A/N: Good afternoon my lovely readers! This chapter is pretty long because, if you couldn't guess by the chapter title, it is another concert chapter. Hope you enjoy reading it because I had a tough time writing it for some reason. But I did it! I'll keep this authors note short for you as to not keep you from reading on.
Standard disclaimers apply. I own nothing.
Chapter 38: String of Pearls
Leaf
A knocking sound on my bedroom door awoke me from my slumber. I opened my eyes, the sight of my bedroom coming into focus ever so slowly. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table and saw that it was only a few minutes past seven o'clock in the morning.
I squeezed my eyes shut and curled into my warm blankets even further, praying that the knocking on my door was just my imagination and nothing more.
But then it came again. I pretended to still be asleep, because frankly I wished that I still was.
"Leaf!" a girl on the other side of the door whispered softly. "Come on! Wake up!"
Go away, I thought inside my head. It's too early to wake up. Come back when the numbers on the clock are in the double digits.
I heard the door creak open as well as shoes shuffling forward across the hardwood floor.
"Leaf!" I recognized the voice as Dawn's. I then convinced my half-asleep self that this had to be some sort of dream, because I knew Dawn would never come and wake me up this early for any reason…unless the building was on fire. If that were the case I might consider waking up.
"Still sleeping. Call back later," I mumbled into my pillow.
"How are you talking to me if you're asleep?" Dawn asked.
"Sleep talking. Please leave your message after the tone…beeeeeeeeeeep…" I said sleepily before I pulled the covers up over my face.
"Leaf, you need to get up! We've got like a million things to do today!" Dawn's voice came closer. If I had my eyes open, I would probably see her standing beside my bed.
I just moaned gently and stayed put where I was. Maybe it was like facing an angry Pokémon, and if I stayed perfectly still and quiet it would eventually leave me alone.
Abruptly, my Silcoon of warmth and comfort was stripped away, letting the cold morning air encircle my body and jolt me awake. I opened my eyes again to glare at the blunette girl who I used to call a friend, standing over me with my comforter in her hands.
"You're cruel…" I muttered up at her, shivering without the warmth of my blanket.
"And you're lazy! Do you even have your outfit ready yet?" she asked judgingly.
"Outfit for what? It's too early to go anywhere…" I insisted as I sat up. My long-sleeved nightgown did nothing to cover my legs at all. I could see my skin starting to develop Zangoose-flesh from the cold.
"Leaf, wake up already!" Dawn snapped her fingers in front of my face. "The Pearl concert is TODAY! And we need to get ready! Now is your outfit for the concert picked out or not?'
"Oh…" I articulated dumbly, my memories breaking through the surface of my grogginess. "It's not. Sorry. But why do I need to pick it now?"
"We've got preparations to make for tonight! You won't have any time to pick it out later! I guess I'll help you then. Go brush your hair and I'll find you something to wear."
I nodded my head tiredly and swung my legs over the side of my bed. I stood up to go find my hairbrush as Dawn made her way over to my closet. I picked up my black brush off of my dresser before flopping back down on my bed sleepily. But as I was about to start running it through my tangled bed-head, I heard a loud thump behind me.
I turned my head to see Dawn on her knees in front of my now-opened closet. Fear struck me first.
"Dawn!? Are you okay!?" I asked fearfully as I got up from the bed and went over to the spot where Dawn sat.
"It's…it's so…" she stuttered, staring blankly in front of her.
"Dawn, cut it out! You're starting to scare me!" I insisted as I leaned down beside her.
"It's so…BEAUTIFUL!" she clasped her hands together and stared in awe.
I collapsed beside her in dumbstruck shock. It appeared that Dawn's fashion obsession was taking control that morning. I cursed myself for letting her near my closet.
"You've got to be kidding me," I sighed.
"This is like, the greatest fashion challenge I've ever been given! Leaf, you've got to let me pick your outfit for tonight! With this selection, I'm sure I can come up with the most amazing ensemble for you to wear!"
"Whatever…" I said indifferently, getting up from the floor. I went back to brushing my hair as Dawn dug her hands into my closet. "If you see anything you like in there, you can have it. I've been meaning to get rid of most of those for a while now."
"You shouldn't tempt me with such offers Leaf," she responded. "And besides, why would you ever want to get rid of any of these!?"
As Dawn chatted on about clothes, I tuned her out and lowered my hand holding the hairbrush. I touched the metal chain around my wrist, which felt burning hot against my skin from wearing it all night.
That's right. I'll never change…I'll never be brave enough to wear any of that stuff. Getting rid of it all is the smartest thing to do. It just makes sense…
"Hey Leaf."
I lifted my head and turned my attention back on Dawn. She held in her hands a grey lace skirt.
"What do you think?" she asked.
"It's too cold for skirts," I said. "I'll wear jeans, thanks."
"Aww, but you'd look so cute in it!" Dawn complained.
"If you think it's so cute, then you can wear it. But I want to wear jeans." I stood my ground.
"Well someone's awfully grouchy this morning," she teased as she put the skirt back.
I threw my pillow at her back in revenge, which she hadn't been expecting. Dawn fell backwards onto her butt against the floor. "Well if you didn't want me to be grouchy, then you shouldn't have woken me up so early!" I complained.
Dawn turned back to face me. She smiled all of a sudden, which threw me off.
"Finally!" she exclaimed.
"Huh?" I questioned, completely confused.
"Your finally back to acting like yourself!" Dawn clarified.
I gasped shortly, before my shoulders sunk in guilt. I slipped down from my seat on the bed to sit on the floor like she was. "What do you mean?"
