Title: Half Empty, Half Full

Rating: MA

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story. All of the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. They are merely pawns in my imagination.

Summary: This is her story, from her point of view. The story of two lovers, three friends, and one town not big enough for all of them.

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Calm Before the Storm

I felt like I was peeling my eyes open with sand paper as I blinked away the crust that had accumulated on them. As I blinked, my vision began to come back to me, the room bright and no longer hazy. Vicky appeared before me, her hands pushing the buttons on the side of the bed. The bed began to move, putting me in a sitting position. She smiled at me, as she handed me a cup of water. My entire body screamed as I moved, trying to sit up on the bed.

"How ya feeling?" She asked, switching out the IV drips. I nodded slowly, clearing my throat as well as I could. I handed the cup back to her, wincing slightly as I drew in a deep breath. "I'm alive," I whispered back. "That's the breathing tube they placed down your throat. You'll be scratchy for a while, but you'll be fine," she said, taking my pulse. She stood before me, her hand on the bed rail. She opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a doctor walking through the door. Vicky smiled at him, motioning to me. "Dr. Cruz, this is Jessie Mae," she said.

The doctor smiled at me, before grabbing the chart hanging off of the foot of the bed. "Jessie, you were very lucky. You experienced a bit of blood loss, but we were able to get it under control. Your mother is healing fine, she's upstairs in the transplant wing now," he said, writing on the chart. He closed it, placing it back on the bed. "Incision is healing nicely. You should be ready to go home in a few days," he said. "Just take it easy for a while."

I nodded at him, leaning back into the bed. The doctor nodded at us, leaving us alone in the room once again. She glanced down at me, her small dainty hands rearranging my sheets. "The guys were here. Chibs, Jax and Happy. Chibs kept vigil since you went under. I guess something happened and they all took off a few hours ago. He wanted me to let you know that they will be back when they can," she said, quietly. I nodded up at her, sighing softly and watching her. "They were very worried about you. I tried to keep them as calm as possible, but you know how they are," she said.

I hated the way she looked at me, like as if she pitied me slightly. I nodded, not wanting to talk to her and closed my eyes. "Get some rest. A nurse will be in later on today, get you up and walking around," she said. I stopped listening to her words and focused on the hum that filled the hospital. I'm not sure when she walked out, but when I opened my eyes I was alone in the room. Finally.

I lifted my eyes up from the sudoku puzzle I was currently working on and glanced over to the figure standing in the door. My heart skipped a beat as I recognized him, but I didn't make a move. Detective Williams stood at the door, letting it close softly behind him. He smiled at me, his hands disappearing inside his jacket pockets. I put my pen down, lifting my head towards him. "Detective," I said, oddly confused as to what he was doing here.

"I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay," he said. The tone in his voice caused a chill to run up my spine. Something was wrong. I closed the book in my lap and waited for him to speak. "You probably don't remember, but I came to see you when you were out of recovery. It was a while before your guard dogs left, I had to be very patient," he said. Williams walked to the edge of the bed, sitting on the corner of it. I followed him with my eyes, afraid to even move an inch in his presence.

I don't remember him coming to visit me at all. What was going on? "You were heavily sedated when I managed to get in. You didn't make a lot of sense, kept going on and on about how sad you were. About how nice of a guy he was," he said. He turned to me, a small smile on his face. "Why were you so sad, Jessie? What did you do that day?" I drew my lips into a straight line, clamping them shut. I cocked my head to the side and watched him in silence.

We sat like that for a few beats as we watched each other. "Do you know anything about what happened that day? Where that guard went?" He asked. I shook my head slowly, trying to find out where his head was. "It seems that we've come into some new information about that day. It may or may not lead to the truth, or the body itself. Information that leads straight to you," he said, quietly. I kept still, the blood pumping straight to my ears. "You were the only one in that building that could have had some type of connection to an outlaw motorcycle club. One that recently began to dibble and dabble in drugs. You were the only enigma that day, and I figured you out."

