Daniel Bedingfields's 'If You're Not The One'

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

Erik had tried his best to hide his temper in front of Christine, she didn't need to be scared any more than she had been that morning, but he couldn't help but vent in the elevator after Nadir had convinced the both of them to join him in his limousine on some surprise adventure he had apparently pulled out of thin air. Christine had put on a brave face, and held onto him, a small smile gracing her lips as she stood so close to him. Erik was sad, as he could no longer smell the honey and mango that had drifted from her before, but it had been replaced by the sweet alluring scent of her. With no perfume, she smelled exquisite. There were no words to describe the joy Erik felt from the comfort and serenity of Christine's presence. Little treasures were being given every day, and he cherished every little thing. Before, had such photos of himself been released to the public without his knowledge, he would have flown into a rage, probably smashed half of his apartment and blamed it all on Nadir, but with Christine beside him, he found he couldn't even argue with her once she spoke of how it didn't truly upset her. She wanted the photos, it seemed. It made her smile, and at first, Erik had been discouraged. Surely her enthusiasm for more photos meant she was enjoying the limelight, but she told him how they only served as physical memories. She had said that it was something that would never fade, something she could always hold onto the remember the 'good times'. So far, none of the photos made Erik think of good times. The photos of them both on the yacht and at the party were marred by the distrust and invasion of other people, but maybe Christine saw more than that. Why Christine believed it was a good idea to have photos of them together puzzled Erik, but she didn't seem unfazed by Erik's attitude, and if she was happy, then Erik was happy too.

They had gotten into Nadir's limousine, and they had all talked about the party the night before, commenting on the other guests' outfits, the topics they had discussed. Nadir had brought up Firmin and Andre, and Christine had flushed, sinking deeper into Erik's side, and he had stroked her hair, pressing the mask's face to her crown of golden ringlets on top of her head. He wasn't sure what she was thinking, but by the way she had held onto one of the trousers belt loops, she was thinking of him. That thought alone brought Erik immeasurable pride, until they had reached the Winchester. Christine had pulled away, and Erik felt cold without her warm body pressed against his. He had opened the passenger door, stepping out lightly, and held his hand out for her, so she could get out easily. She did, her ringlets spilling over her shoulders as she bowed her head to step out, and she looked up at him, a hesitant look on her face as she told him to wait for her in the limousine. Erik had been appalled, she had invited him up the night before, but now she did not want him. She placed her hand on his arm and smiled. 'I'll only be a minute, Erik. If you come up we'll just get distracted.' she had said, blushing. He had tried to argue, saying that he would be respectful, and she had laughed at him, joking that it wasn't him she was doubting, but she had not spoken further, instead leaving a kiss on the mask's jaw, and skipped off merrily, her laughter filling his ears. He wasn't sure what she meant by those words. He thought them over as he returned to the inside of the limousine, and stared at the floor in silence.

Nadir watched him as he scrolled through his messages. Erik continued to do nothing, waiting for Christine to return, until Nadir groaned and lowered his phone.

"My God, Erik. You're still perfectly capable of having a normal conversation without Christine around you know."

Erik looked up passively. "I know that."

"Then tell me, how did last night go?" Nadir asked, showing a little more interest.

"It was the single most terrifying night of my life. I loved it." Erik said, staring down at his gloved hands.

Nadir chuckled. "A woman may inspire many things in a man."

"Yes." Erik said simply, clenching his fists. "Many things."

Nadir noticed Erik's change of attitude, and asked, "So am I right in thinking that you didn't tell Christine everything?"

"She knows what she needs to know. That is all." Erik said, his voice cold. "I will not scare her away. I won't do that."

"Erik, I don't think you could scare her away. She's perfectly happy being right by your side. So much so I'm a little worried that we might not be able to get her back on the plane on Sunday." Nadir joked, stroking his chin.

Erik brightened up. "Oh, wouldn't that be heaven. To have her all to myself. Do you think she would? Stay? If I asked her, do you think she would stay a little longer?"

Nadir stopped smiling and took on a more serious tone, leaning forward in his seat. "You cannot ask her that."

Erik stopped himself from daydreaming. "What do you mean I can't ask her? If she says yes-"

"It does not matter if she says yes, she must go back to London. Believe me, after all of the press today, the media should be satisfied, and things can start to quieten down. When she goes back to London, they won't follow her as much and she can get back to her normal life, but with every second she's here in New York, she's-"

"Are you trying to say I should let her go? You think I can? You think that I will now?" Erik questioned viciously, leaning forward himself as he jabbed an angry finger at the middle eastern man. "I warn you, Daroga. You tread on thin ice."

Nadir shivered from Erik's tone. "Erik, I am trying to say that you two should wait until things have cooled down and you can have the privacy you so desire. Everyone is so curious and interested and excited about the two of you that you'll never get any peace until things have died down, and everyone has forgotten about these last few days and you are free to pursue Christine in any way you see fit."

Erik said nothing, his finger still aimed towards Nadir. He leant back in his seat, the leather seats creaking as he watched Nadir carefully. "I see."