"I mean you've been acting all depressed for almost three whole weeks now. I was starting to worry that I'd never see you get happy or mad or care about anything ever again!" Dawn told me as she hugged my pillow to her chest.
Meanwhile I could feel my heart sinking in mine. Had I really worried her that much? No, not just Dawn, but May and Misty too. By stewing about my own problems, I had been giving them all cause to worry.
"I'm sorry…" I said, leaning my head down in shame. "I didn't mean to make you worry about me."
"Its fine Leaf," Dawn assured me. "That's what a best friend's for. Like how you worried about me when I totally lost it."
I smiled at her reassurance, but my guilt refused to subside. It seemed that lately, all I was good for was blaming myself.
"Thank you…for being here. All of you. But I'll be fine. So don't worry anymore, okay?"
I heard Dawn sigh. "Leaf…you know, it's okay to be sad sometimes."
I lifted my head to look at her, confusion coloring my expression.
"I honestly wish you'd just talk to us. You know you don't have to pretend to be okay for our sake."
"Dawn…" I trailed off.
"We're here for you," Dawn smiled.
I knew that. I knew…but sometimes it was easy to forget. It's strange how one can still feel alone even when surrounded by people that care about them. It took a certain mindset to mistakenly shut out the world. It took knowing true loneliness and loss. Both of which I had known very well.
It's okay to be sad…you don't have to pretend for our sake…we're here for you…
But it wasn't okay. Not for me. I had to get it together. Right now there were more important things going on than my own situation. I understood Dawn's concern, because if I were in her shoes I'd be doing the same thing. But my problems just weren't important right now. What was important was our performance tonight, and my friends.
I shook off the shame and the sadness from my face. Dawn and the others wouldn't be able to concentrate today if they were busy worrying about me, so I needed to give them no cause to do such. I would be alright. I had to be, for them.
"Are the others here too?" I asked.
Dawn's expression shifted to one of surprise. "Yeah, they are," Dawn admitted.
"Could you give me a minute? I just want to get dressed. But…if you guys are really that worried, then I'll tell you what happened when I'm done."
Dawn let out a breath of relief and smiled normally at me before she got up from the floor. "Of course." She left my bedroom soon after, leaving me by myself once more.
I got up from the floor as well and took a deep breath to steady myself. I knew my friends, and they weren't going to stop worrying unless I gave them something. The weight of what I did still sat heavily on my heart, but I didn't see any way around it. Although it would be painful to do so, I needed to tell them that Gary and I were no longer friends.
And I needed to convince them that I was fine. Even though that too would be a lie.
But I would do it anyway. Because the thought of them wasting time worrying about me just made me feel even worse. I knew I would be fine, even though the wounds on my heart were still fresh right now. I would adapt to live like this eventually, like I always did. The pain would subside because I would make it subside. I would push it down like everything else to a place where it couldn't hurt me. And then I would continue on living like always. It was the only way I knew how to survive. And it had gotten me this far.
I brushed my hair quickly until it fell straight around my shoulders. I threw on distressed dark blue skinny jeans and a grey and black sweater. I drew back the covering from my full-length mirror and looked at myself.
I looked tired, admittedly. My green eyes were less bright, and I was paler than normal. But I plastered a convincing smile on my face anyway before letting the cover fall back over the mirror. I pushed the usual mocking voices to the back of my mind and concentrated on being convincing.
I walked out of my bedroom and into the living room where all three of my friends were waiting anxiously. They looked up at me immediately as I entered the room. I raised my right eyebrow and put my right hand on my hip, smirking normally at their worried glances.
"No offense, but you guys look terrible," I laughed at their surprised faces. "What? Do you all have permanent storm clouds hanging over your heads these days?"
I saw May brighten immediately. Before I knew it, she'd jumped up from her seat and tackled me into a crushing hug.
"YAY! She's back!" May squealed in delight.
"Back? I didn't go anywhere," I reminded her.
May pulled back and continued to smile happily. "Well it feels like you did! But now your back to normal, thank Arceus!"
"I think what May is trying to say," Misty interjected. "Is that it's nice to see you in higher spirits Leaf."
I kept my smile up on the outside, but inside I was growing increasingly guilty.
"Well, about that…" I started as I pulled away from May's embrace. "I think I owe you guys an apology for the last few weeks."
"Its fine Leaf," Misty insisted. "You don't need to apologize for needing time."
"But I do need to apologize for making you worry about me," I argued, sitting down in the unoccupied armchair. "Especially when there isn't even a lot to tell."
"Well, you're here now!" May interjected, sitting on the couch along with Dawn and Misty. "And we're here to listen if you're ready to talk to us."
I smiled thankfully at them. Sometimes I wondered what I ever did to receive friends as amazing as them. But whatever it was, I was glad I'd done it. My friends meant everything to me. Enough so that I would sacrifice anything if it was for them.
"Okay then. Well, a few weeks ago, after the Emotion gallery, I had promised to walk back to the dorms with Gary. And as I told Dawn and May, we had a fight."
"What did you fight about?" Dawn asked, concern evident in her voice.
"About…well, the two of us mainly. He um…he wanted us to be more than friends, and I didn't want that. I just wanted to stay friends."
"So he DID make a move on you!?" May exploded in shock.
"He…wait, what?" I asked, confused and surprised by her outburst.
"We were wondering what could have happened between you guys to make you all depressed! But it was just a theory! I can't believe Gary really did that!" May froze in her outburst. "Actually…never mind, yes I can."
"No, wait. It wasn't really his fault," I tried to defend him. "I mean, the conversation had been a long time coming. But I…I just didn't feel the same way, you know? So long story short…we're not, we're just not friends anymore."
