn't there. Confused, they looked at one another, as though in silent communication, and then realized where she was. Leaving her room, they headed down the corridor for their own room. They were about to start telling their mother all about their day at school when the sight that met their eyes stopped them cold.
The common room between the two bedrooms had been decorated so that it was festooned with streamers and balloons. In the center of the room, on one of the desks, was a large birthday cake. And on the floor, seemingly covering it, were presents. More presents than either of them had ever seen in one place at one time. And standing to the side of the room was their mother, who was no doubt responsible for all of this.
"Mom!" Leia said, her eyes still taking in all the presents, "what's all this?"
"What does it look like?" Padmé asked.
"It looks like the mother of all birthday parties," Luke quipped.
Padmé smiled. "Well, I suppose it is," she replied.
The twins looked up at her. "But it's not our birthday," Leia countered. "It was weeks and weeks ago."
Padmé nodded. "I know that," she said, walking towards them. "But I have missed the first ten years of your life," she told them. "And your first ten birthdays," she added, putting an arm around each of them. "This is to make up for all those missed birthdays," she continued. "In a small way. I can never make them up completely, but I wanted to do something."
Luke and Leia were stunned by their mother's gesture, and didn't know what to say. So instead of saying anything, they both embraced her tightly, surrounding her in a giant warm hug. Padmé hugged them back, her emotions once more filling her. "Go ahead," she said. "I'm sure you're both eager to see what's in all those packages."
"Oh yeah," Luke said. "You can say that again!"
Padmé laughed, and went to sit down on one of the chairs as the twins set to work opening their gifts.
It was very late that night when Vader returned to his home. The meeting had dragged on far longer than he'd anticipated, and had left him in a most foul mood.
It was quiet when he stepped off the lift; no doubt the twins were already sleeping. Reaching out his mind to theirs, he saw that he was right. He walked down the corridor to their room to watch them sleep, as was his custom each night. Somehow he felt incomplete until he had done so.
Luke's room was the first he entered, and he was surprised by how tidy it was. Surely this wasn't the boy's doing, he mused, knowing his son well enough to realize that he was as messy as he'd once been. Threepio must have been busy today. Vader walked over to his son's bedside and watched him sleep, brushing his hair lightly as he did so. The love he felt for his children was almost frightening in its intensity, for he knew that he would do anything to protect them. Anything.
Next he entered Leia's room, and walked over to her bedside. Her long braids were splayed out on the pillow beside her as she slept. Vader touched her face lightly, making her turn on her side. He left the room then and headed for his own room.
Padmé's room was down the corridor from the twins', but he knew that he could not presume to enter it uninvited. Vader clenched his fists when he thought about Len Wagar. Surely nothing had gone on between them, he reasoned. Surely she wasn't attracted to him. But he was young, and fit and whole…a woman such as Padmé needed a man in her life. She was so sensual, so passionate…and I'm human wreckage, he thought in frustration. He stood outside her doorway for a moment, to determine if she too was asleep. She was, and so he went on his way, feeling strangely alone in the large house.
I arrive at the private landing platform outside of Padmé's apartment a short time later. The lights are on, she is still up. This brings an odd sense of relief, as I realize that my dream was nothing more than that, nothing more than the misery of missing her wreaking havoc with my imagination.
I know I am being reckless by showing up like this; for although her hand maidens know of our marriage, no one else does. I can only hope that there in no one here with her who might grow suspicious if they see me suddenly walk in. Padmé will be upset with me if this is the case. I don't care about that now… I need to see my wife, and I don't give a damn about the risks anymore.
Walking into the apartment, I hear Padmé s voice in the other room. She is not alone. I stand and wait for her to appear, and she does within short order. And with her is the man I saw on the holonet, the man who kissed her.
"Anakin!!" Padmé exclaims upon seeing me.
"Hello senator," I reply, my rage impossible to hide. "I'm sorry to show up like this, I didn't realize you had company."
Padmé can see how angry I am, she'd be blind not to. But before she can say anything in response, a third person enters the room. This one I recognize; Padmé's sister, Sola.
"Oh, hello Anakin," she says, giving Padmé a significant look. "Imagine running into you here."
I look from Sola back to Padmé, thoroughly confused now.
"Hello Sola," I reply. "I'm rather surprised to see you as well."
"Sola and her husband, Darred, have been here on Coruscant for the past week," Padme explains. "It was their 10th wedding anniversary, and decided to take a trip to celebrate."
