Hmm… So I'm thinking I should just try to keep a Wednesday update. We'll see how it goes, ne? So a lot of time goes past, eh? We'll see how you guys take this chapter… No hurting please? Next update, with any luck, I should have a piece of artwork done for the story that I, uh, drew… hmm….

Dedication: Chibi Neko Shinigami

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Disclaimer: Don't own; never will; am still poor.

Chapter 36: Five Months Later

:Entry 1201: It's been awhile, huh? I've been in this damn institution forever now… For awhile, they even hooked me up to an IV. Well, it wasn't for a little while, it was weeks. It was horrible and there was nothing I could do about it. I actually gained weight because of that stupid drip! But… without it I would have died. That would've been kind of nice, but… I don't know… Wufei visits me a lot, and he tells me all about Quatre and Trowa, and his job. He even went out on a few dates with some nurse a few times. Wufei never talks about Him though. I'm to afraid to ask about him. Do you have any idea how much he must hate me after everything? I mean, he hasn't visited even once and Trowa and Quatre visit me at least once a month… Why won't Wufei say anything? Damnit. This place is like a war zone. It's even worse than my war days in a lot of ways. I mean, seriously, they watch me eat and take me to the bathroom… It's a good thing I've been through not only one war, but two wars. I know how to trick everybody most of the time… I'll be okay, just as long as they don't catch on… I just have to lose the weight they made me gain. Ten horrible, sickening, terrible, disgusting, fat, obese pounds… (end entry)

All in all, Wufei was rather pleased with Duo's progress. Most of the time, Duo rarely fought the staff and did as he was told. Dr. Fitzgerald had even told Wufei that they had succeeded in making Duo gain ten pounds, and had hopes of causing Duo to gain another ten in the next few months. However, Duo still refused to admit he had a problem. Wufei remembered visits where Duo was too weak to get out of his bed and he wore restraints to keep him from tearing out the IV drip. Those days reminded Wufei of wax and bones, and no one had been sure if Duo would make it, but Wufei knew he would. He had to.

Wufei had realized two things some time ago: Duo did not remember being told that Heero was in a mental institution receiving care for his obsessions and compulsions and that Duo would never ask about Heero, even if he asked about everything else. Eventually, Duo had begun to forgive Wufei enough to talk to him; Wufei came twice a week and was generally Duo's only real, physical tie to the outside world.

The Chinese had begun to change parts of the apartment around to his own tastes little by little since he was the only one living there; he only used one trash bag and the refrigerator was completely unorganised. However, after yesterday, Wufei realized that much bigger changes would be necessary. He was going to leave Heero's and Duo's room untouched, but his room and the rest of the apartment was getting a makeover. Wufei wasn't concerned with the furniture or the colour of the walls, but eliminating the constricting terror of the apartment. The first thing he had done was buy thick garbage sacks, but not the brand Heero preferred. He had started with the kitchen, under the sink specifically. Wufei counted each cleaner as he threw them away; twenty different cleaners, and they were alphabetised and organised by what they cleaned and by the type of container the cleaner was in. Next to go were endless supplies of scrubbing pads and sponges and rags and paper towels. All of this he replaced with a bottle of generic kitchen cleaner that worked on all surfaces except wood; a canister of spray to dust wood with; and a pump of green dish soap, which he assumed would work on floors and dishes alike. There was also a sponge and a roll of paper towels.

Creating a comfortable sense of chaos in the cupboards and pantry took quite some time, but it instilled a sense of relief in Wufei. Generally, he was thought of as the pristine one of the group of ex-pilots; that is, until they realized Heero was sick. The Chinese dismissed the thought and worked on removing the locks on drawers with sharp objects and restoring the kitchen knives to a knife block and tossing out the plastic utensils and plastic dishes. There was just something about a ceramic bowl or plate and a pair of good chopsticks that was endlessly appealing to Wufei. After the Chinese replaced the dishes, he made the discovery that he was hungry, so he searched the refrigerator for leftover rice and odds and ends; fried rice was good stuff, but Heero had always had that habit of never saving food.