The girls all looked at each other in disbelief. Misty turned back to me first.
"You're kidding right?" she asked incredulously.
"What?" I questioned. "No. Why would I joke about something like that?"
"Leaf, don't you remember the first day of freshman year!? Gary was over the moon to see you again! And now, just because you turned him down, you guys are just gonna cut ties!? After all you've been through!?" Misty asked.
"We have to Misty," I told her, trying to hide my own shame. "Gary doesn't want to be friends, and I don't want to be anything more. It's better this way, for us to just not be around each other anymore."
"Leaf…" she trailed off.
"I can't believe it," May spoke up next. "I just can't believe that you two aren't friends anymore."
"You guys," I stood up. "I know this is sudden. But try and understand that I've had time to think about this, and I accept it. This was my choice. You don't need to support it, but you need to respect it. And besides, I think it'll be for the best."
May and Misty fell silent. Dawn looked up at me with a look I could only describe as skeptical.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
I smiled my most reassuring smile. "I'm okay you guys. I've come to terms with it, but I am sorry it took me so long to tell you. But please don't be sad about it on my account. We've got a performance to put on, remember!?"
The girls looked at each other before standing up like I was. They all still looked fairly disheartened, as I was afraid they would be, but they also looked relieved to see me back to my calm nature. Apparently I was a better actor then I thought.
"Dawn, will you still help me pick an outfit?" I asked.
"Oh, of course! Sure…" she responded disoriented.
"And what else needs to get done?" I inquired.
"Well, we still need to meet with the stage director to confirm all the preparations, and we need to do one more run through," Dawn listed.
"Okay! May, Misty, why don't you go do that. Dawn and I will meet you once we're done to take care of the rest!" I suggested.
They perked up at seeing my prioritizing attitude kick in once more. Misty and May nodded in agreement before bidding us farewell. I turned back to Dawn once the door had closed.
"Okay Fashionista. Time to work your magic!" I announced as I pulled her along behind me.
But although both Dawn and I were grinning like nothing was wrong, I got the feeling that I wasn't the only one hiding something behind my smile.
Chaos whirled around me in the form of three teenage girls within the closed space of the dressing room. I sat quietly in front of the mirror while watching my friends freak out, sweating slightly at the anarchy they were causing.
"Did you double check with the sound crew?" Dawn asked hysterically.
"Yes, AND the lighting crew!" May responded.
"Are all the instruments backstage? You guys did bring them down, didn't you?"
"Yeah, we did. Has anyone seen my hat?" Misty asked, digging around her belongings.
"Where are my shoes!?" May questioned in a panic.
"What time is it!? I have to know how much time we've got left!"
I sighed to myself and checked my pokétch. There were twenty minutes before the concert was set to start at 6 pm. I was already dressed in my plain black dress pants and sheer yellow blouse. I wore a white lace vest over it and Dawn had persuaded me to wear pure white high heels on my feet. All that was left to be done was for Dawn to finish curling my hair, which again she had insisted. But I didn't mind. As long as it satisfied Dawn's image of what she wanted me to look like, I was content to play along.
"Its 5:40 Dawn. Misty, your hat is over by the far mirror, and May, the shoes you wanted to borrow from Dawn are in her purse," I answered.
The girls all rushed after receiving my information, and breathed a collective sigh of relief.
"Man it's good to have you back!" May commented as she slipped on Dawn's black dress sandals. Along with her regular red bandanna, tied into a headband on top of her head, she wore a long sleeved black and blue stripped shirt with a black ruffle skirt.
Misty pulled on her beige cycling cap over her let-down orange hair. It completed her outfit of matching beige shorts over black leggings and a wine-colored quarter sleeved shirt. She wore her favorite red and yellow converse shoes on her feet.
Dawn meanwhile came up behind me to finish my hair, looking much calmer than before. I looked at her reflection in the mirror. She sported an off the shoulder pink blouse with a jean skirt and grey tights. She wore a black and white striped suit jacket over her shirt and she had white ankle boots on her feet. Her hair was pulled up in a messy, yet stylish twist, and she'd already finished her make-up for the night.
I watched as her hands worked magic with my thick mane of hair, turning boring straight plates into a mess of chestnut curls. I played with the gold bracelet around my wrist, trying to stay calm for at least the next half-hour.
After all, we were opening the show.
As the only other members of the band program, Principal Cynthia had gotten the idea to have one band open the concert and the other one close. And since Heroes Flaw had gotten the highest score at the last concert, they were entitled to the closing spot. Which left Changing Grace to open the night of the concert. It was obvious that we were all a little nervous to be given such a task.
"There! All done!" Dawn announced as she lowered the curling iron in her hand.
I stood up from the chair and turned away from the mirror. It seemed that the turmoil had settled down among my friends, and we were all set to go.
"Thanks Dawn. Alright guys, let's get out there!" I cheered enthusiastically.
"Right!" Misty and May agreed simultaneously.
We exited the dressing room one after another, with Dawn bringing up the end. She tapped my shoulder from behind as we were leaving, causing me to turn and face her.
"Leaf, are you sure you're okay?" she asked hesitantly.
I smiled the same reassuring smile I'd been practicing all day. "Of course I am! No need to worry, right?"
"But…" Dawn trailed off.
"I'm really okay Dawn!" I assured her again. "Just concentrate on singing those people's heads off!"
But no matter how much I tried to brush it off as nothing, I couldn't help but notice that Dawn still looked worried. I had to give her credit, Dawn was much more intuitive then she seemed. Despite all my reassurances, she still suspected that I wasn't telling my friends the whole truth. She seemed stubbornly adamant that I was not in fact okay.