I swear to God, my heart was trying to claw out of my throat. "I've already told you, I had nothing to do with his disappearance. I was simply there, doing my job. Do I need to get a lawyer to make you understand that?" I said, my voice still hoarse. The detective smirked and reached inside his jacket, pulling out a pair of sunglasses. He slid them onto his face slowly, and stood up, fixing his jacket. "Rest up, I'll be seeing you again. Very soon," he said.

I watched him turn around and leave the room, feeling like he took the very air I breathed with him. I sat stone still and stared at the door. Moments later, I glanced around the room, trying to find my cell phone. I spotted it on the other side of the room and decided to try to stand up. I swung my feet off of the bed and almost collapsed onto the floor, pain ripping through my body. I managed to press the call button as I slid to the floor, grabbing onto my side.

"Oh my God!" Vicky exclaimed, running over to me. I felt her hands wrap around my arm, helping me get up onto the bed. "You really can't move without someone watching you," she said, sliding the dislodged IV back into my arm. I breathed in deeply, trying to get my pain under control. "I need Jax," I muttered, my chest heaving up and down. A few tears slipped out as I leaned back into my pillow and closed my eyes. My entire side hummed with pain. "I need to see Jax."

Vicky pushed open the hospital's chapel doors, as I wheeled myself into the chapel. Jax and Chibs sat in the front pew, the shadows from the lit candles hiding their faces. Hoods up and zipped up, I had a bad feeling about this already. As I relayed the events of the day to them, I felt my anxiety levels getting higher and higher. I sighed, running a hand over my face. I was sure I looked like a hot mess, bags under my eyes, and my hair uncombed.

"You need to focus on healing and getting better. We'll take care of the rest," Jax said, smiling gently at me. Is this what a death sentence looks like? This cop was breathing down my neck. I was too rattled to focus on anything other than going to jail. "He has something on me. I don't know what it is, but he is too confident in himself to not have anything," I said, rubbing my forehead. "There was no evidence at the scene. You were there simply working. He has no evidence. He's just trying to scare you to get you to fess up to something," Chibs said.

I sighed, shaking my head. "I'll see if Danny knows anything," I said, Chibs' eyes snapping towards me, "I'll be careful." He lowered his eyes to the ground, his eyebrows knitted together. "We'll talk to Patterson and Jarry. See what they know," Jax said, standing up from his seat. He walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing lightly. "Get better," he whispered, before walking out of the chapel.

I glanced over to Chibs his eyes still on the ground. "You remember that talk we had about what if? What if something happened to me?" I whispered, my body tingling with unspent energy. He nodded, his lip set in a straight line. "This is bad, Jessie Mae," he said, his voice small. I knew things were bad, but if he had to admit it, then they were well past bad. "Are you saying that because they are? Or because it's me?" I asked, my voice shaking.

He rubbed his chin, sighing and sitting back in the pew. "Both," he said, quietly. I nodded, and rolled the wheelchair around to the door. "We'll find a way out of this," I said, looking towards him. Chibs glanced towards me, his face straight. I couldn't read him, maybe I was out of practice? Was he nervous? Worried? I tried to contain my hysterics long enough to see him sigh again and shake his head. I didn't need to see or hear any more. I don't think I could stand it any longer. I wheeled myself out of the chapel and into the bright hallway, trying to find my way back to my room. My current prison.

I smiled up at Danny, as he walked into the room. His suit was wrinkled and he was sporting a 5 o'clock shadow. This current case was clearly hitting him hard. He dropped his heavy messenger bag on the floor and leaned over the bed railing, kissing me softly. "How ya feeling?" He asked, caressing my cheek. I sighed, trying to push out all of the crazy, hysterical thoughts out of my head. "I'm okay. Eager to get the hell out of this hospital room," I said, smiling at him.

He pulled away from me, raising an eyebrow at me, before leaning down and reaching into his bag. "I had to pull a lot of favors for this," he said, handing me a folder. I nodded, opening it up and skimming it's contents. "Does this have anything to do with Filip?" He asked. I hated the way he said his name, as if he was beneath him. As if saying his name, would dirty his image. I glanced up at him, and rolled my eyes. "No, it doesn't," I said, biting my tongue.