Wufei was mindless of the groceries he had gotten early that morning and had yet to put away. Food was more important, and the groceries would not burst into flames or rot or, well, anything really, if he did not put them away; he had been smart enough to put the chocolate ice cream away though. Oddly enough, Wufei loved chocolate, but everyone had always thought it was Duo. Rice fried along with vegetables and a bit of chicken while jasmine tea brewed; Demon sat up on the counter near Wufei and meowed at him. Lately, she had taken to following him everywhere and he had realized she was lonely; he worked five days a week, but even he felt lonely once he came back to the nearly empty apartment. The Chinese sighed and got a bag of treats out for the Siamese. She followed his hand movements as if they were sacred rituals and sat, then begged, then stood on her hind legs, laid down, shook with both paws, and gave Wufei a kiss. After each display, she received a treat; a daily ritual, yet she was still a svelte little kitten. Wufei did not acknowledge his relationship with Demon.

After lunch, Wufei rearranged the furniture and messed up the bathroom cabinet a bit. Just for the heck of it, he even nudged a picture frame so it hung slightly askew. Demon climbed up on a table and managed to knock the coasters on the floor. Wufei shrugged and left them there for the time being. "You like it like this too, eh?"

Demon purred; that terrible pristine edge was gone and the apartment felt like an apartment; a home. Some place he could come home to and relax in without constantly worrying about every little small detail. Though, there was a chance he should pay more attention to the jasmine vine by the window; it was beginning to cling to the small table beside it. It could wait though; he was supposed to visit Duo again. He really had waited too long to tell Duo about Heero, but yesterday had decided him…

It was a five hour drive, so Wufei had put it off as long as possible; unlike Quatre and Trowa, he did not have private planes and helicopters at his disposal. But after an endless tirade from Quatre about how he should visit Heero, he finally went. He left at four-thirty in the morning because visiting hours were only from ten until eleven in the morning. At least with Duo, he could visit him anytime from eight am until eight pm, except for times Duo was in therapy sessions or during meal times.

Quatre had said little about the place, but had little to say once Wufei finally agreed to see Heero; however, later Trowa called the Chinese and warned him that it was unlike the ward Duo was at; the people were different; Heero was different. Unfortunately, Wufei had shrugged the warning off and gone without much trepidation. He was more or less used to the eating disorder clinic, after all.

However, the mentally ill were far different from those plagued with an eating disorder. Howling and rocking ensued from various places and he was put directly amongst patients considered "safe". Heero was one of these today; he had been good for a few days. In fact, the doctor had noted that Heero was always "good", so long as he had his own room and could keep his surroundings clean and was left alone. Needless to say, therapy tended to be quite a chore; the doctor, Dr. Monterey, had to come into Heero's room and sit on a black stool that Heero washed before and after the session since he had access to soap and water.

A nurse had ushered Wufei to Heero's room and knocked on the open door lightly. "Heero, Mr. Chang is here to see you."

Heero rocked back and forth lightly; he was busily wiping a spoon with a clean cloth. The nurse sighed, "he doesn't respond most of the time… I'm sorry…"

Wufei realized then that the nurse and Dr. Monterey considered Heero to be one of the lost cases; that they thought he would never get better. Suddenly, he felt pale and sickly; Heero was the strong one that everyone could depend on to pull through on any mission; he was the perfect soldier. Perfect soldiers do not get placed into mental institutions for breakdowns and obsessive compulsive disorders. Heero could do the impossible, so why was he here? Then Wufei realized this was the impossible; Heero could fail. He could and he did, and no one though he could overcome that.

Wufei sat down across Heero and spoke quietly. "Hey… how're you doing?"

Heero rocked back and forth, his lips moving silently, talking to himself as he polished, polished that damn spoon. Wufei leaned forward so that his elbows were on his knees and frowned. He could read lips, and what he saw was not something he liked. "…1497…1498…1499… 1500…" The counting was in perfect time to each swipe across the spoon. Wufei simply and sat there, mesmerized by the counting lips, unable to move or even attempt to stop him.

Abruptly, Heero stood up; he had reached three thousand. The spoon went in the middle of a drawer that Wufei could not see into; however, he could note that Heero took a full five minutes to put the spoon away. The drawer was shut, and Heero left the room, ignoring—or oblivious—to Wufei's presence. Curious and sickened, Wufei followed. Soft counting again as Heero paced up and down the hall.

"Heero?" Wufei paused, but Heero did not. "Stop! I'm trying to talk to you!" Wufei realized he would never be a patient person, nor a particularly understanding one, especially with Duo already draining him. Duo… maybe a mention of that name would do something. Wufei ran to catch up to Heero's pacing and then walked alongside him. "Duo… he's doing a little better. He gained ten pounds."

Heero, however, had no answer for Wufei. He never missed a beat in his counting.