But I was. I had to be after all. There were more important things going on right now then my personal battles. I was okay. I was…
We made our way backstage behind the velvet curtains, along with the rest of the music students. They were all busy watching the giant TV screen that depicted the stage, where our principal was currently addressing the audience.
"Looks like we made it just in time," Misty whispered.
"As you all know," Principal Cynthia announced. "Every music act is given a total score out of forty points for their performance tonight. Because this is the second concert of the year, their scores tonight will be added to their previous scores from the Diamond concert to determine their new ranking. Tonight, we will display all of the student's scores for the Pearl concert after the show, but their final rankings will not be posted until tomorrow."
"Changing Grace!"
We all turned at the sound of our band name. I spotted a stage crew member calling for us by the edge of the crowd. All four of us made our way over to him.
"That's us!" Dawn called as we broke through the crowd of music students.
"You're up first. Get into position please," he informed us.
"Right! Thank you!" Dawn responded again before turning back to us.
"It's finally time!" May cheered. "Let's go, already!"
I located my lime green electric guitar by the rest of the instruments. A few more members of the tech crew had to help wheel Misty's blue drums and May's keyboard onto the stage behind the dark curtain. Microphones were set up all around us, with Dawn in the middle and me off to stage right.
I pulled my electric's strap over my head and plugged it into the amp nearest to me. Anxiously, I glanced off towards the side of the stage, where some of the other music students were watching us from behind the curtain. I flinched when I saw three guys that I recognized.
Paul, Drew and Ash were in my line of sight backstage. I didn't see Gary with them, but I concluded that he must have been here somewhere in the area if they were here. That thought both relaxed me and intensified my nervousness at the same time.
Ash caught my eye and gave me a thumbs-up, along with Pikachu who was perched on his shoulder as usual. I smiled sincerely, for what felt like the first time in weeks. In that moment, I forced myself to forget everything else. I took a deep breath and concentrated on the time and the place I was currently in.
Dawn was center stage, adjusting her microphone to fit her shorter stature. May stood at her keyboard, her fingers itching to start their path across the keys. And Misty sat at her drums, twirling her drumsticks between her fingers in anticipation.
That's right, I remembered. This is the one thing that I can do right. This is the one place where I know I belong. Standing beside the people most important to me, and doing something only I can do.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the second concert of the Hearthome Academy school year! The Pearl concert!" the announcer proclaimed, gaining the applause of the audience. "Starting us off this time, is the newly formed, all-female participants of the band program. Everyone, please give a warm round of applause to the act of Dawn Berlitz, May Maple, Leaf Green and Misty Waterflower! This is Changing Grace! Performing their original song, Already Gone!"
The curtain lifted and the familiar blinding lights obscured my vision as the explosive sound of the audience clouded my senses. I breathed in clarity as I fingered the guitar strings under my hands.
Everything's okay. I chanted in my mind. Everything will be okay.
May and I nodded to each other. We started in, and all I felt was calm.
(Already Gone- by Kelly Clarkson)
Playing my usual guitar and singing harmony felt harder than it usually was. I'd gone into this song with confidence, but by the time it had ended I felt heavy and defeated. The lyrics cut deep into me, seeing as they'd been inspired by the deeds I'd already committed. Seems that within the last few weeks, the only release for my pain was to turn it into something else.
Music. Ironic that even though my oldest friend hated me now, he still served to act as my muse.
The crowd cheered, but I barely registered the sound. I unplugged my guitar from the amp as the stage crew rushed to get the stage set up for the next act. The girls and I made our way offstage. But while my friends were all brimming from the high of performing, my attitude was far more subdued.
"We rocked out there!" May bragged.
"Do you guys think I did okay?" Dawn questioned.
"Hell yeah!" Misty assured her. "The song was way different from your usual style, but you knocked it outta the park anyway!"
"Thanks! I was nervous, but I'm glad I did it justice! It was Leaf's song after all."
I snapped out of my fretting by the sound of my name. I forced a nonchalant smile onto my lips.
"Well, there's no one I'd rather have sing my song then you Dawn," I contributed.
Our conversation was cut off by a swarm of music students who enveloped us backstage. Their congratulations were much appreciated by my band-mates, and although I was pleased by their words, I found myself too distracted to receive them properly.
"I gotta say, it's kind of nice to go first!" May commented as the crowd died down a bit, switching her attention back to the TV screen. "Now we can just relax for the rest of the night!"
"But it also means we have to wait longer to get our scores," Misty pointed out.
"No need to worry!" May chimed, earning a glare from Dawn for stealing her catchphrase. "I'm sure we got top marks. I would even bet that we'll end up out-scoring Heroes Flaw by the end of the night!"
"Prepare to lose that bet, Sunshine!"
May spun on her heels to face the direction of the on-coming band she'd just commented about. The same three members of Heroes Flaw that I'd seen behind the curtain now stepped through the onslaught of musicians on a path towards us. I noticed right away which member was still missing.
"More like YOU should prepare to lose your number one ranking, because I don't know if you noticed, but we just basically set fire to that stage out there! That's how good we were!" May argued against her boyfriend.
"The night is young May. Your band was good and all, but there's no way you could out-score us. We're just more experienced," Drew shrugged.
I felt my heart squeeze in my chest while listening to their banter. May and Drew had had so many problems in the beginning, but against all odds they had found something that was both similar and drastically different from their past relationship. And after all their hardship, they were still together.
The pain will pass, I told myself. I'm happy for them, truly I am. I just need more time to push this loss down. I won't let these feelings interfere with the lives of everyone around me.
