Chapter Thirty Five

Her shawl was wrapped tightly around her. Her eyes were swollen and red. Frederick recollected with some significance it was the same shawl she had given him to ensure he did not get cold upon his journey back to Lyme the night following Louisa's accident. More recently, the same one she had been wearing upon discovering Betty in his bed. He realised then he had not given her the grace she had allowed him to explain his actions, or the trust in her she had so willingly and without question bestowed on him. He frowned but said nothing.

Harville used his stick to rise to his feet. "I shall take my leave and allow you some privacy to both decide on your best plan. Please do yourselves -and us- the privilege of discussing this at length, no hasty decisions. It affects us as much as it does you, for the present at least. But do not forget, mission or not, this is your life. Speaking on behalf of all married people, listen to each other and respect any decision you come to, either apart or together. I shall keep the men busy in your absence Captain."

Frederick smiled after his friend, watching the space he disappeared through even after the door had closed behind him. Anne, still conscious of her husband's temperament, did not do what her body naturally longed to do; to rush into his arms. She stood steady in the same place he had become aware of her appearance.

Fredrick did nothing other than slowly rise from his now uncomfortable place on the floor and seat himself back behind his desk. He still couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye, not because of what she had done, but the shame he felt inside. Outwardly he appeared he was much in the same state of mind he had been earlier, inwardly he could not have been more changed. Harville's words had struck home just as any honest words coming from a true friend would.

Captain Wentworth was disgusted in himself and in his treatment of those he claimed to love most. He hadn't stopped for a moment to consider her feelings. Anne must be just as confused and afraid as he, more so, since she had him to deal with. He should have been holding her and supporting her, more than all this, he should have admitted how truly thrilled he was at the news. For he had never been so happy since the day she became his wife. She had deemed it an impossibility, but he had clung to the hope, the faith that brought them back together would also serve them well in their quest for parenthood. And his prayers had been answered. He slowly stood and just as slowly made his approach. She was wary of him at first and it pained him to see her afraid of him. She who he could never harm, intentionally. "Anne." he murmured.

"You are angry with me."

"I am furious." he admitted, she flinched and he quickly added, "But, not with you. Never with you."

"But you are displeased with the situation I have brought upon us."

"I was under the impression that it did in fact require the both of us to create that life inside of you."

At any other time she would have rolled her eyes at his playfulness, but not today, it was no time for jesting. "I was referring to the situation of being aboard this ship, in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight, carrying this life inside of me." She looked down at her hands wringing them in her lap. "I realise it was reckless and selfish of me. In hindsight, three months is not a great deal of time and you could have arrived home to a pregnant and safe wife, in our home." she gushed.

He half smiled. "No three months is not a long time at all. Not when you think of the rest of our lives together." He chanced a look at her, but she was avoiding his eyes. "However, I feel –selfishly- I could not have been parted from you for any amount of time, however inconsequential."

Her anxious eyes lifted and sought out his. "Then you are not … angry with me for not telling you?"

He finally took her hand in his, this first touch between them after such an ordeal, startled them both. Anne gasped in response. Frederick led her into their bedroom and over to the bed, shutting the door behind him so they were just two of them. Or three.

"Annie, I could not be angry with you. You did what you thought was best and you were right. If I had known prior to this voyage, I would have either remained at home with you and risked imprisonment for desertion, or I would have left at your insistence and whined away the days fraught with worry over you. Laid awake each night, counting down the days until I was able to return to you." He kissed her knuckles. "No this is in no way ideal and certainly not how I ever envisioned you spending the first half of your confinement. But I am glad that you did what you did. We will make it work and I shall be much more content knowing you are here with a doctor practically living with us and on hand for every ailment, than the alternatives." He smiled at her and her back at him for the first time in what seemed like forever. Neither liked to be at odds with the other; that was not how they worked. She leaned towards him and was met with a kiss, soft and reassuring. When they broke apart they continued staring at one other for a while until he remembered himself. "We shall however have to make port eventually to gather supplies and I shall be forced to set you on your away home."

She straightened her back pulling away from him. "But Frederick-"

He pulled her back to him. "It is not what I wish my love, but we must both put our own selfish need for each-other aside and think of our child." His lips seemed to smile around the word and it made her heart melt. He may have misjudged her, but had she not done the same? How could she have believed he did not want this baby? As if reading her thoughts he looked at her belly and whispered: "May I?" he gestured to her stomach.

She grinned and took his large hand in hers placing it upon her belly. He exhaled in admiration and his face relaxed making him appear younger than he had in years. "I have yet to feel the quickening, it is still early." she explained to him.

"Would you … will you tell me when it happens, so that I shall feel it too?"

"Of course. I should want you to."

"You have no notion of how happy you have made me." He shook his head smiling. "This is what I have always wanted, dreamed and planned for, and now it all being handed to me. I am not sure I deserve it, or you." He admitted.

She frowned that he should still feel any form of inadequacy with her, and then took his hand back in hers, said the only thing she could think of to put his doubts aside. "I love you Frederick."

His smile widened and his eyes lit up. "I love you too Annie and our son." He cocked an eyebrow at the roll of her eyes, "Oh yes, for he will certainly be a son. Fore he was grown aboard a ship."

She laughed and fell back on to the mattress, the tension and anxiety of the past few hours –if not weeks- had taken their toll on her and suddenly she was exhausted. He lay down beside her, leaning on his elbow and placed his hand back on her abdomen. He began lazily drawing circles on her belly until she fell asleep. Then he lay down, drew her to his side, whereabouts he fell into a deep sleep with her, his whole family in his arms. Should any of the crew dared to go against Captain Harville's orders and disturb their Captain it is how they should have found them, for the next few hours at least.

Frederick arose before his wife again, glad in the fact they had settled their differences. He could never be without that which he loved most in the world. He had decided he would inform the crew of Mrs Wentworth's delicate condition. It was bound to come out at some point, quite a few of his men had wives and children of their own and unlike him, would soon piece it together, that and the fact they must now make port as soon as possible. The port they were scheduled for was still three weeks away, so Frederick had consulted his maps –once he rearranged them back atop his desk – and realigned their course. That way they could make port at a small fishing village of the coast in just five days' time. He was confident between him and his men, including the good doctor and Anne's very fierce protector in the form of Harville, they could keep her and the baby safe until then.

A baby.

He could scarcely believe it. He at long last would become a father, he had been concerned at the prospect of losing either the baby or Anne, or if the very worst should happen -both, upon delivery, but for now, all was good in his small part of the world and he meant to keep it that way.