Wufei sighed; after he had visited Heero, he had gone home and stayed in bed the rest of the day, hence his extremely early start to his day. Technology had led to twenty-four hour grocery stores and super stores, which had virtually everything he could ever need. Demon meowed loudly at Wufei and he glanced at the clock; lunchtime. He shook his head and pulled out a can of cat food; it was the expensive kind, which was the only brand he could convince the devil of a cat to eat. She preferred fresh meat, which a special affinity towards seafood, lightly sautéed in cream. Wufei wondered if she liked the seafood just so she could breathe on him with her foul fish breath. He sighed and emptied a third of a can into her dish and heated it in the microwave. Even before he had set the steaming mass on her counter, she met him with her face shoved in her food. In that regard, she reminded Wufei a great deal of days when Duo could easily eat three cheeseburgers and a plate full of fries all topped off with a large coke and a banana split.

Only after Demon had been fed did Wufei get to eat; however, after his last thought, he just could not summon up his appetite. Instead, he choked down a granola bar and a cup of tea. Afterwards, Wufei opened up the cat carrier; the familiar zipping sounds resulted in a series of blurred flying leaps so fast that Wufei was not entirely sure that Demon was jumping at all; maybe she could fly. He shrugged at his own idiocy and zipped up the bag after donning his leather jacket. The weather was warmer now, but he still needed a light jacket. It had not taken Demon long to realize that the cat carrier meant seeing Duo; however, she had a sixth sense that let her know when Wufei was trying to take her to the vet instead and those days she refused to go near the carrier even for treats.

Once Duo was curled up in the corner of his bed with Demon, he relaxed enough to ask Wufei about the soccer game two nights ago. It had taken time, but Wufei had eventually learned that Duo loved the game, so he had taken to watching games and following Duo's favourite team, the L2 Cougars. The team was not especially good, but Duo was from there and he had actually grinned when they won a game against the L3 Rabbits, who had beat the Cougars every game in the past seven years. Wufei would rather have discussed sports as related to martial arts and swords, but it was hard enough to find anything Duo would talk about. The two talked about the strategies the other team had employed two nights before and the Cougar's offense and defense; how horrible the coach was; and the best players.

Then finally came the time Wufei had dreaded the most. "Duo… You know how Heero hasn't come to visit you at all?" Duo suddenly lost any hint of a smile and seemed to curl up more; hand still in the middle of patting Demon. Wufei continued softly, though bluntly; he did not know any other way to tell Duo. "With everything that happened just before you came here, you don't remember what happened to Heero. He… got sick too; he had a nervous breakdown and his OCD suddenly got out of control. The doctors had to put him in an institution." Wufei sat silently, letting Duo absorb it all.

"But he can't be in there… Heero's the perfect soldier. He can't be sick…" Duo's voice held the note of complete disbelief. "He does the impossible, not get thrown in some insane asylum like me…"

"You're not insane, thus you're not in an asylum; you just…" Wufei sighed and broke off that thought. He needed to explain about Heero before arguing with Duo about his health habits. "He did do the impossible; he got sick in such a way that he needs help from a lot of doctors. I visited him, and he isn't doing real well… Otherwise, he would have visited—more than I do."

"No he wouldn't. Why do you visit? You don't even like soccer. Why are you doing this!" Duo's voice steadily rose; he was upset and confused. Mixed in with his low self-esteem it had proved to be a nearly deadly combination.

"I do it because I want you to be better and to be out of this damned place. I want you to be able to watch your own soccer games and see your demonic cat anytime you bloody feel like it. I want you to go visit Heero and do whatever it is that made him act more human than I ever thought he would be. During the first war, he was just a machine, but you always managed to change that. Only you. You did the fucking impossible." Wufei had stood up in the middle of his tirade, his voice louder than he had meant it to be. Abruptly, he sat down, staring at the floor. He felt Duo's eyes staring. Those eyes stared at Wufei incredulously and silently until Wufei left with Demon. Neither of them made any good-byes; it was silent and Wufei knew he should not have done that. In fact, he should have cleared everything with Dr. Fitzgerald and have the doctor tell him about Heero. It was too late now, and Wufei hoped he had not done more harm than good, but at least now Duo knew that Heero could not see him. Wufei still wondered about the price. He did not know if there would be anymore talk about soccer games. He glanced over his shoulder briefly as he walked out; Duo was rocking back and forth in his little corner.

Ooooooooooooo

So… whatcha think? I think some pretty heady stuff went on this time around, ne?