"Alright, break it up you two!" Misty interrupted their squabble. "We get it, you two are adorable. Now please spare us the romance before you make someone sick. More specifically, me."
"Thank you!" Ash shouted in agreement.
I laughed thankfully at Misty's order, despite the glare we both received from May. Leave it to Misty to put a stop to public displays of affection, even between her best friends.
"Hey."
I turned my attention to guy who had spoken. Paul stared down at me blankly like always.
"Hey Paul," I greeted, hoping he wouldn't see through my phased of normality. "What did you think of our performance?"
"It was good," he commented, looking about as unconvinced as Dawn that I was truly fine. But Paul had always been perceptive like that, so I wasn't surprised.
I grasped for a topic of conversation quickly, trying to keep the conversation going. I noticed something right away that peaked my curiosity enough to ask.
"Well, you're looking awfully spiffy tonight. I'm gonna guess, new clothes?"
Paul's outfit still consisted of mainly black, but along with his usual jeans and leather jacket, his shirt had a collar, he wore a grey vest over it, and around his neck he wore a diagonally stripped tie, loosely done up. It was slightly more put together than his usual look.
"Yes," he informed me begrudgingly.
"Well they look nice, but it's quite different from you usual t-shirt and jeans," I pointed out.
"Let's just say the decision wasn't made entirely of my own free will," Paul said, glaring out of the corner of his eye towards his friends.
"Then you might be going soft, tough guy! If you're suddenly being so easily swayed by the opinions of people you could easily beat up."
Paul shifted his glare to me, but I wasn't the slightest bit intimidated. I'd gotten used to the death glare early on in our friendship.
"Hey!" Dawn joined in suddenly. "You actually look decent Paul! And you're wearing the tie! Told you it would be useful!"
Paul rolled his eyes in response.
"I can't believe someone finally convinced you to buy some formal clothing," Dawn continued.
"More like forced," Paul answered. "And he's lucky he's not here right now so I don't permanently injure him before we go on."
I gasped in realization at his inference. "You mean…Gary?"
"Yeah," Paul confirmed. "He's been a real pain the last week. And now he's got the nerve to show up late to the concert. It's pissing me off."
I averted my eyes guiltily. Was Gary really acting that way? Why? Was it because of me? Because I hurt him? Would he really take that out on his friends though?
Worry fluttered in my heart despite my attempts to ignore it. I was fine with Gary taking his pain out on me because it was my fault, but his friends didn't deserve to be treated the same way. But… maybe he just needed more time. People didn't just move on overnight after hearing stuff like the things I'd said to him. I could only hope that this was just temporary.
"Hey guys!" May called. "Let's watch the rest of the acts! We'll be staying until the end of the night anyway to get our score!"
And without further argument the conversation was dropped. But my concern clung to me further still.
Hours went by as we watched the music acts perform one after another, but I couldn't concentrate on any of them. I kept glancing around, watching for Gary to arrive. Only he never did, and the night was flying by very quickly. But he would come, of that I was sure. No matter how he was acting, he would never miss the concert or let his friends down. Music meant more to him than anything.
I wanted to kick myself for caring so much, but I couldn't help it. Everything I'd done was because I cared. I couldn't stop myself from worrying about Gary anymore then I could stop breathing. We might not be friends anymore, but I still wanted what was best for him and for him to be happy. It just so happened that I believed neither of those things included me.
Amidst the crowd of students, I felt someone tap on my shoulder. I turned around and was greeted by two pairs of sickly sweet eyes, one pair brown and the other pair blue.
"You two…?" I articulated. Giselle and Melody were standing behind me, which made my stomach turn to frozen stone. Giselle I understood because she was a music major, but Melody was a dance major. Why would they be here together? And if they were, did that mean their other friend was here too?
"Fair warning Green," Giselle spoke first. "You might wanna get some distance."
"What? What are you talking about?" I asked incredulously.
"Unless you want to be involved in some serious drama, you better come with us," Melody interjected.
A knot of fear tightened in the back of my throat at being ganged up on again by them. I glanced back at my friends, but they were all too focused on the show to notice the two girl's arrival. Their invitation to 'come with them' sounded like a threat, but I didn't have much of a choice. I'd made the decision to not cause my friends to worry about me, and asking for their assistance in this situation would do nothing but that.
So despite the fact that it was a really bad idea, I wove my way through the crowd after them, afraid of the consequences if I refused.
We stopped near the edge of the stage, away from the main crowd behind the curtain. I crossed my arms defensively as the two turned to face me.
"What do you want?" I questioned coldly. I held just as much a grudge against them as I did against Amber, even if that girl had kind of had a point.
"Wow, no need to get so scary Leaf," Melody responded. "We just thought it would be less messy if we put as much space between you and our friend as possible."
"You mean Amber?" I asked. "She's not even here."
"Guess again, Show-off," Giselle answered cattily.
What is her problem!? I asked myself. Why is she always on my case? I don't show off, in fact I go out of my way to do the opposite!
"Why should I care if Amber's here?" I asked, sounding uncaring.
"Well, I can think of one reason," Melody responded, pointing behind me.
I followed her direction and looked behind me, confused by this whole situation. But once I spotted what Melody was referring to, I felt my eyes widen with understanding and surprise.
I saw Amber. Golden blonde hair and all, smiling her effervescent grin and acting totally unlike the brutally honest, no nonsense girl who'd confronted me three weeks ago. And on her arm, I saw the one person who I didn't deserve to care about, but still always would, smiling along with her.
Gary.
"Now you see why we wanted to put some distance between you guys?" Giselle asked condescendingly.