"Do I need to worry about you?" Danny asked, sitting on the edge of my bed. I glanced over at him, thinking about it all. I kept hearing Chibs' voice in my head. Be careful. Could I trust Danny? Could I put my life in his hands? "This is one of those times that will make or break our relationship, Danny. Asking questions, may lead to answers you may not like," I replied, measuring my tone.

Danny stared at me, his eyes never leaving mine. He looked so sure of himself, of us. Of this folder. "The file is incomplete. The case is open, but there are no suspects listed. All of the interviews are listed, including yours, but that's it. It's as if the investigation started and ended in one step. No suspects, no evidence, just an informant," he said. My eyes went wide as I haggardly flipped through the pages. "Informant?" I asked, my blood pressure through the roof.

"Yeah, confidential. There is no mention of meetings, information, evidence. Just one notation about meeting with an informant and District Attorney Patterson," he said. I drew in a deep breath and closed the folder, passing it back to him. He continued to stare at me, even when I leaned back into the bed and closed my eyes, my arm over them.

"Jessie," he said, quietly. "Why were you in that warehouse that day? Of all days, the one day when a guard goes missing?" He asked. I didn't respond, just sat still, too scared to move or breathe. I heard him breathe in and out, shifting the folder on his lap. "I can try to help you, but I need to know the full story. I need to be able to help you without getting half of what's going on." I didn't respond, I couldn't without incriminating myself, the club, and him down the road.

"This detective is a hard ass. He's not going to quit anytime soon. The way he wrote this file, he has something up this sleeve, something that he's trying to keep hidden," he said. I sighed, not being able to control myself. I could hear the wheels turning in his head, as he tried to process it all. Maybe he was coming to his own conclusions. Maybe he was coming up with a plan. "I can try to help you, but there's only so much I can do, Jessie Mae. I can't risk my career for whatever payday you got at the end of the day," he said. Clearly it didn't matter any more.

I lowered my arm and stared at him, feeling a tension headache coming on strong. I honestly felt betrayed. Here was this man I was sharing my life with, a man who knew his limits. A man that would not break them for me. I looked at him, realizing he wasn't the one for me. He wasn't willing to fight, give it all up for me. "Hypothetically speaking- if I did something bad, so bad you had to run away with me, would you? If you had to help me, if you got wrapped up in it and were threatened with jail time, would you do it? Would you sacrifice yourself to save me?" I wanted to give him another chance to save our relationship. To save me.

He looked at me, standing up from the bed and facing me. "No," he said, his face serious, "I would help you as much as I could, but I wouldn't cross that line for you. This job is everything I have, everything I know. I'm a 4th generation cop. This is me." Danny grabbed his bag off of the floor and slung it over his shoulder, holding the folder up. That's when I knew that he wouldn't be a part of my life anymore.

I knew very well what he was saying. The club was Chibs, Happy, and Jax. They were the club, like their fathers were before them. But at the end of the day, they would choose me. They would die for me, and I could never doubt that. Time and time again, they have showed me their loyalty. I looked up at Danny and nodded. "It's okay, I wouldn't expect anything different from you," I said. He was a man of his word, he had taken that vow to uphold the law.

He lowered the folder and pursed his lips, nodding at me. "Are things over between the two of us?" He asked quietly. I couldn't help but nod, feeling somewhat angry and disappointed with him. "I can't expect you to give yourself fully to me, if I won't do the same for you. You can't expect me to trust you, if you won't do the same for me," I replied. We held glances for a few minutes before he began to walk towards the door. "I'll be out before the week is over. Get well soon," he threw over his shoulder before walking away.

I watched him walk out of that hospital room and I felt like he took any sense of normalcy with him. I was almost melancholic about it all, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I had to find peace in my own life, I couldn't depend on him for it anymore. Goodbye life, hello havoc.