"I know it's not what you want, but in the long run, it will be best. She needs time to adjust, Erik. Keeping her here in New York won't make her forget about home. And when she's there, she won't forget you."

"I must not let that happen." Erik growled distractedly.

Nadir said nothing, his upper lip twitching. His face lit up, and Erik realized it was from his phone. He had gotten a message, and Nadir rolled his eyes, and aimed it towards him. Erik leaned forward, and saw that he had received a text message.

"It's Christine." Nadir said, turning the phone back around to face him.

Erik perked up. "What is it? What does she say?"

Nadir read the message to himself, his eyes darting across his phone. He chuckled to himself, and Erik could feel his blood boil with the thought of some joke that Christine and Nadir were sharing, and he leaned forward.

"Damn you, man, give me the blasted thing!" Erik swore, snatching the phone from between Nadir's fingers. He flipped the phone over and tried to read the message, his thumb wiping the screen as he tried to scroll through it, but the phone wouldn't respond, and Erik growled again. It was because of his gloves, the phone wasn't registering his touch. Erik groaned audibly, and handed it back to Nadir.

"Read it." Erik commanded.

Nadir raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Actually, I can't."

Erik wasn't sure he had heard right. "Excuse me?"

"I can't unless you want me to spoil it."

"Spoil it?" Erik asked. Was Christine planning a surprise for him? Was it another delightful dress for him to explore with his sinful hands?

"Yes. And she has threatened me under pain of death that I'm not allowed to tell you. Thankfully, it falls perfectly in what I have planned. She must have guessed my plans." Nadir said, tucking his phone into his jacket's inner pocket. "Clever girl."

"I'm not sure I like this." Erik said doubtfully. In the past, surprises had meant horrible things, but Christine seemed to turn every belief he had on its head, and it made him dizzy and excited, but also frustrated.

Nadir looked up. "I promise you, you will like it. You might not expect it, but you will like it. I swear."

Erik still wasn't sure, but he trusted Nadir enough that he was able to relax. "Does she wish to show me something?"

Nadir smirked. "I'm not telling you. Just be patient."

"You might as well tell me," Erik started, jesting with Nadir. "I know she is planning something for me. If she finds out that you told me that much!-"

Nadir mockingly widened his eyes. "Dear God, I might very well lose my head!"

They laughed together, and settled into a comfortable silence, the both of them smiling. Nadir looked at his watch.

"She should be down soon." He said, his eyes lingering on his own hands, before he quickly spied Erik's hands.

Erik tried to brush it off, and looked out of the window to stare at the fire exit where he had last seen Christine. Nadir cleared his throat.

"How did she convince you to take them off?"

Erik turned around slowly, which Nadir always managed to freak Nadir out, to his pleasure. "She ... She wanted me to touch her, Nadir. She wanted to feel my hands and I could not say no to her. How could I? She was so beautiful, and it was all she wanted. I couldn't help it, she only wanted to see my hands. My poor, disgusting hands. All she asked of me, and I gave it to her. She did not cry, she did not scream, and she did not run. She held my poor hands to her face and I could feel her. I felt her, and I wept. She held me, Nadir. No one has ever held me before. Not even my own mother, but Christine, she did it without my asking her. She let me hold her too, and she fell asleep in my arms. Never has a man been given a greater gift. She is a good girl, Nadir, so good to treat a monster like me. I am frightened of her. This is all too good to be true. I do not know if I am asleep or if I am awake, and it scares me."

Nadir sighed. "My friend. What is there to be scared of?"

"Everything. With just one word she could send me to hell or heaven. I don't think I can keep her. I mustn't, but I'm too greedy to give her up."

"Then don't." Nadir said simply. "You say you don't think you can keep her, but what you don't realize that this decision isn't yours to make. Christine has her own say in these matters too."

"I know that, but how can she when she does not know the truth? I can't tell her anything, and yet that is what she wants. She wants to know, Nadir, and I want nothing more to share my life with her, but it would only make her hate me."

"Then be patient. Love is easy. It is understanding and mysterious."

"Love?" Erik scoffed. "What is love? I shall never have it, and Christine will never feel it for me."

Nadir smiled sadly, tilting his head to one side. "But you feel it for her?"

Erik dropped his head. "Yes. There, I admit it. It is true, a demon has fallen for an angel. How pathetic she must think I am. What am I to do? She must love me. If God brought us together, then why would he give her to me if he did not make her love me?"

"Love cannot be forced, Erik. It is grown. It can be the garden of Eden if you tend it well."

"Then tell me how to care for it. Tell me." Erik argued, struggling to control himself. "I cannot live without her, and if I were to have her love, her devotion, then I could die quite happily. I would not complain even."

"I do not think you need help, here." Nadir said, smiling. "She is taken with you. You just need to continue doing what you're doing."

"That is not helpful." Erik bemoaned. "Should I get her gifts? More flowers? How did you woo Amira?"

Nadir lost the smile on his face, and stared down into his lap. Erik felt no guilt however, and pressed on. "Did you take her on dates, and give her beautiful things?"