I didn't respond. I was too busy watching the two of them laugh and smile together. All the while thinking that this was what I wanted. For Gary to move on and be happy with someone else.
But if this was what I wanted, then why didn't I feel any relief?
"So…those two…?" I drawled, unable to finish my sentence.
"Are officially official! Yes, it's true," Melody finished for me.
The confirmation made my fingers curl into fists. I had convinced myself that this was what I wanted all along. But now it was happening, and I felt far different than I thought I would.
I thought I'd be happy. I thought I'd be relieved. I thought I had accepted this truth a long, long time ago.
But I didn't feel any of those things. What I did feel was something foreign. Something…familiar and strange. It was like a fleeting memory of something I'd felt once, but it had been so long I'd forgotten it. It made my heart pound in my ears and my muscles flex beneath my skin. It made me feel excited and angry and a bunch of other emotions I didn't even recognize. It felt like something I would have felt…way back then.
But…this feeling wasn't me. My emotions were all so subdued now and this one felt like the opposite. What was happening? Why was I feeling this way?
I took a step forward almost unconsciously.
"You might not want to do that," Giselle recommended as she and Melody came around to block my path. "Amber can get pretty territorial."
"So unless you want to make a scene you should just stay away from them," Melody said.
Pathetic, I thought. They're like guard Growlithe at Amber's beck and call. They don't think for themselves, they just do whatever she tells them to. Is she really so threatened by me? Even after all she's accused me of?
I looked over their shoulders at Gary, who had moved his arm around her to pull her closer to him.
I shouldn't have worried about him. Of course he's moved on already, that's just Gary. It's how he is. But at least he's moving on. Even if it is with her.
I looked back at both of them, "Move."
The girls both gasped at my tone of command. Actually, it surprised me a little as well. But this feeling was bubbling up inside of me, burning away my fear and my hesitation. It made me feel…stronger.
"Look, just listen-" Melody tried to say.
"If Amber wants me to stay away, then she can tell me herself," I interrupted, letting the words flow without pause. "But until then, you two can get out of my way."
I shoved my way past them, both girls too shocked at my switch in attitude to stop me. I breathed out heavily when I was far enough away from everyone else. The feeling I'd felt before drained out of me quickly.
What was that? I asked myself. I haven't felt anything like that in…years. It was empowering.
"Good luck out there."
I turned towards the sugary voice just in time to see Amber deliver a very protective kiss to Gary's cheek. The sight made that mysterious feeling rush back into my veins.
Whatever it is, it only seems to happen when I see her, I thought. And it makes me want to rip through walls and break bones with my bare hands.
"Leaf!"
I was snapped out of my musings by a familiar voice calling my name. I turned to see all three of my best friends running towards me.
"There you are!" May proclaimed. "What are you doing all the way over here?"
"Um, nothing…" I said lamely.
"Well, come on! The guys are about to go on!" Misty rushed as they pulled me back into the excited crowd of music students.
I looked at the TV screen to see that all of the instruments had already been set up. Ash was at his drum set, Drew at his keyboard, but unlike their other performances Paul was now off to the right with his acoustic and Gary stood center stage with his black and yellow electric.
"What's going on?" I asked myself.
"And now, the time has come again fair students of HPAA. The final act of the night! The last, but certainly not the least! Everyone, please welcome to the stage the last winners of the Diamond concert, Heroes Flaw!"
The crowd cheered loudly for the band as the lights illuminated them on the stage.
"Performing their original song, entitled 'Me and My Broken Heart'!"
I think what surprised everyone was Gary taking the lead, as he nodded towards Drew on the piano. And then, just like at Melody's party, Gary Oak started to sing lead.
(Me and My Broken Heart- by Rixton)
I felt myself grow worse with every word he sang. I felt cold and awful, but I couldn't let it show. I needed to stay focused on being okay. But how could I when the proof of everything I'd done was being shoved in my face in the form of a blonde know-it-all and a talented ex-friend, singing about a broken heart? As the guys finished their performance, I made a split-second decision. I nudged Dawn to get her attention.
"Dawn, I think I'm going to leave now."
"What?" she burst out. "But why? And what about our ranking?"
"I just don't think it's a good idea if I'm around when Heroes Flaw comes back," I admitted.
"But that's not fair!" Dawn argued. "Just because you and Gary had a falling out doesn't mean you should have to leave because of him!"
"I know, but don't worry. It won't always be like this. I just think it would be better for me to keep my distance for now, you know?"
Dawn looked at me with pleading eyes. "But…"
"I'll see you back at the dorm, okay? Text me our score when you get it," I told her.
And before she could argue any further with me, I had turned around and maneuvered my way into the crowd. I only had to get to the dressing room to get my things and then I'd be home free. I found our shared dressing room and grabbed my belongings quickly.
I walked with a purpose towards the back exit of the theatre, where I could slip away without anyone really noticing. But I was so focused on where I was going that I accidentally bumped into someone.
I was about to apologize, but as I lifted my head the words wouldn't come. Instead I felt all the sincerity inside of me burn away into something else.
Amber smiled down at me with her light brown eyes. She was blocking my path to the exit on purpose. Her presence, which usually made me want to go run and hide, now made me want to stand up and fight. The strange feeling was back again. And it made me feel brave and courageous, like I used to feel on my own.
"You made the right decision," Amber complimented.
Her words stunned me silent. She wasn't being condescending or mean or rude. In fact she almost sounded genuine. But then I saw it. A small glimmer of victory in her eyes that squashed any belief that she was a good person before it even formed.
Without another word, I pushed that strange, powerful feeling aside and forced my way past her to the exit, sneaking one last glance at the boys leaving the stage as I did. It was quick, but in that last glimpse of Gary before the door shut behind me, he looked happy again.