"Congratulations," I say, feeling the relief spilling out of me.
"Thanks," Darred replies. He is regarding me with suspicion, ironically enough, and no doubt wonders why I have access to Padmé's apartment.
"Anakin has been my protector for over a year now," Padmé explains. "He checks in on me from time to time, don't you Anakin?"
"That's right," I reply, feeling guilty now for having put Padmé in this awkward position. "Whenever I'm on Coruscant, I try to stop by to make sure your sister is still maintaining her security measures."
Sola nods. "Yes, I know how stubborn my little sister can be," she replies, smiling at Padmé. "I'm glad you keep her on her toes, Anakin."
"No need to thank me, Sola," I reply.
"Well we should be going, Sola," Darred replies. "It's getting late. Thank you again for dinner, Padmé," he says, kissing her cheek lightly. "And thank Rabé as well. She out did herself."
"You're very welcome," Padmé replies, hugging her sister and brother-in-law. "I'll walk you out."
"Nice to meet you, Anakin," Darred says, extending his hand to me.
"Same here," I reply, shaking my brother-in-law's hand.
"Goodbye Anakin," Sola says, smiling at me. "It was nice seeing you again. Thank you for watching out for my sister."
I smile at her. "You're very welcome, Sola. It was great seeing you again too."
I stand in the great room as Padmé walks the two of them out. I feel like an idiot now; but how was I to know?? I have never laid eyes on Sola's husband before; how was I to know? Still, I cannot help but feel guilty for ever having doubted my wife. She would no more cheat on me than I would on her.
"It's wonderful to see you, Anakin."
I look up to see my wife enter the room. She is looking at me strangely, as though she knows what was going through my mind. She has always been able to read me.
"I'm sorry I came in like that, Padmé," I begin. "I didn't know you would have company."
"It's alright," she replies, walking over to me. "You seemed rather upset when you first arrived. Is something wrong?"
I shake my head. "Not now," I say, pulling her into my arms.
She is not so easily put off. "I don't believe that," she replies. "When you came in that door you looked furious, Anakin. You were looking at Darred like you wanted to kill him. Don't tell me you're jealous of my brother-in-law."
"I didn't know he was your brother-in-law until you told me, Padmé," I reply. "I guess I was a little jealous."
Padmé lifts one eyebrow. "A little?" she responds. "A bit more than that, I'd say. What did you think, Anakin? That I had a gentleman caller here?"
I sigh, knowing I was not going to get out of this too easily. "No, of course not," I reply. "I saw you and Darred on the holonews the other night, and I had no idea who he was. I saw him kiss you, Padmé. How would you expect me to react?"
"I would expect you to trust me, Anakin," she replies, her body tensing in my arms.
"Of course I trust you," I reply, running my hands over her back. "Surely you know that."
"Then why were you so quick to jump to conclusions when you saw me with Darred?" she asks.
I have no answer for her, no answer that will make this mess any better.
"I…I didn't jump to conclusions, Padmé," I tell her. "I am just so crazy without you, so miserable not being with you, that when I saw you with him it made me insane with jealousy. Not because I thought you would ever do anything with him, with anyone; but because he was with you instead of me. He was able to be seen in public with you, he even kissed you! I can never do that, and it kills me to realize that. I'm sorry if that makes me a jerk, Padmé, but I'm so wild about you that it sometimes makes me insane. Does any of that make sense?"
Padmé looks up at me, her eyes softening as I pour out my heart to her.
"Yes Ani, it makes sense," she replies, relaxing into my arms once again. She brings her hands up to my face and runs her fingers into my hair. "I'm sorry you were made to feel that way. You know that you are the only man I will ever love, the only man who makes me feel alive."
I nod, the proximity of our bodies driving me wild. I run my hands up and down her back, pressing her body against mine. Pulling her face to mine, I kiss her, weeks of frustrating, forced abstinence having taken their toll on me. I run my hands into her hair as my mouth claims hers. Yes, Padmé, I am the only man who can make you feel this way…you are mine, Padmé, and mine alone…
Vader awoke at this point, his body afire with unfulfilled longing. In the past ten years he'd learned to master the feelings of physical need that had been such a huge part of his relationship with his wife. He'd learned to sublimate them, to use them to his advantage. Lust was a dark emotion, and he'd used it, on the rare occasion when he'd experienced it, to drive himself deeper into the darkness. But now, things were different. This time it wasn't just a memory of her that had created the fire in his veins; Padmé was here, she was alive, and she was sleeping mere meters from where he sat right now, frustrated with unquenchable desire for her. Self-loathing and bitterness filled him as he fought against the waves of lust that crashed over him; she would never accept him now, even if she knew that, in at least one respect, he was still fully human. No, in her eyes he was a monster, a murderer and a cyborg, not a man; although at this moment he was reminded in no uncertain terms that he was indeed very much a man. Vader pressed his hands to his eyes, as though to squeeze the images from his dream from his mind. How many other occasions had he done the same over the past ten years, when memories of her haunted him in his sleep, when desire for her raged through his body like the wild fires of Mustafar. I must get away from here, he thought desperately; I have to put some distance between us until I can learn to master this…
With this thought in mind, Vader donned his mask and helmet and left his quarters, deciding that some time spent in the gym would help him work through the frustration he was feeling.