Nadir's eyes had glazed over. "Yes, I did."

"Then tell me, what should I do?"

Nadir was lost in thought, but Erik waited. It had been wrong of him to even speak his dead wife's name, but Erik was curious and desperately needed to know. Nadir lifted his head slowly, his lips pursed in thought.

"Cherish her. Hold onto her, and let it just happen." Nadir had answered, sweating slightly, but Erik didn't think he was answering the right question. He wasn't going to press him again.

Erik grumbled to himself, and excused himself out of the limousine. Nadir needed some time to himself, and Erik buried his face in his hands as he leant against the car. He should never have brought up her name, it would only have caused the man pain, which he didn't need to be reminded of. Erik bit his tongue, as a reminder to watch it carefully, and sighed. Amira had died some time ago, when both Erik and Nadir had been in Iran. She had died of Tuberculosis, attacking her lungs, and she had been in so much pain. Erik could have helped, but by the time Erik had seen her, it was too late. The infection had caused a lesion to erode a blood vessel, and she had bled to death. It had been a gruesome sight, and even Erik had turned away, but Nadir's eyes had been locked on her face, looking very pale and very lost. It had been a terrible shame. While Erik had not known Amira, Nadir's stories about her made him think that he would have liked her enough to be able to stay in the same room as her.

"Erik?" Erik removed his hands from his face, and looked up and to his left, to see Christine standing beside the fire exit, looking worried. Her brow was furrowed, and she took a few steps forward. "Erik, is everything okay?"

Erik wasn't even listening to her. He was only concerned with what Christine was wearing. She was wearing the light blue, lace dress from the night before. Erik felt his heart thump against his chest as his eyes lifted from her black flats, up to her golden ringlets, which had been pushed back from her face with a black velvet headband. She was holding her purse, and Erik watched her as she carried on walking towards him.

"Yes..." Erik sighed as she stood next to him. He could smell her sun lotion, and it brought back memories of Christine relaxing on the yacht. Her bare legs, her soft skin, it was all too much, and his sense went into overdrive as his chest began to rapidly rise and fall. Memories of Amira's dead eyes visited him, and Erik pressed himself harder into the limo, away from Christine. He couldn't see her face, it had been replaced with Amira's, and it made him panic as he clutched desperately onto the car behind him.

"Erik!" She said, placing her hand on his heart, sounding more worried. "You're not okay, what's happened?"

"Nothing, please." Erik said, his head getting very hot and foggy as he tried to wave her away. "I'm ... I just need some fresh air."

Christine still looked at him with concern, and Erik dropped his head so he could look at her hand on his heart. Her grey nails matched her dress, he thought in a haze, and took several calming breaths.

"Erik," She whispered, stepping closer to him, which only made things worse. "Do you need some water? You can drink it in the limo while Nadir and I-"

"No, Christine." Erik interrupted, shaking his head. "I'm fine now."

Though that was a lie, he thought as he bid Christine to re-enter the limousine, and he watched as Christine did so hesitantly, bending over and clambering in. Erik's eyes followed the shape of her back as he towered over her, before climbing in himself. Christine said hello to Nadir, and began chatting with him as Erik tried to clear his head. Nadir was getting him too worked up, though it was hardly his fault. Erik wasn't sure why he had thought of Amira when looking at Christine, but he hoped it would not happen again. It did not seem a particularly good omen.

Thank you so much for all of the reviews, they've been wonderful! I love reading each and every one! I'm sorry these come out at irregular times, I'm trying to post them when I can!

Not even kidding, this song makes me so happy. I heard it for the first time yesterday, cos I'm constantly on the hunt for new songs, and it made me cry so much. *sob* Also, I've left a poll at the top of my profile page regarding Erik's deformity, it'll only take a minute to answer, and it will help me write a better story for you. If there's any success to the poll, I might put some more up so you can have your input on how the story is written. :D

I'm sorry if I don't reply to all of your messages. I do love them, and I all I want to do is answer your questions, but I don't want to spoil anything for anyone else, so , if there are questions that you really do want answered, then feel free to PM me. I won't discuss charactors, plot points, etc here if case someone else wants to keep it as a surprise, but I am happy to talk about them. So feel free to PM me. Otherwise, any other messages will be addressed here.

Rosie - Thanks, I guess I'm still learning about writing. I've got the whole story planned out in my head, but I didn't think it would be this challenging! It's your comments though that help me out! I think you're really going to like Christine surprise. It makes me smile whenever I think of it.

Kumon5 - Hi sweetie. I know, I'm sorry, I'm such a bad person, but I will try harder, I swear! I miss your PM's by the way. I enjoyed those.

BiancaR - You have no idea. It's huge. I'm seriously concerned that there might be a chapter limit, cos this is going to a seriously long story, with loads of drama!

Please leave do leave a review when you can, it only takes a few seconds, and every word means so much to me! They keep me going, and they let me know what you think of each chapter. I need to know if there's something you're unhappy about, or want more focus on, so please, don't be shy!