I wanted to be happy too. But his happiness just made me feel empty inside. Like I was incomplete.
I ran to the main doors of the school and paused on the threshold. Slowly, I pulled my emerald green coat on as I was forced to listen to the distant cheers in the auditorium. I tied my black scarf around my throat and pulled my gloves on one at a time.
The silence helped me to get my emotions in check. I thought about the pain I felt, the disappointment, the regret, and that other emotion that made me feel strong. I thought about all of it before I pushed it out and away.
Because those feelings were dangerous. Giving in to them would only make things worse. Especially the one I felt tonight. The bravery that burned like jade fire in my heart. I couldn't let emotions like that get the best of me.
Because even though I didn't like Amber, I had to accept her. Because…she was the girl that he chose. She was the girl that made Gary look happy again.
And if he could find happiness with her, then I wouldn't dream of stopping it. Because that was all I could give him now.
It was the only thing left I could do.
Misty
The next day
"I can't believe I'm saying this," I admitted out loud. "But…I think I need some advice."
I was currently sitting in the Valor lounge with Pikachu contently curled up in my lap. Ash was sitting across from me in our booth, eating what was probably his third helping of lunch. I had been informing him about the current situation between his two oldest friends, which apparently he had not been told about by Gary. He looked like he was about to choke once those dreaded words left my mouth.
"Swallow first Ash, then respond," I told him, concerned for his well-being if he even tried to talk with his mouth that full.
Ash took a big gulp of water to help him swallow his mouth-full of food. He let out a sigh of relief once he was able to breathe again.
"I swear, one of these days you're going to eat yourself to death…" I drawled.
"I'm sorry, but what was that?" Ash asked, his insipid ego slipping into his tone. "Did the most stubborn person on the planet just ask me, Ash Ketchum, for advice?"
I narrowed my eyes from across the table. "I regret this already."
"After all the times you've called me dimwitted or brainless, and now you're at a loss that only my wisdom can solve? I'm flattered Misty!" he grinned obnoxiously.
"Are you gonna let me talk or are you just gonna gloat for a few more minutes? Because I can come back," I asked.
"Now, now, I'm almost done. Can't blame me for savoring a moment like this, can you? The day when Misty desperately needs my help!"
"I need help, yes. Desperate? Not so much. Now are you gonna listen to my question, or will my Marill have to come out and persuade you to?"
"Fine, fine, I'm listening," Ash conceded, leaning his chin against his one hand. He looked extra childish while doing that. And cute…
"Finally," I huffed. "I hate to admit it Ash, but you're pretty much the only person who I can turn to right now. Ever since Leaf told us that she and Gary aren't friends anymore, it just hasn't been sitting right with me."
"No kidding," Ash commented, looking downcast.
"The thing is, I just feel like I'm missing something about this situation," I admitted. "I've only known Leaf for about a year and a half, so I don't know about anything that went on in her past. She never talks about it to me, but now I feel like maybe I should have asked. May and Dawn know about what happened to her in Twinleaf town, but they don't know anything about before that time. So I wanted to ask what you remembered about Leaf from when you both were kids. What was her relationship with Gary like? And why do you think it's so hard for her to talk about?"
Ash straightened up, switching from his usual care-free atmosphere to a more serious one.
"I'm not sure what I remember will be very useful," he told me.
"Come on Ash, please just try!" I begged. I might have been able to push my worries away during the concert, but now they were consuming me.
"Well, alright. When we were kids…" he began. "Well, Gary and Leaf had been friends for years before they met me. But once I started hanging out with them, I remember Leaf being way different then she is now."
"How so?" I asked.
"Well, she wasn't so…I don't know, passive I guess? She was always really happy and she smiled a lot. Not like she smiles now, but it was like…she was more open with her emotions. Like you could really tell what she was feeling, you know?"
"Yeah, I get it," I urged him on.
"And she was really opinionated. Kind of bossy too, especially whenever Gary and I fought. And she got really excited about the things she loved, like really easily. Like if she had just learned a new song, she would play it over and over again. If it hadn't been for Leaf and Gary's passion for music, I don't even know if I ever would have taken up the drums."
"Well, her love of music hasn't changed," I commented. "But the Leaf your describing sounds like a completely different person from the one I know."
"Yeah. I was really surprised when we all met again on the first day of school. She was just so different, but…she was also kind of the same too."
"Really?" I inquired.
"Yeah. She still loves music. And she may not wear her heart on her sleeve anymore, but if you can get her talking about books or TV or music, then she still gets just as excited about it as she used to. She's still the same person, but it's just…way down there, deep inside."
I nodded my head in contemplation. "What about Gary? Were they close?"
"More like attached at the hip," Ash smiled. "Those two were always together. They were like the best-est best friends I'd ever seen! And then when Leaf moved away, it was like watching a tragic movie it was so sad."
"That explains why they were so happy to see each other again," I mumbled.
"I don't think Gary ever thought he'd see her again. Neither did I, for that matter," Ash continued.
"He tried awfully hard to get closer to her ever since freshman year. Maybe making up for lost time…but if Leaf was really as close to him as you say, then why is she fighting it?"
"Fighting what?" Ash asked.
I looked up at him with focused eyes. "I get the feeling…that Leaf doesn't believe she's allowed to be happy. Its like she's forcing herself to stand by instead of going after what she wants. Something must have happened when she moved away. Which means only Dawn and May know what, besides her that is."
"Are you gonna ask them about it?" Ash asked.
"If I want to know what's going on, then yes. If Leaf won't tell me herself that is."