The next morning
Luke and Leia joined their mother for breakfast early the next day, each of them wearing one of the new outfits she'd bought for them. Padmé was pleased that they'd liked her choices.
"Where's Dad this morning?" Luke asked.
"I haven't seen him," Padmé replied. It was clear that the boy idolized his father, for each time they were together Luke's eyes shone with hero worship.
"Did he go shopping with you yesterday?" Leia asked. "I know how much he hates shopping."
"No, Captain Kassel came with me," Padmé told her. "Your father was at meetings all day."
"He goes to a lot of those," Luke observed.
Padmé nodded, all the while reflecting that 'meeting' was no doubt often a euphemism for something far more sinister. "Well, he's an important man in the Empire," she said. "It's natural that he would."
"I hate it when he goes away," Leia said.
"Yes, I know you do," Padmé said. "You told me so when I was your school councilor," she reminded her.
"Oh yeah," Leia said with a smile. "It's kind of weird to think of you as Miss Kinsky now," she said. "Mr. Wagar is broken hearted, by the way," she added.
"Oh please," Padmé said. "I barely knew him."
"That's not what he says," Luke piped up. "He's telling everybody how you and him were a …what was the word we heard him use, Leia?"
"An item," Leia said. "We overheard him talking to some of the teachers outside," she explained. "He's saying that you and him were dating, Mom. Don't you think he ought to be stopped?"
Padmé nodded. "Yes, but how do you propose we do that?" she asked. "Your father doesn't want anyone to know who I am," she added.
"I don't know why," Luke said. "After all, he's so happy to have you back. You'd think he'd want to brag to everybody about it."
Padmé smiled, not wanting to crush her son's delusison. "Well, I guess he doesn't see it that way," she replied. "Now come on you two," she said, changing the subject. "It's almost time to go."
Luke and Leia said no more, but focused on their breakfast, determined not to be late for school, just this once.
"We're leaving in ten minutes, kids," Han Solo announced as he entered the room. "Got that kiddo?" he said, looking at Luke. "Ten minutes."
Luke smiled sheepishly. "Got it," he said.
"Good morning, Han," Padmé said.
Han looked at her, his face reddening slightly. "Uh, good morning, Milady," he said. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "About the other day," he said, "that …remark I made," he continued, his face growing redder by the minute.
"Forget it," Padmé said. "I don't want you to feel badly about that, Han. You didn't know who I was."
"No, and believe me, if I had…" he stopped, shaking his head. "I'm just glad Lord Vader was so good about it. He strikes me as kind of the jealous type."
Padmé smiled. "Well that may have been true many years ago," she said. "But now…I'm not so sure."
Han was puzzled by her comment, but said nothing. "I'll wait for you two downstairs," he told the twins. "Don't make me come up here and kick your… I mean don't keep me waiting."
Luke and Leia giggled at Han's comment and looked at their mother, who seemed equally amused.
"Han's a cool guy," Luke said. "At first we tried to ditch him whenever we got the chance, but now we like him."
"He grows on you," Leia put in.
"Yes, I can tell," Padmé said. "You heard what he said, though," she added. "Time to go brush you teeth or you'll be late for sure."
"Okay Mom," the twins said in unison as they stood up.
"And Luke, try to keep the toothpaste off your shirt this time," Padmé heard Leia say as they walked out the door. She smiled, as the serving droid entered the room.
"Is there anything else I can get you, Milady?" it asked.
"No, thank you," she said, standing up. "Is Lord Vader still at home?" she asked.
"I don't know, Milady," the droid replied. "I can enquire if you wish."
"No, that won't be necessary," Padmé said, deciding she'd seek him out herself. "I'll find him myself."