I felt my leg vibrate suddenly, making Pikachu squirm in my lap. I fished my phone out of my pocket and unlocked the screen.
You guys were awesome at last night's concert! Congrats on getting third place :) - Rudy
I smiled at the text message. I had almost forgotten that Rudy came to see all the big events hosted by the school, so he would have seen us open the Pearl concert last night. I started to text back.
"Who's that?" Ash asked, distracting me.
"Huh? Oh, it's just Rudy. He's a friend," I responded as I sent my text back.
I looked up from my phone to see Ash scowling at me.
"What?" I asked, genuinely confused.
"Nothing," Ash huffed irritably. "Didn't know you and Rudy were so close."
"You know Rudy too?" I asked. "Oh right, you came to see my dance midterm. He's pretty nice, you two might get along."
"I doubt it," Ash mumbled, but still loud enough for me to hear. If it were anyone else, I'd say they sounded jealous. But Ash came across more as…angry.
"What's with you?" I asked further. "You don't even know Rudy."
"Well, I-" Ash started.
"A whole new world! A dazzling place, I never knew…" my phone sang. I picked it up again.
"Is that Rudy calling you now?" Ash asked, sounding irritated.
"No, it's May," I informed him, recognizing the ringtone as hers. I answered it right away.
"Hello?"
"YOU NEED TO GET THE SCHOOL RIGHT NOW!" May screamed into the phone.
"What!? Why? What's wrong!?" I asked frantically.
"NO TIME TO EXPLAIN! JUST GET HERE QUICK!"
And before I could say anything else she hung up. I stood up so fast that Pikachu would have gone flying if I wasn't holding on to him.
"I've got to go. Some kind of emergency at the school."
"Emergency? That's my middle name! I'm coming too!" Ash announced, back to his usual pep now that the conversation had shifted from Rudy.
"That makes sense, seeing as you cause them wherever you go," I joked as I pulled on my black and white coat while handing Pikachu back to Ash.
"Hey, I just helped you remember? Does that earn me nothing but more insults!?" he asked.
"No, it earns you a thank you," I told him as I stated to drag him behind me, out the doors of the lounge. "Which you can have after we find out what the crisis is."
"That's all I get!?" Ash questioned.
"It's a cruel world we live in."
Ash was panting heavily once we'd made it to the school, but I was breathing fine. Probably due to the fact that I was in better shape.
"Now if May had just told me where to go, this would be a lot easier," I mumbled.
"You guys!"
We both looked towards our on-coming friend, who was tearing up the hallways in her attempt to get to us. May stopped in front of us, almost running us both over.
"May, what are you-"
"No time for that!" May interrupted me. She grabbed hold of my arm. "You! Come! NOW!"
And so we were in for another spout of running, much to Ash's dismay. We were pulled towards the hallway with screens mounted on the walls, for when we got our schedules at the start of the year. It also acted as a database for all the ranking in the school.
"Oh, now I see," I said. "The rankings are out."
"Yes, now come on!" May continued to pull me further. "Dawn and Leaf are here somewhere!"
"You mean, right over their?" Ash asked, pointing towards the front of the closest line to a monitor.
"Guys!" May called, drawing their attention. We made our way over to them quickly.
"Someone want to fill me in?" I asked, my confusion getting the best of me.
The girls all looked at each other. I became increasingly worried by their expressions.
"What? What's wrong?" I asked.
Dawn spoke up first. "Our ranking…"
"It's up now, yeah I figured that much out," I told her. "But we had the third best score last night, so our overall ranking can't be that bad, right?"
Leaf looked towards the ground while Dawn and May exchanged glances.
"You should see for yourself," Dawn insisted.
Okay, I was not a coward. But in that moment, I was very much afraid. My friends all looked so downcast. But how was that possible when we'd done so well last night?
I went up to the monitor that displayed the list. At the top was Heroes Flaw, since they'd scored highest for both the Diamond and Pearl concerts. My eyes continued to scan down the list, past the tens, twenties, thirties…
I found our name eventually, but once I realized why my friends were so upset, it made my heart sink too.
#57-Changing Grace
"No way…" I breathed. "But, how? How are we ranked so low?"
I turned back to my friends. But none of them wanted to meet my eyes.
"We've got a theory," Dawn admitted. "The thing is, at the last concert the three of us performed separately, which means we all got separate rankings too. I think, in order to compensate for all of our rankings, they had to cut our scores from last time to give us a new ranking."
"And also," Leaf interjected. "Misty, you didn't compete in the last concert. So you didn't get a ranking at all until now."
"So, we're ranked so low because our data was all screwed up?" I asked. It made sense, but it didn't make me feel any better. "But we have a combined ranking now, so we can fix it once we compete in the next concert right?"
"We might be able to," Dawn said. "But to get in the top 50 now, we would need to score the highest mark possible. And Mist…right now we're ranked 57th. And only the top 50 get to compete in the Showcase at the end of the year."
The realization set in quickly. My friends faces all looked so defeated already. It made me feel as if we'd already lost. "So, what you're saying is…?"
Leaf stepped forward, looking more dreadful then she had in the last few weeks. "If we don't come in first in the Platinum concert," she clarified. "We can't compete in the Showcase. At all."
A/N: Oh Drama. Lot's and lot's of drama. I don't want to spoil anything for future chapters, but I will say this. Jealousy makes us do things we ourselves don't know we're capable of. It brings out a side of us that we are unaware even exists. Heads up to you all, I am busy this coming Friday so my update might be late next week. Fair warning. Okay, that's all for now! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, including the guest who left me a bunch of song suggestions. Until we meet again, my lovely readers!